italic text = Personal thought
:: Kunlun Mountain ::
The moment Mo Yuan stepped back on his eternal dwellings, with Zhe Yan right on his heels, he immediately singled out an irregularity in the atmosphere. It was glaringly obvious to him for some reason that Bai Qian's familiar, ever-present aura was missing. He turned his quizzing eyes on his resident disciple; silently asking him what had gone amiss in his short absence.
The boy's head bowed down under his mentor's scrutiny. He squirmed uncomfortably before straightening his back and finally managed to meet his elder's eyes; thus allowing Mo Yuan to catch a glimpse of apprehension and guilt warring in another pair of eyes. Since there was no sign of despair or acute panic in his countenance, Mo Yuan was willing to believe whatever transpired prior to his arrival cannot be that dire. His guarding stance relaxed somewhat.
"Seventeenth is missing." Chang Shan blurted out, then grimaced at his lack of tact.
He had decided being straightforward with his mentor was the best way to go around their latest situation at hand. "We - I mean Sixteenth and I - went to check on her early this morning. She was not there. Her bed was cold and empty as if she got up and left in the night," he paused.
"At first, we suspected some kind of foul play or even kidnapping. But then Kunlun's protective spell is still active and holds strong. We would have known if someone actually slipped past our defense. So we split up trying to locate her; then Sixteenth came to see me. He said the jars in the wine cellar are almost all gone. We have looked everywhere for her since but have trouble pinpointing her whereabouts, Master."
Mo Yuan quickly caught on with what he was implying. That sounded very much like what Seventeenth usually did when she was upset about something and gone into hiding.
"Had something happened yesterday when she woke up?" He inquired softly. Despite the circumstance, he cannot help but feeling elated that she had finally woken up.
"That is the most bizarre part, Master. She did not even stir or showed signs of waking up at all. Then the next thing we know, she pulled her disappearing act. Again." The frustration in his disciple's voice was unmistakable.
The Master of Kunlun was quite intrigued at this point. "I would like to hear the full account of whatever occurred around here. From the beginning, please." Mo Yuan suggested.
"...until Nai Nai came calling us. When Sixteenth and I arrived at the scene, we only found everything in the room scattered and in disarray. I discovered broken shards of what used to be the Soul Lamp on the floor, near her bed. We cleaned up the room, fixed whatever we could. I even checked up on Seventeenth; nothing seemed wrong with her. There was neither discomfort, nor pain in her feature. Everything looked fine, or so we thought. Then we left for the night and I came to check on her again this morning. You already know the rest."
When Chang Shan finished recounting yesterday's mishap in his bedroom; Mo Yuan caught Zhe Yan's surprised expression from the corner of his eyes.
"The Soul Lamp is broken?" The Phoenix's eyes gleamed oddly.
"We were afraid it would ruin her chance of recovery," Chang Shan admitted. "I am really glad we were so wrong."
"Did Nai Nai or Ali mention anything else?" Mo Yuan finally spoke up.
Chang Shan shook his head. "No, Master. But the boy looked quite disturbed when we found him. It is as expected, considering what happened."
Then he blinked and looked thoughtful. "Perhaps, he left something out when he told us the story? Come to think again, he seemed oddly disquiet after that. I am going to see him now, Master. Maybe I could get him to talk to me."
Mo Yuan nodded his acquiesce, then added. "Chang Shan, keep Seventeenth's return quiet for the time."
"Eh?" The disciple exclaimed in confusion.
"Until we finally locate her and determine what actually happened yesterday, let's not announce her return just yet. Especially, not to the child."
Chang Shan nodded reluctantly. "I understand, Master. I will inform Sixteenth this as well. Hopefully, he is still searching for her and did not have a chance to talk to anyone yet."
"I will take my leave now. Good day, Master, High God Zhe Yan." He religiously gave them both a deep bow and retreated quickly.
"You suspected something else took place last night." Zhe Yan brought up his speculation as soon as the boy cleared out. He shrugged when Mo Yuan threw an unspoken question right back at him: And you don't?
