Hey guys. I'm back with another story. Sorry I didn't update yesterday night. I, uh, sort of fell asleep the moment I came home and didn't wake up until this morning. Sooo... Yeah, sorry about that.

That said, I'll update with a second chapter in an hour or so to make up my absence yesterday. I gotta make sure it's OK.

Leona2016: Don't worry, Bilbo won't be seen until the spree is over. He'll have a nice vacation while he's away. :)

Just a fair bit of warning: I don't know what I'm writing in this chapter. I tried searching for customs but all I'm getting are names. So, I'm just going with some observations and headcanons.

Disclaimer: I don't own this piece of work. It is not a custom but common courtesy to not steal another's work.

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I.

Bard was unused to her allies. Sure, she was the one to interact the most with the elves, being the ruler of the newly rebuilt Dale but she still wasn't used to them. Even when she was the only link between Lake Town and Mirkwood, the elves were quick to disappear after business was made and that usually lasted for ten minutes on a good day (meaning she just had to get the barrels from any elf that showed up and sign a piece of paper that stated that she received said barrels). Other times, they didn't even show (meaning the elf on duty was too lazy to show up).

For one, she couldn't tell the difference between the males and the females until they spoke or if Bard had met them before (she was thankful for her memory; it saved her more than once from paperwork and a few from tense situations).

The two genders were hard to recognize until Bard realized the differences in their braids. It was subtle, with the female elves having intricate braids and the males' were simpler. The elleths' braids were about four braids while the male elves' were just two, going over their ears and meeting at the back of their heads.

Bard wondered why they didn't just tie it together. Fighting with long hair was surely a hassle and more of a distraction to them and an advantage for the enemy.

(Bard still had trouble telling them apart for a long while. Thranduil seemed very amused when she confessed why she had problems on talking to his subjects.)

II.

Thranduil wondered why Bard didn't insist on having respect. Granted, Bard was a woman and women were generally considered unimportant in their culture, but Bard was Dale's ruler. Shouldn't the common folk bow down to her? Perhaps the woman wasn't aware how royalty works.

Bard was essentially royalty, being the descendant of Lord Girion, the last ruler of Dale. Yet, why did Bard not exploit that? Why did she dabble with the commoners? From what he had seen, she need not work for herself when her subjects should be the one to do it.

Bard claimed it was because she knew almost everyone in the Town and everyone knew her that it was just plain rude to act as if she was superior to them when she grew up in the same conditions as her neighbors. She also gave the additional point that she would never (strong emphasis there) be like the previous Master of Lake Town and his slimy henchmen, Alfrid (Thranduil had to agree there; those two were the worst allies he ever had, even with the feud with the dwarves).

Thranduil still never would understand the ways of Men. They were just too complex for even immortals like him and his kin.

III.

If there was one thing that Bard disliked about the Elves, it was their singing. Oh, don't misunderstand her, their singing was one of the best in Middle Earth. It was just as her mother said during her stories, about the fae who would sing so wonderfully that they kidnapped children right from their homes without resistance, and her father who claimed that sirens existed and can lure anyone to the water with just their voice. Their voices were capable enough to rival the fae and sirens, in her opinion. Most of the time anyway.

It was just the subtle insults woven into the songs. If Bard had to hear about 'the lady who killed Smaug yet couldn't dress her state' one more time, she was going to kill them, alliance or not! So what if she liked her breeches and shirts; they were comfortable and far more reliable than dresses.

(She wasn't kidding on the 'killing' part. She threw a rather ugly brown vase at the elleth and would not apologize the other week. Thranduil was exasperated with her stubbornness but she didn't care one bit. She still cleaned her mess though.)

IV.

Thranduil often thought of Dale's alliance with Erebor. Why did Bard even bother to ally themselves with dwarves? All they cared was gold! The Greenwood was enough to help protect Dale should they need it.

(He didn't want to think of Tauriel's love for the second Ereborian Prince nor of the Halfling's heartbreak when Oakenshield died nor of the severed bond between Bard's eldest daughter and of Oakenshield's Heir Apparent. No, Thranduil didn't want to think about any of it.

It was far better to just ignore the problem.)

Those blasted dwarves were still recovering from Smaug. Did Bard think it wise to ally herself with them when they can barely protect themselves from any enemy they will assuredly make? Perhaps it was Man's silly nature to ally themselves with the weaker beings.

After all, there were so many legends of Men befriending everything, even creatures that were known to kill them. And legends does have some truth to them.

V.

Bard knew of the Woodland Elves' conservative nature, but how did they survive not eating meat? Surely Thranduil and his kingdom couldn't survive on just greens and fish?

(Not to mention, she wasn't very particular to vegetables. It must have been a passed down trait because she couldn't count all the times her children not-so-subtly threw them away.)

How could they only eat meat on special occasions? Meat was part of the food pyramid; it was the building block for almost everything in the body! Did the elves not know or were they just messing with her every time she visited Thranduil?

(The blasted Elf King had the gall to smirk at her and shrug. Grr! If only she could smack that smile off his face, let's see who would be the one cradling a bruised face and pride!)

Perhaps the next time the Halfling visited in this part of the world, she could persuade him to give a… mass lecture to the entire elven kingdom. (Let's see who's smirking then!)

Still, Elves were weird, she decided.

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Bard: *hissing* Why am I a girl in this story exactly?Shadow: It's more fun this way!

Thranduil: You look rather... different as a female.

Bard: ...Are you implying something, Thranduil?

Shadow: Ooh. Bard seems to have that 'infamous temper' we girls have. I wouldn't anger him, Thranduil.

Thranduil: *scoff* As if I'm afraid of a woman. Human women are far too weak to lend damage to an elf. Bard as a woman won't hurt me much.

Shadow: ...

Bard: ...

Thranduil: ...

Shadow: Run, you asshole.

Bard: You just pissed off Shadow.

*Shadow runs after Thranduil, shouting curses and throwing things at hand*