Hi guys! This is the 5th chapter in my spamming spree. This chapter has nothing to do with me, thankfully (I rather not experience pain right now), since I've been posting fluff/happy chapters three times in a row. So I've decided to change it up for a bit. I don't have that much angsty stories in my arsenal so I'm gonna do it every two chapters or so. Actually, I think I've only got one angsty-ish story and the other had some angst in it; I'm not entirely sure. I could edit it a bit.

You lot are warned. MWAHAHAHA!

Leona2016: *teasing* Hehe, don't you know it's rude to ask a dwarf that? Besides, Fíli can't have too many knives. It's not possible.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit. I would get inflicted with pain by the characters otherwise.

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I.

Bilbo Baggins didn't know what pain felt like before the Fell Winter. Actually, that was a lie, but the pain of losing his parents outweighed the pain of a bunch of scabs and falls he endured as a child.

(His parents were so young to die. So many died from starvation and from the cold, and yet many more fell when the wolves crossed the River and orcs and wargs came soon after. It would be seared into the memories of everyone that survived that horrible winter.)

He hated the winter and wolves and the fact that his parents won't ever be there again. He hated the cold and the feeling of hunger and all the pressure of finding food for surviving. He hated the white color because it signified death to him and the flash of a sword and of grinning shark teeth.

(He was in shock for a week after that, trying to live through the pain that was tearing through his heart and body as his Took relatives cared for him. All he could think of were his mother and father dying a league away from his mother's clan. They were so close to help but they got caught and there wasn't anything the Tooks could have done in that situation.)

He hated being in pain.

II.

His dislike of pain hasn't decreased in the years after that horrible winter. However, Bilbo's actual feeling of pain, his actual pain tolerance, hasn't increased either, as he was cautious in everything he did and he slightly pushed the other Hobbits away. He didn't want to be in pain, no matter how many years had past, so it was better to be alone.

So when he had joined Thorin's Company and then fell from the pony after hours of riding, pain went to his shoulder and bum.

(Ah yes, the joy of riding, the Hobbit thought sourly, rubbing the sore spots. He hadn't went riding since he was a fauntling as he preferred his father's way of travel: walking. It was much safer and far more sensible too. Ponies were only for pulling carts along on market day. It was highly improper for a Hobbit to ride a horse unless absolutely necessary. It could imply you were going on an adventure.)

He idly wondered why he joined in the first place. Oh yes, they had sung that song and he felt guilty and had been thinking all night and dammit! It was that bloody wizard's fault for bringing them to his home and reintroducing pain to him!

(Next time, he swore, he wouldn't be so easily persuaded by a song! The next time the Grey bloody Wizard tried to recruit him for an adventure, he'll show Gandalf to one of his Took or Brandybuck cousins. They would be more experienced than him, so they had to be the better choice.)

III.

Pain assaulted his head and eyes. Bilbo groaned as he struggled to his feet. What in Yavannah's name happened to him? Did Kíli try to head-butt him again? Was this whole thing a dream and he was still in the Shire, spending the night drinking with his Took cousins and getting a migraine the next morning?

(No, memories assaulted him, and he can all too clearly remember the storm, Thorin's words, falling through the floor, and the goblins. Bloody hell, why can't they just have one day without trying to be killed?)

He blankly stared at the rock in front of him. He… fell. He hit his head, apparently on this piece of stone. Of course. He could have fallen on anything, but he just got the luck to fall on the biggest piece of rock in the whole Valar-forsaken mountain.

Did the Valar hate him? Why did they torment him so? What had he done to get pushed off a cliff with a goblin grappling on him, far under the Misty Mountains, and his companions nowhere to be seen? He was positive he had done no such wrong－ this life or any previous ones － to warrant this much pain.

(When Bilbo is done with this life, he will sit down with whoever is in charge － probably Eru － and have a talk with them. Because really, this much pain in the world is not good for anyone here.)

IV.

