Chapter 122: Bitter Feelings and Loving Comparisons
{A/N: Here's Another Update...Snape and Bellatrix...are you scared yet?...Happy Thanksgiving To All}
My Thanks To All My Readers And Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S
{"Babe, it took a long, long time to get it out this way...Now, that the hurtin's over all I've got to say...that I know...Sure as I am living...It takes more than forgiving...'cause it ain't been easy...I know you did your best to please me...How can you love me...After all the years we've tried...After all the tears you've cried...After our love has died...Babe, I've seen some pretty faces everywhere I go...I say now...Maybe I ain't the same person that you used to know...But I know...In my heart I'm livin'...For the love you've given...And the foolish thing about it...Is that I thought I'd live without it...How can you love me...When you know I've been with someone else...And I ain't too happy with myself...But I keep on comin' back around..."} How Can You Love Me, Ambrosia
Malfoy Manor, Wizarding World...
Chilling had been the only thing that could describe the atmosphere when Snape, Lucius, and Draco arrived at Malfoy Manor. They had informed Narcissa Malfoy that they needed to speak with Bellatrix in a bid to gain her assistance with the Dreamstride Potion. It had been something of a shock when Snape revealed to everyone that Bellatrix LeStrange was the last remaining apprentice of the enchantress Vaermina and the only person to know how to obtain Vaermina's Torpor. It was considered to be better if Snape spoke to Bellatrix one on one in light of everyone else unsavory history with her. Namely Hermione, whom had still been bitter about being left behind while Snape had been in the deranged witch's presence.
Snape stood silently taking in Bellatrix LeStrange. It seemed more a joke than he ever could have imagined that his fate always seemed to rest in the deranged witch's hands. She had been the one to note the true circumstances surrounding his "death", she had been the one to restore him to his body and by proxy, to his family. Now here she stood a look of rage and contempt behind her chaotic dark eyes as she looked him over. She held all the cards and it was clear that she wasn't willing to cooperate no matter the attempts at persuasion.
"Well...well..." taunted Bellatrix her wild hair only a slight indicator to her lethal madness. "Look what the cat dragged in."
"Bellatrix." said Snape choosing to remain neutral despite his own rage toward the witch.
Narcissa sat next to her sister on the Malfoy sofa. She had been taking glances back n forth between the two of them. She had not been sure that this meeting was such a good idea given their history but she had not wanted Severus to die either. With Bellatrix in a position to possibly save him it was evident that her feeling were to take a backseat to the inevitable.
"Keep things civil." she chimed noting the hostile glare from her older sister.
"Oh I intend to." replied Bella smoothly.
Lucius sighed knowing all too well that the deranged witch was intent on holding a grudge.
Draco had known of his Aunt and Uncle's unofficial relationship but had come to understand just how unhealthy it had been for the two of them despite his deranged Aunt's many attempts to keep it going.
"Aunt Bella...Uncle Severus needs your help." he said hoping to appeal to her sense of family.
Bellatrix scoffed.
"I know what he needs." she said her eyes not at all leaving the dour wizard. "But I am done enabling him."
Snape knew the proper negotiations would not get under way unless they had some time alone.
"Perhaps...we can come to an agreement." he said applying Slytherin tact to the situation.
Bellatrix looked down at her nails and yawned in a bored fashion.
"I don't think so." she replied.
"Bella...please don't condem Severus to death because he dosen't want to be with you." said Narcissa attempting reason where her sister was concerned.
This seemed to amuse the deranged witch as she let out a slight cackle.
"Oh how positively marvelous...the entire family ready to get down on bended knee to save a half-blood whelp." she mocked. "Perhaps this is the highlight of my evening."
Snape resisted the urge to venture over to the horrid woman and strangle her. Mostly due to it being counter productive to his attempts to get her to help save his life.
"What do you want from me?" asked Snape getting to the point.
Bellatrix simply stretched on the sofa.
"Nothing." she replied. "Nothing except for you to turn tail and run back to your swotty little mudblood whore...you will be getting no further assistance from me."
