Agoraphobia
Shayera trembled as she wrapped her blanket tighter around herself, watching the door warily in case anybody tried to walk in again without her permission. Her room is her only sanctuary and the hero, Stargirl, walked in without a care. Shayera had immediately suffered through a panic attack, whimpering and quickly falling to her knees before the young heroine with her arms and hands raised in a show of submission. Stargirl had tried to calm her down but when she touched her shoulder, Shayera blanked out and began to scramble for an escape, shouting for mercy and forgiveness. It was the timely intervention of J'onn that stopped Shayera from harming herself and escorted the guilty heroine out of her room.
"I didn't mean to scare her," said Stargirl, horrified at Hawkgirl's reaction to her.
"It was unwise to walk in there without clearance from Batman or I," chastised J'onn, "While your intentions of rebuilding bridges is admirable, Hawkgirl is still in need of healing and rebuilding before we can allow anyone else to see her. The Flash, Red Tornado, Canary, and Question are the only ones allowed to see her aside from Batman and myself, understand?"
"Yes sir." Stargirl said meekly, leaving to inform her small group of friends that they probably shouldn't attempt what she did. Shayera was kept on sedatives for the rest of the day when she wouldn't remain calm and it was just this morning that they had removed it from her system.
Shayera sniffled a little and wished John was with her, but the mission in space took longer than expected. Shayera wrapped the blanket tighter again, uncaring that her wings were being uncomfortably squished. Shayera flopped to her side, wanting to go to sleep when the door opened. Her heart raced and she fearfully watched to see who entered her room. Her heart bursted in joy when she saw John and quietly gave a small whisper, "John."
John tiredly marched through the hallway, needing to see Shayera. So much has happened while he was gone. First Shayera relearned how to walk, the next is that she managed to open up to Red Tornado, Question, and Canary, and the last bit is that they had attempted to reintegrate her back into the social circle. While the first two were good news, John grimaced when J'onn informed him what happened after they had tried to integrate her in the cafeteria. John wished he could have been there but he, Superman, and Wonder Woman were following a lead to a possible Brainiac location and needed to corner the psychotic AI before any more damage could be done. He walked up to her door and opened the door in a rush, walking in briskly when he heard the quiet, "John."
He looked at her in the bed, cocooned tightly in her blankets with dark circles under her eyes. He walked up to her bed and held her in a tight hug, feeling her tremble and burrowing her face into his chest. He felt warm tears soak through his uniform and he immediately began to rock her and whisper into her hair, "It's ok, Shay. You're ok. Shhh."
"I'm sorry." Shayera could feel her face burn in embarrassment at her behavior and she hopes that John won't turn away from her for displaying such weak behavior.
"Why are you apologizing?" asked John.
"I… I can't stop being afraid." admitted Shayera, cheeks still burning and her forehead pressing against John's shoulder.
"We're here to help, Shay," comforted John, removing her blankets in order to let her stretch better. Her wings flared out again and Shayera gave a small groan in shame. John massaged her wings until the stiff limbs softened and she relaxed. Carefully tucking her wings, John massaged between her shoulder blades, earning a small purr from her. John smiled and felt her smile too. Shayera nuzzled up against him and settled down next to him, trying to adjust more comfortably. Eventually, Shayera was sitting on his lap and John was leaning back against her the headboard of her bed.
"Why were you gone so long?" asked Shayera quietly. John took a deep breath and sighed, trying to figure out how to explain to Shayera about Luthor and Brainiac. While it wasn't a world-wide secret, considering how the majority of the planet is on a manhunt for the two villains, J'onn and Batman had discussed with him about how much to reveal to Shayera about how her framing was orchestrated and how they suspect the two wanted her to be free. Even John was instantly suspicious about how the tape came about, just in time to save her. While telling her the truth won't really harm her, the implication that they only saved her based on a video might destroy whatever fragile trust that was developed between them.
"Just a simple civic case." lied John, feeling Shayera sigh contently against him. The two sat in silence, enjoying each other's company when a knock to the door shattered the happy silence.
"Wh-Who's there?" asked Shayera, her heart racing. John immediately rubbed her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her neck, helping her to relax.
"Shayera, it Dinah." came the voice and Shayera relaxed fully, getting up with John helping her remain upright until she managed to stand on her own. Shayera opened the door slowly and smiled at Dinah, who gave her a bright smile.
"Shayera, today is- oh hey John!"
"Hey Dinah, what's up?"
"I was sent here by Batman to introduce Shayera to her counselor." said Dinah.
"Counselor? What counselor? I thought J'onn was her counselor." John immediately went on the defensive, having not been informed about this by Batman.