"The Lamp was kept hidden for hundred thousand of years in the Sea of Innocence until Dong Hua revealed its secret hideaway. I believe no one ever try to lit the lamp for hundred years straight before. Ye Hua is certainly persistent to get her back," he chuckled humorlessly, then cleared his throat loudly when he realized his erroneous chatter.
"And certainly, all this time, none ever shatter it so thoroughly. There might be some unknown side effects, or nothing at all. Just Fifth Sister being her eccentric-self once again. Who knows." The owner of Peachtree Groove tried to lighten up the mood. "At least, we no longer have to figure out how to rouse her from her unusual slumber now. That ought to be good, right?"
"She emptied my cellar and disappeared." Mo Yuan looked pointedly at his brother in all but blood. It was Bai Qian's certified shout-out that something went amiss.
"The lass is known to do to the same outrageous raid on my stockpile when she felt like it. Then she hid away at her brother's Manor for months." Zhe Yan encountered without missing a beat.
"Do not fret too much, Mo Yuan. She might just want to loosen up a little after she came to be. Don't forget the last time she was aware; her soul was a hairbreadth away from being totally obliterated. It must be rather traumatizing, even for her."
Mo Yuan went back to his quiet contemplation, after a while he stood from his seating atop the dais and headed out of the Grand Hall.
"I am going to stay here, in case Chang Shan actually gets something from the young child." Zhe Yan shouted after his back.
"I sincerely hope it is merely her thirst for spirits needed to be quenched, otherwise ….." The Phoenix shook his head and muttered to himself.. "I'm getting too old for this."
Mo Yuan abandoned the search for Bai Qian's distinctive aura and followed the almost discernable void of sort that he detected earlier in Kunlun's atmosphere. Soon he found himself on a lesser traveled path leading to an isolated cave on the other side of the Mountain's foot.
When he discovered a shield camouflaging the cave's opening, he was quite certain he found his wayward Seventeenth. A hint of smile raised a corner of his lips. She was being smart, hiding herself like this. Instead of suppressing her aura like most do, she created a bubble of void and used it to cloak her presence. Second and Sixteenth must not have thought to look for her otherwise.
And there she was sleeping on a stone slab with a jar of wine still clutched in her hands. He pried it out of her fingers then studied the scene. Chang Shan was not exaggerating at all when he claimed she had emptied his cellar. She must have been drinking non-stop from the night till dawn to consume this much wine. A few jars were left untouched on the ground, presumably because she passed out from sheer intoxication before she had the chance to open them.
Mo Yuan frowned deeply as his eyes spied two of his concentrated wine among the stash she had gone through. The last time he witnessed her this wasted was when she and Li Jing had broken up. Zhe Yan claimed she rarely drowned herself in spirits after he died, for fearing it would contaminate her system while she was feeding him her heartblood.
What the devil prompted her to consume this much? He pondered. Contrary to Zhe Yan's speculation, Mo Yuan did not share his opinion of her being traumatized by her near-death experience. She was made of stronger, tougher spirit than that. If Bai Qian did not cower from the imminent doom that was ready to take over her, she certainly would not do so in the aftermath. And yet, it was always a matter of the heart that becomes her downfall as proven far too many times in the past.
The God of War carefully wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her languid form towards his chest. His other arm supported her legs, just under her kneecaps. Mo Yuan spent a brief moment relishing the feel of her warm, soft and pliant body against him. The perpetual, hollowed emptiness that lurked inside his heart ever since her valiant but dreadful attempt to save their world and the following enforced separation by her mother, seemed to cease to exist. His felt warm and whole once again with her nearness. Foolish as it may seem. It was joy, satisfaction and exhilaration all rolled up together; nothing could be compared.
Once he made certain she was properly secured in his arms, he took a step. Both of them disappearing from sight, only to re-materialize within the confinement of his bedroom. Until he could get to the bottom of what recently came to pass. The Master of Kunlun preferred to keep the knowledge of her awakening to a selected few. Once she was laid down properly on the bed, Mo Yuan turned his attention to the multiple tasks at hand. He fed her the sobering soup, cleaned her with warm, damp washcloth and changed her into a new attire.
