Author's Note: A bit nervous about this one. It has a good amount of bromance and h/c, wrapped in one. And more plot. I love your follows and reviews. Thank you, and if you are enjoying this, I'm so happy to hear that you are. I also love pumpkin-cinnamon scented candles and colorful, twirling leaves and cozy blankets and almost everything about this lovely time of year. I wish it could last forever...but then I guess if that happened, I wouldn't enjoy it as much. It's better when it just comes back around... :)

oOo

And If I Stand Next To You

Chapter Three

(the rain will still pour)

oOo

Jim blinked drowsily in the darkness. He hated waking up like this, stuck in a thick cloud of exhaustion. It seemed like everything reminded him of the early days he'd spent in the hospital recuperating, including this. Jim wondered just how was he supposed to move past "his trauma" when everything about his life was so damn tedious? At least if he was sleeping, he wouldn't have to deal with it all, if he didn't count the frequent nightmares he had.

But...something had awakened him. He wasn't exactly sure what, he couldn't exactly place it, but things just didn't seem right to him. The desire to sleep again strangely overcame his instincts, and Jim didn't give a damn that it had. If he was feeling this lousy and confused, whatever it was that had disturbed him probably didn't matter. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to pull him back under. Not caring was becoming a bad habit of his, lately, but when he thought about the large, welcoming house and all the love and warmth that was Mrs. McCoy and the constant that was his best friend, that was all that mattered. Not caring was also beginning to sound a little too familiar, but he'd already decided, beginning with keeping his eyes closed from the world.

Something like a murmur hit his ears. Jim's eyes fluttered open, leaving some of the sleep behind as awareness spread through his body.

"Bones?" He forced a whisper from his aching throat and was surprised at the distinct rasp to his voice. Where had that come from?

No one answered, and he felt a dull pang of loneliness.

"Bones?" He whispered a second time.

When he was met with more silence, the loneliness crept deeper into his thoughts. Lately, loneliness was almost worse than anything else he could experience. It was a little ridiculous, he admitted to himself, but all he wanted was for Bones to be nearby, even if he was snoring and oblivious to the world. Bones was his security and all the comfort that came with it.

Light was gone from the window, indicating that he'd slept through the day and into the evening. Or, Jim thought in frustration when he couldn't find the chronometer that used to be in the room, he'd lost the entire night and it was already very early morning. The missing chronometer had Bones written all over it, and it upset him almost as much as the thought of losing at least twelve hours to sleep.

Jim scrunched his face, his mind shifting from one thought to another. Maybe it wasn't morning after all. His pillow was curved perfectly under his neck and the quilt still tucked around his body, just the way he liked it. Usually, his blankets were twisted and falling off after he'd slept, thanks to nightmares and the general, fitful nature of his sleeping patterns. He must be losing it, or Bones and his mother were being extra attentive to his needs. He had his pillow and quilt - but the comfort stopped there. His throat felt like flames had scorched the sensitive skin inside his mouth, and he didn't dare swallow. The stiff state of his body indicated that he'd been in the same position for far too long, and but even worse was the newfound pinch between his legs. Wincing, he tried to shift his body to a better position, but he quickly discovered that his movement was limited by a particular type of tubing he couldn't see.

Damn it all. Jim knew exactly what that tubing meant. Bones had mentioned the slim possibility of needing it weeks ago, before they'd even begun the drug therapy, but he'd forgotten all about it. It seemed almost impossible that things could have gotten worse, but they had.

What he wouldn't give to have the chance to crawl out of his own skin and escape this mess he was in.

"Son, I'm so sorry, and I understand why you didn't want to discuss this when you got back earlier."

Jim blinked to attention. That was Nora, and there was no question that she sounded worried. He lifted his free hand and rubbed his eyes. That must have been what woke him up. When his vision cleared, he looked around his room but even in the dark, he could tell it was empty, so he looked towards the door. He narrowed his eyes to see through the crack and out into the hallway, but he could only make out Nora's arm and what he thought to be Bones' torso in front of her.

"If there's anything that I can do..." Nora continued quietly.

