A dull, stabbing ache. Quiet darkness, tangled sheets, and fear the color of silvered swords that pinned him down and hurt and –
Breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe and wait for the hurting to stop and then open your eyes and see what the hell is going on.
Raphael exploded into waking up as if he were drowning and suddenly drop-kicked to the surface. Gasping and staring at the brick ceiling, he twisted in the soft coolness of the bedding, shutting his eyes and waiting from the calm to come. The agony in his wrist nearly made him scream as the sharp, sudden pain shot through his very bones. Tensing and exhaling through his clenched teeth, he waited for the agony to fade to a more bearable throbbing. When he knew he wouldn't scream, he slid his eyes open again.
His injured wrist had been splinted, wrapped, and carefully elevated by the pile of pillows. Warily, he flexed his toes, and his other hand, noting with relief that aside from bruises and aches, he was intact. Thank God.
Raphael braced his good elbow to the mattress, curled and started the slow process of sitting up. It was irritating to go this slow, but after all that blood loss, he didn't want to faint and bash something else. A few of those embarrassing episodes had taught him that well.
Carefully, he eased himself upward, mindful of the wound, and stopping when the blood pounded in his ears and the dizziness made him moan. Shutting his eyes, he panted and waited.
The dizziness almost made him flop back to the mattress, but it ebbed away as he grit his teeth and stubbornly propped his shell against the wall. It was even harder to move because he had to keep his damn wrist still. When he was ready, he eased the injured limb up a few inches and nearly screamed at the sudden flare of pain. With his good hand he scooped the pillows to his side and set his wrist down with a snarl of pain.
Damn Leo. Raph groused as he stared down at his shattered wrist, and the dull tremble of his fingers. How badly did Leo hurt him? He had been stabbed clean through, had felt his own sai being shoved into the floor. Had the blade cut something inside that couldn't be repaired? Would he be able to even clench his fingers? How in the hell could he live if-
Raphael swallowed back the blur of tears.
Calm down, you pansy, and quit blubbering. Crying won't do anything to fix this. No point in getting worked up until you know that there's something to get worked up about.
Snarling, he stared at the gaping hole under the bandages, bewildered and nearly sick with hatred.
How could Leo do this to me? How could Leo take my own sai and stab me? What in the hell did I ever do to him? How-
Between the pain of the betrayal, and the actual wound, Raphael couldn't decide which was harder to deal with. He had always hated introspection, inner shit storms, and brooding over things that he couldn't figure out. The hell with it. Figuring out why Leo had done this didn't change anything.
All Raph really knew and needed to know was that Leo had turned psycho on his own family. And even if an angel from heaven came down and beseeched him for forgiveness, the busted wrist was reason enough to hate him.
Screw this useless worrying. It wasn't helping anything.
The snore at Raph's right startled him. Raph was both touched and troubled to see Mikey sprawled and snoring on the sofa, a blanket draped over his shell and his face buried in the throw pillow. Apparently, his baby brother had volunteered to take the night watch for Don. Raphael debated letting him snooze a bit longer, but he couldn't stomach sitting in the dark and wondering what was happening. Was anybody else hurt? Where was Don and Master Splinter? What about Leo?
"Mikey." Raphael whispered, waiting.
Mikey groaned in his sleep, instinctively buried his face in the warmth of the pillow and groaned in answer.
"Mikey!" Mikey rolled over with an annoyed whine.
"Damn it, Mikey, get up!" The order was followed by a pillow being flung and whacking him in the back of the head. Mikey yelped as he shot from the couch, wide-eyed and angry.
"I'm up! What?" He squawked, and pivoted.
"Bout time you woke up, sleeping beauty." Raph snorted in amusement from behind, as Mikey spun around to see his older brother, awake at last. Not only awake, but he had hauled himself upright and had his shell propped against the bricks. Raphael had kicked the blankets into a heap, like he always had….
"Raph! Welcome back!" Mikey felt the worry in his chest collapse like a deflated balloon as Raphael squinted at him in the darkness.
"Yeah, yeah, let's throw a party to celebrate." Raphael groused and winced as he carefully pat the mattress for Mikey to sit next to him.
"Sit down. We need to talk."