After that he kept watching over her sleeping form; his hand smoothed away the small creases in her forehead. Mo Yuan enjoyed the oddly therapeutic sensation of running his fingers through her long, silky hair. He breathed in her now untainted natural fragrance. How he longed to caress her soft skin under his fingertips, watch she flashing her coquettish smile at him and breathe his name in her husky and sensual tone.
As if on cue, Zhe Yan made his appearance at the doorway. The old phoenix stood there, transfixed at their huddled forms, yet did not take another step inside. Mo Yuan gleaned some sort of uneasiness from his wary stance.
Mo Yuan looked at him quizzically. "Zhe Yan?"
Zhe Yan shook his head and quickly approached the couple. "It's just something Ali said."
Now that his beloved was found, Mo Yuan found his spirit lighten up enough to tease his brother a little. "What could spook millennial old and wise one such as yourself?"
"The child said he saw some confusing sights when the Lamp shattered into itty tiny bits." The reclusive God paused briefly. "He remembered seeing the hut his parent used to stay in the Mortal Realm. He claimed to see his birth mother. She wore that little white-strip cloth over her eyes and looked exactly like her painting in his father's study."
The Phoenix's sharp eyes spied the almost imperceptible stillness of Mo Yuan's form. The silence that hung afterward was poignant. Neither of them missed the possibilities of what it could be. Zhe Yan waited for his brother's response as time trickled by.
"I see."
"That's it? That's all you are going to say?" Zhe Yan eyed him almost incredulously.
"If her past memories truly return, I think it is prudence to send Ali away for the time." Mo Yuan continued almost nonchalantly. Almost. But not quite.
"It will be confusing enough as it is for her when she comes to be; without the added burden to explain to her son what he had actually been witnessed to." Mo Yuan reasoned.
Zhe Yan narrowed his eyes almost accusingly at him. "That's not what I mean and you know it."
"Until she comes to me and say it, there is nothing I could possibly do, could I?" His answer was so simple. "If time and space to think everything through is what she needs, I will certainly give her that."
"Where does your preemptive strike strategy go? Will you wait until she goes to Ye Hua before you decide to do something? Anything? I hope not, because you would only regret that decision for the rest of your lonely life." The winemaker left with an irritated huff; his premonition hanging in the air between them.
Bai Feng Jiu's arrival in Kunlun Mountain the next daybreak was truly well-timed. It took away the awkward necessity of explaining to the young Celestial prince why he was being sent away from Kunlun. The younger Fox Princess came with express wishes (and orders) from her grandparents to retrieve their only grandson to Qing Qiu. After all, he was expected to spend a few months with them as both parties already agreed early on.
Nevertheless, the boy was inconsolable when he realized he had to leave. "Am I being punished for the ruckus I caused earlier?" He sobbed quite pitifully; then burst into baleful tears.
Despite the reassurance from everyone present that was not the case, he simply refused to listen to them. "If I promise not to cause any more problems, can I stay?"
Unable to see the young boy so disheartened, Mo Yuan bid him to come to the dais. When Ali plopped himself down just opposite of the God, Mo Yuan waved him to come closer. Ali ended up kneeling beside the Master of Kunlun; his small hand fisted tightly into Mo Yuan's clothing.
"Listen to me, Ali. No one here hold it against you for what happened the other day. You are not being punished for making some mistakes. Sometimes, things simply did not go the way we want it to be, despite our best intention."
The Master of Kunlun said patiently. "What is more important that is that you learn from your mistake and never repeat it again."
Ali sniffed. "I will never ever recite spells so carelessly again." He solemnly vowed to the man and to himself. "I will practice each spell slowly and properly until I could get them straight and perfect.
I will not treat any of them as a amusement or something to show off anymore."
"Then you have already learned a valuable lesson." Despite his firm tone, the God's voice was gentle. "How about we will not mention this incident to your father then?"
"Truly?" Ali exclaimed in surprise, relieved that he would not be admonished later on. "Do you really mean that? You are not allowed to take back your words!" The young prince covered his mouth tightly with his hands once realized he had said out of turn. He peered timidly at the God from under his eyelashes, rather abashed with his faux pas.
"Indeed." Mo Yuan's lips stretched in a thin smile at that familiar expression. "Now that the misunderstanding is cleared out, you and Nai Nai are to pack up and follow Bai Feng Jiu back to Qing Qiu. Your grandparents are looking to spend time with you. You do not want to disappoint them, do you?"
