Chapter eleven

'Can father come back with us dad?' James asked as he stared at his two fathers.

Harry stared down at his son, 'I think it's too soon James.'

'But you always said talking things out helps when you need to work things out.' James said.

'I know, James, but this is different, I need time.'

'You don't want me to know where you live in case you change your mind,' Charlie said but everyone heard the sadness in his voice. They could tell Harry wasn't going to answer but that let them know what Charlie said was true, Harry wasn't going to take the chance.

'Dad, I want him to come.'

Harry sighed but kept staring down at his son, 'Tell me why.'

'I can see how you feel about him and he did give his word he wouldn't hurt you again, plus I want to get to know him.'

Harry sighed again then slowly looked up at Charlie before looking at James again, 'Okay.'

'James, has your father ever said no to you?' Hermione asked raising her eyebrows at Harry.

'No, he always gives me anything I ask for.'

'That's what I thought. After feeling hurt and betrayed by Charlie, you put all your love and trust into your son, so much so that you can never turn him down for anything.'

'She's smart dad.'

Everyone around the table chuckled, 'Yes she is son, the smartest witch around.'

'I want to know if you want me to come home with you?' Charlie stared into Harry's eyes, 'I won't unless you want me too.'

'Charlie,' Harry sighed again, 'I do, I just don't know if it's the best thing right now. But I can't deny I want you too.'

'Then we'll go to your home and just talk. You need to fill James in on stuff, then when he's in bed, we can talk.'

'Yes, alright,' Harry turned to his friend, 'Maybe next weekend you can all come visit, see the horses and Padfoot.'

'You know we will Harry,' Ron said then looked at everyone around the table, 'I think Victoire wants to.'

'Do you like horses Victoire?' Harry asked giving the blonde girl a smile.

'Their big, but pretty.'

'They are, but the ones I've got are very tame. If you're parents let you, you can ride one, all you kids can if you want.'

All the adults laughed as every child around the table started to talk excitedly even the ones that were a bit young that really didn't understand.

'Until you buy James some books Harry,' Arthur waved his wand and four large books landed on the table, 'Borrow those for now.'

Harry quickly scanned the four books, then picked up one, 'Charlie mentioned this,' he opened the book towards the middle and instantly see a picture of him, making him shake his head.

'You had blood all of you,' James stared at the picture of his father.

'You'll understand soon son,' Harry closed the book, 'Thanks Mr. Weasley, It'll only take James a couple of days to read these.'

'I'll read tonight in bed,' James looked at the cover, 'The Rise and Fall of The Dark Arts, what's the dark arts?'

'Oh you really have a lot to explain to him Harry,' Bill smiled over at James.

'Yeah, I know,' Harry looked down at James, 'I told you all about magic, well, there is good magic and bad magic. There's some people out there that like to use dark or bad magic. People like that aren't nice at all and usually end up in prison.'

'That's what I do James, I'm an auror, a dark wizard catcher. Originally your dad wanted to be an auror but when he lost his hearing, he realised he couldn't. Then he fell pregnant with you.' Ron said.

'Do you still want to be one of these aurors dad?'

'No, I like staying home with you.'

'I like you being home too,' James smiled then looked at one of the other books that his father had his hand covering them, so Harry moved his hand and James looked at the cover, 'Harry James Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world,' James looked up at his father, 'Does the title mean this is all about you?'

'It is James, that whole book is dedicated to your dad and what he's done,' Arthur said, 'Some of what you will read will make you sad, some might even make you angry, not at your dad but at what other people did to him.'

'I'll read that first because it's like this Harry Potter is someone I don't know.'

Harry sighed ran his hand over his son's hair again, 'I know James, it's true though, there's a whole other side to me that you know nothing about. I always planned to explain everything to you,' Harry watched his son as he opened the book to the first page and started reading, 'Wait until we get home son,' Harry slowly closed the book.

'Yeah, okay, but I'm dying to read this, all of them actually.' all the adults around the table could see James was anxious to read up on a part of his father's life that he never knew about. They did wonder how he would take hearing or reading what his father had been through from the age of one.

After tentatively hugging his grandparents, James took both his parent's hands. They said goodbye to everyone then left, but James made sure he told everyone that he would see them on the weekend.

Harry, James and Charlie stepped into the house and Padfoot barked loudly as he ran up to James who hugged the dog.

'That is a big dog, James could practically ride him,' Charlie stared down at his son before looking around the house.

'He used to, I'll get us a cup of tea, James do you want tea or juice?'

'Juice dad, I'm going to have a bath then read these books,' James stood in front of his father with his hands out.

Harry sighed again, 'Okay, but not half the night. I'll come up and kiss you goodnight soon,' Harry put the books into his son's hand.

'Father can as well, but later, you two need to talk,' James smiled then ran up the long hallway with Padfoot running behind him.

'A big house,' Charlie said softly as he looked around.

Harry could see Charlie was anxious, nervous and worried, exactly how he was feeling. He still wasn't sure this was the best thing to do, let Charlie back into his life, but unless they talked, Harry knew he might be throwing away his only chance of ever forgiving Charlie and his chance at having a life with him.

'Let's head into the kitchen,' Harry sighed again but walked into his kitchen and went about making some tea, 'You can sit down if you want Charlie.'

'Do you want me here Harry?'

