Chapter eight

Harry stood in his parents back garden under his cloak and his son was with him. He told James to stay quiet but explained about a woman who was coming to see them, but he wanted to make sure she was alone. When Harry saw Minerva step around the side of the house, Harry put his finger to his lips to make sure his son stayed quiet, then waited for ten minutes before he finally pulled off the cloak.

'Hello Minerva,' Harry said from behind her.

Minerva turned, 'Harry, oh Harry,' she stepped over and hugged him, 'You had all of us so worried.'

'I'm fine, but say hello to James,' Harry looked down his son, 'James, this is Professor McGonagall, my old headmistress and teacher.'

'Hello,' James said shyly.

'Hello James and you do look like your daddy, but I can tell you have your grandmother's hair, it's exactly like Lily's.'

'Yeah, it is,' Harry smiled at his son, 'You haven't changed, so how are you?'

'I'm good Harry, busy, naturally, but good. Do you know there are a few more children in the Weasley family now?'

Harry looked down at his son again, 'If I was to guess, I'd say Fleur and Bill, maybe Percy.'

'Yes, Bill and Fleur have two girls and are due to have a son very soon. Percy has two children, two girls, Hermione is pregnant, yes she married Ron. George married Angelina and they have a son and a daughter. George called his son Fred.'

'If he had a son, I knew he would,' Harry looked down at James again, 'Cousins.'

'Yes, a lot and I'm sure they would love to meet him. I know you were hurt, we all understand that, but a day after you left, before he knew you were gone, he came asking about you, asking everyone where you were when he couldn't find you, that he needed to apologise. He realised you'd gone and spent all his spare time trying to find you. He is sorry Harry, he was in shock, really in shock. He was going to give up his job and spend all his time trying to find you, and he does still love you.'

Harry conjured some seats and they sat down, 'I love him, I always will, but I don't know if I could trust him again, I'm not sure it's worth it. I watched him a few times, he looks lost.'

'He is, he's quiet, he never speaks unless it's in class, he never visits his family, he's basically become a recluse. He knows this is all his fault and I think that's why he's like this, it's his punishment for hurting you.'

'Don't make me cry Minerva,' Harry gave her a small smile, 'In your opinion, your honest opinion, should I see him, talk to him?'

'Yes, I do think you should, even if you just talk. It doesn't mean you have to come back, we would love it if you would.'

'Yeah,' Harry sighed, 'The first couple of years I was angry at him, it was like he blamed me for something I didn't know. I couldn't be happier about James, but the way he acted,' Harry looked up again, 'I never really left, I just bought a big place here, on the outskirts. I'd go out using polyjuice potion, sometimes I just changed the colour of my hair, made sure my scar was covered. One time I went into Diagon Alley to get a few things, I saw Hermione shopping. I stood near Quality Quidditch Supplies and watched her go about her life, she looked happy. So my two best friends got married, I wonder how their fights are?'

'Hermione writes to me quite a lot, she said they finally learned to compromise. The first year I heard that they might not make it. I don't say this to make you feel bad, but part of it was to do with you. Hermione was missing you so much, then she'd get angry at Charlie, have a go at Ron when he defended Charlie. She had a big fight with Ginny once, they didn't speak for ages because Ginny kept talking about being worried about Charlie's state of mind. Hermione only thought of you and how you were out there all alone. When they were still at Hogwarts, Hermione did feel sorry for Charlie, but that turned to anger, she started to blame him for not having you in her life. When they were planning the wedding, Ron wanted it at the Burrow, Hermione said no, she wanted a very quiet wedding at her parent's home, it was all to do with Charlie, who she refused to invite. She said if you weren't going to be there, he would just remind her you were gone and it was his fault. The wedding was called off twice, Hermione said she couldn't get married without her best friend being beside her. Not once through all this did she blame you, Ron mainly blamed Charlie, but he did have a go at you a couple of times, saying you ran away before you gave Charlie a chance, I sometimes believe that is true Harry. But I say this because I care, with your life, I think you needed to run away. Before you always stayed to protect the ones you cared about, this time you ran to protect yourself. You lost Sirius, you were hurt and you refused to let yourself get close to Remus. When I heard about you and Charlie I thought you'd finally let that pain go, then everything happened.'