"J'onn still has other responsibilities to do around the Watchtower and he's already with Shayera anyways for her therapy sessions. The counselor is just to help Shayera." explained Dinah.
"Who's the counselor?" asked John, tightly holding Shayera's hand in his own.
"I don't know, Batman just said to escort Shayera to the Founder's Conference Room and to also brief you on your next mission."
"Already? I just got back!" complained John.
"I know! But we got word about Sinestro being spotted around Europe and they need you to help them provide backup."
"I-… fine. But as soon as this mission is over, I want to be left alone for at least two days and be called for emergency only."
"Right." agreed Dinah, "Let's go, Shay."
Dinah and John walked outside the room while Shayera stood frozen inside her room. Her legs refused to work and she trembled as she thought about leaving her only safe place. John noticed that Shayera didn't follow them and walked back to her room to see her frozen in place.
"Shayera? Are you alright?" asked John. Shayera tried to speak but instead backed away, trying to avoid walking outside. Her room is her only sanctuary, the only place she can really relax. Outside is dangerous and uncertain. Outside means more people that want to hurt her. Outside is too open and anyone can come at her in any direction.
"Shay?" questioned John, worried at the trembling and the tears that were falling out of her eyes.
"I… I don't want to go outside." said Shayera.
"Why not? Don't you get a little claustrophobic in here?" asked John, hoping that by reminding her about her fear she might want to walk with them. She shook her head and stepped further back into her room. Dinah walked past John and followed Shayera inside.
"Shay," she spoke quietly, "are afraid of being outside?"
John was about to comment how ridiculous that sounded, seeing as how Shayera always hated being indoors for too long, but was shocked when he watched her tearfully nod and shamefully bow her head. Dinah cautiously wrapped her arms around Shayera into a hug, allowing the winged woman to sob on her shoulder.
"It's ok," said Dinah, "We can get past this."
Dinah turned around to John and gestured at him with her head to walk inside. John walked in, cursing himself for forgetting about her trauma and her new fears. Of course she would be afraid of being outside. Five years in a cell meant that every time she was taken outside, she was being beaten or humiliated by those monsters. John could feel his heart weigh down at every sob Shayera made, reminding him that it was his entire fault she was like this.
Looking around the room, John spotted her closet door and opened it. A few clothes hung from the hangers and he spotted a hooded coat at the very side. He reached in and pulled it out, checking it out for size. He walked back to Shayera and placed the coat on her. She looked back at him and he placed the hood on her.
"Just don't look outside the hood, ok?" asked John. Shayera stood quietly until she said, "Ok."
He picked her up bridal style and made sure that her hood managed to obscure her vision from her surroundings. He walked outside, letting Dinah lead, and was grateful that the hallway had no heroes walking about. He didn't want anybody walking up to him and bother Shayera. They made it to the Founder's Conference Room without a bump and walked in, John placing Shayera down and all of them looking up to see Dinah just stare ahead incredulously.
Dinah was doing her best not to scream so as not to scare Shayera, who was still shivering in her place for being in a bigger room than her bedroom. Across from Dinah was a woman with two pigtails, one end with a blue highlight and the other end with pink. Her pale skin contrasted greatly with the red and black jacket she was wearing and the baby blue eyes screamed insanity.
John looked at where Dinah was staring and saw Harley Quinn casually sitting down in Superman's chair with Batman sitting next to her.
"What is she doing here?" demanded John while shoving Shayera behind him, protecting her from whatever danger that might come with Quinn.
"Sheesh," complained Quinn, "I haven't even done anything yet. I'm the new counselor!"
"WHAT?" John's rage frightened Shayera that she backed away from him, cowering in her large coat and unseen except for Harley.
"Hey Flashlight," scolded Harley, "How 'bout you calm down and stay quiet while I 'xplain stuff to yah? You're scarin' her!"
John turned to Shayera and immediately felt guilt stab at his heart, the shiver going through Shayera reminded him of her fragile state of mind. John reached out to her and gently pushed her forward, helping her sit on the very chair she once sat in all those years ago.
"Hey Shay," said Quinn quietly, " 'member me?"
"Harley." whispered Shayera. Still unsure whether her eyes were deceiving her, Shayera cautiously reached out to Harley's extended hand and gave a weak but joyous smile when Harley squeezed to show that she is real.
"Hey Bats, do yah mind givin us a few minutes?" asked Harley. Batman nodded and gestured to John and Dinah to follow him outside. He needed to speak to them privately anyways regarding Shayera's room.
