Confessional Can
"Okay, so, I think I'm in a little trouble with the Killer Bass after that last challenge" Wally sighed into the camera, "But, as any of my friends back home'll tell you... Dodgeball? So not my game."
Well, not if he wanted to keep his identity secret at least. Breaking land speed records with ease was one thing, everyone back at Keystone High knew for a fact that Wally was quick like a bunny when properly motivated by the threat of pain or the promise of food, so as long as he kept things below superhuman he should be fine. But they also knew that he was an uncoordinated mess when it came to any other kind of sporting activity. And, since TDI was being broadcasted across all of North America, Wally had been forced to ensure that he sucked worse than Tyler on the court and sit out on as much of the game as he could.
Thankfully, with Duncan well rested and his prison tactics on their side, as well as Eva's strength and ferocity, the Killer Bass had taken an early lead and kept it, saving Wally from the threat of elimination.
"But anyway," Wally tried to shake off his doubt, "With this next challenge, I think I can really prove myself to the team. I mean, I do have a couple of pretty interesting talents... some of which can even be shown on T.V.!"
"As a former CIT," Courtney began imperiously as she paced before the assembled Killer Bass team, "I believe that it falls to me to arrange this showcase of talent and entertainment."
"Now, obviously," she continued, making a few notes on her clipboard, completely oblivious to the fact that several of her teammates were rolling their eyes in irritation, "Only three of us will be able to compete in this event, so we will have to ensure that only our most talented members get up on stage. Would anyone like to audition?"
"Ooh!" DJ raised his hand enthusiastically, rising to his feet in his excitement, "I've got just the thing! Wait here!"
With that, the behemoth disappeared into his cabin, reappearing an instant later wearing a white one-piece outfit and holding a long pink ribbon.
Courtney almost threw her clipboard at the boy for making a mockery of her auditions before he started to dance, proving that, despite his great size, DJ was incredibly graceful, even elegant in his movements as he twirled his ribbon around his dancing frame with deceptive ease.
"...okay," Courtney reluctantly admitted, once DJ's dance had come to a halt, "I guess he's in. Anyone else?"
"I've got something that could work," Wally offered as DJ proudly reclaimed his seat, darting back into the cabin to retrieve the sack he had prepared earlier.
Moving back into view of his small audience, Wally reached into the sack and pulled out a trio of knives of varying sizes.
"Hold up!" Courtney objected loudly, "Where did you get those?!"
"Borrowed them from Chef," Wally shrugged sheepishly.
"He just let you take them?" Duncan asked disbelievingly.
Wally's eyes shifted cautiously, "He may not actually know that I'm borrowing them."
"Wait," Duncan's eyes zeroed in on one of the knives still in the sack, recognizing this seemingly insignificant pen knife from the others, "That one's mine!"
"I also may have borrowed one from Duncan," he shrugged again, "Moving on."
With that, Wally quickly threw the three knives already in his hands into the air, catching them carefully by the handles as they began to fall and easily beginning to juggle the flashing blades with a smile on his face.
He was cheating a little, he would admit. His superhuman reflexes ensured he was able to carefully catch each knife by its handle, but, then again, this was the warmup. The main act had nothing to do with his speed.
Stopping the display when he refused to throw the knives any longer, Wally took a quick bow to his audience before straightening and opening his mouth again.
"For this next part," he announced, "I'm going to need a volunteer!"
"Who would be crazy enough to get near you while you juggle knives!" Courtney objected, just as Izzy leaped to her feet with a cheer.
"...of course," Courtney muttered under her breath, watching carefully as Izzy allowed Wally to stand her against a tree. "Isn't this a little-"
"Get over it, Princess," Duncan shushed her, watching on with interest as Wally put some distance between himself and his target.
"I don't think this is a good idea," DJ whimpered, hands covering his eyes as he refused to watch, "Tell me when it's over."
DJ kept his eyes closed for the entire show, hearing only the numerous 'thuds' of the knives hitting home. It was only when he heard cheering that he finally allowed himself to open his eyes and took in the sight of Wally bowing proudly, Izzy's form almost perfectly framed by about a half a dozen knives lodged solidly into the wood behind her.
"Wow," Bridgette exclaimed, impressed, "Where'd you learn how to do that?"
