"Christmas is next week." I mumbled, pulling the tea string up and down. "I need to go shopping."

Crane wasn't listening. He sat on the couch in front of the coffee table, occasionally pushing back his glasses and scribbling into at least one of his many notebooks. My house was plenty cleaner with him around. I managed to get most of the laundry put away, and I even dusted that morning to keep myself somewhat occupied. Even the sound of the vacuum didn't seem to bother him any. I wondered if he might have welcomed the dull noise.

I sat on the recliner and crossed my bare legs, wrapping my long sleeves around the cup to avoid the burn. With a small sip here and there, I glanced from Crane and back to the television. He was a prettier sight to tell the truth. He was even wearing one of the casual black v neck shirts I bought for him the other day. Well, at least those didn't go to waste, I thought.

Christmas time was generally something I kind of ignored. My parents would call and ask how I was, but that was routine. I figured they didn't want to seem like complete bastards and outright ignore me. They called on my birthday too, but that was also a given. Things would be even stranger without Jo this time around. She'd invited me to some parties, but I think that was truly the only way I celebrated. I don't know why I mentioned it to Crane though. Maybe I just wanted to have something to talk about.

"So, I'm gonna go shopping then." I persisted, not unkindly. "Do I need to get anything in particular?"

He raised his head slightly and sighed. "Were you thinking about cooking a meal for the holiday?"

I hesitated. "I mean, sure. It's just going to be the two of us."

"No awkward family reunions?"

"Actually, no."

He flipped a page in his notebook and then grabbed a large sip of coffee. "Thank god."

Crane did let me go. However, I don't know why I felt like he was letting me go. I suppose when he told me to be quick, that was when I knew. He did pass me a fifty on the way out, so I quickly dropped the thought and went on my way to the grocery store. Oh god, what was I going to cook? Shit, I didn't even know what the guy liked to eat. What if he was one of those guys that only ate fish? Well I'm a goddamn American and I eat ham for Christmas.

I refrained from wearing any makeup to the store, hoping no one would recognize me without it. I still wore that grey shabby sweatshirt from the morning, but I replaced the cotton shorts for an old pair of jeans. Yeah, no one would recognize my homeless looking ass. At least, I hoped so. Come to find out, I was wrong.

"Mira, hello." I heard a voice.

Flannagan.

"Hi, how are you?" I greeted, searching aimlessly for some boxed stuffing. A small red headed child cut her way through, long braid swaying behind her back like a whip. Flannagan stood at the other side of the boxed foods with her hand on her hip, displeased that the child was running around without so much as an 'excuse me.'

"Cassie, apologize to Mira!" Flannagan scolded.

"I'm sorry miss." She looked at me with sad eyes, holding tightly onto an Elsa doll. I hated that movie.

"It's alright. I'm tired, I wouldn't have noticed." I laughed it off. The girl was too big to be in a cart, but she crawled in anyways, standing inside whilst her sneakers lit up annoyingly. Kids…

"Are you doing okay?" Flannagan asked as I grabbed a box of stuffing.

"I'll live. Sorry I ran out on you."

"I understand, there's no need to apologize." She assured me with a smile. Flannagan was so pretty despite her Amazonian stature. I bet she had a handsome husband to go with her cute daughter too. So simple and kind, I thought to myself. "Looks like you've got some Christmas dinner, no?"

I did a double take. "What?"

Flannagan laughed. "Well you've got a ham."

"Oh yeah, I mean, I'm just doing something small. I'll be alone so I guess I'll just eat my feelings this year."

Flannagan smiled awkwardly, and I think her daughter even sensed the uncomfortable silence. "I mean, you know. I didn't mean to be weird, but I'm just…coping."

"You could always stop by and see us. Our door is open if you feel like you need to be with people."

The offer punched me in the heart, but not in a bad way. "Maybe I'll take you up on that." I told her, not completely rejecting the invitation. "I should let you go; I think she's getting antsy."

Cassie tried to reach something on the top shelf before her mom shot her a look of disapproval. Flannagan smiled, and we began heading in opposite directions. I really wanted to cry, but I tried not to. By the time my cart was full, I was really fighting the tears. Once I left the building, I lost it. Between putting bags of groceries in my car, I sniveled like a scolded child ready for bed. Why the hell was I even crying?

Do I have everything I need? I started thinking on the drive back to the apartment; thinking about stupid everyday shit that regular people with families think about. Yeah, I've got a ham and some stuffing too. I remembered the apple and cranberry juice too.

I turned up the radio a little bit, shocked to hear a decent song playing. I sang to it, cautiously putting my foot on the break to avoid the fucker that cut me off.

Wake up
And face me
Don't play dead
'cause maybe
Someday I'll walk away and say
You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

I pulled up to the apartment and shut off the car. I should have taken two trips for the groceries, but it's the twenty first century and no one does that. So I grabbed the bags, feeling the plastic twist my wrists heavily as the snow chewed at my cheeks. The wind picked up, and the bitter cold was unforgiving.

Once I reached the door, I knocked with the tip of my shoe. There was no answer. I almost called for him to open the door, but then realized saying his name would be inappropriate. I put down the bags and opened the door myself. As I walked in, I softly called out. After setting down the groceries, I checked the rest of the apartment. He was gone.

"Wow." I said out loud.

Jonathan Crane walked down the hallway where he occasionally resides, feeling the irritating presence of Jessica Sterling trailing him. He purposely stopped, and Jessica walked right into him. The moment his files fell to the floor, Jessica had dropped to her knees to retrieve them.

"Doctor we need to have words." She urged, with lips covered in yesterdays faded pink. He deducted that she might have replaced her shower with a baby wipe. There were no doubts that she and Jessica were up late conducting experiments.

"About?" He asked flatly before adjusting his glasses.

"Allison and I conducted a test on a subject last night. We set the scene for white on patient number fourteen."

Crane raised a brow before cutting her off. "White is often associated with purity, but it is also associated with death. It's quite tricky, Jessica. Aiming for one may produce the other instead. From that information alone, I'm going to predict that your test showed…neither."

She sighed, almost ready to stomp a foot. He was right again.

"The subject became aroused! I don't understand, we've been on him for weeks before doing this and we were positive that he would either die or purify his mind completely."

Crane exhaled before rolling his eyes. "I'm afraid this goes further than colors. This is more situational than you understand, Miss Sterling. Did you consider that if you and Allison were in the room with the patient, that there was a possibility that the drug would only enhance his interest for you?"

Oh my, you've really ripped into her haven't you? Maybe it's for the best, Johnny. You won't ever be able to cure me.

She licked her cracked lips."Remember something, Doctor. My patient never violently cut her wrists in her own bathtub. At least if one of mine ever killed themselves, we could cover it up."

He backhanded her, sending teeth flying into the closed cells.

He's letting me out…

AN: The lyrics in this chapter are from "Passive" by A Perfect Circle.