Notes : BQ's letter, written after the event in chapter 44 - 45

Originally this chapter is present in picture format; due to FFnet limitation of formatting style, it will be replaced with normal text as usual. If you want to take a look at those original pictures; try this link.

www dropbox com / sh / lv94318ozsm6u2r / AADc7K2oSfjVfhDCWxONzog_a?dl=0

Mother,

When you are reading this letter, I am already on my way to the Mortal Realms. Please forgive this unfilial daughter for not coming to visit you first. I know everyone are worrying about me. But I desperately need to get away far away from all this suffocating life, so I can take a breathe.

So much came to pass during my time of slumbering. On one hand, I am glad justice was served. On another, I can do without the aggravating memories of my past incarnation. Yes, I remembered all of them now. How I wish to forget all of that again; there was nothing there except the heartaches. But you already knew that.

When you sent me to Kunlun Mountain I never thought the course of my life would be forever changed. Have I ever thank you for letting me remain there? There are so many regrets in my life but I never regret those twenty thousand years; despite the gruesome wars and horrific deaths and suffering that followed. Perhaps such is the way of Fates.

Before Master's return, I already resigned myself to the loveless marriage you tried to set up for me. I never dare to dream Master and I could be together like we are now. I even believe come to believe we will finally have our happy together forever this time. Life is never that easy, is it not? I should have known, especially by his side. But I am not complaining, I will always choose him no matter what will happen.

Mother, please do not fault Master for my decision anymore. He never wants to see me suffering anymore than you do. I wish to make a change for the better for everyone and I acted on it. The horrible outcomes that followed are not really anyone's fault but mine. I was too confident, too set in my own ways to see otherwise. And I paid such a steep price for my folly.

I guess Zhe Yan did not tell you this either. I just learned it last night from Master that I was pregnant at the time. All my life, save for Master's fall during the last War, I never felt this miserable, this angry at myself. My child was lost forever. No miracle in this world will ever fix that. For a moment, I felt like dying again but then there was Master. He took the death so hard and refused to stop blaming himself for everything. It pains me to see him so broken inside; knowing I have a hand in his misery.

Mother, tell me how do we come back from that? Will we ever? Now he is convinced that he had put a curse on our future children by coming back to life. I still have doubts though. I wish to ask if you or Father ever heard or encountered such a thing. Returning from the Nothingness really demands a retribution? If so, a life for a life is not just enough? He seems to believe strongly in it, but I do not. Please help me looking for any references regarding this. If we are indeed cursed, they must be a way to come around. I am not giving up. If not, I want Master to see it so that he can put this impossible misgiving to rest.

I know you have tired yourself out planning the wedding for me. But right at this moment Master is most important to me. I wish to be there with him and for him. It might take us years to be fine again.

I hope you will come to see my points. They said time heals all wounds but I would rather say only love could heal his broken heart. I do not know what the future will hold for us but I choose to look on the brighter side. I know for certain that Master and I will always be together. We will find a way for us to be content, no matter how circumstances change.

Mother, I ask you to be happy for us and do not worry anymore. We will come back someday when we are ready, until that day come, I bid you a farewell.

Bai Qian,

Your daughter.

PS. Please give my best wishes for Xiao Jiu, I am not certain we will make it to her coronation. She would make a fine queen and make us proud someday, I am certain. Oh, please also tell Ali that I am still keeping our promise, though it might be delayed a little.