Recovery
Shayera continued to hum her tune as Wally continued to sob on her shoulder. Of everybody, Shayera found herself more forgiving towards Wally if only because she knew how it must have hurt him to have not trust her. The two of them were as thick as thieves and to have such a relationship fall like theirs did: it would have hurt both parties. Wally continued to sob on Shayera, unashamed at how pathetic he looks. Five years and eleven weeks was how long the guilt had been secretly eating at Wally. He initially didn't believe that Shayera was the suspect, but so much evidence had been stacked against her that Wally believed it and didn't believe her. For Wally, this became the catalyst for his indecisiveness for the last five years. His guilt was visible to the others, but they always helped him forget about it and move on. Feeling Shayera's arms around him again, Wally had never felt more shame than now, seeing as how he should be the one to comfort Shayera and not Shayera comforting him.
Wally lifted his head from Shayera's shoulder and hugged her properly, one arm going around her and gently squeezing her wings and the other around her shoulders as he said, "I'm so sorry."
"I know." said Shayera quietly, tears making her voice thick. Wally squeezed his hug tighter and rested his head on top of hers. The two best friends just hugged each other quietly, enjoying the bittersweetness that was given to them. Haunting memories floated around in their minds but they were happy to have the other by their side again after so many years. Shayera in particular was feeling very blessed. She had prayed often to the gods to give the chance to properly say goodbye to Wally whenever she had thought she was dying. Now that she was safely back in the Watchtower, she was just happy to have Wally by her side again.
"You know," said Wally, swallowing a sob that threatened to escape and deciding to try for humor, "I should be the one comforting you, and not the other way around."
"It's ok, Wally. I know it hit you the hardest." explained Shayera. What? Wally blinked at her response. Harder for him? Wally pulled from the hug to look at Shayera fully. She avoided eye-contact quickly, staring at her hands while Wally tried to process what she just said. Did she really believe that Wally had the hardest of them all when she suffered from abuse and horror from the Gordanians? Wally remembered asking J'onn about her condition after the first week passed when they had rescued her. Malnutrition, severe infections, and broken bones were just a few of the many things that happened to Shayera. Wally didn't even want to know what happened to her psychologically, seeing as how she is afraid to meet his eyes. J'onn mentioned that she was fearful of them turning their backs to her again, to leave her and abandon her when she needs them the most.
"Shay?" he pushed gently, "Shay, look at me."
She slowly looked at him and Wally almost felt his heart clench to see the weary and frightened light in her eyes. She was afraid that he might turn on her again. Wally hugged her tighter and said, "Never again. You hear me? I won't ever betray you like that again."
"You didn't," argued Shayera, "I betrayed you. I de-"
"-No!" said Wally, "You didn't deserve it. You should have been left alone but Luthor and Brainiac… they… they took advantage of our perceptions of you. They twisted it. You didn't deserve any of the punishments handed to you Shay. You deserve a happy and peaceful and I promise you, I'll help you achieve it."
Shayera said nothing, not trusting her voice and definitely not trusting her ears. Wally meant well, but eventually another disaster will happen and she will be blamed again. No one will believe her again because she deserves. She deserves every single punishment. Wally released her and said, "The others want to see you, ok? I'll be right outside."
Shayera almost tightened her grip on Wally, not wanting him to leave. But if she did then he might consider her clingy and not visit her anymore so she reluctantly released him and watched as he left the room. Shayera waited in fear for whoever walked in next. She thought of John and her heart accelerated. Her near death wishes often included having John beside her, telling her about their son. Rex… she can never have children. Shayera felt tears spring up in her eyes as she thought about all the misfortunes that continue to befall on her.
Shayera wondered if she was ever meant to have a good life. Did she already waste it by betraying the League to her people? Was that her last chance of happiness? Her brief relationship with Carter had given her hope that she might have happiness, but he was only affected by the damaged Absorbascon: his feelings are not his own. He was deluded into thinking he was actually Katar Hol, an ancestor of Shayera's. It'd be a little strange to be in a relationship with family after all. Shayera shook her head from those thoughts. They were too much of the past for her to really want to remember. To remember that she used to be a hero, that she wasn't afraid to speak her mind, to not be so afraid of leaving the room. Thoughts of leaving her room actually scare her. She was much to use to being in a small and confined room like her cell back in the Gordanian Prison. The open sky, the wall-less open space made her feel unsafe and too exposed.
The doors slid open and Shayera looked up to see a very unsure Superman step into the room. He didn't meet her eyes, which was fine for Shayera.
Shut up, Traitor echoed through Shayera's mind. Those last words were the last time Clark had ever spoken directly to her. Shayera had no idea how to really talk with Clark. With Wally, it was natural to forgive him. With Clark… Shayera felt a little bitterness towards him in the same way she feels about Bruce. They should have investigated harder but for all the times that they had promised to protect their own: they were quite ready to abandon her. Shayera fearfully gazed away from him when he looked at her and walked further into the room.
Shayera heard him cautiously approach her before he said, "I… I'm sorry."
He sounded very unsure in his apology, as though he was wondering if it was the appropriate thing to say. What do you tell someone whom you wrongfully imprisoned for five years aside from "I'm Sorry"? Superman looked at Shayera as she hugged herself into a tight ball on the bed. Bruce and J'onn had quietly informed the team after Wally was left in the room with Shayera just how deep Shayera's psychological problems were. If it wasn't for the fact that she was an exonerated hero, they might have found an honest psychologist easily. However, so much media coverage was made about Hawkgirl's framing and her innocence that many greedy and fame-seeking psychologists had offered themselves to give the traumatized hero treatment. J'onn was still going over the list of psychologists before they can decide on one, so for now J'onn will be her temporary psychologist.
