"Bruh!" screamed Naruto. "Why would the Fourth seal a monster into his own son?"

"Naruto, I don't know of the his reasons. We found you next to his dead body when the seal was still young. So," said Pain. "I think it is time you met your tenant."

"Um….how?"

"Close your eyes." instructed Konan. "Try and feel inside you for chakra that's not yours."

Naruto closed his eyes and began looking for chakra other than his. He suddenly was teleported inside his head to a comfortable lounge, where… a giant fox was playing Halo? Yes, that was what was happening. The nine-tailed demon fox, the strongest bijuu in the world was playing motherfucking Halo.

The giant fox suddenly noticed his jinchuriki. "Yo, wassup, dawg!"

For a moment, Naruto lay there stunned, then he asked "You're a gamer?"

"Yup!"

"That's kind of weird if you think about it."

Then, the Kyuubi began ranting, "Gyuuki has identity crisis, Chomei is narcissistic, Saiken is perverted, Kokuo is on drugs-"

Here, Naruto interjected. "How do you know he's on drugs?"

"Have you seen his face? He originally looked like a horse, but now because of all that cocaine, he looks fucked up. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kokuo is a drug addict, Goku has no imagination, Isobu is depressed, Matatabi has anger management issues, and Shukaku is just a big dick. Compared to them, I'm mentally fit. I'm just a giant fox who wants to game all day long."

Naruto just stood there with is mouth wide open. "Then why did you attack the Hidden Leaf?"

For the first time, the Kyuubi looked angry. "A long time, back in the time of Hashirama Senju, a man named Madara Uchiha made a deal with me. He said that he wanted to play a match of Mortal Kombat against me. If I won, he would leave me alone, and if I lost, I would be under his power for a year. The fucking cheating bitch turned on his Sharingan, and knew exactly what I was going to do, and I lost. Since there was nothing about Sharingan in the rules, I was obliged to do his bidding. The second time, I forbid Sharingan, but he used his Mangekyou, and then he won again. As your tailed beast, I just ask for one thing. If he meet Madara Uchiha, we will fuck that piece of shit up, and he will get the punishment he rightly deserves."

Naruto suddenly changed the topic. "So…what's your name?"

The fox sat up, "My name is Kurama, motherfucker! Now if you will excuse me, I have a game to play." Kurama turned back and continue his game.

In his office, Danzo Shimura screamed loudly, "Fuck!" He had been beaten once again on Halo, by a user known as "Kurama". He quickly took a deep breath. The doctor had said that he had high blood pressure, and it was dangerous for him. He quickly closed away Halo, as the two councillors Homura and Koharu (or whatever their names are; no one cares).

"Hokage-sama, you wanted to see us?"

"Ah, yes." Danzo smiled evilly. "Tell all clan heads and those with summoning contracts to find a genin to sign their contract.

Now, he could find them Akatsuki people, and wreck them. Perhaps "Kurama" was one of them. They were evil criminals, and anyone who ruined Danzo's fun in Halo was evil.

Inoichi, Choza, and Shikaku gathered their children to teach them their summons which were meant to be used in conjunction. Inoichi went first summoning a giant pig. This was a bad idea, as Choji charged at the pig, intent upon eating it. Then, Shikaku summoned a deer, and Choza summoned a butterfly.

Unfortunately, there kids were less than happy. Shikamaru was asleep, Choji was screaming "Why the fuck do we have butterflies?" and Ino was whining, "Ew…pigs. I need to be pretty for sexy Sasuke!" All three clan heads looked at each other and simultaneously facepalmed.

Hiashi had taken Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi aside to teach them their summoning. He placed his hands on the ground and said in an inside voice, "Kuchiyose no jutsu"

A giant panda popped out.

"Um…w-why i-is o-our c-clan s-summon a-a p-panda?" asked Hinata.

Hiashi said. "It is because our clan symbol is white and black, and pandas are white and black. Is there a problem, failure?"

Hanabi and Neji moved at once, kicking the Hyuuga head in the balls tenketsu. He collapsed immediately.

"Don't call her failure!" they both screamed.

Hinata stared at her cousin mutely. She didn't know he could even scream.

Neji turned at Hinata. "Hinata. What you just witnessed must never leave this room. You must not tell anyone that I actually care for you, since I need to maintain my cool facade."

Hinata nodded.

"You see Kiba, Hana. For some of our clan's stronger techniques, we require more dogs and/or wolves. Thus, you will be learning how to summon wolves." said Tsume Inuzuka.

"NOW TRY IT!"

"Yes ma'am" chorused Hana and Kiba.

Hana summoned a large black wolf, twice as big as Kuromaru, and Kiba summoned a puppy smaller than Gamakichi.

"WTF!" he screamed.

The puppy bit him on the foot, and said, "Don't swear dickhead!"

"…"

Shino's dad Aburame summoned a bunch of insects: praying mantises, bumblebees, mosquitos.

"…"

"…"

The silence was filled in by two bowl cut people running by.

"LEE, I AM JUST LIKE YOU. I CAN'T USE NINJUTSU OR GENJUTSU. BUT SUMMONING IS EASY, BECAUSE IT JUST REQUIRES A LOT OF CHAKRA."

Lee took notes in his notepad. "GOT IT GAI-SENSEI."

They both proceeded to start summoning turtles.

"YES THAT'S IT LEE! LET THE FLAMES OF YOUTH CONSUME YOU, AND RESTORE YOUR YOUTH!"

For the first time in history, members of the Aburame clan showed emotions.

Konohamaru's mom Sarutobi said "Konohamaru, I'm going to teach you how to summon monkeys. Your grandpa was the only one who could summon the monkey king Enma, but if you persevere, I think you could do it too."

Konohamaru nodded. He would do his best to avenge his badass grandpa.

Jiraiya thought to himself, Shouldn't Konohamaru's part be longer. Oh well, guess the author was too lazy to figure it out.

"I am the motherfucking toad sage, sexiest man in the Elemental Nations."

Tenten looked up. "I think the author needs to use "motherfucking" less. Also, he should kill you off. You're a criminal. What do you want anyway?"

"Well, I came to introduce you to someone you admire. Presenting, the one and only Princess Tsunade! The only woman who can satisfy me!"

Tsunade punched Jiraiya into a tree. "So, kid. Your name is Tenten. Tenten, you will be my apprentice! Be prepared to work 24/7."

Tenten nodded, trying to hide her joy. She was being trained by Tsunade of the Sannin!

"Sasuke. You will be learning how to summon dogs."

"Kakashi, I came here to learn something important, not how to summon ugly canines, who are weaker than me."

"They're weaker than you? Then try battling Pakkun."

Pakkun formed a thousand shadow clones, and Sasuke got his ass handed to him.

"Hey, stop beating up Sasuke-kun!" yelled Sakura.

"Hey, you. Pink hair."

Sakura turned around to see a white-haired man. "You're going to be my apprentice."

Kakashi perked up at the sound of the voice. "Jiraiya-sama! Please sign my copy!"

"Sure thing, copycat."