Hey guys! Here's another chapter, just like I said earlier this morning. I hope you like this one!

Alternatively: 5 times Bilbo wore a dress.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. If I claim I did, everyone will force me into a dress for lying and I don't want that. I hate dresses unless it's necessary.

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I.

When the hobbit opened the door, Thorin was surprised. The reason for that was because Tharkun haven't told anyone that the Burglar was a lass, of all people.

(Thorin will skin Tharkun later in private. That would teach the meddling wizard not to leave out such an important detail out of his plan. Perhaps he will shave his beard in front of his Company, though not with the Halfling. He didn't desire to be seen in such a bad light with their hostess.)

Who was insane enough to recommend a hobbit, much less a girl? (Apparently the damn wizard.) Especially a girl who wore green skirts, yellow vests, a plain blouse, and bows in her hair? They were not going on a picnic, damn it! They were going on a quest to kill a dragon, plain and simple as that. They have no need for a lass who will faint at the mere sight of a goblin, much less a dragon as ferocious and dangerous as Smaug.

Still, even if he had to admit it, the Halfling was cute…

(He would never tell that to anybody because it was never leaving his mind. He rather revoke the quest than say that he was attracted to a creature that was practically hairless. He would never live it down if, say, Fíli or Kíli or *shudder* Dís finds out. That would ruin his reputation among his family and kin.)

II.

When Bilbo Baggins caught up with them, she was wearing a dress, of all things. A blue one with white forget-me-nots stitched on the skirt. How was she ever going to ride properly in that attire? Her skirt would ride up and more of her skin would be shown and that is highly proper for a woman, even in dwarven standards. (Though, he would have to admit he would most likely sneak some looks once in a while...)

She will have to make do by herself and Thorin needed to get rid of those ridiculous thoughts of her being beautiful even more in the sunlight. The light just hit her in the right way and her hair looked like molten gold and amber were her eyes. Her smile was wide as she conversed with his Company, teeth blindingly white (in his vision, anyway). Ugh, he had to stop looking! Focus on the quest!

(Mahal damn him. Thorin had no time being distracted by a girl. He had a kingdom to reclaim and his kin to take care of. Despite what Dís would say, he had no need of a wife or even a companion, thank you very much! He was happy by himself.)

III.

Thorin Oakenshield couldn't help but stare at the Halfling, who was wearing an elven dress. He tried to tell himself it was because of disgust (how can he ever think of something elven-made as beautiful? Nothing crafted from elves were pretty; dwarves had better sense of style), but it was the opposite.

Frankly, the silky white clothing with green leafy designs made her gorgeous; it especially suited her honey-blonde curls.

Though, he had to wonder as he played with his food (ugh, vegetables. Did the stupid elves not eat meat? Of course they didn't, they were leaf-eaters through and through), how did the leaf-eaters manage to find such short a dress? Was it a child's dress? If so, that would be hilarious! His sister-sons seemed to find it funny and couldn't stop teasing the girl. If his sister were here, Thorin had no doubt that Dís would join in.

(He found it cute that the Burglar had to resort to wearing a child's apparel. It somehow added to her charm. It made him wonder what it would be like if she wore Dwarven clothing. More beautiful, perhaps.)

IV.

Being at Beorn's home was a boon. They got to rest, stock up their supplies, heal from the encounter with the goblins and Azog (that piece of filth! Oh, how he wished he killed him at Azanulbizar), and most importantly, Thorin got to see Bilbo in a dress again. Bilbo had stopped wearing a dress after Rivendell (a wise choice in his opinion) and wore what seemed to be her father's trousers and shirts.

It was nothing fancy, just a plain brown skirt with an off-white top, but it still made the Shireling (he refrained from calling the Hobbit a Halfling after he received a vicious scolding from her. His ears were still ringing after that event for an hour) stood out among the rugged dwarves and skin-changer.

(He stopped thinking that Bilbo Baggins in a dress was a bad thing. If it was a wise decision, he would rather have the Shireling in a dress everyday of their journey, but alas, it was not to be. It wouldn't do if they get caught in a battle.)

Bilbo Baggins was as gorgeous as ever to Thorin.

(It didn't help that she was twirling in Beorn's garden, flowers in her hair, bees and animals surrounding her, and a wide smile on her face. At that moment, Thorin was willing to bet she could rival any of the Valar's beauty. He would even bet his throne if he felt brave enough.)

V.

This was the day, the day he was waiting for. The day he got to marry a Miss Bilbo Baggins, soon-to-be Durin.

When he could finally admit his feelings for the Hobbit, he prepared for weeks and gathered up all his courage. It took Dwalin, his sister, and nephews to get him to propose. Bilbo had actually accepted. It was a miracle she accepted his proposal.

(They didn't talk about the weeks of awkward silence between the two, the hurt feelings of Bilbo from the gold-sickness incident, and the months of uncertainty of Thorin's health. It was too painful. He never wanted to think of how he hurt his One, because if he did, his head and heart started to hurt and he felt that he was burning with Smaug's fire, but he probably deserved that.)

So when Bilbo came out in a traditional Dwarven dress, all regal with flower-shaped gems and a white veil to compliment the red dress, Thorin was bursting with uncharacteristic happiness. Around the room, races of all kinds were cheering at the sight of the bride.

(Yes, even the blasted tree-shaggers were invited. According to his fiancee, it would be rather rude if they didn't invite their neighbors. Thorin would rather had them jailed instead but he didn't want to upset his soon-to-be wife so soon. Knowing her, he would be scolded in front of everyone and would be forced to apologize to the bastard Thranduil who would most likely be smug.)

To the Dwarf King, she was the most beautiful being in the world.

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Bilbo: Why am I wearing a dress?! And why am I a girl?

Shadow: It makes it all the more fun! Don't tell me you never imagined what's it like to be the opposite gender, have you?

Bilbo: Well, no..

Shadow: See? I made my point. And as a girl, of course you'll have to wear a dress even though that's sexist. But hey, that's Middle Earth culture. Or maybe that's just Hobbit culture?

Bilbo: I think that depends on the race itself. Hobbit lasses have to wear dresses because it's proper and I think the women of the race of Man does too. I'm not so sure for the Dwarves and Elves though.

Shadow: Huh. What about your race, Thorin? Also, don't you think Bilbo looks cute in her dress?

Bilbo: I'm not wearing a dress!

Shadow: Oh hush. I'm talking about female Bilbo.

Thorin: *mumbling*

Shadow: You said something, Thorin?

Thorin: Nothing that concerns you, Geek! As for our women, they dress up as males when traveling. They tend to get targeted. And I don't care about the weed-eaters.

Bilbo: Thorin, language!

Shadow: Well, that's not something you learn everyday. Are you blushing, Thorin? You look a little red.

Thorin: GEEK!

Shadow: Bye guys! *runs away*