"There isn't anything anyone can do, not if Joce's lawyer is trying to dig up reasons that could possibly declare me unfit to share custody of Joanna or even take away my rights," Bones said, moving closer to Jim's room and now blocking Jim's view of Nora. "If they get wind of..."

As Bones' voice trailed off, Jim got a bad feeling. Jocelyn had never stooped this low. In fact, Bones' ex had never been this indifferent or cool to Jim, either. Something else had to be wrong, maybe even provoking her to act this way to Bones. He'd thought that earlier, and he'd stand by it again.

"Of what?" Nora urged.

"Of why I've been so busy the past month and half - with Starfleet - and neglectful of my daughter..."

"You are not neglecting her," Nora said firmly.

"I missed three weekend visitations," Bones said, voice raising. Jim's heart thumped loudly in his ears. He couldn't help but anticipate exactly what Bones was going to say next. "I've only managed two weekdays to spend with Jojo since Jim's..." The doctor hesitated. "...trauma."

Jim's stomach churned. The warp core.

He glanced down at his hands, half expecting to see them shaking. He almost couldn't believe it when they weren't.

"As I recall, Jocelyn wasn't necessarily cooperative when you asked her to come to San Francisco," his mother said. "Not only were you helping James, but you were needed in the wake of the destruction in San Francisco and had to your orders. Not only that, you were working to provide for Jojo - "

"I'm providing for Jocelyn," Bones said with a snort. "Did you see her hovercraft?"

Jim sure had. Jocelyn was living it up, with help from child support from Bones or something - or someone - else.

"I saw it, and I believe Joce isn't being honest with you either, Leonard. But, it's obvious that you both love Joanna," Nora murmured. "You both know that main concern is your daughter, that precious child, and not your unresolved issues with each other."

"It breaks my heart, mama. Jojo's misbehaving at school. I heard it straight from her teacher's mouth," Bones said so quietly that Jim now strained to hear him. "She's isolating herself during recess. She's even pulling away from Joce and picking at her food at supper time. That's not Jojo. That's not our daughter. It's a direct result of me not being in her life like I had been, especially these past seven weeks since the devastation in San Francisco."

"She's doing what any child would do in this case. I believe that your little girl is mostly worried about you - she has your compassion."

"She shouldn't be worrying about me," McCoy said with a sigh. "It should be the other way around."

"And you do, but your other responsibilities compounded the past two months. You're here now, Leonard, and that is what matters to her. I'm sure her behavior will improve after you've spent some time with Jojo, doing the things you both enjoy," Nora's voice then hushed more. "Leonard, why would Jocelyn's lawyer be interested in the reason behind your recent absences?"

"He isn't exactly interested. Joce is," Bones muttered. "She's the one pushing him to find something and pressing me for more information."

"All that you've told me about the incident is that you were 'cleared.' Would it be so awful if she knew at least this one thing, or even a little more?" Nora asked.

"If she knew?" Bones repeated and a long pause followed. "It may be enough to get her off of my back, but I can't tell her. It could also backfire. No...no, I can't. It's out of the question. There are legal ramifications...ramifications on the Federation level...that no one but myself, the admiralty, and Jim and the rest of his senior bridge crew understand."

Something like a vise gripped Jim's chest so tightly that he could barely breathe. This was his fault. Jim was the reason Jocelyn was trying to take McCoy out of the picture. No one could say it was otherwise. Bones' career had been on the line, and his fucking reputation, all because of Jim, and now this.

Jim had put him into this position, no matter how anyone looked at it. If Jocelyn won, he would never, ever forgive himself.

"You're doing all that you can," Nora said quietly. "Jocelyn may be acting selfishly, but she isn't a cruel, cold-hearted person. I have hope that she'll come around and not pursue sole custody or try to take away your rights."

"I need to check on Jim again," Bones said with a deep sigh, obviously avoiding a reply to that. "His levels still aren't where I want them to be, and this round of drug therapy really did a number on him."

Jim stopped listening and welcomed the feeling of pure stupidity that stole over him. Stupid didn't really even describe him, not at this point. All this time, and he hadn't even known. He'd been absolutely clueless that because Bones was taking care of him, custody for Jojo hung in the balance.