'I was hurt when Sirius died, I told him I love him not long before he died. After that, I was scared to love, I didn't want to, I tried not to. Charlie just seemed to break through those barriers I put around my heart. The last two years have been the hardest, I can't stay away from Hogwarts, I watch him all the time. I always hoped he'd go into Hogsmeade so I could hear him, but he never did, not once.'

No, he refused and always took the duty of watching the students still left at the school, he always takes that duty. But you realise what will happen in a few years though, don't you Harry?'

'Yes, Charlie would be his teacher,' Harry put his hand on his son's shoulder, 'I knew there was a chance you or Charlie might figure it out, even using a different name. During the first couple of years, I decided I wasn't going to send him to Hogwarts, I thought I'd teach him myself,' Harry sighed then put his head down in his hands, 'I miss everyone, but him more. I just don't know if I can trust him anymore. He resented me because he was losing his dream job, he still could, I don't know.'

'Dad,' James said, 'why are you upset?'

Harry sighed and looked at his son, 'Because I'm scared son and I don't know what to do,' Harry turned back to Minerva, 'You were my mother figure during my Hogwarts years, tell me what I should do?'

'I can't tell you what you should do, I can just give you my opinion on what I think you should do. I worked something out just in case you came back, you never did but I never gave up hope. I spoke with Kingsley, we worked it that you could have lived at Hogwarts with Charlie and James. So now Harry, that is still open, but first you need to see him, you need to talk, that is my opinion. If you don't work this out one way or another you will never be truly happy. You either work it out with Charlie, or lay that part of your life to rest and move on into a new life. If you stay, you know he will be part of your life one way or another. My opinion though, you should come back and let them be part of each other's lives, give them a chance.'

Harry sat there staring at his son, if he came back the first thing he needed to do was explain to James about his father. Then explain about other things, his deafness, his life and why he ran. He would have to explain his anger, his fear, his pain, the pain of feeling deserted, but the most important thing Harry had to explain to his son was exactly who Harry Potter was.

Harry couldn't believe how nervous he was, he'd sit, then pace, sometimes when James asked him something, he try to answer him which took his mind off how nervous he really was. Then he heard footsteps and knew who he was going to see. The door opened and Harry stood staring at Charlie who stared at him. Their eyes couldn't seem to look away from each other, then to Harry's surprise Charlie ran to him and enfolded him in his arms.

'Oh Harry, god I missed you, please, don't go, don't leave, not again.'

'Charlie,' Harry felt a little uncomfortable, but he did admit only to himself that he liked feeling Charlie's arms around him, 'We need to talk.'

Charlie moved back then started to kiss Harry's face, his forehead, cheeks, chin, then his lips, it started as a small kiss, but both men just couldn't seem to resist and they were joined in a very passionate kiss.

'Um, Professor, who is this man that is kissing dad?' James stared up at his father.

'I'm sure your dad will explain soon James,' Minerva gave the boy a smile, 'I'll leave you three alone,' she smiled again then closed the door.

Harry forced himself away from Charlie, 'Please, don't.'

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Harry, I was confused, I was shocked, I didn't realise what I was doing or saying. Don't leave me again, please.'

'We need to talk, but first, I want you to meet James,' Harry put his hand on his son's shoulder, 'James this is Charlie, um your father, you're other father.'

'Other father, how can I have two father's?'

'You never told him Harry?'

'No, I knew I would have to when he was older, but let's sit,' Harry and James sat on the sofa while Charlie pulled the chair over to sit facing them.

'Hello James, you look like your dad, you have his eyes.'

'Yeah, I know, but what's going on, dad, what's this about two fathers? I figured my mother died or something.'

'No, you never had a mother, I gave birth to you. In our world, the magical world gay men can get pregnant. I did with you and to Charlie, he's your other parent.'

'So you're both gay?'

'Yes and we were together.'

