Chapter 13

Skinny Tuesday

Tuesday

Destrehan

4:00 PM

The gang arrived at their destination, an old Plantation open to tourists. As they met up with the tour guide and made their payments, they finally entered the building. Once inside, the tour guide would explain the history behind each room, and most pieces of furniture and what not.

"Oh my God, these must be like 400 thread-count. Not bad for 18th century furniture." said Dennis, sliding his fingers through one of the beds, ignoring previous instructions not to touch anything.

"Oh my God, thats so cool." said Charlie, as he snapped a few pictures with his phone, ignoring instructions to not use flash photography as his camera flashed. Charlie took multiple stand alone pictures, then a few selfies, and took a few with Dee and Mac.

"Man, I kinda wish they would upgrade these portraits. Dude, they should totally get rid of that picture with that old guy in it." said Mac, wishing he brought his pocket knife so that he could cut out picture

"Mehhhh. My great-grandfather owned a much better Plantation than that." explained Frank proudly, "I am sure I told you guys about him."

"Yes, we heard the story a thousand times already" said Dennis, annoyed by the fake family history stories that Frank would tell the rest of the gang.

"And these chairs right here were actually step up this way so that the Chaperons could watch a young couple, but the couple would never face each other, as this could potentially ruin a young woman's reputation at the time." said the tour guide, pointing out a double set of seats facing away from each other, as the gang ignored him

"I am telling you guys, your great-great grandfather was a hero. You come from a long line of American heroes" said Frank, continuing to tell the gang the story of a non-existent relative.

"Well, except for how how they owned slaves and that one time they helped the British." said Dennis, referring to the made up story Frank told the gang when his ancestors cracked the Liberty Bell.

"It was the times." said Frank

"You seem to be a bit too fond of them." said Dennis

"Well, I am telling you, …." said Frank

"And this right here is the study room." said the tour guide, interpreting their conversation and he continued.

"Oh, look at that pretty view." said Dee, as she looked out a window, pointing to the scenery out towards the Mississippi River.

The tour inside the Plantation lasted some 40 minutes. As it came to a close, once all the major rooms were explored, the tour guide let them out by the gardens, and left them to their devices. A giant Cypress tree stood in the center of the garden. Several Hispanic grounds-keepers tended to the bushes where the building started.

"Wouldn't it be funny if they were here illegally" said Charlie

"I know right" said Dennis

"Dude, that would be kinda ironic though." said Mac

"What?" asked Dennis

"I mean think about it. They used to use slaves to keep the area neat. Now they're like using illegal slave labor instead." said Mac

"Whoa, I didn't even think of that." said Charlie

"I am telling you man. The Mexicans are taking the jobs that the blacks did." said Frank, crudely

"Well, I mean no. I mean yeah, but thats not what we're talking about" said Mac, as they continued talking and arguing, taking random pictures, for another half an hour or so until they got bored.

The gang left the Plantation and their next stop was a Cajun restaurant, or as Charlie would call it, and "authentic Cajun restaurant." They went inside looking through the menu. "Ok, lets order something to eat that like doesn't exist back in Philadelphia." said Mac

Dennis and Mac ordered alligator gumbo. Charlie ordered turtle soup. Frank and Dee ordered some seafood and a po-boy. They continued having their typical dumb conversations. Charlie was still trying to get everyone on board with his idea of getting a live alligator for the bar. Dennis was smiling as he was in a better mood now.

"I am telling you guys, I don't care what people say. This food is delicious." said Dennis

"I know right. Who would have thought that alligator meat would take so good. I would have never in a million years guess that I would eat something that looks so disgusting." said Dee, as she took a bite of Dennis's plate.

As the gang mostly finished their food, they put their leftovers into their to-go plates and left the restaurant. "Ok, I think thats it for the day. Lets head back home." said Dennis, as the gang agreed.

Dennis and the gang drove straight back to their apartment, some 30 minutes away. Dennis, back in his better mood, didn't even mind the dumb conversations in the back seat. The gang continued taking pictures, some with swamps in the background. Dennis turned on his WAYZ app as he noticed a couple of cop cars hiding nearby. "You're not catching me like a dumb tourist. Not today, not today." muttered Dennis to himself with a smirk.

"Man, I am so tired, I think I see a nap." said Mac, as they exited the car and made their way back to the apartment.

"Oh cool, it arrived." exclaimed Charlie, as he picked up the package from Amazon that arrived at their doorstep.

"Dude, what the hell. Why are you buying things at this address." asked Dennis, perplexed

"Well, it a little project of mine." said Charlie, as they walked in.

"Well, I am ready to hit the sack. I'll wake up in a hour." said Mac

"Well, I have an very important case to work on." said Charlie, as he opened up his laptop and let Tortuga out of his arms, free to roam around the table.

"Case?" asked Dennis, annoyed

"Yeah, I am a highly esteemed Bird Lawyer. Did you forget about that." rebutted Charlie

"Yeah, ok, whatever." said Dennis, dismissively, as he pointed to Dee and Frank, "come on, lets get ready."

Mac and Charlie decided to stay in. Their plan was for Mac to take a long nap while Charlie worked on his big report, and afterwards they would randomly explore the city of Westwego. Tortuga took another dump and then peed all over the table as Charlie munched on some left over crawfish working on his paper.

Dennis and Dee's plan was to go to a play in the Saenger Theater, and then go to Bourbon Street afterwards. Frank's plan was to tag along with them so that he could get drunk on Bourbon. As they approached their destination, Dennis was getting slightly agitated at the constant traffic jams, "no left turn" and "no turn on red" signs, and the difficulty of finding cheap parking. Dennis then dropped off Dee as he continued hunting for a parking spot, until he found a 14-floor lot down an alley, some 6 minutes away walking.