Why hadn't Bones said anything? Why hadn't Jim thought of this very thing ever happening before?

His anger stirred. Jocelyn getting sole custody? Taking away Bones' rights?

Whether it was sadly ironic or even cruel to Bones for Jim to even think, he thought it - over his dead body.

Other his body was telling him to do otherwise, Jim refused to fall asleep before he came up with some way to stop Jocelyn without revealing the truth. There had to be something he could do for Bones. It was his fault, after all. There had to be something, even though he was the doctor's very sick, very dependent patient who couldn't even hold his shit together - literally.

"Throat sore?"

Jim's startled, his eyes flying open as he lifted his head in his surprise.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's just me," Bones assured him, one hand on his arm and the other guiding him to lie down back on his pillow. "Given your biofeed, I thought you were awake."

"Bones..." Jim croaked in a voice he didn't recognize.

"Don't try to talk," Bones said quietly as he fixed the IV line Jim accidentally pulled. "Save your voice, Jim."

Save his voice? So his hunch had been right and he'd lost control of that, too? Jim groaned and his eyes fluttered open. Being exhausted and disoriented was not a good combination. He really should just keep his mouth shut.

Jim's eyes stubbornly closed before he could acknowledge the doctor, but he did get a glimpse of Bones' blue dress shirt and tie. He was again confused. Wasn't it late? Why hadn't Bones taken the time to change out of his clothes yet? He slumped his shoulders in resignation. Maybe it wasn't evening, after all. His sense of time must be completely warped, right along with everything else. Ever since his sleep was disturbed, it had been one thing after another, tripping him up.

"Jim?" Bones called softly. "Ya still with me?"

Jim nodded, and barely resisted the urge to curl on his side and tuck his left arm into his body, away from what Bones was sending through his body, away from the injections, just simply away from all of this. How many more weeks of this was he going to have to endure? Bones hadn't been kidding when he'd said he saw sleep in Jim's future. He wasn't going to be hopping out of bed anytime soon. Jim wasn't sure that he even wanted to, not until his brain could sort itself out.

He couldn't even tell which way was up anymore, a sad thing for a captain of a starship.

"Good," Bones said. "Is your throat sore? I can tell it is by the way you're holding your neck."

Jim frowned. If he already knew his throat hurt, there was no use in asking.

"Okay, so it is," Bones said. "I'm afraid that because of the higher dosage of medication this time, we're dealing with a few extra side effects this time around that I'd hoped would pass you by and unfortunately, they did not."

Jim opened his mouth to speak but Bone glanced at him sharply. "No talking. It'd be best for you to just listen, alright?"

He gritted his teeth. Just listening was getting harder to do, but he nodded in agreement.

"Good," Bones said, his voice softening. "I'm going to recline you just a little so you can have a few ice chips before you fall asleep again, unless you feel up to having a bath?"

He gave his head a shake.

"I didn't think so," Bones said in what was his best, bedside manner voice. Jim began to anticipate bad news. "We can try the next time you're awake."

The bed moved and soon, he was reclining just enough so he wouldn't choke on the small ice chips Bones had spooned him.

"How long was I...sleeping?" Jim asked, scraping together his words. He closed his mouth around another piece of ice that Bones offered. Soon the ice melted, and the liquid slid down his aching throat. It was somewhat refreshing but it hurt like a bitch. Jim honestly wasn't sure he wanted more but he was too damn thirsty to stop.

"Not long enough. Didn't I say no talking?" Bones stressed.

Jim sent him a pleading look. He hated being in the dark about simply everything.

"Nine hours, Jimbo," Bones said without missing a beat. "I was back in three to put on the catheter that you probably noticed by now. You were so out of it, I'm not surprised you don't remember."

The news hit Jim hard. Nine hours. The way he currently felt, though, it might as well have been two hours.

"You need this rest, Jim, and I don't want you worried about how much time you take to feel better," said the mind reader. But then Bones asked a most humiliating question. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Do you?" The doctor asked firmly, unfazed by Jim's response. "If you feel like you can, we should take care of it now."

"Gee, you sure know how to kick a guy when he's down, don't you?" He rasped, his voice dwindling to practically nothing at the end.