"From my friend, Dick" Wally smirked, "I think I mentioned him back during the Awake-A-Thon."
"Where'd he learn?" Geoff asked, "What, was the dude raised in the circus or something?"
Wally snickered smugly, "As a matter of fact..."
"Uh, no offense Wally," Izzy objected, looking at the knife embedded tree trunk critically after Courtney reluctantly agreed to allow him a place on the roster, "But you're not as good as you thought you were. You didn't even hit me once!"
Several hours later, the talent show was finally underway at the hastily constructed amphitheater.
Killer Bass were up first with DJ's ribbon dancing which, as it turned out, was something of a train wreck. DJ somehow managed to get his ribbon tangled around his legs as he leaped, bringing him crashing down to earth. Judge Chef only gave him 2 points out of a possible 9.
The next contestant, Justin of the Screaming Gophers, put on an interesting show... for the ladies at least.
"Huh," Wally grunted, noticing how every female set of eyes in the surrounding area (along with Chef and Owen) were drawn to Justin's glistening frame like moths to a flame. "Never thought I'd meet someone who could do that better than Conner."
For his modeling display, Justin was awarded a 6.
Courtney was next up, performing a classical piece on her violin. Technically it was very well done. Everyone who heard it could tell that it had been performed with near flawless precision. Unfortunately...
"Five?" Courtney screamed, once Chef had announced her score, "I got a five!?"
"Them's the breaks, kid," Chris shrugged nonchalantly, "You were boring. Five was generous."
"A five!" She repeated, before Bridgette came and quietly ushered her off the stage.
"Next up, we have... Heather," Chris announced to the viewers at home, once the stage had been cleared.
The Queen Bee of the Screaming Gophers came out and performed a quick ballet number. Like Courtney's performance, it was precision at its finest. Unfortunately for the Gophers, also like Courtney, it wasn't quite showy enough to get Chef's approval.
And, with the Screaming Gopher's leading with Justin's score of 6/9, Wally stepped onto the now empty stage with a sack of knives in his grip and a grin on his face.
With ease, Wally started juggling, keeping the impressive display going for almost a full minute before calling on Izzy for the more interesting portion of his small exhibition.
"Dude," Chris openly applauded when he was done, again leaving a perfect framing of Izzy's form into the oversized wooden target behind her, some knives coming within centimeters of Izzy's perfectly calm, almost bored, body. "That was reckless, dangerous and suspenseful!"
Chuckling to himself, the host smirked, "I couldn't have planned it better myself and, if it were up to me, you'd be getting full marks."
"Unfortunately," he continued in an overly cheerful manner, directing Wally's attention over to an irate Chef, "He gets to do it. And he's not too happy about you stealing his knives. As a result... you're disqualified."
"So, thanks to Justin's godlike abs and Wally's sticky fingers, the Screaming Gophers are today's winners," Chris announced, "Killer Bass, I'll be seeing you at the campfire ceremony."
With that, their host turned and walked away, Chef stepping grouchily up to the stage to snag his knives back before following, giving Wally a terrifying glare as he left.
"Well," Wally muttered, still up on stage, glancing around at his teammates, several of whom were looking at him with rage in their eyes, "That didn't go quite like I expected."
Confessional Can
"Artemis," Wally slumped, "Looks like I might be seeing you sooner than I expected."
"And we're down to our last two marshmallows," Chris proclaimed stoically, "And our last three contestants all have some pretty good reasons for being voted off."
"DJ," he chose to start with the largest of the three, "You screwed up a routine that you already proved you could do and may very well have cost your team the challenge. Maybe. I kinda doubt it though."
"Courtney," Chris moved on to the only female left without a marshmallow, "Your control freak tendencies really came out to play this episode which, while fun for me and the viewers, may have rubbed your buddies the wrong way. Especially since you put yourself into the talent show over Geoff's righteous boarding skills... and then lost."
"And, finally," he turned to the final contestant, "Wally. Stealing Chef's knives got what should have been a guaranteed win discounted. You should've just used Duncan's."
Wally actually wilted under the weight of the numerous glares he was under.
"So," Chris clapped his hands together excitedly, "Let's see who's going home. DJ?"
The dark-skinned boy looked up nervously, only to wince as a marshmallow hit him in the face, bouncing down into his waiting hands.
