"If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others, you are going to run out of gas."
-Joubert Botha
Amelia grudgingly admitted, on the next, cold morning, that leaving Rivendell so soon had been a mistake.
She did not light a fire, which was also a stupid move on her part, she considered, since she woke with stiff, unfeeling fingers and lips with a sickly, purple color. Her skin was pale as ice and she felt chilled to the bone.
She continued at a much slower pace, rubbing some feeling into her numb hands and jumping slightly with each step she took, to chase the chill from her body. As her blood warmed her, though not as much as to make her wholly comfortable, she walked among the trees, wondering why she had been so foolish as to not spend another day in Rivendell. In truth, she knew the answer, but preferred to stay grumpy as the sun began to peek out over the horizon. She had woken early, in the hours when it seems as if the world is holding its breath, awaiting the coming of the sun.
She followed the path for two small hours until she stopped abruptly and sat down on the side of the road, on the leaves, with a sigh and her head resting on her knees, which she had drawn close to her. Doubts plagued her mind and she made a small sound of disgust at her own weakness, seeing as something to be dispelled utterly, not just pushed from her mind, to be saved for a later time.
She waited, on the side of the road, a lone woman alone in a forest, and she wondered whether she had taken a wrong turn or been too hasty in her decision, despite her absolution not to.
Finally, after a certain amount of hours shifting in her spot, to prevent her limbs from falling too stiff, with the occasional jumping, she heard the sound of approaching footsteps, a skill she had perfected when she hid from her brothers as a little girl. It was also made easier by how those coming towards her had to trudge through the layer of leaves beneath their feet, which made them loud and unstealthy to the alert ear. Amelia jumped to her feet, her joints popping, and attempted to look casual, zipping down the front of her coat despite the cold and adopting a bored expression.
Frodo, Sam at his side, was the first to come into view, leading the company forwards. Gandalf was walking closely behind him and Amelia got the strong feeling Frodo still asked him whether he was going to right way. Behind Frodo came Aragorn, his eyes darting wearily about his surroundings and resting a hand on his long sword. After him came Boromir and Gimli, walking side by side, seemingly having a deep discussion and final, Legolas, whom Amelia realized was the only one she had yet to speak to of the Fellowship.
Frodo stopped abruptly when he saw her, standing by the side of the road and Gandalf nearly tripped over him. The wizard looked at the spot the hobbit was staring at and Amelia strolled towards them, making it obvious that she wasn't in any hurry. She did feel a tiny bit gleeful when the wizard smiled a relieved smile when he saw her.
"My dear girl!" He greeted her, briefly lifting his staff. "It gladdens me to see you, for the elves were worried greatly when an honored guest of theirs disappeared without a trace." He stepped around the hobbits in front of him and Amelia briefly saw the way the rest of the Fellowship was looking at her. Aragorn had a carefully schooled, neutral expression, the hobbits seemed delighted at her presence except for Frodo, who merely looked surprised, Boromir looked suspicious, Legolas had a somewhat polite face, but Gimli, Gimli was smiling at her, like he shared an old joke with her, one of those that had grown so old that it was almost forgotten and only the feeling of amusement remained.
"Yeah, well…" Amelia mumbled awkwardly as she shook the wizards hand briefly, but firmly. He had a stronger grasp than she had expected, still firm and tight despite his many years. "Couldn't leave you guys all alone out in the wild, could I?" The wizard's eyes held a glint and she grimaced at him, the back of her mind noticing that it was the first time she had actually seen him wearing his pointed hat. Sometimes, she thought, she truly did notice things of absolutely no relevance. "Yeah, yeah, shut up." Amelia scratched the back of her head as she bit her lip and looked at the rest of a Fellowship. She sighed and dropped her hand, but held her head high and didn't break her eyes away from any of them as she met their gaze proudly. "Look, I'll admit, I'm not a fighter like you. I actually suck pretty badly at it, but I know Gandalf didn't bring me here for fighting. I can't tell you why, but… I'm not useless. I swear." Amelia didn't sound terribly faithful in her own abilities and she was met with a heavy silence. "And I honestly couldn't care less whether you want me to come along or not, or what you think about me, as a person, as a fighter as anything really. I'm coming. Case closed, point made, end of discussion." She sounded far more certain of herself than she felt, but her emotions were a thing that she rarely revealed to their full extent.