Bones regarded him somberly. "No talking. Jim, I know this isn't easy, but I need to know these things," he said, then very slowly, "Do you need to?"

He shook his head and stared back, just as upset as Bones, he imagined, but for different reasons.

"Okay, if you're sure," Bones said, giving him a careful perusal. He held another spoonful of crushed ice at Jim's lips, waiting. "I know it's hard to accept after being in the hospital for so long, but your body needs this time to recover from these treatments."

Jim sighed and obediently took the ice he really didn't want. Unaware of the pitiful expression on his face that only Bones could see, he then looked at the catheters in his hand and cursed the one he couldn't see, all of which determined how mobile he really was at the moment. He may have wondered why Bones was so quiet, but he was too preoccupied with being stuck in bed and his comm being out of reach while his doctor was clearly too focused to give him a break. A minute passed between them before Bones offered him more. Although Bones' expression was gentle and encouraging, Jim turned his head away from the next round of ice.

"It's alright. I know you're tired," the doctor said softly, pulling the spoon and cup of ice away. "Maybe you can manage more ice the next time you're awake, and then after that, applesauce and soon after that, some of my mama's famous chicken noodle soup."

Jim nodded, thinking he was nearly ready for that soup, after all, if he just wasn't so damn tired. Bones moved the bed back to where it was, and Jim remembered about Jojo. Jim's head lulled to the other side of the pillow as he tried to catch Bones' attention, but the doctor was once again, more focused on the condition of Jim's body than anything else.

Bones frowned at the tricorder in his hand. "I am sorry about the inconvenience of the catheter, Jimbo, but loss of bladder muscle control as well as weakened bowel control are possible side effects of the injections at this level we discussed. You didn't experience it after last week's injections because the drugs were in lower dosages. Yesterday, we didn't notice it, since you hardly drank a darned thing," Bones explained, glancing up from the device. "Now that you're receiving these replenishing fluids, it's an issue we can't ignore but it shouldn't last more than another day, maybe just even through the night. I already gave you medication to offset it, but I won't pull you out of bed just like that. We'll take it gradually. Next week, though, we may run into the same problem given the higher dosage."

Another day was a day too long, and he wasn't even going to begin to think about next week's drug therapy. He could hardly handle the minute in front of him.

"Embarrassing," Jim mumbled back, no longer resisting his urge to try to curl in a ball and hide himself from the world. He bent his knees a little but then realized he really didn't have the ability to move himself onto his side, anyway.

"No one here is laughing at a patient who is recuperating from trauma," Bones said in a gentle tone, placing a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Here, let me help. Side?"

"Yeah," he breathed.

Arms repositioned him when he had no strength to do so. As Bones managed the catheter and whatever else that was stripping away his dignity, Jim couldn't help but think that Bones had been insinuating that he'd actually had had an accident.

"You mean...I...pissed in...my..." Jim began but his body refused to cooperate and like an idiot, his words died on his mouth. His throat was too tight and sore to let him communicate like a normal person. Being tired as shit wasn't helping, either.

"Shhh, for the fourth time, captain, don't talk," Bones murmured as his hand carded through Jim's hair. Jim closed his eyes, relishing the comfort as he did it repeatedly. "You know things like that don't bother me, and you shouldn't let it bother you, either."

But the sense of comfort faded as soon as the doctor's words soaked in.

It had actually happened. While he'd slept, oblivious to it all, it had actually happened. Fuck, what was wrong with him.

He knew all about catheters because he'd been flat on his back in the hospital for days, helpless and without control, and he knew about them even before that. He also knew all about Bones beating around the bush when something bothered him. Hell, he'd known Bones for more than four years now though it felt like two lifetimes already. Bones was his other half most days. Bones was his better half. He knew all about Bones risking his career in exchange for Jim's life and about Joce's bitchy side, but most importantly, that there was a seven year old girl who didn't deserve to have her father ripped from her young life. And his best friend, who had the biggest heart of anyone he knew, didn't deserve to have her ripped away from his.

"Jojo... " Jim whispered, his voice cracking at the end. Bones couldn't lose her. If Bones lost her, the doctor would never be the same again. Jim could just imagine it, though he didn't want to. It would literally break his best friend, and he didn't know how to stop it.

