The next morning Bai Qian went to assist her seniors with the cleaning chores. She chose to clean out the wine cellar. It was really dirty and full of dust since no one really bothered to look here. Had her ninth senior still lived, his usual haunt would have been spotless.
After an hour of vigorous dusting and wiping, she looked around, satisfied with her work; it looked clean and tidy once more. She felt nostalgic being in this room; there were a lot of memories here, both good and bad.
"Seventeenth."
At the calling of her name, she turned around and smiled happily at her mentor. "Master, come and take a look. Is this place tidied up well?" she asked.
A bit of dust stained her delicate face, he carefully used his finger to brush it away, caressing her face softly. His light touch reminded her how she fell asleep in his arms last night, then woke up this morning on her own bed. Her face warmed with embarrassment.
"It's very clean. Who would have thought the lazy Seventeenth had changed after seventy thousands of years."
She ignored his teasing and said, "Master, do you remember? Back then, I made such a big fuss over the break up with Li Jing. Master was forced to leave your meditation retreat early." She sat down and looked up at him. "It was right here that you sat with me, told me to cry properly and not waste any more of your wine."
"I do," the corner of his mouth lifted as he lowered himself to sit next to her.
"Did you already know that I was a girl then?" She asked to confirm her suspicions. Back then, her seniors had thought she was upset over Xian Nu's betrayal, when it was actually Li Jing's. She remembered her mentor saying Li Jing's eyes were very bright yet he had such poor judgment.
"Since the moment you stepped into the Grand Hall of Kunlun Mountain, I knew that you were Fox King Bai Zhi's youngest daughter," replied Mo Yuan.
"Why did you still take me as your disciple then? Isn't it a rule in Kunlun Mountain not to take female disciples?" She wondered. This very question had been bugging her for a long time.
"Why do you think I took you in?"
She looked thoughtful for a moment, "I think it was because of Zhe Yan. You must have been scared of being pestered by that old phoenix. Master probably didn't know then but, taking me in as your female disciple would be even more troublesome."
He shook his head slightly at that, "I didn't mind Zhe Yan, and I knew very well what he was trying to do." A busy body who tried to play matchmaker, he thought.
"At first, it was actually because of the Jade Purity Fan of Kunlun. It chose you as its master. I could not allow it to fall into an outsider's hands. So you became my disciple that day," he explained. "But it was also fate that brought you to me."
He gently lifted her chin up and sought her eyes with his, "Zhe Yan told me that you pierced your heart to feed me your blood for seventy thousands years. Is that true?"
She nodded and lowered her lashes, suddenly feeling very shy. "Master had shown such kindness to me. You even took on those Heavenly blazes for me. I think that it was totally worthwhile to offer blood from my heart to keep Master intact."
"These years you've suffered so much for me."
She shook her head lightly, "No hardship. I'm glad I was able to do something for you. Even if I have to sacrifice my life for you, I will," she said.
He seemed pleased at her conviction. "Seventeenth, do you know why I worked unceasingly for seventy thousands years to repair my spirit?"
"I do," she touched his hand lightly.
"Zhe Yan said you would never disappoint those you care about. Back at Ruoshui Riverbank, Master told all the disciples of Kunlun Mountain that you'd return. We knew that you would. You've worked so hard for us."
"I've never disappointed those I cared about..." he trailed off. "That's true."
"But I did it for the one I cared about the most. Do you understand what I am saying?" He gently coaxed her to look up at him. "Little seventeenth, it was all for you."
Bai Qian clutched his hand tightly in her own and looked deeply into his eyes. Her eyes misted at the finality of his confession, she felt inexplicably warmth at those words. A sweet smile broke across her face.
They continued to gaze into each other eyes, so lost in their own intense longing that they barely noticed the approaching footsteps until someone cleared his throat loudly. She immediately sprung apart from her mentor and spanned around only to find senior Zi Lan stood there with his head bowed down awkwardly. Unconsciously, she stepped back and hid behind her mentor's back, mortified at being caught in such compromising position.
"Master, a group of immortals had arrived and asked to see you," he bowed low and kept his eyes glued to the ground, not daring to look at their mentor in the eyes.
He nodded. "I will be there shortly. Go ahead, Zi Lan."
Seeing his retreat, Mo Yuan turned around and glanced down at Bai Qian. "Stay here and join me in the hall later," he pat her head softly then left. And she found herself strangely bereft of his warmth and nearness.
That night, Bai Qian went strolling to the back of Kunlun Mountain. She placed herself on the branch of a peach tree, gazing absent-mindedly at the sky, one hand holding the white bottle of peach wine to her side. Her train of thought, since that morning, kept coming back to her mentor's face. She didn't know why his choice of words and those pair of meaningful eyes had affected her so deeply.
"A beautiful night filled with warm fragrance of peach trees and a good wine to accompany, yet you wear such a troubled face. What's the matter, fifth sister?" A voice woke her from her trance.
"Zhe Yan," she called out. "Why you're alone? Where's my brother?"
"He has some business back at the manor."
She lifted an eyebrow. "And you didn't go with him? How peculiar."