"Well, I'll vouch for her." Gimli declared and Amelia felt a sharp sting, but the good kind, at his welcoming words.
"You would vouch for her, a mere stranger?" Boromir added in shamelessly, his noble face still holding a suspicious expression and his stony eyes hard as flint.
"Well, someone has to keep you on your toes." Amelia interrupted abruptly, once again forgetting to hold her tongue around the son of Gondor, but Gimli barked a laugh.
"What she said." He gestured towards her and Amelia gave him a wry smile in return. His eyes twinkled merrily.
"I'll vouch for her too!" Pippin chirped and even as Merry hushed him, Amelia felt grateful for his support, however insignificant it might be in the big picture.
"I trust her as well." Frodo spoke unexpectedly as well. "Perhaps not with my life or this burden I now bear, but I do not think she will betray us." Amelia was surprised that Frodo would vouch for her, but realized that it wasn't the time for being picky and silently accepted his words. There was another long moment of silence. She met Boromir's firm eyes unflinchingly, refusing to be cowed.
"As the ringbearer wishes." Boromir finally declared, though the suspicion in his eyes only grew stronger. Amelia held her back straight and didn't break her eyes away from his. Then, Frodo started walking slowly again, Gandalf and the other hobbits falling back into their usual formation. Amelia took her place behind Aragorn, who seemed to give her a tiny nod as he passed her. She didn't acknowledge it, for she was unsure that it hadn't merely been the wind tossing his hair and making him bend it to look properly at her, since a biting wind now rushed through the trees, making their dry leaves rattle.
She still felt Boromir's eyes burning into her back as she kept walking, alongside her new companions, and she held herself stiffly because of it.
She found that, while she had never liked running, even slowly, she could walk at a fair pace for much longer. It was almost pleasant, had it not been for the cold that seemed much sharper than it had been in Rivendell and the reminder of the elven city made Amelia feel the temporary loss of her own home that much keener.
She did not reveal her thoughts, as no one seemed to talk, as they strode through the forest, but she saw Aragorn's swordhand jerk when a loud growl came seemingly out of nowhere. They still kept moving, but at a much slower pace, but it only lasted a few steps before Pippin muttered an apology and Amelia suddenly grinned.
"Why, Pippin," She exclaimed with a light voice, "Don't tell me that you still haven't gotten over your losing second breakfast after months without it."
"The larders of the elven town were well stocked." Pippin defended himself and Amelia gave him an unimpressed look. As if it had been awoken by its fellow, Merry's stomach growled loudly and Amelia hid her smile behind her right hand, grateful that the attention of the others was averted so they wouldn't see her breaking the façade she had put on since her joining them. She heard Aragorn sigh lowly and Gandalf shook his head in fond irritation.
"Yeah, well, something tells me we won't exactly run across any restaurants." Amelia added, schooling her expression with some difficulty and Pippin sighed wistfully. Amelia also heard Sam make a small, sad sound in the back of his throat and she rolled her eyes at them, her smile soft and quick to fade.
Since Amelia had joined in the early afternoon, she only had to keep up with the men for a few hours before she could rest again, on the edge of the trees and she cast a dark look at the approaching landscape. Tall, grassy hills with scattered rocks and mountains. A narrow, broken pathway, the work of many feet crossing the same path, led into it and Amelia resolved to feel glad that they wouldn't wander only on Gandalf's memory and general sense of direction.
Aragorn started a small, discrete fire so quickly that Amelia doubted Gandalf could have lit the wood quicker with his staff. The hobbits sat hurdled in a small clump, sharing whatever body heat they had and Gimli sat heavily on the ground, his axe resting at his side and his helmet on his knee. Boromir sat wearily, his eyes darting from each of his companions to the next and she was no exception. Her reluctant shred of respect wasn't harmed either when he didn't look away when she caught him looking at her. Legolas, the elven prince, stood on the edge of camp, seemingly keeping watch through some unspoken agreement between him and the rest of the group.
Amelia got up, brushed her pants roughly with her hands and approached him, feeling lighter since she had dropped the weight of her backpack. The grass muffled her steps a bit, but she was well aware that he would know of her approach, even had she been more than a mile away.
