During their first trip back to Lima, Santana notices the notches on Britts bed and gets insecure/won't tell Brittany what's bothering her. Britt see's Santana looking at them and reassures her that she is the only one that matters.

Sometimes Santana forgets that it hasn't always been Brittany and Santana. It seems like such a long time ago when she thinks about it now, but she remembers a time when she was scared and hated how much she loved Brittany. She wanted nothing more than to bury all her feelings, feelings for her, somewhere deep down inside her where no one, not even Britt, could get to them. She fought so hard to keep everything bottled up but it was exhausting to keep up that big of an act; she had to give in, she was just too tired.

In a way, she's kind of glad she gave up all those years ago because if she hadn't, if she chose not to embrace her awesomeness and just be her, who knows where she would be.

Santana knows one thing though; she most definitely wouldn't be back in Lima again with Brittany and not just with Brittany but with her. Somehow, some way, they always manage to find each other again. It doesn't matter how many times they try to go their separate ways, the roads always meet in the end.

Santana's in love, like head over feet in love, with Brittany and this time she doesn't care who knows it. Hell, she'll probably be the one to tell you.

See that girl over there? Yeah, the tall blonde giving up her seat so that pregnant lady can sit. That's my girlfriend, Brittany. I'm in love with her.

Have you seen how awesome of a dancer my girlfriend is? God, I love her.

Your favorite color is blue? Brittany's favorite color is blue! Well, actually it's not but I just needed a way to bring her up because she's my girlfriend and I'm in love with her.

But as Santana runs her fingers over the notches in Brittany's bed post, she can't help but fall back a few years to a time when she wasn't so open, to a time where she pushed Brittany away so many times. Each little scratch her fingers trace over is another reminder of how stupid she was. She could've saved both of them years of heartache if she would've just sucked it up and loved Britt freely, but instead she led her to this, to giving herself away to people who weren't even worth it.

They didn't know how Brittany liked to be touched. They didn't know where she liked to be kissed. They didn't know how to make her fall apart. They didn't know how to love every single inch of her.

Santana did, she was just too afraid to show her that.

She just couldn't imagine Brittany having sloppy, meaningless sex in the same bed where they've made love numerous times. What hurt even more was the notches on the bed post, that she cared enough to document each time.

"Guess where I found these," Brittany waltzed into the bedroom waving the worn case of Sweet Valley High, "They were in my sister's room..weird."

At the sound of Brittany's voice, Santana tries to shake away those old memories. She doesn't want to ruin the fact that they've got Britt's house all to themselves with bringing up the past, but Brittany's always been an expert in the field of Santana Lopez.

"Hey, what's up?" Brittany softens, seeing the dark clouds roll in behind brown eyes. She tosses the case to the floor and crawls up the length of the bed to where Santana's perched. She knows something's wrong, but doesn't know what just yet, "We don't have to watch that if you don't want to.."

"No, it's okay; I don't care what we watch." Santana smiles weakly but her voice is so strained, it gives her away instantly.

Brittany watches the way Santana's eyes flicker from the marks on the bed post down to the bed sheets and crumbles, "They're not good memories for me either, San."

Santana bites on her lower lip, willing herself not to cry, "There's so many.."

"Yeah, you used to make me so sad." Brittany frowned as her hand wandered over to Santana's, the gentleness of her touch easing Santana's nerves almost instantly, "They aren't what you think they are though."

"They're not?" Santana asked, but her voice was so small, so fragile, it came out a whisper. Brittany just smiled fondly and shook her head, her thumb rubbing slow patterns over the back of Santana's hand.

"I used to get so sad that you were so sad. You were fighting yourself so hard and I could just see how tired you were. I wanted you to know that it was okay to love me, that our love was okay, but I was so afraid you'd get scared and I'd lose you forever. I definitely didn't want that. Sometimes I'd wish you were here with me instead of pretending to be someone you weren't though. I'd miss you so much, Santana." Brittany looked up and ran her free hand over the bed post, "They're for each time it hurt to be in love with you too."

"Britt.." Santana breathed out, tears threatening to fall. Her eyes flickered between watery blues as she reached up to cup her cheeks, "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be," Brittany assured her, her fingers wrapping around Santana's wrists loosely, "That was such a long time ago, it doesn't matter now. You're here and we're together and we love each other so, so much, right?"

"Yeah," Santana smiled easily, cuddling up to Brittany's side, "I'm going to love you forever."

"Me too," Brittany beamed, running her hand over Santana's side, "Infinity's longer though."

"To infinity then."