Snape balled his fists as he struggled to keep his temper in check and looked over at Lucius.
The handsome blond wizard shook his head.
His obsidian eyes went to Draco who's own gray eyes widened when he realized what his uncle was willing to do to get the torpor from Bellatrix.
"Name your price." Snape insisted.
Bellatrix scoffed once more.
"Have you not been listening, I want nothing from you half-blood...not anymore." she said with finality in her tone.
Everyone in the room had been stunned by her words. Most of all Snape. He had not expected that after all those years of her schemeing and plotting that she would actually give up on trying to get him back.
To prove just how final her statment was she got to her feet and walked out of the room without another word or so much as a backwards glance in his direction. As Snape stood there with the Malfoys surrounding him, he had been hit with the once familiar feeling of rejection. He had not known how to take it given what it would ultimately mean if Bellatrix had stopped being willing to keep him alive.
"Severus." said Narcissa seeming to understand her sister's feelings in this matter.
Without a word Snape took off after Bellatrix, feeling the small window of oppurtunity to keep his life closing. He had to convince Bellatrix to save him one last time...even if he had to abandon his pride and beg her.
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Snape's Bedroom, Malfoy Manor, Wizarding World...
Snape followed the deranged witch into his former bedroom. He closed the door behind him locking it for all the good it would do them. He had not the ablity to ward it or offer sound proofing. What he had to say to Bellatrix was personal and he had a feeling a long time coming. The room had been dark as she sat on the bed not looking at him at all. There was an eerie silence that had passed between them for a time and she seemed to note his presence.
"Leave me alone Snape." she said, her voice lacking it's usual coldness and spite but instead something else had been in her tone.
The Potions Master concluded that the strange tone that had taken it's place had been hurt.
"You and I both know that is not an option." he replied leaving the coldness and spite out of his own tone as he spoke.
Of course he didn't know if that was an effort to stay neutral or a reflection of the deranged witch dropping her guard.
"Why can't you just go...I do not wish to see you and I already told you that you will get no more help from me." she said more exhausted than bitter.
"Bella...I've already told you that I can not do that." he said a bit exhausted himself.
The deranged witch turned around to face him. Much to Snape's suprise, tears had been streaming down the her pale cheeks.
"Of course not." she said allowing a bit of bitterness to seep into her tone. "Because you'll do anything to ensure that you spend as much time with your mudblood and your half-blood brats as possible...you never give a damn how much it costs me...so long as you get what you've always wanted."
Snape arched an eyebrow at this.
"W-What are you saying?" he asked.
Bellatrix rolled her eyes.
"Just leave." she said hard hearted. "I've wasted enough of my time speaking to you."
She lied down on the bed with her back to him.
Snape closed his eyes taking in her scent even from where he stood near the door. Bellatrix had always been a beautiful woman and by all accounts a sad one. Instead of going for the door Snape simply removed his dragon hide boots and frock coat then climbed into bed with the deranged witch. She did not move a muscle nor give any indication that she cared about his gesture. The warmth of his body against hers had been maddening. It had been so long since they had shared a moment together like this. He did not see the tears that continued to fall down her pale cheeks.
"I-I apologize for the way I've handeled things with you." said Snape pulling her close to him as his arms wrapped around her motionless form. "Perhaps I should have considered that you...you were still harboring feelings for me when I desired to push you away...but it couldn't be helped...I could not take the chance of losing my wife."
Bellatrix sighed.
"Your wife..." she said bitterly. "It always comes back to that little girl doesn't it?"
"I can't help the way I feel Bella." said Snape.
"Neither can I." replied the deranged witch.
She turned to face him, obsidian eyes meeting those of familiar chaotic darkness.
Much to Snape's surpise she gently stroked his sallow pale cheek.
"You use to love me." she said as sorrow crept into her tone.
Snape sighed and his reply came as much to his own surprise as it did hers.
"I still do." he said continuing to look into her eyes.
