I know I literally just updated this a few days ago, but I'm trying to get into the habit of making special holiday chapters for fics every once in awhile. Naturally they aren't always canon with the fic itself, but we can just consider them OVAs, right?

Merry Christmas you filthy animals.

Gathered in one of the largest chambers Gainos castle had to offer, every member of the Queen's Blade tournament plus one was preparing to exchange Christmas gifts. After all, many of them may have been enemies, but today was supposed to be a time of peace and joy and all that stuff that almost made girls like Elina and Melona hurl. They could get over their differences for real later down the line when their writer- *cough* fate decided it was time.

That said, it was more of a Secret Santa ordeal, because Church had brought up the notion from his world and the girls thought it would be more fun that way. A good number of them actually just thought it would be a good chance to pull a wicked prank without suffering the repercussions, since no one would know it was them. Peace on earth didn't mean they couldn't get up to some mostly harmless mischief right?

When all the presents had been gathered and everyone was ready to get underway, Church figured that maybe he should be the one to pass out the presents: he didn't want anyone to give themselves away if they had played a joke on their particular target, so he could do it instead. He made everyone get into a circle befitting of the group's size and made doubly sure to focus on passing out the presents, and not the rather sexy Christmas attire most of the girls had decided to wear for the occasion, proving that they could get into the Christmas spirit. Airi's in particular was quite alluring: probably an advantage of being able to materialize any outfit she could think of. Either way, there was a lot more red and green, not to mention ribbons, frills, bells, and holly on everyone's outfit, but just as much skin was showing as usual.

Church grabbed up the first present, which ended up being Leina's. He handed it over to the blonde with a smile that she shot back at him, as everyone leaned in to see what she had gotten. She was quick to open the present, only to find... hair extensions.

"Oh... I uh... didn't think I needed these..."

Clearly someone didn't like the rather short length of Leina's hair, but whoever had granted her such a gift kept a straight enough face to avoid giving herself away.

The next present belonged to Ymir, who did in fact look like a child at Christmas with the expression on her face: an expression that quickly turned sour when she unwrapped a foot stool. "Oh yeah, a short joke, real original. Only the thirteenth time anyone's hit me with that..."

Church got a distinctly bad feeling about the nature of the presents he was going to be passing around, but he nevertheless continued. Risty received a hairbrush. Claudette got a long metal pole, supposedly a 'stick up your ass' joke. Someone gave Menace a bra, and Cattleya got a cow themed outfit that she accepted with a smile that did nothing to hide the murderous rage in her eyes.

But no one had broken out into an all out brawl yet, so Church had no excuse to stop. He had to keep going with the next present, which ended up being a gift for Nyx. A particular look he saw on Elina's face made him think she had been the one to wrap it. It was kind of sad because Nyx looked really happy to be receiving a present, though it quickly transformed to something not so happy when she unwrapped a maid outfit of sorts: the symbol of a servant if ever there was one.

Still, Nyx just smiled sweetly. "Church, could you please get Elina's present next?"

Church nodded to her, went back to the presents, and searched through it to find Elina's. She brought it back to the mean-spirited blonde when he did, who unwrapped it stoically, pretending to be completely unconcerned about the contents, though her eyes widened when she was finished.

"Catnip and a litter box?! Why you-!"

Nyx held out her hand to shake with the blonde. "Aw, come on Elina, no hard feelings right?"

Elina didn't look like she wanted to shake Nyx's hand, but she did anyway, at which point Nyx tugged her forward and laughed raucously in her face. "Aw, poor kitty! That's what you get!"

The accosted blonde glared at her adversary with a twitching eyebrow, but even she had to admit that she had kind of asked for this, so she simply crossed her arms and grumbled to herself.

Thankfully they had avoided a fight there, which Church had expected from those two more than anyone else. With that conflict avoided, he moved onto the next gift, which thankfully went to Tomoe, who would probably take things in good spirits or be too naive to get the joke. Unfortunately, this proved to be untrue when the warrior maiden opened up a calendar that portrayed her own image in all of the most scandalous ways possible. Church for one was curious as to how anyone had gotten such a thing, since it seemed ahead of this time, but at this point he wasn't asking questions like Tomoe was.