Harry slowly turned, 'We do need to talk, I'm just scared Charlie,' Harry turned back and finished making the tea, 'I'll just take James up his juice, be right back.'

Charlie watched Harry leave then looked around the house. It was beautiful and very large, he stared out the large glass doors and all he could see was trees.

'It's very secluded here,' Charlie said the moment Harry stepped back into the kitchen.

'It is, there's twenty acres of land, the house is surrounded with trees.'

'You brought me here and I don't even know where here is, so are you going to tell me?'

Harry sighed as he sat down, wrapped his hands around his cup, 'On the outskirts of Godric's Hollow. When I first decided to leave I looked around the house, my parent's house. That's where I went right after. So I was staring around and realised I didn't want to cut myself off from everything, it hurt thinking of doing that. So I disguised myself and started to look around the town, found this land. It had a very small shabby house. So I stayed in that while this got built, then pulled that place down.'

'We all kept sending letters but the owls could never find you, they always returned with the letters.'

'I enchanted this place so they wouldn't find me. If I read any of your letters I might not have been able to stay away,' Harry slowly looked up, 'Charlie I was really hurt, more than ever before. When we first got together I did try to stop myself falling in love with you because I didn't want to feel that pain again. Then I let you in thinking the wars over so you wouldn't die, but I still lost you,' Harry looked down again, 'It hurt so much.'

Charlie blinked a few times to try and stop the tears in his eyes falling, then he just grabbed Harry and pulled him onto his lap and cried into his shoulder.

'I'm so sorry, you have to know how sorry I am and I will never, ever hurt you again. Please Harry, please let me in because right now I can see how closed off you are with me,' Charlie tightened his arms around Harry, 'Please, open your heart to me again.'

'Oh god Charlie,' Harry sniffed, 'I do love you, so much. The ache in my heart is still so strong, so painful,' Harry moved back and looked into Charlie's eyes, 'When I left I felt like my heart had broken into pieces and if it wasn't for the fact I was carrying James, I wouldn't be here today, I wouldn't be alive.'

'We all knew that Harry, but we knew that you would have lived for James no matter how much you were suffering. You've done it all your life, this time it was for your son, our son. I was so confused, I was in shock and didn't know what to do. Then I kept thinking how was I supposed to be a father when I felt like I was nowhere near ready for that. I didn't want to do something wrong. After losing Fred I wanted to just have some fun now it was all over because I know that's what Fred would have wanted. But also Fred reminded me that if Voldemort and his death eaters could turn out like that, if I did something wrong, it could hurt our child. That scared me.'

'Then why didn't you talk to me about how you felt, all you had to do was talk to me Charlie. I was just as scared and confused as you were but you completely ignored me. Two weeks and I never saw you, not once.'

'I was scared what you would say. You have been so strong all your life, I know you had no choice but you still were. No matter the danger or situation you found yourself in, you handled it. I sometimes would watch you and wondered how you did it, how you didn't end up cracking up. I was so in awe of you, you're caring, you're kindness, you're goodness, your belief in always doing what was right even if it hurt you. Like what you told me about that night, the choice Dumbledore offered you. If I had your life up until then, I would have chosen to go on, but you didn't even though you knew you were coming back to more pain, you did. You are so strong, I never was, not like that. So I wasn't sure what you would say if I told you how I felt. I overheard you talking that day, after you thought I left. You were talking to James about me not wanting him. It was never that, I did want our child even if it was too soon, but I was scared Harry, just as scared as you were about being hurt. But I was scared that you'd turn me away if I said I didn't know how to do that, be a parent. You would have done it on your own like you've always had to do, I thought you would have pushed me away.'

'See, if you only spoke to me about how you felt, all this, these last few years could have been different, it would have saved all of this heartache. Exactly like James said, I always thought talking things out is the best solution when you're confused or need to make a decision. I always spoke to Hermione and Ron when I needed to work things out. You know I never wanted to at first, but since those two just wouldn't let me do it alone, I learned to trust them and talk to them about my thoughts, about what needed to be done. You talked to me when I started to get depressed because of my deafness, you made me talk about what I was feeling, this time you didn't take your own advice.'

'I know, it's so easy to give advice, but not to take it. Tell me the truth Harry, if I told you my fears, what would you have done?'

'I wouldn't have pushed you away, I know fear Charlie, you can't run away from it, you can't hide from it, you deal with it as best you can. I would have sat down with you and we would have talked it out. Maybe get advice from people like your parents, from Minerva, even from people like Aberforth and Kingsley. We would have learned to be parents together, then if you still didn't want it, well,' Harry shrugged.

'That was my biggest fear, if I couldn't handle that, you would have left me,' Charlie sighed but tightened his arms around Harry but he realised that even though Harry was scared and wanted them to take this slow, Harry never moved off his lap and his arms were still around Charlie's neck. He looked into Harry's eyes and smiled, then his smile got bigger as Harry smiled back, a real smile that lit his eyes with the love he was feeling. That gave Charlie hope they would work this out.

Neither Harry nor Charlie knew that James had been listening to them. He needed to know more about why his parents split, why he only ever had his dad. He heard and read so much tonight, learned things that surprised and shocked him, now he heard more. James smiled then turned and went back to his room ready to read all about his dad, a part of his dad he knew nothing about.