When it was just Harley and Shayera, Harley quickly dropped her calm front and bursted into tears. Wrapping her arms around her secret friend, Harley sobbed tears of joy at seeing her fellow redemption-seeking friend after five years.
Shayera did her best to try and figure out what Harley was blubbering about. She could only make out the words Ivy, rocket, and Coney Island hot dogs. When Harley was done, Shayera let her keep hugging her. It has been a while since she has talked with the infamous clown princess.
"How are you holding up Shay?" asked Quinn. Hawkgirl has always been the most interesting hero to talk with next to Batman. An ex-spy who turned on her superiors for a species not her own. Harley is still a psychologist at heart and she is always interested in the thought process that came with the Thanagarian hero.
"I'm good." said Shayera quietly.
"You're lying Shay. You're wings are drooping." Shayera lowered her gaze and trembled. Harley, noticing a panic attack, quickly rubbed her back and told her, "Let it out."
All the nights and days when she wanted to scream in terror because of her fear that they will send her back was unleashed in the form sobs. Harley had always been the perfect person to vent her frustrations at, whenever the League was too tough or when Shayera experienced hatred by the public. It felt good to have Harley with her again.
"Shay? Do you want to just talk? I'm yer counselor!" The bright smile Harley gave her also made Shayera smile. Shayera sniffled a little and asked, "Is it just between us?"
"I'm a professional," said Harley as she and Shayera moved their chairs to face the window to see the beauty of space. As the two began to talk, Batman was relaying his findings to John and Dinah.
"You think Luthor and Brainiac managed to bug her room?" asked Dinah. John was off to the side seething in rage. He was going to murder the two when he gets his hands on them. Shayera deserves to have her peace and the two villains wanted to do who knows what with her.
"I know they did," said Bruce, "I have already discovered three recording devices planted throughout her room."
"How did they manage to get into the Watchtower?" demanded John.
"I believe someone here is working for them and has been planting these devices."
"Why do they want Shayera?" demanded John, his anger getting the best of him.
"I don't know and I don't like not knowing."
"Is the room in the Metrotower finished?" asked Dinah.
"Only Founders and specific League members and doctors will be allowed in the room."
"Speaking of Doctors, why Harley Quinn?" asked John, still angry and a twitch forming at the bottom of his jaw. He was pacing up and down the room, trying to get rid of the aggression building up inside him.
"She's the only one capable and after checking extensively into Shayera's history using the Teleportation pad, she's been making visits to Coney Island, Harley's home." informed Bruce.
"So she's been visiting a psychiatrist behind our backs?" asked John.
"She's been visiting a friend." corrected Bruce. John stopped short of his pacing and turned to stare at Bruce. It never occurred to John that Shayera might have been experiencing problems, so caught up with his own desires to not embrace Destiny and to remain with Mari. He felt horrible again, for believing Shayera was fine before her imprisonment.
"Then why couldn't she have come to us? I would have listened!"
"After telling her about a son she will never have because you decided to evade so called 'destiny'? You think she wants to talk to you about her problems?" asked Bruce. It was hurtful and it struck a nerve in John who glared at him hatefully for reminding him. Dinah stood at the side, awkward at having caught a deeper story than intended and decided to just wait it out.
John would have exploded on Bruce's face had it not been for the red alarms sweeping across the base. Bruce pressed onto his communicator and demanded, "What is going on?"
"SHADOW THIEF!" screamed a technician,"HE'S-"
The line went dead and Bruce immediately ran towards the Founders Conference Room. If Shadow Thief is here then it is obvious that he'll go straight for Shayera. Sure enough, Bruce spotted a shadow on the ground sliver towards the room. Grabbing an emergency flare, Bruce lit it up and threw it towards the show. The Shadow immediately took form of a man, silhouetted in the light and began to fight against Bruce.
"Give it up," ordered Bruce, knowing that John and Dinah are right behind, "You're surrounded."
"Hand over Shayera." demanded Shadow Thief.
"No."
"She is safer with me than with you so called heroes."
"SHADOW THIEF!" roared John and he immediately blasted the villain to the side with his ring. Dinah ran ahead of the heroes, intent on getting to Harley and Shayera. She bursted through the doors and narrowly avoided a sledgehammer to the face.
"HARLEY!" screamed Dinah.
"What's up, blondie?" asked Harley, a smile on her face. Shayera stood behind Harley, hood over her head and crouched a little in an effort to hide better.
"Where did you get that sledgehammer?" asked Dinah.
"I'll never tell."
"Come on! I have to get you two to the warp pad!"