'I made a mistake James, your dad couldn't forgive me and he left. We tried for years to find him and find you, but none of us could.'

'I'm confused,' James sighed, 'So you got pregnant dad, to him and then left because he hurt you. I heard you say to Professor McGonagall that day that he hurt you?'

'Hurt me emotionally, but yes. There's so much to go into, some will have to wait until later though. But I'll start with this,' Harry sighed, 'Something happened to me, I got physically hurt and ended up deaf. Charlie was the one to teach me to lip read. I came back here to this school to do my last year, I couldn't do it before and again something I'll explain later. One day I found out I was pregnant, Charlie didn't look happy, he kept saying it was too soon, we never spoke for a couple of weeks. After I left, I realised it was too soon in our relationship, we'd only been together for a few months. But you were there, inside me, so it didn't matter how soon it was, I wanted you and I truly believed Charlie didn't, so I left. You heard Professor McGonagall that day we met her, she told me how hurt Charlie was, how he never stopped looking for me, that he was really sorry for the way he behaved. I was so hurt when I left, I just kept getting angry with Charlie and I couldn't forgive him. I left him, my friends, everyone, I was scared to feel that pain again, the pain of losing someone I love.'

'Hermione and I spoke a lot, she told me how you felt, Sirius was the only person you ever said those words to, the words I love you, then he died. You told me and well, look what I did, you felt like you lost me, but due to my own stupidity.'

'Sirius was the only person I said those words too, then to see him die, right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to save him. I was scared to love anyone after that, but I did, you.'

'Did, are you saying you don't love me anymore?' Charlie's face fell.

Harry sighed, 'I do, I never stopped Charlie, I'll always love you, but you hurt me, deeply.'

Charlie reached out and grabbed Harry's hands, 'I know, I'm sorry, please Harry, I can make this right, if you give me a chance. That's all you have to do, is give me a chance to make it up to you.'

'I just don't know if I can take the chance Charlie, I don't think I would handle being hurt again. You know what my life had been like up to then, full of pain, then you, we were happy, really happy. I don't know, I really don't.'

'I believe you should follow your heart Harry.'

Harry looked up, 'You always believed in that Dumbledore, love being the most powerful magic there is. But I think the pain of losing someone you love is the most painful feeling you will ever feel, worse than the cruciatus curse and I felt that a few times.'

'Yes, that is true, but it was the love inside you that allowed you to defeat Tom, it was the love you had for your friends that saved our world. You still have all that love inside you Harry, yes you give it to your son, but the love you have for Charlie will always be there and it will always be painful if you don't take the chance. Charlie admitted he was wrong, which he was. But those couple of weeks that you two never spoke, he did a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching. What it came down to in the end was love, he realised he loved you and would do anything for you. There is this old saying, you only hurt the ones you truly love and that's true. I told you once that you must trust the love you have inside you, trust that it will lead you down the right path, I say that again Harry, follow your heart.'

Harry sighed, 'I always listened to you even if you made me angry sometimes, I want to again, but I'm scared. I'm not the type of person to get scared, I never used to, but this time I am.'

'Yes, this time it's not your life that is on the line here, it's your heart, which you will have to live with forever. I am sorry I made you angry Harry, I was trying to protect you. You were only a boy, I could not tell you everything. I sat in this office and watched you yell at me, you broke some of my things, but I let you do that so you could get it out. Everyone needs an outlet, you still do, whether that is to yell, scream, hex or snog, use what you want to let out all what you're feeling what you've felt for years, use something to let it out. If you keep it closed inside you, it will cause you more harm in the long run. But now, talk it over with Charlie and your son, I'll take a nap,' Albus Dumbledore gave a small smile then closed his eyes.

Harry kept staring up at his old mentor before looking at his son who looked a little shocked and knew he had a lot to explain, then he looked at Charlie. Could he take the chance again, take the chance to open his heart to the man that had hurt him so much. If he took Dumbledore's advice and followed his heart, he could get hurt again. But his heart was calling to Charlie, it wanted to feel that love again. Now Harry had to decide, follow his heart or his head, he didn't know which, but one way or another, he had to decide.