Ali shook his head vehemently; he longed to met his mother's family for a long time. Now that he was certain he was not driven out of here on purpose and could return again at a later date, Ali became very excited with the idea of getting to know the rest of the Fox Clan. His imagination ran wild. How do they look like? Would they look just as old as his grandfather? Were they strict and big on decorum like his own family? But their folks were so lively! Ali recalled his one time visit to the marketplace with his parents.
The young prince pouted a little. "Will you not accompany me on the trip then?"
"Master has many important matters to tend to, Prince Ali. If you wish for more companions along the way, how about I come with you?" Zi Lan quickly interrupted. Now that Seventeenth was awake, his mentor would want to stay with her indefinitely. He made a quick glance at his mentor for his approval.
Certainly enough, the Master of Kunlun gave him a firm nod, with a faint smile of appreciation.
"This is going to be a fun trip!" Ali whooped excitedly, his earlier fretting was all but forgotten. He was oblivious to how devastating his small mistake would cost those he cared about the most.
When Bai Qian roused groggily from her deep sleep, the whole plane of existence tilted unpleasantly. She squeezed shut her bleary eyes and let her heavy head fell back into the headrest. Why was it so bright today? She bemoaned miserably.
She tried to sit up again but found her body lethargically uncooperative. She was expecting to fall back into the mattress again when strong hands reached out and steady her.
"Lean forward, put your weight on me," the voice instructed her. She was grateful for the support and readily submitted her body to the owner of said voice.
"What happened?" She asked in her raspy voice, still disoriented from her return to consciousness.
"You did not remember how you drained the spirits in my cellar faster than a drainage?" The voice asked, amused.
"I did?" She repeated, stupefied. Memories of her waking up from a nightmare-come-true trickled back to her. The Goddess's head snapped back to look up at the one beside her; once she realized whose voice it belonged to.
"Master," she whispered.
Her hands move of their own volition to cradle his face between her palms. She remembered seeing his obscure face with her dimming vision, before the dark oblivion dragged her under and consumed her whole. She had thought it was the last time she would see him. Seeing him here and now brought back the desperation she felt in that last moment of her life.
"Master." Her strangled voice repeated.
Her fingers crawled up his nape and found purchase on his neck. Then she threw herself at him and began to smother him with passionate kisses. Mo Yuan was thrown back from her sudden advance. When he got his bearing; he tipped her head back, angled her mouth and fit his lips to hers. His tongue invaded her mouth, swept across the moist cavern and tasted her sweetness.
Not to be outdone, Bai Qian tangled her own with his. Both tongues slide back and forth in an endless dueling. Sometimes, she sucked his tongue into her mouth with her lips; their teeth clashed with the urgency of their moves. There was nothing gentle or teasing or tame in the way their kissed. It was messy, demanding, and a tiny bit aggressive. Her lips burned, bruised beneath the demanding pressure.
The sheer intensity of their kissing made her feeling light-headed; so much she laid limp against his hard body. Bai Qian held onto him for all she was worth; she did not think she could stay upright on her own if she ever let go. It took them awhile for their furious, frantic kissing to calm down and turned into softer, gentler caresses.
Her head rested on his shoulder; she listened half-heartedly to the thudding of his heart. Her hand still kept touching him here and there. "Thanks the Heaven you are alright." She broke the silence between them; her voice hitched with relief.
Since she was brought back to Kunlun Mountain and could feel his and her fellow disciples' lingering aura around; she supposed all had resolved in a good way. No one was dead. It was as good as it gets for her.
"You don't look so ... well."
Her fingertips touched a side of his face gingerly, noticing for the first time the tattletale dark hue under his eyes. Was it because of her?
"I am good enough. I am not the one trying to offer my soul this time around," he said evenly.
Bai Qian winced at the well-recognized tone of his silent aggravation. Her hands dropped back to her laps, knowing he was displeased with her dubious exploit. "Would an apology help? I know my decision is not very fair to you."
"To us, you mean," he said dryly.
Despite the guilt weighed down heavily on her conscience, she retorted almost challengingly. "What other option do I have?"
