A/N: I was having a little bit of trouble figuring out how to proceed with the next couple of chapters when I received a message from EyesOnTV777 wanting to know more about what Jay was going through and how he was dealing with Christine's disappearance. I hope I did his character justice in this chapter. The next chapter will cover some of the same things, but will be from Christine's point of view and how the relationship between her and Jay changes. I hope you enjoy it.
Jay's P.O.V.
I looked at Voight sitting behind his desk. I've been avoiding having this conversation with him for the past eight-seven days. Jesus, it's been eight-seven days, I thought warily. It's been eighty-seven days since I last saw Christine. Eighty-seven days since she yelled at me in the Doctor's office. Eighty-seven days since her beautiful Caribbean blue eyes looked at me. Eighty-seven days since I saw her growing pregnant belly. Eighty-seven days since Voight told me I was having a boy and a girl. Eighty-seven days since Hank called me with the news that Christine had missed her nightly check-in with Rixton. Eighty-seven days since I last saw the woman I love. Eighty-seven days spent worrying and searching. Eighty-seven days spent chasing leads to come up empty handed. Eighty-seven days since Burgess last spoke to me without anger & blame in her voice and eyes. Eighty-seven days since my team looked at me without pity in their eyes. Eighty-seven days of pure hell and torture. I stood up and decided it was time to bite the bullet. I caused all of this to happen. It was time to turn in my shield and my gun. I'm not the same cop I once was. My instincts were off. I was a liability to myself and to my team. I sighed, shook my head and walked into the lion's den...to talk to the man who was disappointed and angry...to talk to the man who I was sure blamed me for Christine's disappearance.
"Sarge, you have a minute?" I asked knocking on his door. "Yeah, what do you need Halstead?" he replied as his cell phone rang. "Hold on. Let me grab this." he said leaving me to my thoughts. Thoughts that had kept me up at night for the past eighty-seven days. "Christine! Christine!" I heard Voight yell. What? Had I imagined that? Is she really on the phone? Is she really alive? I jumped to my feet ready to grab the phone out of his hand as he said her name again, "Christine? Can you hear me? Where are you?" Hank yelled as he jumped up from his chair. I followed him out of the office, not sure what was going on until he told Al to run a trace on his phone. The call was still connected but she had stopped speaking. He told the team, looking at me with concern on his face that she said "Hank, help me" before letting out a blood curdling scream. "Hank, we have her location. The call is from a land line at the house next door to hers in the Gold Coast neighborhood." Al said a few minutes later. "Okay. Let's move out. We don't know what we are walking into so be alert when we arrive. Halstead, you're with me. Burgess, call Platt on the way. Tell her to roll more units for backup and to send an ambulance. Let's go. Now!" Hank ordered as we raced down the stairs behind him.
God, please let her be alive. I silently prayed from the passenger seat of Voight's Escalade. Please let her be okay. Please let our unborn children be okay. Please let me be able to tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. "Hank, she has to be okay. The past eighty-seven days have almost killed me. I need her to be okay. And if she's hurt I will kill Hailey, El Gato and DiStefano. They're going to pay for what they've done." I said. "Jay, just keep a level head when we go in there. I'm considering having you wait outside when the rest of us go in. You're too close, this is too personal for you and I'm wondering how that will affect you depending on what we find." Voight replied. "Sarge, I would never disobey a direct order under most circumstances but there's no fucking way you are keeping me from going in and getting her." I replied curtly. "I figured your response would be something along those lines. Well, I hope these past eighty-seven days have given you time to prepare a really good apology." Hank said. It had, I thought to myself. I just hope I get the chance to say it. We made it to Christine's street in under twenty-minutes. As we quickly put on our vests, Hank delivered the game plan. "Burgess and Al – take the garage. Rixton, Atwater and Ruzek – take the back. Halstead and Antonio, you're with me at the front. We move in on my count."