Realistically, he couldn't do a damned thing about the situation, not like this. Not until his drug therapy ended and he was able to control some of his own life again. But, maybe, just maybe, if Bones would allow him to have his communicator, he could contact Spock. Spock would figure out a way, and it may have to be a little devious. Jim wasn't worried about that. The Vulcans Jim knew seemed to have a very strange tendency to bend the rules and even the truth, especially when it suited themselves or a friend.

"Jojo?" Bones repeated. "She'll come tomorrow, instead of today. It's late, and you need peace and quiet to get as much sleep as you possibly can. I know that won't happen if you two are being your charming selves and getting into trouble."

Bones had postponed his visit with Joanna because of Jim? Because he needed a catheter and lost his voice and couldn't even move himself around in his own damn bed? Jim's frustration rose to a level that he couldn't wasn't sure he could handle in this state. How was he supposed to even sleep when Jocelyn was determined to take Jojo away from Bones? And when Bones kept putting him first?

Bones should have left him behind to suffer in San Francisco, in the hospital and alone with strangers.

Jim reached up with his free hand and grasped the bottom edge of doctor's shirt. As he pulled, the tremors that he hated and that were putting more space between him and his ship came back full force. "Bones, wait...tell me, about Jojo," he whispered.

For a split second, Bones' expression revealed the hurt Jim heard in the hallway. He masked it just as quickly when he glanced down at Jim's hand.

Jim looked down, too, and then wished he hadn't.

The tremors. His damn tremors.

He was hardly aware of Bones taking hold of his hand, until he'd placed it carefully on his chest. Jim stared up at the doctor, wondering if it was ever going to end.

"Jojo's fine," Bones said, his voice may have been the gentlest Jim had ever heard from him. "And you will be feeling much better tomorrow as long as you get a full night's rest."

The sedative came out of nowhere. He didn't even have time to think before his eyes slid shut and he lost the perfect opportunity to ask for his comm.

"Jim, I'll be here when you wake up in the morning," Bones said as Jim lost consciousness. "I'm not going anywhere."

oOo

The numbness of sleep pressing in on him, McCoy wandered into the kitchen with one thing on his mind. Coffee.

His mother instantly looked up from the PADD she was reading. "How is our captain?" She asked.

"Not happy with his situation," McCoy replied.

"Coffee is right on the counter," she said with a smile.

"You read my mind." McCoy grabbed himself a cup then collapsed in the chair across from her.

"He said he wasn't happy?" Nora asked quietly.

"No, but I could tell by his body language and everything he didn't say," he sighed. "I don't blame him. Things are pretty rough for him right now."

"James is a strong man. He will get through this." Nora paused and got a certain look on her face as she peered at him. "And so will you."

He took a sip of coffee and and gave her a small but genuine smile. "What is on your mind, mama?"

"Go to bed and let me watch over James through the night," she said. "I think the worst will soon be over for him, just as you said earlier."

He gulped his coffee down before nodding. "He needs this next round of sleep, and then, yes, I do think he'll get on his feet at some point tomorrow."

He didn't mention what he thought would happen the next week, when Jim was due another round of injections. McCoy was deep in plans to keep Jim here, even before his request for his own leave was approved by HQ. Jim needed as much comfort and familiarity as possible to get through these treatments, and he'd never get that at a Starfleet Hospital or even in his own apartment.

"Then it's settled," she said with a shrug, returning to her reading.

McCoy's brow knit together. She'd already had done too much. "I can handle tonight. I already downed half of this cup of coffee. You don't have - "

"I do," she chided him. "Because tomorrow is a Saturday and my precious granddaughter is coming in the morning."

"Mama- "

"Oh, by the way, I made decaf."

McCoy scowled and stared down at the little that was left in his mug. She always made caffeinated, didn't she? "That was a dirty trick."

"Learned it from your father years ago when I'd get on those cleaning tangents around the house," she said, looking at him with affection. "You wisely brought the captain here to give yourselves a fresh perspective, to help him heal, to help yourself heal. Let me help as I can. It would be better for you to also deal with Jocelyn after you've slept for more than two or three hours."