"Shayera, I want to tell you how sorry. I… I fell for his tricks again and I didn't trust my friend when she needed me. I wasn't the hero that she thought I was… I'm sorry." said Clark, his voice cracking at the last word. He thought he could keep himself together not just for his sake but for Shayera's as well, but here he was about to bawl like a child. Shayera looked at Clark wearily, her hands wringing in an effort to stop her panic attack. She had one of the strongest beings in the universe standing across from her and she was afraid that anything she says will give him a reason to imprison her again. The last time it happened, he had grabbed her wings none too gently and proceeded to almost break them with just a slight pressure from his hands. Shayera shivered at the memory and Clark noticed, also recalling the time he last spoke to Shayera. It was not his finest hour.
Clark could remember the rage and the hurt that came with believing the evidence against Shayera. He had voted her back into the League, believing in second chances. When it looked like Shayera was throwing it away, he took it personally that his judgement call was not heeded by Shayera. Clark sighed and slowly sat next to her. Shayera stiffened but kept her eyes glued firmly on her hands. Clark lifted a hand and gently patted her shoulders, causing her to stiffen at the contact. They had never been close friends, but Shayera had and still has a lot of respect for Clark. He could easily rule the world if he wanted to, but he is such a good man. Shayera wished that things could have been different.
"You know… there was a time when Darkseid had taken control over me." confessed Superman, "Do you remember?"
Shayera shook her head and looked at him in surprise.
"This must have been before you came to Earth then… so long ago… Anyways, he managed to brainwash me and had unleashed me in Metropolis where I proceeded to destroy the city. I almost killed the woman I love in the process along with my cousin and my friends. I was used and I thought I would never get over it," said Clark as he turned to look at Shayera fully, "I was placed in a situation that was out of my control but I broke free from it and had friends to help me. I promise you Shay, you won't be alone. Not anymore."
His promise was touching and Shayera gently patted his arm and gave a weak smile. She hadn't had much reason to smile most days, so it felt a little good to give one. Superman smiled and gave Shayera a one-sided hug before he stood up and said, "I'm going to talk to J'onn and Bruce ok? We're going to help you work things out."
Shayera smiled a little bigger before Clark left the room. It felt… nice. It's all Shayera could really think of. At least Clark has some idea. Shayera hoped though that it is enough that he will not be so easily tricked into imprisoning her again. Shayera would rather kill herself than go back to the Gordanian Prison. At least in death, all her problems will go away and she won't ever have to deal with such misery ever again.
Shayera heard the doors slide open and she was met with Diana.
Diana.
The same Diana that took joy in arresting her, in being proven right that Shayera was not to be trusted and who had a grand time reminding Shayera that she deserved whatever punishment was handed to her. The two former friends looked at each other, each one sporting a weary and frightened expression. Shayera was more out of fear that Diana might still believe that she deserved what she got in the Gordanian Prison. Diana was more terrified that Shayera won't want to forgive her, that she won't want to be friends again. Diana might have had friends in the other women of the Justice League, but Shayera had her own category because she was the first female friend she ever made in Man's World. Shayera is a sister in spirit and it hurt Diana every time to remember that she was only too happy to imprison her and to rub salt to her wounds. Diana slowly walked towards and hesitantly sat down beside her on the bed.
Shayera refused to meet her eyes. Afraid that she will be accused of something again or be reminded as to why she deserved punishment. Shayera couldn't handle anything right now and she hoped that whatever Diana had to say, that it won't hurt her too much. She was surprised, though, when Diana flung her arms around Shayera and tears began to spill over. Much like with Wally, Shayera soothed Diana's sobs. Diana though was touched that Shayera was attempting to soothe her and said, "Shouldn't I be the one to be comforting you?"
"Funny, Wally said the same thing." teased Shayera, shocked at how natural the tease came out. Diana though was a little relieved to hear that small spark of spunk come from Shayera. Apollo may have taken his time n healing Shayera, but Diana was positive that she can help Shayera be like her old self again. It might not be like the good old times, but Diana said, "Shayera, I promise upon the Gods and Goddesses that I will not abandon you again. I won't make the same mistake ever again. I'm so sorry."
Shayera nodded her head and said, "It's ok."
"How could you forgive me so easily?" asked Diana, not believing that forgiveness was being handed to her on a platter instead of having to work for it, "You should demand that I serve you or that I relinquish my powers. Anything!"
"I have no need for your powers, Diana," said Shayera softly, "I don't want a servant. I want… I want my friend."
Moved by her confession, Diana hugged Shayera and promised, "I promise that things will be different."
Diana and Shayera each gave each other a small smile before Diana had to depart, she was being called for a mission with Supergirl and Stargirl.
Shayera nervously fretted in her seat on her bed. There was only one person left. John. The many nights she dreamt of John rescuing her from her prison, the coldness of his eyes when he refused to believe her, and his rejection of their son that he had met in the post-apocalyptic world that was the future. Shayera was more afraid of seeing him than anyone else. Her feelings for John never faded, despite his obvious disgust when she was framed for the murders of the World Leaders. She was devastated when he refused to believe her, but now? Now what? Shayera didn't know how to feel. She was afraid to give her heart to him… if he even wants it. Was he still with Mari? Did he find someone else? Did he forget about her already? Shayera was afraid of the answers when the doors slid open.
Hey readers, I drank coffee and I needed to burn this energy into something. Hope you liked the chapter :) up next, John learns about the trauma and the horrors Shayera faced in the Gordanian Prison. Thank you for reading :)