Courtney and Wally shared a look, both of them unknowingly in agreement of who they believed would be going home.
"And, finally," Chris said solemnly, "The last marshmallow goes to...
...
...
...
...Wally."
"Say what?" Courtney leapt to her feet screaming at her now former teammates, "How could you vote me off? I'm a CIT, remember? You guys need me!"
"Pfft," Duncan snorted, "In your dreams, Princess."
"But Wally cost us the game!" She reminded them angrily, "How could you vote me off instead of him?"
The punk shrugged unrepentantly, "The guy doesn't make my eardrums bleed."
"If it makes you feel any better," Chris offered cheerily, "You were only ousted by a single vote."
"Who voted me off!" She demanded, piercing gaze sweeping the remaining Killer Bass.
Duncan nodded unapologetically. Wally offered a weak grin as he revealed his own vote.
"Izzy disapproves of Courtney's attempts to control the uncontrollable," Izzy stated firmly, eyes closed and arms crossed solidly across her chest.
A moment later, Geoff also raised his hand.
"Sorry, Courtney," Geoff apologized genuinely, "But, well, Wally's my bro, y'know? I couldn't vote him off! Plus, those knife skills were sweet!"
"Uh, sorry Courtney," Wally offered weakly, "Didn't think I'd actually survive this one."
"Well you shouldn't have!" Courtney yelled at him, "You're the one who cost us the challenge! And now you've also cost this team its only chance at ever winning another one!"
With that, Courtney turned away from the campfire and started to stomp angrily towards the Dock of Shame and the Boat of Losers that awaited her.
As she left, Chris joyously wiped a tear of mirth from the corner of his eye as he happily stated, "Man, the fans are just gonna love this!"
Confessional Can
"Okay, I don't even know how I managed that one," Wally admitted, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, "Man, I've really got to get my game together for the next challenge. I don't think I can survive another elimination round like that."
Their next challenge: survive a night in the great outdoors. Easy, right? One problem... the great outdoors sucked.
There were bears in the woods. They had no shelter besides a ridiculously flimsy tent. And, worst of all, no food!
Granted, finding the Killer Bass campsite had been simple enough. For Wally, a guy who could could take a wrong turn on a morning jog and wind up in Albuquerque, navigation was a particularly vital skill that he was well versed in.
Hunting, however, was not something that any of the Killer Bass had any experience with, although Wally was starting to look at DJ's knew pet, creatively named 'Bunny', like it was a particularly juicy steak. So far he'd already had to be restrained twice as he came at the furry little creature with Duncan's pen knife.
"But I'm starving!" He whined pitifully, as Geoff foiled his third attempt by wrapping him in a bear hug and lifting him from the ground, "Can't Deej just go out and find another rabbit? Or, better yet, how about a deer? A big, juicy chunk of venison would be beautiful..."
"And then what, dude?" Geoff asked, "None of us would know what to do with the thing once we had it."
"Eat it!" Izzy exclaimed, pouncing on an innocent twig as she pretended it was a rather unfortunate woodland creature, lifting it between her teeth and shaking her head violently like a dog with a bone, "Raw! We can sink our teeth into their soft, furry pelts as they squirm and feel the blood drip down our faces!"
"..."
"..."
"...that was hardcore," Duncan admitted, looking at Izzy admiringly, many of the others, particularly DJ, looking about ready to lose what little was in their stomaches, "Even for me."
"...I'll be good," Wally promised sickly, watching Izzy warily as Geoff let him down, "I've suddenly lost my appetite."
Confessional Can
"Dick, I'm back to wanting to kill you," Wally hissed coldly into the camera, "A night without food! A night without food! I hope you're enjoying this!"
A few minutes of generalized ranting, during which he gave Artemis permission to maim, torture and otherwise do anything less than outright kill Dick, Wally eventually calmed down, sighing quietly.
"That hundred thousand dollars damn sure better be worth it."
Bridgette burned down their tent. In the middle of the night. Right as it started to rain!
Seven pairs of eyes narrowed on the surfer girl, momentarily wishing her a violent and bloody death as the rain began to chill them to the bone. The eighth was giggling like a maniac as she skipped and cartwheeled her way through the fast forming mud puddles.