One minute later we entered the house. As we cleared the rooms one by one we only found DiStefano unconscious and bleeding on the kitchen floor. I saw Ruzek securing him as Hank, Antonio and I stood in the hallway outside of two double doors, preparing to breach the room. "Oh My God! Hank, what the hell happened here?" I heard Antonio say as he called for two more ambulances over his radio. My heart sank as we burst thru the doors. "Christine!" I yelled as I ran over to where she was laying, unconscious and in a pool of blood. "No! Baby, I need you to wake up. Christine, please wake up." I begged crying as I held her in my arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. The tough Army Ranger turned Detective was falling apart as the woman I love laid dying in my arms. I was convinced she was dying. I couldn't find a pulse as I held her but couldn't stop begging her to wake up. "Jay. Let Dawson and Brett work on her. Come on man, you need to move back." Kevin said as he pulled me away from her. "Let go of me!" I screamed breaking out of his hold. I fell back to my knees and wrapped her in my arms once again. "Baby, wake up." I begged as I rocked back and forth crying with her in my arms. "Oh, Jesus." I heard Sylvie whisper as she walked into the room with Gabby. Kevin pulled me away from Christine once again and as the Medics did their thing I went after El Gato. "What the fuck did you do?" I yelled at El Gato. I didn't care that he was bleeding. I grabbed him and pulled him to his knees. Holding him by the collar with one hand, I hit him over and over again. I didn't stop until Hank pulled me off of him. "Jay, stop. He's unconscious. He can't feel anything. Upton's dead." he told me. "Good. The bitch deserved to die." I said not even glancing at her cold dead body. "She's got a faint pulse. Let's get her on the stretcher and get her to Med." I heard Sylvie say. I'm going in the ambulance." I said as I walked out of the room behind Sylvie and Gabby who were pushing a stretcher containing Christine's unconscious body.
The ambulance ride was one of the worst experiences of my life. I watched, helplessly as Sylvie worked on Christine as she went into cardiac arrest. "Gabby, radio Med. Her blood pressure is dangerously low and I can't stop the bleeding. The babies heart rates are very faint as well. Tell them to have Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Manning prepped and ready. Shit! She's crashing again. How far out are we?" Sylvie yelled. "Five minutes." Gabby replied. "She's not going to make it another five minutes. She has maybe three at the most." Sylvie said. "Three minutes? She's dying? Sylvie do something. Save her." I begged. "They're waiting for us at Med. Two minutes out." Gabby yelled from the driver's seat. "Baby, hang on. We're almost there. Please Christine. I can't lose you." I begged as I held her hand.
The ambulance doors opened moments later and I saw my brother waiting outside the E.D. with Dr. Choi, April and Maggie. "Jay, Nat and Connor are prepping for surgery right now. You need to let Maggie know if they can't save the three of them who do they save, Christine or the twins?" Will asked me as we headed up to the Operating Room behind the stretcher. "What? Why wouldn't they all survive? What do you know, Will?" I asked, shocked that I need to make this decision. "I can't lose her Will. They need to save her." I said to my brother as I cried at the thought of losing the twins. "I'll let Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Manning know." Maggie said quietly, leaving Will and I in the waiting room. "Jay, she has the best doctors this hospital has operating on her. You need to believe she'll come through this. The three of them will come through this." Will said. Two hours later we were still waiting for word when my Unit came in. "Halstead. Have you heard anything?" Hank asked. I just shook my head. I was unable to speak - the fear was eating away at me...the fear and the guilt. As hour three approached the doors opened and Nat and Connor walked into the waiting room. I hadn't noticed them as I stood with my back to the room looking out the window. "Jay." Kim said to get my attention.