"Hey." She started softly, still unaccustomed to not having to think about whether she would startle him or not. He didn't turn or acknowledge her when she came up to stand beside him, joining him in gazing out into the cool evening lands. She heard the hobbits chattering among themselves and she was happy that she wasn't the only one talking. "I realized that I never actually introduced myself properly to you. I'm Amelia… though I guess you knew that." Legolas bent his head to her in greeting and didn't introduce himself to her through words. Amelia didn't feel affronted and went back to her seat in the yellowed grass.
She heard Aragorn discussing something with Gandalf and got the feeling that she didn't want to hear it. She ignored them and tried to tune them out completely. They soon stopped however and Amelia suddenly longed for something other than the crackling of the small fire to fill the silence, since the hobbits had gone silent too. She turned her head towards Gimli.
"Look, I'm sorry about my… moodiness, when we last spoke. Back in Rivendell, I mean. It was just a pretty important date for me and all, so I guess I was a bit…" Amelia trailed off and the apology felt bitter, since she didn't feel sorry in the least. After all, it was exceptionally rare for her to regret her own actions, even when she knew that her course had been the wrong one to take.
"Your day of birth?" Gimli inquired and Amelia snorted.
"Nah. My birthday's late october. It was just a really big holiday, like, celebrated by the whole country. And I'm just kind of hanging out here." Amelia shrugged.
"What's the holiday?" Pippin asked curiously and Amelia gave him a small, soft smile.
"You'd like it. There's food, and lots of it." Pippin's, Merry's and Sam's eyes brightened with interest. "Then, we spend the day with our family and give each other gifts."
"Sounds a lot like a nameday to me." Merry interrupted and Amelia rolled we eyes.
"Did I mention we drag a tree into our living room and decorate it with glass balls and glitter?" Sam looked completely lost as soon as she didn't talk about food anymore, but she paid him no heed.
"Well, that doesn't sound like a nameday at all." Pippin exclaimed with a confused frown. Amelia rolled her blue eyes and settled on her back, gazing upwards unto unfamiliar stars as her eyelids drooped from exhaustion, both of the mind and the body. Still, sleep eluded her for a while yet, even as her mind drifted and she felt soreness in her back and legs already. She cared not for it, knowing that it was bound to get worse the further she traveled.
"Do you think she's telling the truth? About the tree?" She faintly heard Pippin ask.
"Nah, Pip. It's probably just a story." Merry answered his friend and Amelia felt her pride sting a bit as their low voices and the sound of fire faded away.
Amelia jerked away the next morning, but she couldn't remember what she had dreamed as it faded immediately and she rubbed her eyes, still tired. She saw that Aragorn, Legolas, Gandalf and Frodo were already awake and waved a hand at them to signify that she was aware of her surroundings. She glanced over at the hobbits and felt fondness, thought she didn't show at, at their sleeping faces and gentle snoring. On the contrary, Gimli snored like ten saws working on heavy logs and she felt impressed with herself for having slept through it at all. Then, her eyes slid over to Boromir, still resting a hand on his sword in his sleep. His face looked serious, but not tense and Amelia found that him looking relaxed made him look younger, not at peace, but very close to it.
"Should we wake them for breakfast?" Frodo asked softly, to let his friends sleep on and Gandalf hummed.
"We shall let them have until half the sun has risen, then eat and be on our way." Aragorn decided. Boromir woke only half a minute later though. Amelia saw it in the way something in his face hardened and it was back to the Boromir she knew and loathed.
The thought gave Amelia pause.
No, she decided. Loathe was too strong a word. She tolerated his presence. Had she hated him, he would never had heard the end of it. She limited herself to the word 'dislike', though it didn't sit quite right and she turned her focus back on waiting for breakfast, even though she knew it couldn't possibly be as splendorous as what she had grown accustomed to in Rivendell.
"Morning." She mumbled as Boromir sat up. He ignored her, but Amelia hadn't expected anything different from him in any event.
Once Frodo shook his fellow hobbits awake, an endeavor that took more than a single try, breakfast quickly got underway and they ate in silence and with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Amelia found that the food had something about it, simple, fat sausages and an apple for each, but she couldn't put her finger on it. In the end, she resolved that it was the experience of exhausted sleep under the open sky and the damp morning, as well as the general sense of adventure mixed with moodiness, that had made the food seem special, despite being nothing of the sort.