After a moment, he admitted to himself that she was right, about many things. "Alright, I will," he relented. "I would say it would be an easier night, but with the side effects being what they are, you'll need to check on him every hour."

"That poor man," she murmured.

He tried not to dwell on the same sentiment. The fact was, everything that he'd done for Jim had caused an endless domino effect, beginning with the very moment he had injected the dead captain with a serum made from augment's blood and not ending with the numerous emotions he himself was feeling right now. Sympathy was at the top of the list, right alongside his guilt. "And if he happens to wake up and asks for me, please don't hesitate to get me," he said gruffly.

"Leonard, I imagine he'll ask for you every single time," she said in a soft but controlled voice. "He may be here, at a place where he feels much comfort, but he needs more than that. I imagine it is awfully difficult to go between doctor and friend."

McCoy watched his mother carefully, half expecting her to give him more of a scolding than this underhanded piece of advice.

Instead, she cocked her head, her expression full of concern. "You do see that he needs you right now."

"Mama..." He cleared his throat.

"Would it be so hard to forget about being a doctor for once?" She asked him with such a kind, motherly air about her that McCoy couldn't be upset at her.

"His life depends on me being the doctor," he said quietly. Jim's health was at precarious point right now.

"Hmm, I see. I won't bother you anymore about it, except to say that you may want to look at things differently for Jim's sake. He needs his friend more than a hypospray and he needs that sooner than later," she stressed. Now that Jim was experiencing more side effects from the drug therapy, McCoy wasn't too sure about that. He'd rather see Jim live then watch as his body withered and wasted away, but he let her talk. Jim viewed McCoy as his disgruntled, nagging doctor, and that was another issue altogether. McCoy had only himself to blame for the mess. "You can't help but notice the trust he has in you and the devotion he has for you, Leonard."

"Speaking of that," he said, leading the conversation elsewhere. "I think he may have heard us talking some. I gave him a sedative before he could say too much."

"Oh, dear," she said softly. "This will be upsetting to him."

McCoy chuckled dryly. "Why do you think I never told him? And gave him that sedative? He'd never sleep."

"He cares too much about you both to let it go," she murmured.

"But he has to let it go. He can't afford to have stress like that in his life," McCoy said. "I'm hoping that he'll forget most of that conversation by morning. He was still a little out of it and preoccupied with...the contraption."

Nora smiled sadly. "What the poor captain must be feeling right now, unable to catch his breath, with one thing after another thrown at him. I would be worried for him, except I know that he has you."

"He was there for me when I was at my worst, and still is," McCoy said.

His mother's eyes warmed as she stretched her arm across the table to clutch his hands. "I've never known either of you boys to be so shy with one another."

Shy? He was tiptoeing around Jim, with good reason. "I'm not sure this is the right time to talk, not while he's recovering from this round of drug therapy. He's worn out," he said, deciding it was just better for all of them to be realistic when Jim was so vulnerable.

"It's the perfect time, my dear," she said softly. "I imagine that all of this has brought him to a point where he'd be more than willing to listen to what you have to say."

oOo

"Ya ready?"

Jim looked at the face that had greeted him in the morning when the rain had begun pattering on his window. He nodded. He was as ready as he was going to be, especially now that he was finally free of that damned catheter for at least an hour, which was the time Bones promised him in the bath.

"On the count of three, Jimbo," the doctor said. "One...two...three..."

Jim stood to his feet with the doctor's arm around his back and his own around Bones' shoulder. His robe fell open revealing his boxers and cringe-worthy physique. He looked down - a bad idea. The dizziness he expected but the loose-limbed feeling came as a surprise. His breath came out in heavy spurts, unable to put one foot in front of another until he thought his jelly-like legs would hold him. The hand around him tightened.

"Ya alright?" Bones asked, concerned.

"Just..." Jim grated out in a harsh whisper. He blinked several times. He wanted that bath more than anything - and his comm - so he lied to the drawling doctor. "Yep."

Bones snorted. "You'd fall on your face if I wasn't holding on to ya, so I'll take that as no," Bones' stressed the word at the end and waggled his eyebrows.

"I don't think...it's that bad," Jim rasped.

