Chapter 15
Parades, part 1
Wednesday
Westwego
10:30 AM
Dennis and Dee woke up, much later than usual. They both woke up with a hard, pounding headache, most likely from a hangover, now that their age was catching up with them. Shortly afterwards, Frank woke up as well. He however did not have a headache, being a much more hardcore drinker than the two.
"Arrrrrrrhhhhhh, my head hurts. Where's the coffee filters." shirked Dee
"What, no. No Dee, let me handle the coffee. You don't know how to make it right." said Dennis, annoyed
"What the hell are you talking about." exclaimed Dee, reaching for a bag of a chickary and coffee mix
"What the hell is this nasty crap." yelled Frank, pointing to the bag of chickary / coffee mix
"Also, by the way, dude, take a god damn shower. Dude, you reek, even worse so than usual." said Dennis to Frank, covering his nose
"You smell like a homeless woman's vagina. Good lord, you've been wearing that stuff for 2 days now." said Dee
"Good one Dee." said Dennis, for once complimenting Dee on a joke
"Fine. Whatever. While you two pansies who can't even handle your liquor make your crap water you call coffee, I'll go take a shower. By the way, there the hell is Mac and Charlie." said Frank
"Who gives a shit." said Dennis
"Oh, probably on one of their 'authentic adventures' again." joked Dee; "I am on a roll bitches" her inner monologue voice said, while Dennis and Frank ignored her.
"I am telling you guys, those two are going to get themselves killed in this crazy town. They need to be more careful." said Frank
"Thats coming from the guy who banged a homeless woman. Just shut up Frank and go take your shower." said Dennis, as Frank makes his way to the bathroom, while Dee and Dennis argue about how to properly make coffee; eventually agreeing on taking turns making their own pot.
"God damn it." said Dennis, as he tripped over Charlie's turtle, spilling his coffee all over the floor.
Tortuga has fallen off the table that Charlie did his work sometime during the night, being stuck on the floor upside down. Dennis tripping over it, setting Tortuga back the correct way, as it began wondering around the apartment. Dee meanwhile took Dennis coffee pot off the burner and put an empty pot while making her.
Dennis, already annoyed from his headache and just having been tripped, snapped back at Dee for taking his coffee of the burner. The two argued for several more minutes while Frank came out of the bathroom being done with his shower. Dee almost gagged as the smell of Frank's old clothing still on the floor punched her nose.
"Oh, oh, oh God damnit Frank. God damn it. Put your cloths in a bag or something." yelled Dee, as the three, all annoyed, continued arguing.
"Hello" said Dennis, picking up his phone as a friend of a former frat bro called him
"Yo, its Cody. Hey, you still coming over and chill at 5. Our house is just a few blocks from the Tulane campus." said Cody
"Yeah, sure thing." said Dennis, as they talked some more and made their plans.
"Hey yo" yelled Mac and Charlie- filled with excitement, as they couldn't wait to tell the rest of the gang about their morning, as they barged into the apartment; while Dennis, Dee, and Frank argued in the room.
"Dude where the hell you've been." said Dennis
- talking at the same time -
"Dude, check it out, we just found out, there's like totally still Mardi Gras. We need to check that shit out." said Mac
"Oh man, dude, Dennis, I like totally beat your ticket for you man. You like don't have to pay it. Well, I mean you don't have to pay the full $50." said Charlie
"And oh my God. You should have seen Charlie, he like totally jumped out of nowhere and saved us from getting another parking ticket as well." said Mac
- /talking at the same time -
"Wait, what, what." said Dennis, unable to follow, as his head still pounded, while he sipped coffee
"Ok, dude, check this out. This guy told us that they still have Mardi Gras parades. Dude, they have this St Patricks thing." said Mac
"Yeah man, Dennis you were wrong. So you lost the bet." said Charlie, as Mac and Charlie did their victory dance.
"What. What. What the hell are guys talking about. And also, ticket?" said Dennis, annoyed and confused
"Oh yeah dude. We went to City Hall this morning to fight your bs ticket. I thought you would be grateful for my free legal services. But you know what, its cool dude." said Charlie
"What, no, no one told you to do that. I was just gonna pay it. Its only like 50 bucks. Besides, we were clearly parked illegally. How the hell did you pull that off." said Dennis
"Well, dude, I mean I didn't beat the whole ticket. But dude, they reduced it to $40, because they couldn't prove the exact location and time of the alleged violation." said Charlie proudly
"Ok, so let me get this straight." said Dennis annoyed. "So you spent $1.00 in ink and printer paper, $4.15 in parking fees to only almost get another ticket, and half a day to save $10." said Dennis
"Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?" uttered Charlie uncomfortably. "I mean if you put it that way."