Once they had eaten, it was remarkable how quickly they cleaned up after themselves. Pots and pans were cleaned using a minimal amount of the water they carried, the small embers left behind from their fire were stomped out, backpacks were hoisted and they were on their way, in the same formation they had walked in the day before. Amelia found her shoulders had begun to ache slightly from carrying the backpack, but reminded herself that it had once been much heavier, when she had still been in school. She was merely out of practice and she dared not complain when she was still such a fresh member of the Fellowship.
Once again, the weight of what she was doing came to rest heavily on her shoulders and they sagged a bit.
Joining the Fellowship had been on a whim. She knew that. She also knew that she couldn't allow herself to change any of the coming events drastically, since she had no idea about what would happen afterwards and then, she would actually be as useless to the Fellowship as they seemed to think.
She got an urge to glance back towards Boromir. She could hear the mail beneath his dirty tunic as he walked and she knew his hand was resting on his sword, as always, but she didn't look at him. Not even once, as the sun rose fully above the horizon. Instead, she kept her eye resting on Gandalf and reminded herself that, technically, Boromir wasn't the only member of the Fellowship they were going to lose.
She could only continue and hope that she could, somehow, lessen the hurt of it.
She quickened her pace briefly, so that she could walk beside Aragorn. He gave her a discrete, questioning look, one that she didn't answer. She only looked away and he didn't inquire further.
As the hills of the landscape grew taller, the order in which they walked changed as well and as they passed two distinct boulders on the top of yet another hill, Amelia realized that they had just had the moment where each member of the Fellowship was shown, individually, emerging up on the hilltop, from the movie and she shook her head to herself. Knowing that such moments would come and actually living the moments felt vastly different, as she often got the strangest sense of déjà vu when she realized that she had just recognized something.
Finally, they stopped up on another hill, though it was big enough to be called a small mountain, and the Fellowship rested again on the mass of rocks. Sam cooked more sausages, something that he seemed to be an adept at, Gandalf sat deep in thought, Legolas stood and stared out over the landscape and Frodo was having a low discussion with Gimli. Amelia dumped down beside Aragorn, who was smoking his pipe, and he held out the bag of pipeweed. An invitation. Amelia waved him off, scrunching her nose a bit.
"No thanks. I don't smoke." Aragorn accepted her polite refusal silently and Amelia raised her eyebrows at the sound of a sharp clang. Together, Aragorn and Amelia watched Boromir attempt to give Merry and Pippin a lesson in swordfighting. Amelia gave the hobbits a fond look as Boromir corrected their stance and she was surprised to realize that she could spot the flaws in their grip and poise herself, though her technique still had more flaws than strengths.
Then, after Merry had had his turn, Boromir swung his large sword at Pippin, gently, so that the hobbit could try to parry him. Pippin actually did alright, better than Amelia had expected his gentle self to, and she nodded sleepily to herself.
"One, two, good!" Boromir praised, saying the numbers aloud with each swing of his broad blade.
"Nice going, Pip." Merry chirped in and Pippin thanked him quickly, briefly getting distracted by his best friend. Boromir didn't see it and swung his sword again. Pippin threw up his short sword and blocked the attack, but cried out and dropped it when the sword seemingly hit his fingers.
"Sorry!" Boromir immediately exclaimed and made a move to pick up Pippin's sword for him, but never got so far. Pippin landed a solid kick to Boromir's shins as the man dropped his guard and the large man lost his balance at the unexpected blow.
"Get him!" Pippin cried and Merry joined in as they lunged at Boromir. The man completely lost all balance and fell on his back, his surprised expression not an uncomfortable one. "For the Shire!"
"Hold him down, Pippin!" Merry added as they climbed all over him, preventing him from getting back up and Boromir ruffled their curls, a deep laugh coming from him as well. Amelia smiled at the sight, on the verge of laughter herself and saw Aragorn grin at the sight as well. He got up and approached them, while Amelia leaned back, content to watch the show unfold, enjoying the free entertainment.
"Gentlemen, please…" Aragorn began, but even he was no match for the high-spirited halflings. In a coordinated effort, they both grabbed one of his legs each and yanked at them. Aragorn fell heavily on his back, the air knocked out of his lungs and, finally, the dam burst and Amelia laughed shamelessly and loudly at the sight of the two mighty men bested by two overly eager hobbits. She noticed Boromir looked at her and smiled brightly at him, his expression still a merry one, and it took her a second to realize why both the humans, the elf and Frodo were looking at her while Pippin and Merry continued their harmless assault.