"Don't talk."

Jim rolled his eyes and shuffled forward with Bones.

"I saw that," Bones said. "I'll have you know, I am reminding you for your own good."

It took more effort than he'd wanted to give, but a minute later, Jim sank down onto the chair inside the spacious and very modern bathroom that was adjacent to his room. He stared with longing at the tub filling with water and was happily surprised to see that it had jets. A jacuzzi bathtub? He'd never want to get out. "Can I go in yet?" He whispered, inching to the edge of the chair.

"In a minute," Bones said, dipping his hand in the water. "I wanted the temperature to be just right for you so you don't catch a chill. Jojo will be here in an hour," he went on, "but that doesn't mean you have to get out of the bath, Jim. Just enjoy yourself in here, and my mama or I will be just a button away if you need help. Ya might with your hair."

Jim nodded, glancing at the buttons by the tub. There was one for calling Bones or Nora, and others for temperature, water, and the jets. There were two folded towels by the tub, as well as soap, shampoo, and a washcloth on a narrow ledge. On the rug in front of a tub was another robe and a pair of slippers that looked to be his size and that he could imagine wearing, comfortable and clean and maybe feeling like a human being again. He leaned forward, staring at his bare feet as he poked his toe into the soft rug. He was a little chilly now, so he guess he didn't mind that Bones was taking his time to get the water ready.

He wasn't sure when to ask Bones about Jojo, either, so he kept letting time pass by, waiting for the right moment. Bones seemed generally happier, or at least more rested than the day before, and Jim didn't want to ruin it for him, not with Jojo coming. Maybe if he got his comm back, he'd just forgo asking Bones and approach Spock, instead, for help.

"Jim? Are ya sure ya want to do this? I was trying to get your attention for a full minute," Bones said.

Jim rubbed his forehead and winced. This wasn't going exactly as planned. He peered up at Bones and nodded, hoping the doctor wouldn't change his mind. "Was thinking."

Bones' brow furrowed.

"My comm," Jim bit his lip.

Bones arched a brow. "You'd like to use it?"

He nodded, squirming a bit.

Bones frowned. "I'm not keeping it hostage, Jim."

Jim frowned back. He could've fooled him.

"I'm sorry it seemed that way," Bones said quietly. "I didn't want anyone bothering you while you settled in here."

"Oh."

Bones sighed. "I am very sorry...I thought it best..."

"'S okay," Jim said, voice paper thin.

"No, it's not okay, not if you thought...listen, I'll set it by your bed." Bones said, slowly losing his frown. "But now, your bath awaits, captain."

Jim tried not to think about how skinny he was next to Bones as he slowly managed to drop his shorts and as Bones pulled the robe off his body, but it was impossible. He was skin and bones and shaking like a leaf.

He whispered a curse, his heart pounding in his ears. It would take two challenging steps over the side of the tub and into the water. He'd be a fool to say he could manage it.

Hadn't it been mere weeks ago that he'd jumped over a cliff with Bones?

"Just go slowly," Bones murmured in his ear.

He was going something, that was for sure, but Jim wasn't even certain how Bones managed to make him take the first step. One foot slipped into the water, his weight completely supported by the doctor. The other foot somehow made it. His skin prickled as he stood, already fighting that chill that Bones didn't want him to get.

Bones mouth pressed into a flat, determined line as he guided Jim lower, into the water. "Easy, Jim."

He made it into the water not a moment too soon. The water went up to his shoulders and was all the warmth he wanted. Still, he shivered for a few more seconds.

"Ya have everything right at your fingertips," Bones said softly. "Even music."

Jim crossed his arms under the water, his hands gripping opposite elbows and at a loss for words.

Bones hesitated. "If you need anything..."

"I'm fine," Jim said, managing to make his voice a little stronger.

"Okay, I'll see if my mama needs help with anything else for Jojo," Bones said. "But I'm here to help, Jim, alright?"

Jim nodded. Bones turned to leave and Jim couldn't watch. He sank back in the water to his chin, and instead of feeling elation that he was finally able to clean himself, he only felt the drowning ache of his depression returning.

"Jim?"

Jim eyes widened as he stared up at Bones.