Then her voice wavered and shook slightly. "I dare not even imagine about losing you again, not after the last time. The mere thought of you lying dead in my arm once again terrifies me. Contrary to popular belief, I am not that strong. Your death would completely destroy me. Then what good it will do even if I survive?" She scoffed bitterly.
The hand that circled and held onto her waist tightened.
"I just …. I just think if it were you, you would be able to pull it off. To survive." Without me. She left it unsaid; speaking it aloud was too ugly and horrible.
"That is selfish of me. For that, I am truly sorry." She confessed.
"You thought wrong." He contradicted her claim. Bai Qian was so startled with the conviction in his voice; she stared at him with her mouth opened.
"And we do have other option. I certainly do not plan to die again." Not with you here.
Mo Yuan thought of the improbable consequence of his death with morbid apprehension. He could not point out which outcome was worse. Her vision of him leaving her and, unknowingly, their unborn child behind. If only the price of her plan was not so steep, Mo Yuan might come to terms with it easier. The loss of their child still pained him like no other; yet now was neither time, nor place to let her know. He was willing to shoulder this hard, unbearable truth for however long it would take; if it meant she had one less hurdle to meet head on.
"How would I know? You never told me that." She grumbled.
While her plan was not exactly the brightest, nor quite feasible - if she was being honest to herself - even so it followed through in the end, albeit so many things could have gone wrong. Could he not at the least acknowledged that? She thought sourly.
Mo Yuan let out a soft sigh. Dong Hua was right, Mo Yuan had grudgingly accepted that. He was partially to be blamed. It was just that he was not accustomed to explain himself and share his every thoughts with someone. He had been alone, independent and had only himself to answer to for far too long. Reluctantly, he told her exactly that and gained another surprised look from his beloved.
He pushed her chin up with his thumb and index finger and met her eyes straight on. "I am always here for you and with you no matter what. I want you to keep that in mind. From now on, we will talk freely of what is on our mind. Your last stunt and my unwillingness to share spoke for themselves how disastrous it could be when we did not."
Bai Qian's whole body went stiff when he proposed that. Her dilated pupils flickered with myriad of emotions - fear, doubt, indecision - and then all vanished as quickly as they came. Yet it was more than enough to confirm his suspicion. Had he not purposely looking for her reaction, he would have missed it as well.
"Of course, we will." Her smile was shaky and strained.
Under his hand, her pulse sped up unwillingly. She belatedly realized with dread that her over indulgence must look suspicious to him. He knew her well enough to recognize her agitation for what it was. He just did not know the reason behind it. And here he was asking her to open up to him.
Bai Qian wanted so much to sob her heart out to him, but she cannot. How could she possibly explain to him that she had betrayed his love by marrying his younger brother? It did not matter whether she had no recollection of her true self at the time. The deed was done; the fruit of her labor was here. How could she ever denied that truth, that connection?
"If we are going to be honest, then I admit that I kind of get carried away with my personal celebration. I know you don't like it when I drink too much. I just thought 'why not, it's not every day one escapes the Bell's deadly crutch'." She tried to made her tone light-hearted.
Mo Yuan's left eyebrow arched almost into his hairline. "Zhe Yan said exactly the same thing but I contradict his ridiculous notion."
"Well, he knows how bad my penchant for spirits hit me randomly. I unearthed his hidden stashes often enough." She feigned laughter and brushed it off.
Yet he did not laugh along with her; his penetrating eyes aggravated her frayed nerve. "Just remember, I will be there when you are ready to talk. But really, you should not consume any more wine. Your body is only just recovering and can barely tolerate such level of intoxication."
The Goddess let out a shaky sigh, glad that he seemed to drop the subject for the time. It was unlikely he would simply let her got her way for long. He usually waited until she let her guard down. Then she would be caught unsuspecting by his ambush question and probing insight. More often than not, she end up confessing everything to him. Bai Qian resigned herself to such fate. Just not now. She needed time to sort everything out, at least in her head.
"I know, I don't think I can take on anymore," she conceded.
"You should rest now, I have already fed you the sobering potion. You will feel better when you awake again." He helped her lying back down on the bedding and pulled the blanket over her form.