"I am gonna take a nap. I need one. I don't want to watch some dumb, boring, play" said Frank,

"Suit yourself" said Dennis as he left Frank in the car and walked to his destination. Frank got out of the car, and stared at the scenery of downtown New Orleans from the 10th floor of the parking garage. "A lot better than some stupid play." muttered Frank, as he took another swig from his hidden flask. Frank looked around for another 30 minutes, even taking a few pictures, until he got bored and went back to sleeping in the car.

Meanwhile, Dee and Dennis watched the play. Dee was mesmerized, picturing herself on stage while the crowd cheered her acting. Dennis, while not a huge play fan, was still somewhat amused by the quality of the performance. "Hey, this isn't so bad." thought Dennis, as he sat through the two hour play.

As the play ended and the audience clapped, "I'll go get the car and pick you up" said Dennis

"Ok", said Dee, as she walked towards the front of the play.

"Oh, excuse me. Hi. I am a somewhat famous actress in Philadelphia, Dee Reynolds. You may have heard of me." said Dee, talking to one of the security guards

"Ok. If you wish to make an appointment to meet with the cast, here are their business cards." said the security guard, keeping her at arms length away from the crew, as several men in the background carried the props off the stage.

Dee, not giving up, kept arguing and flirting with security guards, making wild attempts to meet any of the cast members. After 10 minutes of trying, and surprisingly not getting kicked out by security by now as they were too busy with other matters; and pushing and sneaking through security, Dee finally made contact with a very minor extra character during the play.

"Hi, I am Dee Reynolds. If you were ever an actor in Philadelphia, you probably heard of me." said Dee, catching him before he went off to the dressing room

"Oh hi." said the young man, an intern new to the playwright scene, completely unaware of Dee's fib

"Here's my business card." he said. "I am afraid I never got the chance to visit- Philadelphia" said the man, in his acting voice.

"Well, I am Dee Reynolds. I don't have a business card, but I can give you my info, and maybe we can hopefully do a play together. I really enjoyed your work." said Dee

"Oh ok, sweet" said the young man, as his manager yelled at him looking for him. "Hey, I gotta go." said the young man, as they both took down each other's information walking off, both smiling; each thinking that this is their big break as they both think the other is about to make them famous.

Meanwhile, Dennis is mindlessly walking back to the parking lot. Absentmindedly walking down a street, a car honks at Dennis to get out of the way. "Damn, these drivers are so rude. I thought this was supposed to be the Big Easy" though Dennis, as he made his way to the parking lot and to his car.

"Huh. What happened." said Frank, as he got woken up by Dennis.

"Dude, we have like 8 minutes before he get charged for the next hour." said Dennis, and he quickly pealed out and drive down the lot as quickly to the gate as possible, with his ticket ready.

Dennis paid the fee, and bolted out into traffic, making his way back to Dee. Suddenly, his car got stuck in a heavy traffic jam. "Arrrrrrrhhhh." exclaimed Dennis out of frustration. As soon as the traffic eased up, Dennis aggressively drove forward switching lanes so that he can make a u-turn. A car nearby zoom by through an intersection, followed by a flashing light.

"There it is. You saw that." said Frank

"Not now, I am trying to concentrate" said Dennis annoyed, looking for the best place to make a legal u-turn on Canal Street, as a street car from a distance zoomed in closely almost hitting his car.

"Thats that flash I've been talking about earlier. And not a cloud in the sky. I am telling you, this must be the crazy New Orleans weather." said Frank

"Dude, whatever." said Dennis, highly agitated at the traffic. "It would have been quicker for Dee to just walk with me." muttered Dennis, realizing 10 minutes had passed driving.

As the light turned green, traffic crawled forward, being blocked by right turning traffic, unable to go due to tourist pedestrians jaywalking. "Oh God damn tourists. God damn you to hell." yelled Dennis hypocritically, forgetting he did the exact same thing just 15 minutes ago.

Dennis finally squeezed into a pickup area as Dee had waited for him for some 2 minutes and got it, just as the light had turned red again in front of him. "Oh God dammit." yelled Dennis at the light. As the light turned green some 45 seconds later, traffic wouldn't budge as a mule with a sight-seeing carriage slowly walked up Canal. "Arrrrrhhhhggghhh. Seriously?" exclaimed Dennis, barely keeping it together.

"Oh man, we should totally ride in one of those." said Dee, annoying Dennis further

"Shut up Dee." said Dennis, as he pealed off and made his walk to the next parking lot near Bourbon.

Once on Bourbon, his mood improved as the trio had fun for the next 2 and a half hours or so. As Dee got drunker and drunker, she celebrated by yelling loudly and slapping several random men on the butt. Dennis enjoyed ogling random young women while Frank enjoyed a blues band on Decatur Street.

Meanwhile, Mac drove Charlie around through the suburbs of Westwego after his nap ended. While not a terribly exciting place to visit, Charlie enjoyed a break from his work. Once their mini-trip was complete, Charlie went back to his work for another hour or so; working on his 20 page document with various non-sense legalese paragraphs, charts, and diagrams. "Oh man, I am beat." said Charlie, as he printed out his documents.

Leaving his leftover crawfish and the empty tails on the table rather than putting them up in the refrigerator, Charlie feed Tortuga and went to bed. "Big day tomorrow." said Charlie