Bellatrix attempted to pull away believing this to be a ploy on his part to get what he wanted from her like always.
Snape pulled her close to him pressing his pale lips into her ruby red ones.
The kiss was deep and passionate but it had been something that was a long time coming.
"I still love you." said Snape in a bid to reach the deranged witch.
"But your with her." said Bella pulling back just a little as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. "How can you say you love me but you chose to marry her...you chose to build a family, a life with her."
"I am nothing if not complicated." replied Snape letting her go and leaning back onto the soft pillows.
His obsidian eyes glanced up at the ceiling for a time before he spoke again.
"What I had with you was...hard to put into words." he admitted. "But it was...passion... it was contempt...it was love...it was lust...it pleasure beyond my wildest imaginings...it was pain unlike any I had ever felt a day in my life...but it was..."
"Wrong." replied Bellatrix finishing the statment for him.
Their eyes met once more.
Snape nodded in agreement.
"It was wrong." he repeated. "The only reason you and I both ever got together was due to gross manipulation on the part of both our masters."
The deranged witch rested her head on Snape's chest as he continued to speak.
"Your husband never would have turned from you if not for the dark lord forcing me to take you." he said. "And obviously you never would have been pregnant at least not due to me."
Bellatrix sighed stroking Snape's shirt clad chest.
"I don't particularly care how you got me pregnant Severus." she said with sincerity in her tone. "I'm just fortunate that I got to experiance what it would have been like..."
Snape noted that she trailed off as if she were still holding all her cards close to her chest.
"You did give me a child." he said catching her hand and rubbing her fingers with his own. "And Regulus would have been a very promising and formiable wizard had he lived."
Bellatrix nodded as the tears continued.
Snape kissed the top of her head.
"W-Why her?" she asked not at all hiding the brokeness in her tone. "Why did you have to fall in love with her?"
Snape looked back up at the ceiling as he thought back to how it happened.
"That too is difficult to put into words." he said as he thought about his young bushy haired wife. "At first I was completely enraged by the prospect of having to marry her...not that I was interested in commitment of any kind to any other witch...but there was simply no way in hell I would have concented to marriage on my own..even during that time."
Bellatrix rested her head back on his chest as he continued to speak.
"To be honest I've been struggling with my feelings for Hermione since the first time I took her...feeling that what was done to her on behalf of Dumbledore was no different than what the dark lord forced me to do to you." he said honestly. "I made it a point to keep things clinical between us...until..."
"She lost your child." said Bellatrix recalling the look on Snape's face at the death eater meeting.
"I wanted that child more than anything in this world." said Snape gritting his teeth. "All that pain from when Regulus was taken from us came back tenfold and the rage was most difficult to deal with...but then I went to see Hermione...and the look on her face...the amount of tears alone she had shed over the loss of our baby broke something in me...she blamed herself...and I couldn't let her take responsiblity for that...she had been much too young you understand.."
Bellatrix had understood. It had been strange to understand the one person in the world that help a good deal of your contempt. Hermione Granger had gotten everything the deranged witch had ever wanted, had ever dreamed of during those turbulent years beneath both the dark lord and Dumbledore's collective heels.
"I realized just how much she loved me...and her begging me to give her another child so soon after the loss of the first one had me stunned." Snape continued. "She had been so innocent and so very beautiful...the only witch whom had ever genuinely wanted to be with me and only me...I would have been a fool to turn away from her."
"I wanted you too." said Bellatrix sofly.
"But not by choice." replied Snape. "It was never your active choice to want me...our relationship...as it were was merely our trying to control an awkward situation."
"Not always." replied Bellatrix looking into Snape's eyes.
"No." he replied gazing back at her. "Not always."
The deranged witch let out a low gasp as she felt Snape's hand on her belly.
"You would have made a damn good mother." he said softly as he pressed his lips into hers.
Bellatrix savored the kiss, knowing all too well that it was his way of allowing her to say good-bye to that eagar young Slytherin boy that she use to know.