"I'll keep my eyes on your mentor's recovery for a few more days," he replied. "So? What's on your mind?"
"It's nothing," she sighed. "It's just something Master said."
"Oh?" he turned to look at her, intrigued.
"Zhe Yan, he... I…" she paused. "Why did you tell him about the heartblood, when I specifically asked you not to?"
"I tried but your Master is not stupid, you know? Why? Did he say something?"
"He said he had repaired his spirit without rest all this time," she whispered softly. "And it was for me alone."
Zhe Yan's eyes widened in surprise, he never thought Mo Yuan would actually act on his feelings for her and so soon. Then again, being dead and coming back to life must have changed certain perceptions and thoughts.
He took a moment to study her conflicted face. "And what say you?"
"I don't know," she said pitifully. "I haven't had a chance to say anything."
"Fifth sister, do you like him, Mo Yuan? Answer me truthfully."
"Eh? Why would you ask me that question? He is my Master, I certainly like him," she frowned.
Zhe Yan sighed exasperatedly; Bai Qian was not bad at being a Goddess. How come she was so dim-witted when it came to the matter of the heart? Today, if he didn't gave her a bit of a push and a shove, those two would certainly dance around each other for another century.
"I mean how you do like him as a man."
"Zhe Yan, he is my mentor," she cried out in alarm, "How can I have such an untoward thought about him? That – that's blasphemy!"
"Oh? Is it? Have you ever asked yourself, fifth sister, why others could accept Mo Yuan was dead, but not you?" He placed both hands firmly on her shoulder. "Are you saying you cut you heart and bled for him to the point of dying, just because he is your mentor?"
She opened and closed her mouth many times, gaping at his absurdity.
"You clung to his spiritless body for over seventy thousand years, when the chance for him to return to life was bleak and beyond hope. You've also refused to settle down and have a family. Is that what disciples would do for their mentor?"
She turned her head to the side, her thought strayed at his provocation. Denial was on the front of her mind.
"Now that he's back, what do you plan to do next, fifth sister?" He prodded. "Do you plan to stay here with him forever as his disciple? What will you do when he gets married and has family of his own? Would you stay and watch their happiness from the side?"
She took a step back from him, startled.
Zhe Yan took in her vulnerable eyes and distressed expression. "Fifth sister, you must look carefully into your heart. If you don't like Mo Yuan like that, let's not drag this any further. Both of you would only end up hurt. But if you do, tell him, the two of you deserve the truth."
"Zhe Yan, you don't know what you just said," she shook her head in denial, her lips quivering at that thought. "Master certainly never look at me like that."
"Oh? I didn't?" He raised an eyebrow at her ridiculous claim. "Did you forget, I grew up with him. The Mo Yuan I knew barely cared for just about anyone, but he doted on you and you alone."
"Fifth sister, don't you know how prideful your Master is?" He asked. "For him to admit that he tried so hard to come back to you, you think that it was nothing?"
"No, definitely not," she said vehemently.
"Then why did you try to discount his feeling for you? Are you too scared to admit your own heart?"
"I…Zhe Yan," she struggled for words.
"You don't have to answer me, just think about what I said."
He pat her shoulder and left her to her own devices. She stood there alone, looking forlornly at his retreating back; the bottle of wine laid forgotten on the stone floor.
Bai Qian shakily sat back on the ground; Zhe Yan's questions still rang clearly in her mind. Why couldn't she just accept her mentor's death, he said.
Zhe Yan, he didn't know. Master had promised he would always be there for her, to protect her. And he had asked them to wait for him. How could anyone ever expect her to let go of him then? She always thought she would accompany him forever, never be apart from him. Even when she collapsed beside him, dying of blood loss, she thought about how nice it would be to be able to stay with him in death as well. She could still hear his voice calling her "little Seventeenth" when she closed her eyes for the last time.
And the thoughts of her supposed marriage was even more incredulous. She had met her former fiancé, Sang Ji, during the battle; he was just so plain and boring. Why would she ever want to settle down with him? Ye Hua, his nephew, on the contrary was nice enough and quite interesting. She got to know him a little better when he agreed to help with Yuan Zhen's trial. She believed his intention for her was quite sincere; it might not be so bad to stay with him.
And yet there was something about him that made her feel uneasy. Every time he held her close to him, it felt just wrong. She was baffled; there was always this inexplicable urge to push him away. If not for Ali's presence, she didn't know if she'd ever let him stay with her.
Zhe Yan was right; she really planned to stay with her mentor in Kunlun Mountain as long as he would let her. She never thought about him marrying before. In the past, her mentor had never looked at any females. But if he, one day, was to marry, what then? That place beside him would no longer be hers. Could she stand by and watch him with another female? The mere thought of him being affectionate with someone else haunted her. Her hand tightly clutched her chest where the scar throbbed and burned painfully.
Was that love? Had she been in love with her mentor all along? Was that why she felt overjoyed when she learned that her mentor was willing to do anything to come back to her, just as she had done for him? Zhe Yan claimed her mentor really felt something for her but was it true? What if he was wrong, wouldn't she despoil what they have together?
