"Effie was the gentlest pokemon, with the toughest appearance." Shelley starts, and there is a sob from behind me.
I don't have to look to know it was Rayna.
The sun is dreary, and there is a light rain as we stand over the grave.
Mom hugs me, tears in her eyes, but I don't feel anything.
I can't feel anything.
My entire life, my best friend, ripped from me in less than a second.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life and career of an amazing pokemon, and friend. Best friend." She continues.
N squeezes my hand lightly, kissing my cheek as he cries.
"The circumstances were unfortunate, but... that was my fault."
"And mine." Hala pats my back.
Shelley goes to continue, but I don't hear the rest of her eulogy.
I'm thinking about the same thing that has been running through my head like a film for the past two days.
"NNNOOOOOO!"
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Effie explodes in a burst of white light, sending shrapnel and pokemon flying everywhere.
As the light dies down, I gain control of my body, and I run to where she was sitting to find...
Her.
Effie.
I sigh in relief as I hug her.
"Are you okay? Baby girl, are you okay?" My eyes go wide as I see her eyes.
They're empty, devoid of any signs of life.
"Effie? Baby girl? Effie! EFFIE?!"
I wipe a tear as Shelley finishes.
Everyone starts to turn to leave, as I kneel beside the grave.
There is a Sandshrew who is gently piling dirt on top of the exposed coffin, but he stops as I get closer, bowing and shuffling away.
"I'm... I'm so sorry... baby girl... I... I failed you..." I sob quietly, and N hugs me from behind.
"It was not your fault, babe, this isn't on you..." He whispers, and I stand, whipping around.
"Not on me?! I JUST BURIED MY ARCEUS DAMNED STARTER, AND YOUR TRYING TO TELL ME THAT IT ISNT MY FAULT? I KILLED HER, THAT WAS ON ME. SHE WAS MY FAMILY, N. She was... my..." I turn, running off, and I hear someone tell N to leave me be.
I don't know why I came straight here, but I sit, watching as the sun goes down over the horizon, my clothes still soaked through.
The island was a lot farther than I had remembered, but I guess I had help getting there the first time.
My challenge.
It seems so long ago now, years and years ago, even though it can't have been more than a full week, maybe two.
Harriot nudges my side gently, kissing my forehead as well, and I lean into her.
I have yet to let myself cry completely. I've only let it in in short bursts, so as to try to hold myself together.
I told my other Pokemon immediately after it first happened, I felt that it would be wrong to keep it from them, and there was hysteria.
Belle almost killed Rayna in a frightening display of lightning due to her emotions overwhelming her, Cleo dissapeared for almost a full day, only reappearing to join us on the flight back, then dissapearing again. Apo cried, but he didn't know her very well, being the new guy, and Harriot insists on staying by my side through this time, but hasn't shown much emotion on the matter yet.
Mom had just gotten back by the time we arrived back at the castle, and when she heard, she broke down. Completely lost herself, leaving me and Kai to get her to the bedroom. Kai has been supportive, but I can tell its pretty hard on him as well, he has insisted on keeping Delia with him at all times, not in her pokeball.
Rayna, Prim, Nareen, and Matthew are trying their best to be supportive as well, but I know for a fact that I scared them. I scared them bad.
What happened was something Shelley called a "Unstable Power Transfer," meaning that, when Effie transferred her power to me, and vice versa, it happened all at once instead of the gradual buildup through battle, effectively causing the energy shared between us to manifest into something dark, something evil.
Something that was willing to destroy Effie, if it meant killing other people/Pokemon.
The only keepsake I have from my baby girl is a necklace, the Mystic Water de-attached itself once Effie... passed away, and Marlon was able to string some of her fangs and her Sharpedoite through as well.
I have yet to remove it.
And N. Sweet, supportive, understanding N.
He was the first to greet us off the plane, and he refused to leave my side through out the entire ordeal. He slept beside me, or, well, he made sure I slept. He looks like death, as he hasn't slept at ALL in the past two days, since we got back.
And to top it all off, the TeamRace starts in two days, and I'm not prepared.
I hear the footsteps, and I barely recognize the voice behind me as it speaks;
"I hear you went through something... traumatic."
I turn my head, gesturing for whoever it is to come sit with me on the stump I'm perched on.