The tears continued to stream down her cheeks as she stroked his sallow pale ones.
"I'm sorry too." she said softly when the kiss ended. "I couldn't help my feelings for you nor the rage I felt when she managed to do for you what I couldn't."
Snape nodded kissing her hand.
"I was wrong to treat you as I did Bella, but we were never meant for anything more." he said honestly.
"Perhaps in another life." she said stroking his cheek once more.
"Perhaps." he replied with a smile.
Bellatrix had not seen a genuine smile on the dour wizard's face since all those years before the first wizarding war.
Without another word Snape sat up and put on his dragon hide boots. He got to his feet and began to button up his ebony frock coat. Bellatrix climbed off the bed and assited him as he buttoned up each and every button the muggle way.
"Your magic is gone?" she asked.
Snape nodded.
The deranged witch noted that he had been trying to hid the amount of pain he had been in for quite some time. As she finished the last button she gently stroked his ebony clad chest.
"Does it hurt badly?" she asked.
"It comes and goes." he replied treating her to another smile, this one had of course been weak.
Bellatrix nodded.
With tears in her eyes she returned his smile.
"Go home to your wife Severus." she said evenly. "Spend some time with your children...and prepare for the journey to retrieve the torpor."
Snape's eyes widened.
"Y-You've reconsidered." he said stunned.
Bellatrix simply nodded.
"Go." she told him as she turned to keep from showing him how truly hurt she had been about his new found happiness.
Snape hesitated for a moment surressing the instinct to take the deranged witch into his arms like he had done so many times before.
"T-Thank you." he said breaking the awkward silence before he took his leave of her.
Bellatrix had barely managed to hold back once the door had been closed.
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The Sitting Room, Malfoy Manor, Wizarding World...
Narcissa Malfoy had been standing in the center of the room when he arrived. She had not made any point to deter his suspicions about her listening in to his personal conversation with her elder sister. Lucius and Draco had both been gone and the fireplace had been lit. The soft expression on the beautiful older witch's face had shown a good deal of appreciation for Severus and the way he handled things with Bella.
"She'll be fine." said Narcissa treating him to a rare smile in gratitude.
"I know." replied Snape not at all with his guilt abolished.
"She still loves you." said Narcissa. "And one could hardly blame her...I find myself thinking along the lines of "what if" now and again."
Snape nodded his exhaustion apparent by all accounts.
Narcissa touched his sallow pale cheek.
"You do deserve happiness Severus." she said softly. "No matter what you or anyone else might have to say about it...and Hermione Granger has done a very good job of ensuring that...so I expect you to return the favor in kind."
It was Snape's turn to smile. Apparently Hermione had a good deal of support in the Malfoy household.
"I'll do my best." he vowed.
"Of course you will." replied Narcissa. "You always do."
She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and motioned to the floo.
"Go home." she told him. "Enjoy some time with your family...who knows what this coming adventure will bring...besides If I know Hermione she's probably worried herself sick thinking about you and what my dear sister could possibly be putting you through."
Snape smirked and ventured toward the floo.
He threw in a handful of powder and called out his destination.
Narcissa Malfoy watched as her former lover made his way through the emerald flames and back to his life in the muggle world. She had hoped this potion some how saved him, he had suffered enough for the sins of his past and it was high time for him to enjoy the remainder of his new life. She had hoped her elder sister had indeed let the Potions Master go and that her supposed support in this adventure would be in a bid to save his life not to indulge her personal vendetta.
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The Snape Residence, Muggle London, England...
Just as Snape suspected, Hermione had been pacing the floor when he stepped through the floo. The bushy haired witch raced over toward him and threw her arms around his neck as she pressed her soft pink lips into his pale ones. Grateful tears streamed down her cheeks as she pressed her body into his. The Potions Master ignored the various spasms of pain in a bid to hold his wife in his arms a bit longer. The scent of jasmine from her notoriously bushy hair.
"Severus." said Hermione pleased to see him.
