Chapter 18

The Gang Gets Schooled

Thursday

Back at their apartments

Westwego

9:45 AM

"Ohh, my head hurts. What happened last night." asked Dee, as she and the rest of the gang woke up with a headache.

"I think we threw a wild party or something. Too bad I don't remember it." replied Denis. "Also, how did I get here."

The apartment was a mess, with beer cans and uncooked meals everywhere. A used condom was lying in the corner. A little bit of vomit laid here and there. All but one party guest had left, as Tortuga was still hiding under a couch in the corner from all the noise.

"Ok, so what are we doing." asked Frank

"Well, I am going to visit several colleges in the area. I found a couple ones on Google Maps" said Charlie

"What?!" said Dennis

"Do you even know how to read. Also, you're getting kinda too old to be on a college campus anyway." retorted Dee

"Objection. I do know how to read thank you very much. I was like the top 40% in my adult education reading class. I am telling you man I am going places. Besides, they're like con'um'er colleges where like people drive there and like not live there and stuff. They got older people there too." retorted Charlie

"Alright, whatever Charlie. I don't care, do what you want." said Dennis

"Besides, I want to like experience the real New Orleans, not like just the tourist stuff. So like I want to like go where like the real people are and stuff." said Charlie

"Charlie's got a point. Besides, most college students are already kinda slobs anyway, Charlie would fit right in." said Mac

"Yeah, well, I want to march in a parade and do my acting bits. I am going to enroll in a random local high school that does parades." said Dee

"Oh, found one right there on Google Maps. Only 21 minutes away." added Dee

"You know what. Fine! Fine! Whatever. Dee, I'll drive you to a high school where you can try to convince people that you're not too old and pretend to enroll there. Meanwhile, Mac and Charlie, you do your stupid college thing where Charlie pretends he's actually smart enough to get admitted. Frank, you do whatever it is that you do." said Dennis, annoyed.

"Well, ok, I am just gonna hang out on Bourbon Street near St Ann Street. I've heard they have a lot of good gay bars down there. And I guess Charlie, I can drop you off by the bus station on your way to college, since its on the way." said Mac

"Well, yeah, that sounds like a plan, but I was more thinking you should go to St Claude. They're like more authentic New Orleans gay bars, not like the touristy ones on Bourbon." said Charlie

"Well yeah, I will go to the ones on St Claude as well later once I get bored. They had pretty good reviews there as well." said Mac

"I am going with Dee and Dennis. I am not hanging out with a bunch of ferries that have AIDS. I mean no offense." said Frank

"And I am going with them. I gots a ride from Bourbon by one of my homies. Ya dig." said their last guest, a 22-year-old white college kid, offering Mac $5 for the ride.

"Ok fine Frank, you tag along with us. Whatever." said Dennis, as the 6 of them went off towards their cars, while several neighbors gave them dirty looks.

"Ya'll try keeping it quiet next time." yelled a neighbor

"You one of dem Air n B people? You make so much noise last night, ain't got no respect for your neighbors, and messing up our property values." yelled another, as they went to their cars and drove off.

Near the high school

"... who's gonna walk you through the dark side of th..."

"...well that sounds like the kind of girl Big Al would dat..."

"...Hey Spud, I just want to make a comment. I think that Trump's economic pla..."

"God damnit it Dee, pick a station and stick with it." said Dennis, annoyed as Dee kept toggling through the radio stations.

Meanwhile, three teenage boys walked side-by-side through the residential neighborhood towards the school on the sidewalk parallel to Dennis and Co coming back from their recess break, picking up their pace before getting a tardy

"God damn nanny state. This is bullshit, why are we slowing down for high school kids. They're old enough to drive, they should be old enough to not get run over by a car." said Frank from the backseat, referring to the reduced school zone speed limit, as they found a parking spot nearby and entered the high school.

"Ok, so whats the plan. I am gonna tell them I am her dad and we just moved to the city?" asked Frank

"No, Frank. You're just gonna keep quiet. I'll do all the talking." said Dennis, annoyed

"How about you can be my grand dad." said Dee

Two 16-year-old boys in letter-man jackets walked passed them, smiled and waved; as Dee smiled and waved back at them in a flirtatious manner

"Oh god damn it Dee, what are you doing? You're embarrassing yourself." said Dennis

"Be careful Dee, it could be a Me-Three movement trap. I hear even under-aged guys can now sue women for smiling at them as well these days." said Frank

"Shut up Frank." said Dennis. "Ok, lets just get this over with."

"Now Dee, I don't think anyone will actually believe that you're young enough to still be in high school, and this thing probably won't work, but I don't have anything better to do. You and Frank just keep quiet while I do all the talking." added Dennis, and the three walked into the principal's office.

All 3 talking at the same time

"Listen, we just moved to town, and my retarded sister would like enroll. She has a condition where she looks older than she looks." said Dennis

"Look, you enroll my daughter to this school right now. My other half-child is a practicing Bird Lawyer and he will sue this place for discrimination. I am telling you guys if yo..." said Frank

"What. God damnit it I am not retarded and you're my grand dad, not my dad." said Dee

"Look, we come from a long family history of premature aging, so we all look older than we are, but my sister really wants to go here." said Dennis

"Dee also has AIDS. Like me. Her dying wish is to march in a high school parade." said Frank

"I do not have AIDS Frank ok. Don't listen to them, listen, I was the best actress in Philadelphia High before I transferred. If, when, I get accepted here, I would make a a great actress in your Mardi Gras Parade." said Dee, in an annoying, fake actress accent

"I am telling you, she may not look like it, but my 16 year old girl is a perfect fit for this school, and if you don't admit her, my half-child Charlie will sue you to the ground." said Frank

As the three continued bickering, talking over each other, while trying to talk to the principal; he gave a puzzled look at his secretary out in the distance. "Lawsuit. Is this a prank." the principal lip talked, looking around the room for hidden cameras.

"Guy! Guys! GUYS!" yelled the principal, annoyed at the three talking

"Its not even the beginning of the semester. You would be responsible for the whole tuition." said the principal, then sighing.

"So let me get this straight. Yall moved from Philadelphia. You want to enroll here, and you're her grand-father, and you're her brother speaking for her but doesn't plan on enrolling her. Is this some kind of prank. April Fools is three whole weeks away you know." said the principal nonchalantly

"And also, we've checked with our lawyers on this before." said the principal annoyingly, sighing uncomfortably.

"No offense Ms Reynolds, but I just don't think that you are a good fit for Rummel High." said the principal, annoyingly