The doctor had paused with one hand and foot already out the door, staring back at him with an unreadable expression.

Jim's eyes stung. If he was going to be here alone, without someone to talk to, there really wasn't any point to taking a bath. If he didn't have a friend to talk to, he'd be forced to take a bath lonely and miserable.

But if Bones was going to leave...he better just walk away now.

Jim couldn't even make himself pick up the washcloth and soap and begin washing himself. Instead, he worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I thought it'd be better for me to get out of your way, but if you need company...or want..." Bones finally said, his voice trailing off in question.

After a moment of shocked silence, Jim's eyes shut briefly in relief. He nodded.

He heard footsteps, then the doctor's clothes rustle as his body sank to the rug beside the tub. Jim swallowed harshly.

Once the doctor was settled beside him, Jim looked over. Bones was observing him, his expression revealing nothing of the awkwardness of the last minute but something relaxed that sent a calm through him,

"Want me to help with your hair before you start?" Bones asked.

Jim's chest expanded with a large breath that he then exhaled slowly. "Sure," he whispered.

"Lean back," Bones said quietly, picking up the detached hose.

He tipped his head back, closing his eyes as Bones sprayed the warm water along his scalp. Once his head was wetted thoroughly, the water stopped and Bones set down the hose. Jim blinked away a few drops of water from his eyes, waiting as Bones took a small amount of shampoo in his hands.

Jim's mind wondered as Bones carried out a task that would be difficult for Jim to handle on his own. The doctor's hands massaged the shampoo in what seemed to be perfect circles with just the right touch. He couldn't help but think this was the first time in a very long, long time that Bones had let down his guard in front of Jim. He didn't seem to be Bones the doctor, but Bones the friend. And it had taken Bones washing his hair for it to happen.

He didn't mind that they weren't talking. His throat still hurt, anyway, and it was just like many times they've had between them in the past. No words, just themselves, at their worst or even at their best.

Just...together.

"Just a bit more," Bones breathed, then after a moment, "Done. Lean back so I can rinse ya."

He swallowed hard and did as the doctor asked, but slowly. He was relieved when Bones' hand was at his back in support.

"Okay, I'm done," Bones said softly as the last of the shampoo was rinsed away. "Just give me a few more seconds, I'll dry your eyes for you."

Bones patted Jim's face with a soft, dry towel. Once the towel was taken away, Jim breathed out a contented sigh. The experience as a whole had left him happier than he'd been for several days, so he smiled. It felt so damn good that he kept on smiling.

"Thank you," Jim whispered.

He then opened his eyes and found that the doctor hadn't budged. In fact, the doctor was staring at Jim.

"Bones?" Jim whispered.

"You're smiling. I haven't seen...you haven't smiled since..." Bones stopped, but continued to stare quietly at him. "You smiled, Jim, and I've been...missing it. I've been worried, and..." He broke off, hesitating.

Jim missed this Bones, the one who talked with him.

Bones rubbed his jaw. "Jim, about how - "

"Wait, sweetheart," a woman called from a distance.

Bones' mouth snapped shut. Jim tensed through his shoulders, realizing it was Nora and she sounded close.

"Daddy!"

Eyes widening, Bones jumped to his feet. "I'll be back, Jim, alright?" He said, already turning on his heel.

Jim held his breath and sank into the sudsy water clear up to his ears while Bones rushed out to stop a certain seven year old from crashing through the door.

Left behind, Jim's heart took a beating as he thought how out of place he was here. Never before had he felt this way when he'd come with Bones to visit Mrs. McCoy, but it was clearer than ever to him now. He was work, just plain work for Bones. It may not have been so bad on its own, but while Bones worried about Jojo, it was even worse.

Were things ever going to be as they had been between them before the warp core? Jim couldn't imagine not having his best friend in his short life. His short life, because without Bones, Jim was certain that he wouldn't live past the age of thirty. But that fact wasn't nearly as important as this...Jojo needed her father.

He didn't come up for air until he was certain the coast was clear and the bathroom door closed.

When it was Nora and not Bones who came in a full twenty minutes later to help him out of the now cool, perfectly still water, Jim wasn't surprised at all.