"Hermione." he replied with a warm smile.
"What did...what did Bellatrix say?" she asked finally allowing her curiosity to get the better of her.
Snape simply pulled her toward the sofa and down on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and took a moment to take all that had been said in. He had truly been honest with Bellaltrix when he told her that he had loved her, but he was in love with Hermione Granger and that was all there was to it.
"She simply agreed to help us." he replied.
Hermione arched an eyebrow at this.
"She agreed to it or did you have to promise her something?" she asked skeptical.
Snape smiled noting how truly Slytherin her thinking was becoming.
"If you must know...she simply told me to return to you...with nothing in the works as far as I could tell." he replied sounding a bit surprised himself.
Hermione still had not trusted the deranged witch as far as her husband was concerned. She had been well aware of the strange connection the two of them shared.
"She loves you, you know." said Hermione settling against him until she rested her head against his chest.
"I know." replied Snape stroking Hermione's back as she leaned against him.
"What makes you think she won't try one last attempt to get you back?" she asked closing her eyes at the sensation of his touch.
"I wouldn't put it passed her." replied Snape as per the usual. "But I have a feeling this time...things won't be as they seem."
"They often never are." replied Hermione. "What did you tell her?"
Snape smirked amid her bushy brown hair.
"I told her how much I love my wife." he replied.
"Bet she didn't take that well." said Hermione.
"No...I can't imagine she did." replied Snape. "But..."
"But what?" asked Hermione suddenly looking up at him.
"But I am not entirely sure she'll be the same." he replied a flicker of concern filing across his sallow pale face.
"What did you ever see in her?" asked Hermione.
Snape had been asked the same question by both of the women he had shared a lengthy intimate relationship with in the same day.
"It's rather complicated." he replied as he had with Bellatrix. "We were like fire and ice she and I."
"Fire and Ice?" asked Hermione with an arched eyebrow.
"Bellatrix had a passion that no man could have ever hoped to match nor extinguish not even I was so bold to assume so." explained Snape. "And you are quite familiar with my lack of emotion I trust."
Hermione nodded recalling just how cold Snape could become at a moments notice.
"I am." she admitted.
"Good." he replied. "Then you have some idea of why she and I would have never worked out."
"I do." replied Hermione. "But what does that say about you and I?"
"You may have noticed that I am no longer as cold as I use to be." replied Snape stroking his wife's thigh.
"Oh I've noticed." replied the bushy haired witch pressing her body into her husband's.
Snape smirked once again.
"I love you witch." he said with his obsidian eyes glinting with a kind of emotion she never wanted to fade. "That is all that matters."
"I love you too." replied Hermione.
They shared their own brand of a passionate kiss before Hermione pulled back.
"So are you going to tell me what happened between you and that Matron?" she asked.
Snape's obsidian eyes widened and his sallow pale cheeks flushed.
"I-I rather not speak of that." he replied suddenly embarrassed.
Hermione let out a girlish giggle.
"Alright..." she said barely containing her laughter. "But I am very familiar with certain aspects of a Matron Spriggan."
"I'll bet you are." muttered Snape annoyed by the topic.
"Especially, the part about them siphoning a male victim's seed and transferring it into a purified magical essence in a bid to impregnate themselves and produce more of their kind." continued Hermione.
"You are a wicked little witch." said Snape still annoyed.
"And you love me for it." replied Hermione pressing her soft pink lips into his pale ones.
She climbed off his lap and pulled him off the sofa and toward their bedroom.
"You call yourself a Gryffindor witch, mocking a helplessly sick wizard's trying ordeal and trying to lead him off to bed." said Snape in mock disapproval.
"I want to know what the Matron found so fascinating about you that it had to go to such lengths to have your children." countered Hermione. "We can just call it intimate research."
Snape noted the heat behind his wife's amber eyes.
"So you don't see the irony of possibly being the step-mother to horrid wooden forest creatures?" he asked.
His comment only contributed to Hermione's fit of giggles.