It was probably the first time they had heard her honestly laugh.
She didn't care about their surprise. She only cared about the bright moment that Merry and Pippin had brought into her messy life.
"What's that?" She heard Frodo or Sam ask, she wasn't sure which one, and her grin slowly died.
"Nothing, it's just a cloud." Gimli huffed and with a jerk, Amelia realized what had happened after the hobbits had wrestled with Boromir and Aragorn.
"Hide!" She exclaimed and Gimli chuckled at her, though Aragorn frowned at her from his position on the ground.
"From a cloud?"
"It's moving against the wind." Legolas observed with a frown and Amelia sprang to her feet as she looked at the dark mass approaching them distantly on the sky.
"Crebain from Dunland!" Gandalf exclaimed. That got Gimli's attention. "Hide!"
"Oh, sure, when the wizard tells you to hide, you all do as he says, but no, no one listens to the only girl around…" Amelia grumped as the Fellowship scrambled for cover and she ended up sharing a space beneath two large boulders, held up by each other, with Legolas and Frodo. Heather grew between the rocks, shielding them well, but Amelia saw that remains from a fire, as well as most of their supplies and Pippin's dagger still lay out in the open.
The massive swarm of screeching birds was upon them as they pressed themselves down amidst the rocks, hoping and praying each that they wouldn't be spotted. She couldn't hear Legolas breathe, though he sat close by her, and she and Frodo grasped her left and his right arm tightly together, both grateful for the silent support. Finally, the flock of black birds turned and flew off, cawing to each other, their shrill echoes being cast back at the Fellowship even as the birds were out of their sight.
Member by member, the Fellowship came out into the open, silently staring and scowling at the blue sky.
"Bird spies." Amelia's voice sounded disbelieving, even to her own ears. "Well, we sure don't have that at home."
"You knew." Legolas spoke, sounding slightly accusatory. "About them, that they approached us. Why didn't you say it?" Silence fell as each member of the Fellowship looked at her and Amelia twitched as she was the sudden object of all attention, locking eyes with Gandalf.
"I messed up." She admitted, finding it difficult. "I should have told you. Yeah, I knew they were coming." Gandalf gave her a warning look, one that she ignored. "And I got distracted." Amelia swallowed her pride. "Sorry."
"How did you know?" Aragorn asked calmly, withholding his immediate judgment. Amelia grimaced slightly, attempting to school her expression.
"I knew they would come and I… kind of knew where, but not when. Didn't know the… day." She sounded pathetic and she knew it well enough, though she'd never be so foolish as to verbally admit it. "Look, if I really told you how I knew, you'd throw me in the loony bin and I really don't fancy you guys thinking I'm crazy, but I do know about certain… things."
"You can read the future?" Pippin exclaimed excitedly and Amelia shook her head incredulously.
"No, I don't have some… mystical foresight and I can't read the future. I just know."
"Oh, for goodness sake, if you continue, you might as well tell them all and be done with it!" Gandalf cried and Amelia stared at him.
"What, for real?" He didn't answer and she groaned. "Fine, but I'll talk on the move, because I really don't think it's a good idea for us to hang around here."
"Agreed." Gandalf nodded and gestured up towards the high peaks around them. "We must pass through Caradhras." Gimli grumbled something and Boromir frowned.
"And what of the gap of Rohan?" He asked.
"That brings us too close to Isengard." Aragorn answered him and Amelia twitched.
"Wait." Surprisingly, they all did and looked at her. She shifted on her feet. "I can tell you something about the pass, to prove that I'm telling the truth." No one interrupted her and she took a deep breath, unable to believe herself. "The pass, the mountain, its… we won't make it through there if we try. We'll have to turn back."
"The mines of Moria would welcome us!" Gimli insisted again and Gandalf's face hardened.
"I would only pass through that place had I no other choice." He retorted and Gimli huffed at him, turning away.
"Then we shall try the pass," Aragorn spoke, "And keep Amelia's words in mind along the way." Amelia rolled her eyes, but was relieved as the tension dissipated, leaving only determination, along with a bit of uncertainty, even as the Fellowship gave her odd looks as she hoisted her backpack back up on her shoulder. She ignored them all, keeping an aloof expression in place as she turned towards the imposing mountains peaks rising to meet them.