The blood kept rippling out, and I felt shaky and sick, I guess from the blood loss. I've been cut, poked, and stabbed before, but never impaled like this.
Leo had never taken a weapon to any of us before this. Hazily, I rolled my head the few inches I could, grimacing at the hot wet gunk that coated the floor beneath me.
Leo. I couldn't see much of him, other than the curve of his shell in the light from his sprawl on the floor. He lay where he had finally fainted, half curled under.
I couldn't see his face, or anything, other than he was so still.
I kept hearing the vague, smeared sound of my brothers' voices, of Splinter's gentle murmuring. A bloody, furred paw dabbing at the sweat of my forehead, Don's frantic pleading, his steadying, trembling hands over my mutilated arm, as he kept glancing between my face and the shredded skin.
"I'm sorry, Raph. I'm so sorry. This will hurt and I can't make any of this hurt less unless you'd at least let me give you something to dull-"
It was getting hard as hell to keep the conversations straight. I was light-headed and woozy, like I was drunk, and I kept wanting to slide my eyes shut and just sleep.
I vaguely remembered snarling out that I wasn't taking any damn pain pills. The truth was, I was hoping that I would faint from the shock of having my sai removed.
At least then, there would have been some relief from the agony, and I'd be able to salvage what little pride I had left.
Don's voice broke through my stupor like another stab wound.
"We'll get it out, Raph. Just hold on, okay?" So gentle, so scared, so final, as he laced those quaking fingers through my good hand, a quick attempt to offer comfort.
"Just get it out, Don. Please, just get the damn thing out!" I cringed at the whine in my voice, as my head flopped back, and I waited.
Helpless. I was so helpless. Unable to move, unable to yank the thing out, unable to do anything but wait.
"Get ready, Raph. I'll try and keep it as painless as possible, but I can't just yank it free, or I could accidently cut a tendon, or worse."
Thank the Almighty that Don didn't tell me what exactly "or worse" meant.
Splinter stooped to cradle me in his arms, and Don very gently pressed the cloth to my teeth. I let him jam it between my jaws, grateful that at least I wouldn't scream like a kid.
Three seconds. I don't know why in the hell Don thought that counting to three would make any of this easier. Just pull the damn thing free from my arm, and let me heal. Just do it already, please.
I felt metal sliding through my bones, through my flesh, ever so slowly gliding out of my arm. Don kept muttering apologetically, and Splinter kept me still.
The sob was choked back by cloth and my frantic attempt to breathe.
It hurt!
It hurt so damn bad, I thought I had died and gone to hell. It hurt so much that I wish that Leo had just stabbed me in the heart and left me for dead.
Anything could have been easier than the torture of having my arm nearly chopped off, and impaled by my own weapon.
I shut my eyes, and clamped my jaw shut, but I couldnt' stop the whimper or the tears. I barely noticed the hot, wet trickles on my cheek as I just focused on not fainting from the pain.
I remembered a bright flair of agony, that leeched like fire, and then turned to icy, disbelieving ache, when Don stood there, stupidly holding my bloodied sai aloft. I heard his disbelieving whimper as he tossed it aside, the dull clatter somewhere unseen. Splinter stooped over me, trying to offer some comfort through the agony.
Don's twisted face hovered inches from mine, as his fingers scrambled through the growing pool of my blood to bind up the wound so I wouldn't bleed out.
"It's out." Don announced with finality, as he looked down at me, fearfully.
"Stay with me, Raph! Don't close your eyes!" A frantic plea as my eyes slammed shut.
"I know you are in pain, my son, but you must stay awake." Splinter's stern order was almost ignored as my eyes fluttered open.
"...can't..." I felt my awareness fracturing, as Splinter's palm brushed my cheek.
"I am sorry, my son. We will allow you to rest after we are through with tending to your wounds.
Thanks, Don. Ya did good." I had to slur the words out through the mess of snarled pain, tears, and nervous exhaustion. I couldn't stop the damn trembling.
My wrist lay, twisted and cradled in Donny's lap, as he swallowed back a sob, and kept stitching the ragged pieces of my arm back together
Numb. Everything was so damn numb. I shuddered when I felt the flicker of sharp, weird pricks as the needle was gently shoved through my flesh. Don halted, the thread coiled around one finger.
"Do we need to stop, Raph?" Donny asked, worriedly. I rolled my aching head back and forth.
"Keep goin', Don. It ain't gonna hurt less if you stop. now."
Master Splinter's paws kept gracing my sweaty forehead, and he muttered something soothing. I couldn't make it out. I felt my eyes slide shut when the cold ache settled over me like a blanket.
"Raph?" Don fearfully poked me. I flinched, but couldn't pry my eyelids open.
"Raphael, you must wake! Raphael!"
I heard Splinter's shouting like a gunshot, but I couldnt' do much more than slur out, " 'm sorry. Can't."
The dark felt so damn good to surrender to. Peaceful. No pain. No nothing at all. Nothing left to go back to.