:: Xi Wu Palace ::
Ye Hua finally made it back to his palace by nightfall. Tian Shu was waiting anxiously for him at the front of his mansion. Ye Hua knew instinctively that his aide had urgent matters to address, so he let him stay. Tian Shu quickly relayed what transpired earlier that day to him in detail.
"So he only knew it was Kunlun disciples, but not who exactly?" Ye Hua asked for clarification.
"Not quite, Your Highness," Tian Shu replied. "The sentry recognized the Second Prince of West Sea but not the other one. He only discerned that it was another disciple of Kunlun."
"I see. If that is all, then you are dismissed."
Ye Hua sat there in silence long after he left. At first, he questioned why the old lord would risk the alliance he painstakingly kept going all these years with such ill-considered moves. Later it became clear; he thought they were just someone expendable and did not care as much for their lives. The cunning lord was usually well-versed in manipulating the power play and getting what he wanted. Yet this time, it seemed his ignorance would cost him.
Trouble was brewing from afar; it would come knocking on their door sooner than he would like. High God Mo Yuan would most unlikely overlook this double-crossing. Nor would Qing Qiu. By delaying to send in his men, his Lord and Grandfather had successfully offended at least three fourth of the most powerful figures in all realms without even trying.
Ye Hua gave out a long, deep, tired sigh and slumped back against the chair. He was beyond physically and mentally exhausted. His gaze fell upon the old drawing of Su Su, hanging on the divider, next to his workspace. He rose from his seat, walked around the desk and sat in front of her painting.
One day. It was only a singular day. So much happened in such a short time. It seemed like a higher power was dumping everything on him all at once; pushing and driving him to see, to hear and to face the ultimatum. Learning Qian Qian and he were not meant to be and their thread of fate had been broken beyond repair was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Yet he could ignore all of those talk about destinies and fate; he always believed in fighting for himself and his future after all.
What shook him to the core was when Qian Qian offered her spirit to seal the Bell of Eastern Emperor. The image of her form rising and disappearing into the most destructive device ever created haunted him even now. It was like his nightmare came to live and revisited; suddenly he was back there at Zhuxian Terrace, helplessly watching her killing herself again. The terror he felt for her gripped him so hard, it made him light-headed, nauseated.
As full realization of the real reason behind her act set in, blinding fury came over him. He wanted to scream at her, shake her until she came to her senses. How could she have such little regard for her life? Did he mean so much that she would rather die than live without him? Then his inner voice whispered to him. Wouldn't he do the exact same thing to save her? His answer was definitely yes. He would bargain everything, pay any price even at his own suffering and death, just so she would be alive. As much as it pained him to admit it, Qian Qian was the same. She would not do any less for High God Mo Yuan, and he for her as he found out later.
Ye Hua ran his hand over his chest distractedly. He remembered the sharp, agonizing pain that pierced his heart so strongly and left him gasping for air. It took him a moment to realize the phantom pain was not his own, but High God Mo Yuan's. The dread of suffocating emptiness that followed drowned him and threatened to swallow his entire soul. Only then Ye Hua came to realize how strongly his brother felt about her. He was as devastated as Ye Hua was when Su Su died. No one else understood that desperation better than him. Without her smile, her love, her presence; nothing was worth living for anymore. That same despair compelled them both to follow her, even in death.
Since the earliest days of High God Mo Yuan's resurrection, Ye Hua knew their spirits were connected on some level. Even so he never truly perceived the profound trickery of their attachment. At least not until the very moment High God Mo Yuan's spirit began to scatter. He felt it happening; fragments of spirit intimately intertwined with his own was viciously ripped away from him. It was indescribably hard to describe the acute loss and sheer hollowness that followed. He was still reeling from the backlash when it was suddenly cut off. Zhe Yan's timely intervention prevented him from going too far. Ye Hua almost expected his brother to no longer be among the living, but there he was, not only breathing but trying to save their beloved.