Mikey eyed Raphael, worriedly. Had Raph somehow been hit in the head? Why talking? What-
"Raph, how are you, really? Do I need to get Donny?"
Raphael shook his head, scowling. "I'm fine, and there's nothing for Brainiac to fix for now. Now, are you going to sit down, or not?"
Mikey's bewildered eyes flickered for a moment, as he turned towards the door. Sighing and troubled, he finally seated himself on the corner of the bed, waiting.
"I'm here, bro. What is it?" Mikey was strangely quiet and scared.
"What happened when I was out?"
Mikey winced inwardly, and took a shaking breath before the bright smile reflexively appeared.
"Um, not much has happened, Raph. Donny patched you up and went to check on Splinter. You haven't done much but sleep. There's not much to tell."
Mikey answered with a shrug, uneasily. Raphael narrowed his eyes.
"Did Leo hurt anybody else?"
Mikey's grin looked strained as he shook his head. "No. It was just you."
That look of relief on Raph's face felt like a punch to Mikey's gut. And then something hard made Raph's mouth twist into a dark, scowl as he quietly snarled, "Where the hell is Leo?"
The anguish flickered in Mikey's eyes, and the tears welled up. Raphael felt the dread coil in his gut as he numbly waited for the horrible answer.
"Leo…" Mikey looked like a trapped animal in a snare as he helplessly hitched his shoulders.
He felt Raph's good hand ghost over his shoulder, curl around his neck and draw him close. Raphael felt Mikey's tremble and whispered, "Easy, little brother. It's going to be alright."
"No, Raph! It isn't! Leo, he-"
Mikey crumbled then. All the strain of the fighting, and the hurting and seeing his family torn up had finally collapsed his little fortress and he couldn't stop the crying.
" I've never seen Leo like this before, Raph. It's like he's possessed. He woke up screaming and begging Master Splinter to put him to sleep, and then Splinter had to tie Leo down and drug him just to keep him from hurting anybody else! And then Donny went to see him, and Leo told them that he hates us all and wants to be sent away. Raph, what is wrong with him?"
Raphael couldn't stop Mikey's tears, and he didn't try. Considering how Mikey had nearly handed Leo's ass to him earlier and defended him, he felt his baby brother was entitled to the crying. Awkwardly patting Mikey's shell, he waited until Mikey was sniffling before he finally answered.
"What do you think is wrong with him, Mikey?"
Mikey buried his face in his hands, and scrubbed away the tears. "I don't know." He whispered, miserably, as he sighed again. "But…" Mikey clapped a hand over his mouth as Raphael tensed beside him.
"But what? Spit it out, Mikey."
Mikey shifted away, as he set his shaking hands in his lap. He looked torn in two as he finally answered, "What Leo did to you was unforgiveable, Raph,, and I…."
His voice grew brittle, and his face hard as concrete, as he swallowed hard, and continued, "I'm scared of him, Raph. I'm scared of him, and I hate him for what he's done to you, and to us. I mean, he's tied down and drugged! So he won't hurt us! That's something that you do to the Foot, or the Shredder, but not Leo. Not like this."
Mikey's voice was tight with rage as he continued, softly. "You remember how Master Splinter used to tell us over and over again what the humans could do to us if we were ever caught up there? And how many nightmares I'd have about that happening when we were kids?"
Raph nodded. Mikey had woken them all up with screams on more than on occasion. Mikey shrugged, bitterly. "I always expected the humans to be the ones I had to be afraid of. I always thought that up there stayed up there and that we were all safe down here. I never thought that I'd ever feel afraid of one of my brothers, Raph. I never thought that I'd ever be more scared of Leo more than the Foot."
Raph's lip worked in his teeth, as he finally asked, "Mikey, you think Leo's responsible for all of this, then? For stabbin' me?"
Mikey sighed heavily, as he flung a hand in the air. After a long, troubled silence, he finally answered.
"He stabbed you, Raph. And nobody held a gun to his head and forced him into it."
"Ya sure about that?"
Mikey's face twisted in confusion as he glared down at Raph's wound.
"Dude, the hole's right there. Exactly what is there to not be sure of?"
Raph's fingers twitched, as the doubt clawed at him. His brother had stood over him and stabbed him and nearly killed him. What else was there to say?