"Heh, oops?"
Wally soon began to hate Bridgette that much more because, as the chill and the cold seeped further and further into the Bass's bones, Izzy made a startling discovery.
"Hey, guys," she cheered, arms already encircling her fellow red head's waist as she squeezed herself closer to the source of warmth, "Wally's hot!"
"Heh," Bridgette smirked from Izzy's left, huddling under the makeshift umbrella DJ had been holding aloft as Wally himself struggled to breathe with the other girl crushing his diaphragm, "Well, he's certainly attractive..."
"No, well yes, but I mean he's really hot!" Izzy told her doubters, "He's warm!"
Gwen, on Wally's other side, shrugged, putting a hand to the boy's shoulder, her face perking up instantly, "She's right! He's practically radiating heat!"
DJ, from behind, shuffled closer, announcing with concern, "Guys, I think he might have a fever!"
"Not a fever," Wally gasped, regaining his breathing after managing to pry Izzy's iron grip away from his diaphragm, "I just have... a high metabolism..."
"Who cares?" Gwen waved his explanation off and uncharacteristically doing her best to snuggle in closer, "You're warm!"
From the edges of the group, Tyler, Duncan and Geoff watched with hesitance as DJ, Izzy, Gwen and even Eva tried to get themselves as close to Wally and his warmth as possible. Eventually, however, seeing the contented looks on their teammates faces (along with Wally's particularly annoyed one) and feeling the cold seep deeper into their bodies, they exchanged a quick glance, silently agreeing to never speak about what they were about to do, and then they too brought themselves into what was now a growing dog pile with Wally at the center.
Too bad they forgot about the cameras.
When they returned to Wawanakwa the next morning, victory was assured. Even ignoring the fact that the Screaming Gophers turned up without Katie and Sadie, the Killer Bass beat them back to camp by a matter of minutes.
"Congratulations to the Killer Bass," Chris acknowledged, once the wayward twosome had finally caught up, "As your reward, you will be going on an all expense paid trip to... the tuckshop!"
In that moment, you could practically hear the Hallelujah being sung in Wally's mind, his eyes glazing over at the thought of those beautiful words 'all-you-can-eat'. It would be heaven...
But first.
"Outta my way!" He screamed, as the entire Killer Bass team started sprinting towards their reward, elbowing out Tyler and Eva to ensure he remained at the front of the pack.
"Those guys are just great TV," Chris mused, watching them go and smirking thoughtfully to himself as he pictured the epic showdown he could rig by setting Wally and Owen against each other, starving them for a few hours, and then dangle the startlingly effective words 'all-you-can-eat' in front of them.
He couldn't wait.
Confessional Can
"Artemis," Wally's eyes were closed and his arms were crossed over his chest as he addressed the camera solemnly, "For the record, I would like to point out that I did not instigate nor reciprocate any of the cuddling you may have witnessed for any romantic or sexual purposes. I did it purely because my teammates were cold and nothing but platonic emotions were present all round."
For about a moment, Wally was completely silent and still, before his eyes peeked opened worriedly and he started fretting.
"Please don't kill me!"
Days later, when the episode 'the Sucky Outdoors' aired, Robin cautiously peeked at Artemis's unusually calm form as Wally made his onscreen beg for mercy.
"Are you gonna kill him?" He asked casually.
"Nah," she shrugged, "He was just helping them keep warm."
"Oh," Robin grinned, leaning back in his seat on the couch as he gave a thumbs up to Zatanna sitting beside him, Conner and M'gann on the floor before the couch and Kaldur watching from an armchair off to the side, "That's good."
"I don't know why you're so happy," Artemis turned on him with a frown, "You're not off the chopping block yet. Dick."
For the one hundred and sixteenth time since the airing of the episode 'the Big Sleep', Robin cursed Bridgette's choice of insults and Wally's diabolical sense of humor. What made it worse was that he honestly wasn't sure whether or not Artemis had picked up on he speedster's message and had figured out his secret identity as Dick Grayson yet. He was fairly certain that this was intentional on Wally's part.
"I should run, shouldn't I?"
Levelling a steely glare with her cold, grey eyes, Artemis merely nodded.
With the speed the Boy Wonder fled the room you would've sworn that Wally had never left.