As she laid on her bed, her thoughts were all over the place and sleep would not come to her that night.
There was an influx of visitors coming to Kunlun Mountain these past few days. Nobody knew how the news of their mentor's return got out but all living creatures with even a bit of spiritual power knew that the ancient God of War, Mo Yuan, had returned and came to pay their respects. Bai Qian and her mentor hardly had any free time to be alone together.
At the beginning Master planned to seclude himself in meditation as soon as possible, now it was postponed indefinitely. She was worried his health would deteriorated if he exerted himself too much. None of the visitors had anything worthwhile to say to her mentor anyways. Most just wanted to take a glimpse at him. Some just dropped by to express their well wishes, sipped a cup of tea then bid their farewell.
However, today something unusual happened; a deity dressed in all white dropped by. He had such a handsome face and gentle demeanor, yet their mentor looked disturbed for a moment upon seeing him. She only saw this minute change in his expression because her eyes were already glued to his face. She shifted her attention and turned to observe the newcomer, wondering what could possibly upset him so. This deity not only failed to greet her mentor, but also he stood there lifting his eyebrow challengingly at him.
Bai Qian couldn't really understand what was being said between them. She guessed they were once familiar with each other. According to him, his deceased sister had come to him in his dream recently. Hence the only reason of his visit today was to relay her message to him: She was so lonely being alone.
She noticed Zhe Yan throw a glance back at her mentor before voicing his own incredulity. That sister had been perished for over a hundred thousand years, he doubted she could be the one sending the message. The man simply brushed off his comment. He stated that Mo Yuan came back from the dead even when his spirit was said to be dispersed. Why couldn't his sister's spirit go to him? He bid his farewell and left abruptly after that. When her mentor got up from his seating and left the hall, she felt the need to follow him but was stopped by Zhe Yan. She could only helplessly cast her eyes after his retreating form.
That evening when she took the medicine to him, she found his room strangely empty. After searching for him everywhere, she found her mentor standing next to the lotus pond, looking out unseeingly at the dark night sky.
She always thought her mentor had a past where something disturbing had happened in his long life. But he always excelled at concealing the truth and nobody was any the wiser to the depth of his emotions. Yet today, that visitor's words had definitely provoked and stirred his peace. Why? She didn't have any ideas but she was worried for him all the same. He looked so lonely out there; she could almost feel him hurting inside.
Mo Yuan felt a pair of arms reach out for him from behind and slowly circle around his waist. He glanced down and found it was his Seventeenth.
"What's the matter?" he twisted his head to look at her.
She shook her head then laid it against his back. He probably wouldn't want to talk about it with her, if she asked. After a while she said, "Master looks so sad. I don't know what to say. I just want to be here for you."
"Is that so?" He said softly, placing his hand on her own. "Seventeenth, I've lived for a long time. Many things had happened, some are just better left unsaid."
"Master didn't have to say anything," she shushed him quietly, "I understand. I'm not that small naive fox anymore."
"Back then I used to look up at Master and wondered how glorious the God of War was. You who command the respect from all across the four seas and eight lands. I've never thought behind all that prestige, power and triumph, you'd sacrificed who knows what else," she tightened her arms around him.
"But I also lived this long now. Today I understand this very well. There was no glory in war, no matter how honorable or how justified it was. There was only destruction and losses, pain and heartaches," she continued. "In war we did things we must because it was demanded of us. And we paid the price for them, no matter if we wanted to or not."
"I don't dare say I know your heart," she raised her head and sought out his eyes. "I only wish to share some of your burden, if you'd allow me to."
Mo Yuan didn't say anything at first; he gazed back at her for a long time. "My Seventeenth has indeed grown up."
That night she laid quietly beside him, looking at the sky. She could only hope her presence was enough to alleviate whatever turmoil that plagued him so.
Note: Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts with me, I love them all. And special thank you to Midorizawa who proofread this chapter for us. I really appreciate your help. :)
Vero Diaz : To say nothing ever going between them is a bit too strong. At least what she felt for him is a girl's crush. A budding love that was nipped in the bud because of his untimely death. Whatever I wanted to say loreinacadis0412 had already said /pointed out. Which shipper this story will be? It is kind of obvious. :)
loreinacadis0412 :
- I agree. WIth Li Jing, it was a purely puppy love. What she felt for Shifu is definitely more than normal mentor/disciple love, but less than a lover. I found the original novel full of deliberate moves to get YH/BQ together, I wrote them in the review section of CH.9. since it's too long and irrelevant to be here.
- My Shifu (Mine, hehe) is still portraited as the same old inhibited Shifu. But a bit more direct in his approach since BQ said 'nope' to the earlier marriage arrangement.
- Fox rules! Me too, I've picked them any day. Ye Hua's family is so twisted from the grandfather, right down his generation (including that princess who is obsessed with Di Jun) Why the Fox Emperor wants to marry off their only daughter to that family is still a mystery I can't solve.
- I've been to Soompi, the 3l3w's thread's barely active these days but DR Blog is kind of lively. I love it. Thanks for sharing my fic there too. Hope the new update is enjoyable too. The story develops at turtle's speed, so please bear with me. :)