Harriot kisses my hair, then gallops off to where the rest of my pokemon are grieving.
"Hey kid. How's it going?" Gary sits beside me, and I just stare at him, not able to form coherent sentences.
"Don't talk, I understand. I went through the same thing a while back..." He trails off, a tear in his eye, and I start, surprised. .
"You lost... a friend?" I say, barely more than a whisper, but he nods.
"One of my best friends... and one of the first pokemon I ever caught. My... Raticate." He sighs, wiping another tear.
"Raticate?"
"Yeah. It was a friendly battle with Ash, nothing serious, but I was... stupid. I wandered too far out, got... cocky, thought I had a revive..." He trails off, and I grab him for a hug.
"It wasn't your fault." He sobs into my shoulder, and I nod, trying to hold it in.
"I shouldn't have pulled something so STUPID so early." I whisper, and he shakes his head.
"No. Don't you ever think that. You did what you thought was right in the heat of battle, NEVER apologize for being a smart trainer."
"Smart? Really? If I was so smart, Effie would be swimming with the other pokemon right now." I spit.
"Oh yeah? So your saying, that it was YOUR decision to..." He trails off, but I stand, furious.
"Oh of course! I thought, 'Hey Effie, why dont you BLOW YOURSELF UP? WOULDNT THAT BE GRAAAAAAND?!" I shout, and I feel everything from the past couple days building, building to a breaking point, but I'm not finished.
"EFFIE WAS MY CHILD, GARY. MY GOD DAMNED CHILD. SHE TRUSTED ME. SHE TRUSTED I WOULD KEEP HER SAFE, AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT ME. LOOK. SHES SIX FEET UNDER AND I CANT EVEN CRY ABOUT IT. ALSO, I HAVE THE TEAMRACE IN LESS THAN THREE DAYS, AND MY BEST FRIEND ISNT HERE TO CELEBRATE IT WITH ME, HERE TO PERFORM. I just thought that... that I could..." I stop, sitting down, and I notice all my pokemon staring at me. Cleo is openly crying, and the rest are huddled together.
"And now they're scared of me, to. I mean, why wouldn't they be, I'm a shit trainer who lets his pokemon kill themselves." I finish, and Gary stands, and begins... clapping.
"Congratulations, you got it all out." He smiles through his sigh, and stands.
"What... are... you... talking about..." I say in laboured breaths, ready to knock this man out.
"You said what was on your mind. And your pokemon arent afraid OF you, they're afraid FOR you." He says that last part, pulls me in for a quick hug, then takes off on Pidgeot, whom I hadn't seen before just now.
I turn back to my pokemon...
And cry.
"What do you mean? This is unacceptable, you can't! Your not prepared!" N shouts, slamming his hand down on the table, and I slam mine down right beside his.
"So you'd rather me sit around, crying and moping? Effie would want this, N, and I do to. She wouldn't want me to sit around, sucking on my thumb. In fact, she's probably shaking her head at me right now."
"You are so... sooooo... ugh." He sighs, sitting back down.
"I know... but I need this. If I stay here and grieve, I wont be able to come to terms with it. This is for the best." I kiss him, then head out of his office, up to see Mom.
After crying, then falling asleep out on the island, I woke up this morning feeling... invigorated. I know I should grieve, but the last thing Effie would want is for me to pass up this opportunity because of her. She would never forgive me. I would never forgive me.
I gingerly step in, and see her on the bed. She's on the phone, with Dad i assume.
"... he never came back last night, and I'm worried. He's- Oh! Here he is! I'll see you soon!" She drops the phone in her haste to run over, and hugs me tight.
"Baby baby baby... what happened?" She holds me out, and looks confused by my smile.
"I grieved. I swam out to an island, almost an hour both ways, and slept with my pokemon out there. Then, I realized something. I realized that, if Effie were here and could see this, she would likely kill me. If i let the opportunity of a lifetime slip through my fingers... I could never forgive myself. And neither could she." She nods a few times, then hugs me tight.
"I am so proud of you." She says simply, letting me go.
"Thanks mom. I love you." I kiss her cheek, and she kisses my forehead, then I turn to leave.
"Wait, where are you going?" She asks, and I smile back at her.
"I have a competition in less than two days, and I haven't trained in three!" I laugh, and her smile lights up my world as I run to the cars.