Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, save the plot.
Rating: PG 13 for scenes of battle violence and adolescent angst.
Summary: To all, the prince of Mirkwood was Beloved. But to the lone Warden of Lorien, he was a nightmare incarnate.
Author's Note: Finally, a story of Legolas and Haldir – a standalone, yes, but a backdrop to my ongoing Road to Redemption series. Thank you in advance for reviews. Wink.
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By Kasmi Kassim
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Golden Sun, Silver Moon
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Chapter 6: To Wish to Know
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The entourage into Lorien had been grand. The entourage out was a lonely one.
Legolas trudged alone, fingers pressing his healing eye. It burned with Orophin's silent stare. Rumil's attempts to persuade him to stay. Haldir, wrapped in bandages, thin hair falling in loosened wisps. Haldir, his eyes a storm, a silence refusing to spill. Once Legolas had longed to spill that silence, but no more. Better to flee while the silence held.
He stopped a league away from the forest, staring at the eastern marsh. He swerved. This time, no one would get hurt on his account.
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"How could you let him go like that?"
Haldir ignored him as he marched through the forest. Rumil matched his pace. "Why the silence, Haldir? Something you don't want to admit?"
Oh, Rumil. Haldir wanted to strangle him sometimes. "I don't see why this is cause for concern."
"How is this not a cause for concern?" Rumil's pitch was dangerously high.
Haldir unsheathed his sword and hacked at a bush. "He wanted to leave, and he left. What is wrong with that?"
"What is wrong with that?" Rumil exploded. "He came with an entourage of three hundred, Haldir! He was supposed to stay for a year! He was to train the martial arts under your guidance! And he just leaves, and you are asking me what is wrong with that? Oh, wait." He crossed his arms. "I know what's wrong. You."
"Oh, cut the orcshit." Haldir swung widely. His side flared with sharp pain. "He had spoken with the Lord and Lady. Who am I to sway him?"
"Oh, I see what it is. You are angry with him."
"I am not." Haldir crushed a fallen branch with a vicious stomp. "I don't presume to take precedence over the Lord and Lady."
"Ah, but you do." Rumil was standing in front of him then, tapping Haldir's chest with his finger. "In here, you do."
Haldir raised his sword. Rumil stood unflinching.
Orophin popped out of the bushes to the side. "He's heading into the marsh." He looked between the brothers. "Um."
Rumil stared knowingly. "Well?"
"Well what?" Haldir swerved around Rumil, causing Orophin to duck. "He is going home, and his home lies beyond the marsh. What do you want me to do about it?"
Orophin scratched his head. "Well, you know, we did have issues with the eastern marsh..."
Haldir whirled around. "You said it was empty after the last orc attack."
Orophin shrugged. "That's what I saw, Captain, and that's what I believe. No doubt about that. But that's beside the point."
"The point being," said Rumil, "Our Thranduillion, who was adamantly suspicious of the marsh, conveniently decided to take a shortcut through it. After leaving our squadron. After an accident. For which he blames himself."
"Self-blame must be a thing these days," muttered Orophin. Haldir shot him a withering glare.
"Who knows? Maybe he suddenly decided to believe our reports." Rumil pushed Haldir's hovering blade away. "Put this thing away, Haldir, before you cut someone down in your blazing trail of denial."
Haldir looked back to see himself on a trail beaten off the normal path. The rest of the guard was nowhere to be seen. He sheathed his sword shakily, and opted for staring hard at Orophin. "What are you trying to get at? If this is a guilt thing, you can drop it now."
Orophin frowned. "Hey, I might be an orc ass sometimes, and yes, I feel bad now that he left, but don't put it all on that."
"What is it, then?" Haldir snapped. "And make it quick. It will be dark soon."
Orophin scratched his head, glancing at the cloudy skies. "I don't know," he muttered. "I don't know anything about a mother, a father, or Greenwood refugees of war. I don't remember the maiden who protected us and held us while we cried. So, you know, I don't really miss her." He shrugged. "I was lucky to have been spared the memory of war, but... when I see the way you two talk about her sometimes, the way your eyes get all ... sad, like that, it makes me think – makes me wish – that I'd known her too."
Rumil glanced at the rest of the guards, peering this way from a distance.
"Maybe," Orophin said slowly, "maybe that's what he feels when he sees you. Maybe he grew up dreaming of knowing you. And you know, for him it's different, because he can." He paused. "Except you won't let him."
The ache in his side was reaching upward into his chest. Haldir couldn't move.
Orophin rolled his shoulders, sounding tired. "I don't know, Haldir. I don't miss what I don't know, and I'm not going to be too sorry to lose sight of this prince forever." He peered up at Haldir. "But would you be the same? You know, and you could have known more. Can you just throw that away?"
The pain was growing into a loud hum. Haldir breathed shallowly.