"And besides, dude, we have St Patrick's Parades like everyone. I am talking about a real New Orleans parade, one where they actually throw beads." said Dennis
"Yeah, dude. They totally throw beads. I mean if you wanna bet again on this, and trust me you will lose dude." said Charlie
"Whatever. I am going to hang out with some friends of a friend who were in my frat near the Tulane campus. You go to your stupid parade." said Dennis
"Well, I am telling you dude, we're going to catch so many beads, and we might even catch some vegetables for me to cook, because everyone knows that gay men are the best chefs." said Mac
"What, who says that." said Dee
"What? What, no. What beads? What the hell are you talking about. No one throws beads for St Patricks Parades, thats just a Mardi Gras thing. And who the hell throws vegetables at parades?" said Dennis, highly agitated.
"Well, suit yourself." said Charlie, as he showed Dennis pictures of previous St Patrick's Parades on , with people decorated with beads, as Dennis snatched Charlie's phone out of his hand.
Looking through the pictures, parade routes, etc, Dennis realized that he was wrong about the beads. Also, he realized that tonight's route was very near where his frat party would be at. Mac and Charlie were doing victory dance, with the belief that they won the bet.
"Well, guess what. Turns out the frat party is right down next to the parade route, and they do throw beads. They're also doing a cookout and a crawfish boil. I guess I can hang out with you guys for a while." said Dennis
"So that means we won the bet." said Charlie, as he and Mac continued his dance.
"What? No. No, dude. You didn't win." said Dennis, annoyed. "This is a St Patrick's Parade, not Mardi Gras, thats a totally different thing."
"Well, but then how come they throw beads." said Charlie, as they continued arguing who won the bet.
"Ok, but the bet on who can catch the most beads is still on?" interjected Frank, as everyone looked at each other.
- all talking at the same time.
"We're gonna have hot chicks at our frat party that you losers aren't going. They're totally gonna get me the most beads." said Dennis
"Man, me and Charlie can totally get the most beads." said Mac
"I bet you bitchas I will get more beads than all you combined. Cause I got something none of you got." said Dee
"Man, dude, we can totally go head to toe if you wanna bet on who can get the most beads." said Charlie
"Tit-Hasss." continued Dee
- /talking at the same time
"GOD DAMMIT SHUT UP EVERYONE." yelled Dennis, with his pounding headache, while everyone looked around uncomfortably.
The gang continued pointlessly arguing, making their side bets on who can catch the most beads, etc; and making their plans in general. After further discussion, the gang agreed to go to all three parades, today's, Friday's, and the final one on Sunday around noon. Charlie brought in his now-void parking tickets back inside and put it with his important papers. Dee and Dennis's headaches slowly dissipated as they got coffee in their system and hours went by. Meanwhile, Tortuga continued randomly exploring the apartment, getting under a sofa, and taking a dump.
Around 3:30, as the gang realized its time to head out, they took off; Charlie and Mac in one car while the rest in Dennis's car, until they got to their destination: an off campus frat house about two blocks from the parade route.
"God dammit. Dammit." yelled Dennis, as he got blocked by the parade route.
"Don't be such a pussy. You can totally make it. The parades aren't even starting and the cops aren't looking." said Frank
"Shut up Frank. I don't want to end up in jail." said Dennis, as he continued cursing, slowly navigating his way around the blockages and slow moving pedestrian traffic; slowly getting more frustrated as time went on.
"God damnit." yelled Dennis, slamming on his brakes, as a drunk young guy in his mid twenties walked right in front of his car. People were slowly milling around, some getting out of Dennis's way. A wildly thrown Nerf football bounced off a side of their car, further annoying Dennis. Dennis could barely drive 5 mph due to both heavy pedestrian and car traffic. After inching around, He finally found an area where he could cut across St Charles Street which hasn't yet been blocked off by the cops yet. He then turned around, back the other way, speeding up to 10 on a 35 mph street; and called the frat bros letting them know that he's going to be late.
"Where the hell is Dennis." said Charlie, as Mac crept up the frat house, looking for parking. Mac took a different route, because his GPS warned him about the blocked roads; however he didn't share the info with Dennis not wanting to further agitate over an argument over which route to take.
"Hey, we're friends of Dennis Reynolds." said Mac, as a young frat guy, who didn't even know who Dennis was, pointed at the street.
"Yo dawg, just park anywhere down the street. Just don't block anybody's driveway. Ya'll good." said the young man, as Mac parked their car.
Mac and Charlie got out and introduced themselves to random people nearby, as they waited for Dennis to get there for some 15 minutes. After chic chatting numerous people, they eventually ran into Cody who recognized the name Dennis.
"Oh yeah, the Big Den. We've heard so much about him. Just spoke with him on the phone; I guess he's still stuck in traffic. Yall come chill here before we head out to the parades." said the guy, as Mac and Charlie walked in the 3-story frat house.