The next time he was in pain, Oin was treating him with herbs and bandages and whatever Beorn gave him. They had no time to heal anyone save a short examination and bandaging on Thorin before they were climbing down the Carrock, as that bloody wizard called it, and running towards Gandalf's 'friend's' house.

It didn't help that their host was trying to kill them the day before as a huge black bear (oh, how the skin-changer could easily squash the tiny Hobbit if Bilbo ever got underfoot). As an apology (sort of, the shape shifter hated Dwarrows but had a soft spot for Hobbits, apparently; that was lucky for the whole Company, indeed), Beorn gave the Company's medic herbs to help heal themselves.

Bilbo had several minor burns, a sprained wrist (most likely from his first attempt of sword fighting), and a few scratches. Oin had reassured the not-burglar that his injuries would heal by the time they continue their journey and that 'Gimli had greater wounds than you and he's practically a dwarfling! If he can suck it up, so can you, Master Baggins!'

The pain was slight and not as bad as before but it still hurt. At least Oin's ointments and Beorn's herbs were working (even if Oin's bedside manner needed some work. He wondered if all the medics are like him, as the healer in the Shire was quite notorious for being grumpy and yelling at people to sit down).

V.

This pain was nothing Bilbo ever felt before. It was worse than when his parents died. His heart felt like it was tearing itself to pieces and won't ever repair itself. The burglar (because he was a thief who stole what was the rightful heirloom to the Dwarf King and broken the Company's trust) wondered if his heart would ever mend.

(It probably won't. It will never heal, because he didn't deserve to have his heart fixed, not after all he had done. It would be his punishment for all eternity and he knew it.)

Heartbreak was the worst kind of pain, the Hobbit concluded. After all he had done, all he had sacrificed, he was thrown away after he made a (admittedly horrible) decision to save them all. Were they so consumed by the gold sickness that they didn't care if they start a war or starve or break their promises for a few pieces of stone? Did they love a pile of rock more than a friend or their honor?

(Maybe their friendship meant nothing to the Company anymore. He was just there to take the Arkenstone and give it back. He did it halfway － sort of － and maybe that was the cue for the dwarves to leave.)

What happened to the Dwarrows he loved?

+1

Bilbo couldn't feel anything. Not anymore, his mind supplied. The War was won and he wasn't needed. Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli were dead and he wasn't allowed to attend the funeral. In fact, he was still banished and wasn't allowed to step foot into the Mountain.

The Ring, oh that horrid thing, was helpful only once. It took every ounce of emotion from him. Then it attracted every damn orc within 20 leagues from him and refused to hide him anymore.

Now, here he was, in Mt Doom, after months of hiding from everyone and sneaking into Mordor, holding the blasted Ring over the fire. He let go, not minding that the ground under his feet crumbled and he soon followed the One Ring. It wouldn't matter; he didn't have the strength or the resources to survive getting out of Sauron's territory. Not to mention, the volcano was ready to burst. He wouldn't get away before being burned by lava on foot. He rather die now than be run down by said lava.

He smiled. At least he wouldn't feel any pain. That he was highly grateful for. Bilbo was going to see his beloved Dwarrows once more, even if it was for a short while. After all, he wasn't a dwarf and he wouldn't be able to go to Mahal's Halls.

At least, before he would be sent to his afterlife, he would see them again.

Everything will be alright.

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Bilbo: ...You just love tormenting me, don't you?

Shadow: What can I say? You're one of my favorite characters ever.

Bilbo: But does it have to be so sad? I'm tearing up!

Shadow: There, there. *pats Bilbo on the back* After this chappie, I'm letting you have a vacation. You won't be bothered for some time.

Bilbo: I don't feel assured.

Shadow: Trust me, unless someone asks for you, you'll be left alone.

Bilbo: I'm holding you to that.

Shadow: And speaking of alone, I think I'm gonna have some alone time right now. Bye Bilbo! Have fun in your vacation! *dashes off*