"What's the situation?" asked Harley as she grabbed Shayera's hand and the two followed Dinah outside. It was hectic, shadow fists came flying at heroes left and right and with the lights malfunctioning, the only real defense was the fading flare. Shayera cowered behind Harley, the whole scenario reminding her of the Gordanian prison. Her wings flared out in agitation and she would have been left behind had it not been for Harley's tight grip on her hand.
Shayera felt chills run down her spine everytime the lights flickered, her fear rising that she will have to fight. She is out of touch with her skills and she worries that she will only be a liability. Harley's grip was reassuring and they made it to the warp pad in due time.
"Emergency Override, 011 Black Canary!" cried out Dinah.
"Emergency Override accepted," came the computer voice, "Where to?"
"CONEY ISLAND!" screamed Harley and Dinah only managed to give her a frustrated look before all three were teleported away. Shayera witnessed her surroundings change and one minute they were up in the tower and the next the smell of sea and candy filled her nose. Looking around, Shayera was in an alley of a boardwalk with people across at the entrance of the alley talking and laughing. The air was clear and the sky above was a beautiful shade of blue and the sun shone brightly. Shayera trembled in fear.
"What's wrong Shay? It's the open sky!" asked Harley as Shayera's grip tightened and tears fell down her eyes as she tried to back away.
"She's afraid of the open space, Harley," informed Dinah, "Stay with her until I finish contacting the League."
"Shay," said Harley quietly, "Take a deep breath and look around."
Shayera followed her instructions and Harley smiled that at least Shayera hadn't succumbed to a panic attack.
"We are going to try some exposure. Do you know what that is?" asked Harley. At Shayera negative response, Harley continued, "We are going to expose you to some open space. Normally in psychology, we would have you go into a slightly big room and keep increasing the size until you're outside but I guess the reverse method could be fine too. I want you to slowly let go of my hand and look around. Try to remember why you loved the open space."
"It's too open," whimpered Shayera, "Anyone can get to me."
"And if anyone tries, they can get a taste of my hammer," promised Harley, "you love to fly."
"I can't. My wings sometimes doesn't work."
"And we will help you get past it. We need to get to my apartments and the only way is to walk down the boardwalk. Shay, people want to help and defend you. People here want to be your friend. Follow me and remember, you're with me and the screaming bird. We are your friends and we won't let nothin harm ya."
Shayera shivered but took deep breaths. This is her chance to get better. This is her moment. Shayera shakily followed Harley and Dinah outside the alley as Harley led the way to her apartments. Shayera could feel people staring at her but Harley and Dinah's continuous praise at her success helped her slowly let go of her fear.
In fact, Shayera felt the need to fly. The thought brought so much joy that a smile ran across her face and she suddenly hugged both Dinah and Harley from behind.
"What's that for?" asked Dinah, "Not that I'm complaining about the hug."
"I… I feel so happy." confessed Shayera, her smile making Dinah smile too.
"Save that for our next session, Shay! We're here! Mi casa, es su casa!" said Harley as she pointed at the building they approached. It was a building that showcased oddities and entertainment, a freak show of sorts.
"What's the situation at the Watchtower?" asked Harley as she led them inside.
"Shadow Thief escaped when it was clear Shayera was no longer in the Watchtower. Batman is going to send Hawkman, Red Tornado, and Question to be with Shayera at the Metrotower with John. They'll come escort us tomorrow morning as soon as they finish investigating how Shadow Thief entered and escape." said DInah.
"Well, since you guys are havin a sleepover," said Harley, "How about a movie night!?"
Harley's excitement and childish behavior was so akin to Wally's that Shayera relaxed immediately and agreed quietly. Harley would spend the next few hours throwing a party, Harley's tenants happy to see Shayera again and welcoming her back into the fold. Dinah had a rare opportunity to see how an ex-villainess spends her days and was surprised when Poison Ivy showed up without any hostile intentions.
"Pamela." greeted Dinah.
"Canary." said Ivy, briefly sparing Dinah a glance before embracing Shayera into a hug.
"How are you darling?" asked Ivy.
"I'm fine." said Shayera.
"Stop lying!" yelled Harley from across the room and Shayera blushed and corrected herself, "I'm holding on."
"Harley and I were devastated at hearing what happened to you. Always feel free to contact me if you ever want to annihilate anyone." said Ivy. Shayera only smiled and hugged Ivy, who was suddenly pinned to floor and kissed by Harley. Dinah laughed and joined the celebration, helping Shayera when she felt a little claustrophobic and competing against Harley in video game called Rock Band.
Shayera didn't stop smiling the whole night. She looked out the window and for once, she isn't afraid of what was outside.
What's up readers? Hopefully you guys liked :) thank you for reading and until next time, have a good night :)