"I don't miss... Sister, as you call her. But I wish I could miss her, even if it makes me sad. Because it makes me sad not to know this person who was so dear to you." Orophin looked weary. "Haldir. I don't want you to live like that too, not knowing. Never having known. Wishing you had known."
Haldir's knuckles were white against his sword. "You do realize," he whispered, "I am responsible for the lives of fifty elves."
Rumil threw Haldir a pouch, which he caught stiffly against his chest.
"Lembas," he said curtly. "I packed some while you were lying around like a saggy leaf."
Stuffing the pouch into the folds of his cloak, Haldir turned and broke into a sprint down the hill. He was still going to strangle Rumil later.
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Legolas slowed. The Galadhrim were right; this marsh was deep, but not deep enough to hold a cave of hundreds of orcs.
He glanced back toward the light. Before him, the grass grew tall, the light faint. He looked down. The grass before him was trampled, the land sloping abruptly downward.
He was in a tunnel.
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Haldir swung through the trees, watching the dot of Legolas moving deeper into the marsh. He was moving dangerously far from his sight, into those towering blades of grass.
It was ridiculous. The marsh was not dangerous.
But he didn't want Legolas entering it. Out of sight. Out of reach.
And then he disappeared.
Haldir burst into a sprint. The marsh was far; his side burned, his breath short. The child –
The Valar were often so entirely useless. He wished Sister were here.
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The air was foul. Grass vanished, replaced by rocks and mud. As darkness grew, torches began to dot the walls. The tunnel pointed in a familiar direction, the mud trampled beneath heavy boots.
The tunnel ran to the city.
Legolas slowed before a door beneath a torch to his left. He pushed, knife drawn. The door swung heavily into a small chamber. Crude mechanisms hung overhead and all around, a web of ropes and pulleys disappearing through small holes in the walls in all directions. They ran to a central lever, wedged securely with a giant axe.
He quickly left the chamber and looked upward, tracing the web of ropes secured to stakes that pierced the earthen ceiling. All ropes tied to the wooden pillars led to the small chamber's giant lever.
No one was guarding this room. There was not a sound in the tunnel.
The orcs had already moved on.
Legolas turned and sprinted back toward the exit, but slowed. Even if he warned the patrol, they would not be able to warn the city in time. Legolas cursed the golden light of Lorien. Mirkwood, in its darkness, had coded whistles that Lorien lacked.
He turned back and passed the control room, running further down the tunnel. With each step he knew it was futile. There was utter silence. The orcs were too far. He turned back around, panting in panic.
He ran back to the control room, and skidded to a halt to find Haldir examining the lever. Haldir straightened, holding his gaze like a blade.
Legolas pushed down a breath. "Move aside, Haldir."
Haldir's pale eyes burned into his. "I don't think so."
Legolas brushed past Haldir and reached for the lever. Haldir snatched up his hand. "What are you doing?"
Legolas reached with the other hand. Haldir snatched that one too. "Legolas!"
"Let go!"
"Don't you realize this is going to kill us both?" Haldir shouted.
"They're already close to the city!" Lrgolas exploded. "Civilians are in danger!"
"I don't give an orc shit!"
Silence froze the air.
Legolas slowly twisted his hand. Haldir held fast. Legolas took a shallow breath. "Haldir," he tried again. "Haldir, what is wrong with you?"
What was wrong with him? Haldir wanted to scream. What was wrong with him? Did this child even hear himself? This child, this child, was trying to kill himself for a foreign people without a second thought. Why couldn't he be like any other insufferable brat and hide behind him while he took care of things?
The torchlight was dancing, and the child's eyes were becoming brighter with each passing moment. "You try to save me, Captain," he hissed, "and you let all your people die."
The shadows were too dark; the chamber was too cold. His side was burning, and he could not breathe. Was he really choosing Legolas over the greater good? Was the city really the greater good?
He wouldn't. He was the captain of the guard. He wouldn't…
"It's all right, Haldir." The voice was soothing. "This is why I joined the guards. To protect my people."
Haldir snapped into reality. "They aren't yours!" he hissed.
Legola's expression froze like a mask. Haldir realized what he had said. No, he had not meant it like that – but it was too late, and perhaps for the best. In the chilling silence, Legolas smiled.
"I know."
A body slammed against his own with surprising venom, and Haldir was knocked out of the chamber. Legolas turned and heaved against the giant lever. The lever groaned, and Haldir watched numbly as it swung upward. A sharp crack burst from above. And another. And another.
Legolas turned to face Haldir, and his chest was open, his shoulders set, his face suddenly much older with a beautiful fierceness. Haldir's blood ran cold. He had seen that look before.
"Run, Haldir," Legolas whispered.
Splintered logs exploded around them with a burst of dirt and stone, crashing down in a thundering roar.
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To Be Continued