Waking up was a struggle in itself.

Whatever drug had been slipped into my system in the small amounts of food I'd allowed myself to eat kept me unconscious most hours of the day. I could barely tell how many days had passed, but if my feeding schedule was correct, it had only been four days. Four. Another ten days had to pass before I could get myself out of the hellhole.

Where the devil himself was staring at me.

"Eat," Jace demanded.

I could barely look him in his disgusting, traitorous eyes as I said, "Like hell."

"Why not," it wasn't a question.

"I don't want to pass out," I answered easily.

Pieces of his blonde hair fall into his face as he sighed. "You'll pass out fairly quickly if you don't eat," he retorted.

I made sure my voice was still cold, unfeeling, even as my heart refused to believe what had come apparent in these last four days. "I'll pass out sooner if I ingest whatever drug you put in there." I really didn't want to pass out, but a piece of bread and a Styrofoam bowl of room-temperature peas had never looked so appealing in my life.

Jace bared his teeth in an animalistic snarl that made my heart stutter in a way I refused to show. He didn't back away, and I refused to either. "You could make this," he paused, clenching and unclenching his fingers and grinding his teeth, "so much easier."

A cool, lilting voice drifted from the door—the only thing besides stone in her cell—had casually opened without either of them noticing. Jace snapped his eyes toward the voice, but I was the one who recoiled. "And yet here you are, Jack, making it so much harder," Magnus crooned.

I couldn't form words. But Jace could. "You know my name, Magnus."

I ignored him completely and decided it was time to form words. "So," I sneered, drawing the midnight-haired man's attention toward me. "Should I be expecting Simon and the Lightwoods next, or is it just you two hellions?"

The first flicker of hurt winked in Jace's eyes, effectively echoed in Magnus'. "Clary, he's right," Magnus' tone was softer, too. "I can help you. Let me help you."

I tensed, the unspoken suggestion in his words immediately setting me off. Magnus relaxed his posture and continued. "I just want to talk to you," he amended.

I considered briefly. "Get him out," I demanded, jerking my chin at Jace. "Make him leave me alone and I'll listen."

Jace bristled and pushed off from the wall he'd previously been leaning against. He flicked his eyes toward Magnus, who had begun herding blondie back toward the door. "No, I won't. N-,"

"Leave, Jace," Magnus commanded. Jace's eyes burned, and the two of them had a heated, visual conversation that I didn't fail to notice. Then Jace was gone.

The breath of relief that escaped me was not fake. And yet, I somehow found myself wanting him to come back.

"Okay," Magnus flashed a smile. "Here's how it's gonna-,"

"Just so you know," Clary purposefully cut him off, growling the words through gritted teeth. "I'm not so particularly pleased with you, either."

"I understand. Now what I'm about to tell you, you're not going to believe. So I'm going to need you to not talk until I'm finished. Okay?"

I did nothing.

"Perfect. You are here as part of Children of Violence Protection Agency. You can call us C-VPA. Your father is alive and causing chaos in San Diego. We have reason to believe that he is hunting you. Should you choose to agree, we will provide training so you can protect yourself if that becomes reality faster than we can get to you. Before you ask, you're being held in captivity because your father very much knows you are here and we are trying to keep you safe."

If I were being honest, it wasn't the most unbelievable thing I'd heard. And yet… "Like hell," I scoffed.

Magnus narrowed his eyes. "Believe what you want, Clary. Your father is more dangerous than you might ever understand. He has eyes here—eyes everywhere—and we have make it look real. But we've been feeding you and—,"

"Knocking me out in the process," I added.

"We were worried about your body going into physical shock. I know you don't believe me, Clary, I can see it in your eyes. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you." He sighed. "But I don't think you'd really want to know. Not yet."

"If you're so hell-bent on protecting me, why haven't I ever trained in the other ten times you've kidnapped me."

Magnus momentarily shut his eyes at the word 'kidnapping,' but answered, "Because you never want to."

. . .

I trained.

Not with Jace, Lord bless me, but with a kind, but brutal man named Luke. As it turned out, I knew more than I thought I did. She must have trained here at least once, because I was able to dodge Luke just fine. It was the striking I had trouble with. But by the time I had only one day left to suffer in the prison, I could fight well enough. And Magnus had even got me to crack a slight smile. I was upset with him, yes. Perhaps I'd never trust him again, but…

I still could not make eye contact with Jace. I couldn't any contact.

I refused to think about how much I'd relived that moment just before…how much I'd wanted the kiss to be real. But it wasn't. It never would be. Maybe I'd lost something beautiful, what I'd had with Jace. But maybe it was never even real to begin with.