"Just like the old time," she mused loudly.
He answered her sentimental recollection by placing his hand on her head, then tugged her loosen hair behind her earlobe. If Bai Qian noticed he had a peculiar expression on his face; she did not mull over it. Instead, she let the warmth of his gentle hand lured her to sleep.
The next time she opened her eyes; the world no longer shifted as she move. Mo Yuan was not sitting with her anymore; there was someone else seated at the low table. The Goddess narrowed her eyes when she realized it was only the old Phoenix. What was he doing here?
As if he could feel her stare on his person, Zhe Yan lift up his head. When their eyes met across the room, he placed whatever scroll he was reading back on the table and move over to the sleeping platform.
"Good. You are awake," he commented lightly. "How is your head? Still uncomfortable?"
Bai Qian burrowed her face back into the bedding and did not bother to answer him. It was too soon for her to deal with his berating. Too soon, old man. She moaned irritably in her head.
"You really have a knack for worrying people, do you know that?" He sat down close to her; her unwillingness to talk to him did not deter him one bit.
"Your mother worried so much she barely slept the first week. That was even after I reassured her you would be fine." He added. "Eventually."
She mumbled some gibberish to quiet his lecture from going further. Of course, he blatantly ignored them.
"You really crossed the line this time, Fifth Sister. And you almost dragged those you love down with you with your poorly thought-out move." Zhe Yan's tone took a turning point; it was no longer casual.
It hinted at something grave and foreboding. Bai Qian rarely saw him this deadly serious in all her years with him.
"I never expected Mo Yuan could ever do something so foolish until that day. I guess I severely underestimated the thread of Destiny between the two of you. But so were you. I sincerely hope that in the future you will apply that hard-earned intellect you learned from your mentor before you volunteer yourself to do something utterly suicidal and stupid again."
Zhe Yan spotted on her bewilderment at his rumbling but refused to elaborate further. "Save all that burning questions for Mo Yuan. You two should really talk about what happened at the Roushui River."
He stopped her protest even before it slipped past her lips. "No, I do not think you do. Now hush, I am going to check up on you."
While Zhe Yan worked his magic on her body; her mind went back to what he said earlier. He was hinting that something else happened that day. Something Mo Yuan did not reveal to her despite his suggestion for them to talk openly. Zhe Yan would not bother to bring it to her attention if it was negligible. He was not that vain.
After a time, he gave her a hum of approval. "You are recovering nicely, unless you decide to worsen your condition with another bout of overindulgence. Your spiritual power is so low at the moment, deliberately harming yourself with spirits is plain foolish. If you could actually practice certain abstinence from anymore spirits; it would do you a lot of wonder."
"Thank you for the vote of confidence." The Goddess snipped sarcastically.
"Oh, I almost forget. How are your eyes, are they itchy or uncomfortable, at all?" Zhe Yan inquired.
"My eyes?" Bai Qian wondered aloud. Why wouldn't they be alright? She blinked at him repeatedly, almost experimentally. "All is …..great?"
"Good then." The God nodded approvingly then got up; he paused briefly on his path to the doorway. "As it should be, these are your original pair of eyes after all."
His offhand remark almost made her falling out off her sleeping platform. "What did you just say? The original….." But the old Phoenix already left and she was in no shape to run after him now.
A chilly thought ran through her when she focused her energy inward, around the eyes. Zhe Yan was speaking the truth. These were really her eyes; the ones dug out by Ye Hua and given to Su Jin years ago. How did her eyes return to her?
What had she missed in her sleep? Zhe Yan's suggestion that she and Mo Yuan should really sit down and talk seriously popped up in her head. There was this thing everyone was tiptoeing around, without really coming out and just saying it. She was positive.
Bai Qian became breathless when a possibility formed in her mind. No, it cannot be. Zhe Yan could not possibly know about that, could he?
Another flashback of Mo Yuan suddenly suggesting both of them should talk freely replayed in her mind's eyes. How he insisted to wait until she was ready to open up to him. It was so obvious now that she looked back. She felt like someone just sucker punched her in the middle.
He knew.
Note : Many thanks to my editor, Noitratoxin, as always.