Ye Hua looked at High God Mo Yuan, truly looked at him when he was asked to take care of Qian Qian if his plan went wrong. He heard the clear conviction in his voice, saw the sincerity behind those eyes and knew he meant every word he said. Were their role reversed, Ye Hua knew, he would not be able to do the same. If she was his, he wanted her to remain his all the way. He knew he was being selfish. It was the only way he knew how to love.
The short time he had with Su Su might have opened up his heart, warmed him with her boundless compassion and unconditional love but ingrained habit of a lifetime was hard to shake off. It was not surprising High God Zhe Yan saw through his veiled attempt. The thought really came across his mind, however briefly, he could use his cultivation to make her felt obliged to his request. Most of all, his essence would fill and merge with hers and make him a part of her for all eternity. High God Mo Yuan may be her chosen life companion but it would be him who was closer to her in every way possible.
Later he sat down and ridiculed himself for entertaining such ludicrous, forlorn hope. It would not make any difference in the end. His last viable claim on her, as a husband and a father of her child, was gone. He truly had no place by her side to go back and definitely no love to rekindle within her heart. While he gave himself one last quiet moment to wallow in his total and absolute defeat, High God Zhe Yan sought him out. Ye Hua did not want to listen to him but he was determined - persistent even - to talk.
The tale he told was something unheard and unknown to Ye Hua. He can not help himself being lured by his curiosity. He knew that his brother had guarded him ever since the Heavenly Father entrusted the Golden Lotus to him. But Ye Hua never once realized his brother's cultivation was used to nurture his spirit all along. Perhaps he was not supposed to even learn about it at all, had High God Zhe Yan did not bring it to his attention.
But why? Why did his brother not mention this to him when they met? Ye Hua did not understand it at first. His sacrifice would earn eternal gratitude from him. He could hold it over his head, use it as a leverage for his own gain but he did not. While Ye Hua understood intellectually that High God Mo Yuan was his brother; he never regarded him as one. In his eyes, he was the person Qian Qian chose to replace him with, his rival and the usurper of her love. He had been giving him the silent treatment every chance he got. The Immortal God either chose to overlook their estrangement or did not care as much.
Looking back, perhaps he went about everything the wrong way. Even when he tried to challenge him for his rights to Qian Qian's hand; his brother did not let others know of their personal struggle and saved him from taking the full brunt of the Lord's wrath. Was it brotherly love that still his hand? Ye Hua asked himself. Did he not resent Ye Hua for trying to steal his love from him?
From his earliest years, Ye Hua strived and struggled to live up to the high expectations placed on him. There was no time to spend idly, no friends to play with. Everyday different instructors came and taught him how to be a wise and competent ruler. He was expected to excel at every subject he learned. His worth was often judged by comparing it to High God Mo Yuan's accomplishment. There was no room for errors, even the slightest failure was unacceptable. As the future Crown Prince, he must be the perfect role model for his people, skilled and competent at everything he did, sharp and level-headed when dealing with problems at hand. His grandfather laid down his rules before him, he either act and performed accordingly or faced punishment.
Since young he only had so little time to spend with his parents; family dinner was a rarity between them. His Father Prince was a strickler, he was attentive to him but at the same time held him at arm's length. Ye Hua cannot recalled the last time he gave him a warm hug; perhaps it was before he turned five hundred. His mother was the only one showing love and kindness to him. He could remember vaguely the soft lullaby she sang to him when he was just a little boy. He felt safe and relaxed in her presence. She let him talk and acted like the young boy he was. But that meager piece happiness was forcefully taken away from him as well.
One time his mother let him take an afternoon off because he was feeling depressed and cannot concentrate on the lesson. Later when his grandfather learned about it; he took him away from her and forbade them to see each other. Ye Hua did not see her again for the next thousands of years; the only time they met was during Imperial banquets and feasts. It was only after he passed his first trial to became a high immortal at the bare age of twenty thousand years; she was allowed back in his life.