"Jay. I had to perform an emergency c-section as Connor worked on Christine. Your son and daughter were born at 27 ½ weeks. Typically, the survival rate is 80% - 90% for twins born at that stage but, given the trauma they suffered I'm not comfortable at giving them those odds. I would say there's maybe a 50% chance they will survive. Your son was born first at 5:44pm, weighing 4lbs 3oz and your daughter was born two minutes later at 3lbs 6oz. They are currently up in a private room in the NICU in incubators. They'll have to remain there for an extended period of time. After Connor fills you in on Christine's condition, I'll take you up to meet your children." Nat said. I was blown away. That's so small, I thought to myself as my legs gave out and I fell into a chair. I looked up at Connor and prepared myself for more bad news. Connor sat down next to me and looked at me with tears in his eyes before he spoke. "Jay, Christine is currently in a coma. The significant blood loss, caused her, as you know, to go into cardiac arrest twice in the ambulance. She flatlined again when I had her opened up on the table. I had to put in an artificial valve. The stress caused a significant amount of damage to her left ventricle making it almost impossible for the blood flow to reach her heart. As with any valve replacement surgery there is a risk of developing blood clots which potentially could lead to an embolism if the clot becomes mobile. The coma is her body's way of protecting itself, but I'm going to be honest. I only give her a 25% chance. You need to get her Dad out here immediately. And I would recommend having a priest come as well. You know she's Catholic so I would request to have him give her last rites. I'm sorry Jay. I wish there is more I could do or say."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I looked around the waiting room, that was filled with people who love and care about Christine. I heard Kim softly crying in Ruzek's arms, devastated by the news Connor had just delivered. I noticed Sylvie and Gabby's cheeks were wet from the tears that silently streamed down. Voight had sunk into a chair, his eyes filling with unshed tears as Connor told us there was only a 25% chance. I then met the angry, hateful eyes of Kelly Severide. "This is your fault, Halstead. You should have stayed away from her. If you had none of this would have happened." he yelled as he walked towards me. I stood up and was immediately shoved back into my chair by Severide. I got back up and took a swing at him. "Back off Severide. Face it, she picked me, not you. She's in love with me. You never stood a chance." I said furiously. "Enough! Halstead, go meet your children. I'll call Michael Brennan and Father Murphy. I'll see you in Christine's room a little later." Hank said.
I followed Nat and Will up to a private room in the NICU. I walked over and looked down at my son and daughter. "They're so small." I said. "What are their names?" Will asked. "I don't know. I don't know if she decided on names. I'm sure she did. I don't know my children's names. Will, what am I going to do if she dies? If I lose her? If I lose all three of them?" I asked as my legs gave out one more time. I collapsed on the floor and cried. "Jay, you need to focus on your children right now. I know it's hard, but you're not alone. We're with you. Whatever you need, Nat and I are here for you." my brother said as he pulled me off the floor. I wiped my eyes and looked back down at the twins. "Hey kiddos. I'm your Dad. Now I need the two of you to be strong. You're fighters, just like your Mom. You continue to grow and we'll get you home as soon as possible. I love you both more than you'll ever know. I'm going to see your Mom now, but I'll be back soon." I told them, wishing I could hold them. Wishing Christine was here to see them. Our daughter has Christine's hair, I thought to myself. "Nat, thank you. Thank you for saving them." I said, as tears silently streamed down her face.
I followed Will to the ICU where Christine's room was. I went in and sat down in the chair next to her bed. I picked up her hand and brought it to my lips. I couldn't make the tears stop. "Baby, I need you to wake up. You need to meet our children. They're tiny but beautiful. Our daughter has a full head of curly auburn hair. God, I have so much I want to say to you but I need you to be awake when I apologize. So please, Christine, my love, I need you to open those beautiful blue eyes of yours. I need you to come back to me. I can't raise our twins without you. So, come on baby, open your eyes for me." I said.
The next ten days continued pretty much the same. I spent my days going back and forth between Christine's room and the NICU. I haven't left the hospital. I couldn't leave. I was too afraid something would happen and I wouldn't be there. Christine's Dad and Uncle arrived the day after the twins were born. That's the day Father Murphy performed the sacrament of last rites. As he was praying, Christine surprised all of us by saying "If you're giving me last rites you can stop now. I'm not ready to die." She slipped back into the coma after that and hasn't woken since. I spend each morning talking to Christine. I fill her in with news from her hotels, from 51, from the Police Department and most importantly I tell her about our twins. Then each afternoon I sit in the twins' private room in the NICU and read to them. As I sit here, in a rocking chair, reading to them I heard the door open behind me. Everyone knew I was to be left alone for the few hours a day I could spend with my children. Ready to snap at whoever interrupted me, the look of annoyance was replaced with one of shock when I saw who was standing there. It was Christine.