"W-w-w-w-who did this?! More importantly, how did you get so many scandalous images of me?!"

Church noticed that Shizuka was struggling to contain her laughter, and he imagined that if anyone could get these types of pictures of Tomoe, it would be her. That said, Shizuka's turn was next, and what she unwrapped stunned Church more than literally anyone else.

Is that a... Naruto headband? How on earth...?

Church got the feeling that Daedalus may have been playing some tricks on them, but at this point he was just getting worried about what he was going to get.

Nowa got her present next, which she opened with the same childish enthusiasm Ymir had. Her expression became one of confusion when she opened a pack of panties in several different styles: probably in hopes that the half-elven girl would actually like a pair. Unfortunately (more like fortunately in Church's case) she didn't know what to do with them or, more likely, didn't even get the underlying implication that she should wear them.

"What are these? They look so uncomfortable..."

For the record Church thought some of them would have looked cute on her, but certainly not as cute as her usual bare bottom, so he was glad that she seemingly had no use for her gift.

Alleyne came next, at which point Echidna looked a little funny, but she broke into an all out grin when Alleyne unwrapped a dildo. "You have got to be kidding me..."

The platinum blonde shot a scathing glare at the only person she knew would make a joke like this, at which point she whistled for something. With a predatory cry, a falcon with a bow around its leg flew into the room and dove straight for Keltan around Echidna's waist. The Calibara Elf made a hasty retreat from the bird, doing her best to protect her precious snake as it hounded her around the room. Church had never seen Alleyne look so smug, nor Echidna actually alarmed.

Nanael got her present next, something Church knew was going to be fine because he had been the one to get her gift. The angel opened her gift up with a smile, revealing a simple yet cute light blue sash she could wear around her waist in lieu of the usual leather belt she wore. It was a nice compliment for her motif, and while it was nothing extravagant Nanael seemed really happy to have it, making her the only person to have gotten something that wasn't a prank so far.

Thankfully the trend continued from there: Hachiel got conditioner for her wings, something Church didn't even know existed, Melpha received some sort of holy tome that was several hundred pages thick, and Irma and Aldra had clearly gotten each other for this little party, as the Fang Assassin got a pretty wicked set of new blades and the Queen received a rather intricate quartz chess set. Airi got a broom for cleaning, something he would have thought was a joke had the redhead not been quite so happy about the acquisition of the cleaning apparatus.

Unfortunately the jokes and pranks weren't all completely done yet, when Melona opened up a package of flavored food coloring. She didn't seem incredibly bothered by it though: instead she looked curious, as she unscrewed the lemon one and gulped the whole thing down in one fell swoop. Many eyebrows shot up into their hairlines as every pink part of Melona's body turned yellow, though the slime looked like she had been expecting it.

"Hey Church, you like sour stuff right? Come over here and see if I taste like lemons now."

Church was sorely tempted to take Melona up on that offer, but Airi quickly shoved her out of the way. "Excuse me, but Church hasn't gotten his present yet."

"Fine, fine... I'll let him test of all these different flavors later." The pink turned yellow girl winked seductively at the only boy in the room, who secretly wanted to run off with the slime and try out a variety of different colors with her... a cherry red Melona would probably be petty tasty.

Still, Airi was right about him being the only one who hadn't received a gift, and ironically, it seemed that his gift was going to come from her. She waltzed right up to him with a big smile on her face, leaning in to seduce him with those gorgeous emerald eyes of hers. "Merry Christmas Church!"

With that, she grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and gently pulled him into a loving embrace, locking lips with her stunned recipient and earning baleful glares from eighty percent of the women in the room. Needless to say, it was one heck of a good Christmas, though Church felt like he wasn't going to remember any of it later down the line for some asinine reason...

Well, there we go. Just a fun little short that's obviously not in line with the fic timeline. Merry Christmas, take this opportunity to find all of those great Christmas Queen's Blade pics the internet has.