Ye Hua never had a true friend in his life either. Third uncle was the only one who came closest to be called his friend and confidante. The thought did not bother him as much. He learned, even as a child, there was more to those people who approached him than meet the eyes. Sometimes they just wanted to win his favor; often than not they were seeking personal gain or had hidden agenda in mind. So he treated them the same way, used them as one would use a chess piece in a game. To his subordinates; he treated them equally and fairly, he was their future lord and them the people he will command and lead one day after all.
The only time he formed a deep, strong attachment with someone was Su Su. She thawed the ice he created around his heart with her sincerity and kindness. Her infectious sweet smile made him inexplicably warm inside even if it was the coldest day in winter. The genuine love and affection she had for him filled the void of loneliness he refused to acknowledge. It was only with her he felt at peace and was able to be himself. A simple man who wanted to spend a simple life with the woman he loved. Not a prince, a commander or a subject of his grandfather's court. The unwavering trust and devotion she placed in his hands gave him the courage to defy and break the very rules that kept him in line all his life. She remained faithful to him, waited for him for years, after he left without explaining himself. Perhaps that was why he clung to her presence and her memories like a lifeline; no other can gave him the feeling of being well loved.
And yet there was another who loved him and cared for him all along, he just never knew it until now. It was such an irony, Ye Hua thought humorlessly. His so-called family could care less about his desire and happiness. Their wishes, their visions, their rules were more important than his well-being. It was the one person who had been dead for over seventy thousands years that did so much for him and demanded nothing in return. And he returned his kindness by trying to take away his fated person at every turn. What did that make him? Ye Hua wished he could find a solid reason to continue hating the man because it would be so much easier that way.
The Deity of Stone of Destiny asked him earlier what was the most important thing to him? The question was very easy to answer. Qian Qian's happiness had always been his heart's desire but it came with a price; one he was reluctant to pay.
High God Zhe Yan admitted his decision to let go of Bai Qian's mother was hard but he never regretted it. He was being cruel, Ye Hua decided, for dropping a bombshell in his wake and left. His mouth said those thousands of years of love and caring was not required to be repaid when he knew full well Ye Hua can not just ignore the truth of his brother's sacrifice. What was left unsaid came through loud and clear. The best thing Ye Hua could do for the two people who loved him that much was to let them be happy with each other.
So everything came down to this, him letting go of his beloved and hundreds years of longing and attachment. All these time he believed he was just an instrument of Qian Qian's Heavenly Trial. Perhaps that was not entirely true; perhaps she was also the catalyzer of his own trial. And that maybe the reason why they were fated to meet again. Because after all these times he still did not understand and can not accepted what was in front of him.
Ye Hua grazed his finger on her painting as if he was really touching her face. "When we met again, I have thought I could compensate for all the wrongs I have done to you, love you with everything I have, in the way I should have done back then. But if this is what your heart truly desires, then I will set you free." There, he said it aloud. "Perhaps it will be the last thing I could do for you."
This may be the path the Heaven laid before him and waited for him to make his choice all along. Ye Hua lifted his head up, his eyes focused on that place far beyond the edge of universes.
"All these years of pain and suffering, is this the lesson you wish me to learn and overcome, Father ? Heaven decided to give me the ultimatum because I have never been compassionate and understanding of other's struggle; nor honestly willing to forsake my own happiness for anyone. Alright, I concede your point."
Losing her love was still very raw and very hard for him but for once in the long time; he felt at peace, lighter and not conflicted with himself anymore. He knew if Su Su was here; she would approve of his decision. He could almost see her radiant smile in his mind-eyes.
Note : Special thanks to Noitratoxin who help proofreading this chapter and to loreinacadis0412 for your wonderful suggestions. Critics, comments, suggestions or even a simple Hello are welcome, you know. Sometimes, I felt like a crazy person venting out my thoughts when nobody wants to hear them.