A/N: Haven't uploaded in a little bit.

Sorry if I've been keeping you waiting.

If wanting to, please leave suggestions for Chapter Ideas. I don't know what to do next.

I've played around with this idea in my head for a while, so hopefully this is OK.

Also: I write the majority of these at about 02:00AM onwards, if Grammar or Spelling is a problem, that's why. Another time leap - one year, so 3 1/2 years have passed since the start of the Croatoan Virus.

Cas was OK.

Dean thought so too and was proud to remember it had been an entire year and Cas had no 'incidents' what-so-ever of any kind.

The Hunts became more frequent with the Ex-Angel and Fearless Leader, they were joined at the hip practically and now they were rebuilding a more or less broken relationship - platonic, though they wished things were different.

The Croatoan Virus had shown no indication of slowing, the Resistance were hitting small towns, one in particular was eerily familiar to Cas, more importantly his vessel Jimmy

He was staring down the moulded and broken exterior of his vessel's old house, he stood exactly where he had taken over his Jimmy's body, now a completely different man to all of those years ago.

"Cas?" Dean was behind him.

"Yeah?" Cas blinked his way back to reality, shoving down the concrete ball in his throat

"Did you hear a word I just said?"

"No,"

"Figures. I said that we should keep moving, staying in this place long is going to draw attention" Dean began to snag Cas' shoulder forward, making the ex-Angel move. Though Dean strode off quickly.

"OK. Right behind you" Cas' voice was barely heard, he glanced back at the Novak's house drawing a depressed sigh "Goodbye Ji-"

An unseen Croat had pounced on him, dirty blonde hair covered the woman's face as she snapped her jaw in Cas' face, he struggled under her weight, the girl was no older than twelve years old, "Get off" Cas booted the pre-teen in the stomach and finally got a look a the girl's face, his heart shattered; Claire Novak.

"No... I promised..." Cas deflated, wishing the gravel underneath him would swallow him whole down to Hell. He deserved it.

Claire leapt onto Cas' front, by habit he fought back, slamming his elbow into her jawline and dragged himself onto his feet "Claire, if even a little bit of you is left in there, know I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, for everything I've done to your family. I hope you were happy"

She twitched and staggered forward, a bullet speared through her head "No!"

"Cas, move!" Dean looped his arms tight around Cas, manhandling his friend away from the scene.

"Dean! Let go!" Cas squirmed in the Winchester's grasp "Let me go!"

"Cas" Dean grunted out as the smaller man continued to struggle "Focus on the mission"

For a second Cas acted as if he'd calm down, Dean released his grip but didn't leave his best friend's personal space, a mistake both would regret; Cas swung his head back causing a crack in Dean's nose and bolted off.

Dean swore "Son of a Bitch!" he checked for bleeding, only a dribble but nothing serious, Cas would just leave heavy bruising "Cas, get your non-Angelic ass back here!" Dean huffed to find him.

Cas had ran for more than one accountable reason, as if obtaining his super strength he burst through an empty house's door, he retched out and vomited all over the doorway and didn't stop until his vision doubled and blurred out. Standing he let out a roar from his throat, no longer caring who or what heard him, he needed an outlet but he just wasn't sure which bit of him; the deteriorated Angel or Jimmy Novak himself. Stumbling to the staircase he folded in to himself, he threw off his gun in a fit. His face sunk heavily in his shaking palms.

"What have I done?"

"You've experienced hard grief, trust me Cas, I've been there" Dean voice was scarily calm and preserved despite Cas' actions.

"Dean?" Cas lifted his head, unaware of the tears spilling down his reddened cheeks.

"Yeah" Dean was still acting calm, his eyes held sadness that only a recent griever would understand.

"I want to apologise for my behaviour" Cas started not daring to look the Winchester in the eye "I'm sorry"

Dean nodded in acceptance, pulling the former Angel to his feet and marching him into the open sitting room, "OK. First thing's first" Dean punched Cas, holding back of course - hitting him somewhere in-between his jaw and cheekbone, Cas staggered over into dusty furniture.

"OK, I deserved that"

"I'm not done yet" Dean roughly grabbed Cas again and held his face, pressing their foreheads together "I'm sorry about Claire, I really am but you need to focus"

Cas nodded slowly, using whatever willpower and strength he had left not to lean or sag into the Winchester's hands.

"Time to go. Grab your stuff and we'll head out in five"

"Alrighty," Cas took a deep breath, forcing a smile.

The mission continued and ended on what could have been seen as successful.

Cas floated to his cabin, no-one spoke to him again that night, not even their Fearless Leader which was silently appreciated. For the first time sine his encounter with Gabriel he prayed that Amelia and Claire's souls were looked after in Heaven if it still existed without all the Angels, Archangels and God there watching over it.

With his prayer still lingering in the air he found his blade, in one last moment of weakness he cut himself, watched his blood ooze out of the wound and then wrote the 'incident' down in his own personal journal he'd found on a Hunt. Taking down the object used, reason and time he would be constantly reminded of the failure to Jimmy Novak's memory and in a way dying wish.

"Claire, Amelia, Jimmy... If you ever find each other again please forgive me"

Cas was back to square one; no longer being OK.

It would be a long time before that feeling resurfaced again, if ever.