7

"Blacktuft. Blacktuft," called a voice into his ear. The black tom slowly stirred, letting out a soft groan. He felt something cold hit him in the face and he jerked awake, blinking open his eyes quickly and looking up at Redbird, who was crouched over him with his ears flat.

"Redbird?" Blacktuft groaned, sitting up and letting out a gasp as he collapsed back to the ground. He screwed his eyes shut and Redbird stroked his tail along his flank. "Am I sick…?"

"No. Amazingly," Redbird murmured, gazing at him with sympathetic eyes. "Still, it caused quite the panic in camp. I moved you here so you wouldn't frighten them. You're starving, Blacktuft, that's all."

Blacktuft let out a weak snort, "'That's all.' Anything else you want to tell me?"

"You were passed out cold through the night," Redbird informed him, grabbing a few mice and resting them down by the black cat's muzzle. "I couldn't get you to eat. You're lucky you're awake and alive, right now."

Blacktuft leaned forward, grabbing a mouse and biting into the stringy flesh. Sure, it wasn't as satisfying as a good rabbit, but it wasn't as if they'd had much better, all this time. Redbird forced him to slow down, not wanting him to get a stomachache, and Blacktuft begrudgingly listened to him. "I'm lucky, huh…?" he whispered, already beginning to feel strength return to him, after having food in his belly.

Redbird shifted over to his side, lying down beside the tom to provide him with some warmth. "Thank StarClan for your life, Blacktuft. You nearly lost it, last night," he mewed.

Blacktuft smiled at him weakly, murmuring, "Thank you, Redbird. Thank you… If it wasn't for you, the Clan would've…" His smile vanished, his eyes stretching wide. He curled up slightly, his claws digging into the ground.

Redbird ran his tail along Blacktuft's spine a few times, attempting to reassure the tom. He allowed a few minutes to pass, and then he told him, voice low, "Lostear knew what he was doing was right, Blacktuft. He did not feel abandoned by his Clan. If he had believed there was a chance for him, he would've stayed near, and I would've tended to him. He didn't believe that. He knew he wouldn't make it, and he left for that reason."

Blacktuft burrowed his nose between his paws. He knew he should feel relieved by those statements, but he only felt stung by Redbird's wisdom. The tom had seen right through him and his guilt. As much as Blacktuft would avoid admitting it… he liked feeling guilty. He wanted to feel guilty. He'd done too much not to. He meowed hoarsely, "He should be alive, right now, not me…"

"Don't say that," Redbird whispered, and, though it was gentle, Blacktuft winced at how much it reminded him of Lostear's final conversation with him.

Blacktuft closed his eyes again. "I will say it. I'm a murderer, and Lostear was a gentle, kind cat. I can hardly think straight. He was nobler and wiser…"

"Lostear left because he wanted you to live," Redbird denied, watching the deputy. Curse those thoughtful green eyes… "Hush now. You need to save your strength for the trek back to camp. I'll keep you in the medicine cat den until you're able to hunt again."

Blacktuft shuddered and shook his head, protesting, "Let me stay out here, Redbird. I don't want the Clan to see how weak I am. They'll all worry and they'll all believe that I am sick!"

He realized how much he sounded like a pitiful, whining kit when Redbird answered, "Blacktuft, you must come back to camp. They'll worry more and they'll believe that more if you don't. If you are able to walk back to camp with me in confidence, they'll know you are able to survive."

"And if they think that I've brought sickness into the camp?" Blacktuft whispered, his throat tightening and feeling dry.

"If they have any worries, I'll contend with them," promised the white cat, running his tail along Blacktuft's spine one more time, to grant the tom a little extra reassurance.

Blacktuft knew he couldn't argue with this. He turned his muzzle downward, mumbling, "Thank you, Redbird." Then, he curled up tightly, letting out a small sigh through his nose and trying to fetch some winks. A thought stopped him, turning him cold. "Grousepaw and Blackpaw must be terrified…"

"They're scared, yes." Redbird was honest with him, and Blacktuft had to appreciate that. "But they're strong, Blacktuft. You don't give those two enough credit."

"That's because they're all the Clan has," Blacktuft admitted, shivering slightly. "Without them, WindClan could be lost… We need them safe, Redbird."

"You make them sound like objects."

Blacktuft's fur stood on end and he exclaimed, "No, no! That's not what I meant! I love them. I love them dearly, Redbird, but they're the future of the Clan, too. If we don't recognize that, then WindClan will surely be lost."

Redbird nodded and he told him gently, "WindClan will not be lost, though, Blacktuft. The Clans have endured through many hardships. Countless moons have gone by since Wind was ordained by StarClan to become our first leader. Since then, disasters have occurred where our ancestors have thought that exact thing. No matter which leader we have, so long as they have faith in our warrior ancestors, WindClan will endure. No one can destroy WindClan when StarClan is on our side. Not under Tallstar. Not under Trenchstar. Not under you."

Another shard stuck through Blacktuft's heart and he turned his head away, shivering slightly under the tom's accuracy at inserting it. He understood that Redbird would be able to guess that he was upset about the nature of his father's death. That much wasn't hard, but was he so obvious that any cat could tell how little faith he had in himself? "H-H-How…?" he breathed.

Redbird gave him a gentle nudge and responded, "Medicine cats see many things, Blacktuft. Part of our job is to identify problems. I'm sorry if I've upset you. I don't think every cat can see it."

Blacktuft nodded swiftly, feeling some relief in that, though he knew that Blackpaw had still been suspicious of it. It remained possible that more than those two were aware of his uncertainties. Tallear, he could imagine, but if the entire Clan thought that he was wary of heading the Clan, they might turn on him in their desperation… "Th-Thanks, Redbird," he stammered, glancing over at him, though he couldn't bring himself to meet his eyes. "I-I should rest, now…"

Redbird rose to his paws, seeming to decide that it was best if Blacktuft was left alone, now. "I'll hunt," he meowed to the black tom.

"You can hunt…?" Blacktuft asked, his ears perking and his muzzle lifting. He'd heard of Redbird hunting for herbs, but certainly not prey!

Redbird laughed and replied, "Of course I can, Blacktuft! A cat has to fend for himself, doesn't he? You never know when StarClan will send you on some prophesied journey." Blacktuft let out a soft snort as Redbird began to patter away. That didn't look like it would happen any time soon, but he appreciated the medicine cat's humor in a dry sense.

The deputy watched Redbird leave him be, pressing down into the earth. He was sheltered under the trees of the forest that existed beyond the lake, spreading out from the area around ThunderClan territory. The snowflakes that lightly spat from the blue sky above didn't make it far enough to touch him, for the most part, but the cold still bit into his flesh.

Blacktuft curled up tighter, trying hard not to imagine the faces of his two sons as they worried about him. He knew Tallear would be doing her best to care for them, too… but her deep, insightful, blue eyes bore into his mind, studying him as if searching for some reason why he had suddenly disappeared. He shivered, though he convinced himself that it was only because of the cold, since Redbird had left. He let out a small puff of a breath, tucking his tail over his nose and letting his eyes shut. Enough of that. Enough of that… He needed to rest, just as he was told.

What woke Blacktuft was the sensation of warmth. Someone was there, beside him. He pressed into the fur of the cat, taking in the familiar scent that wreathed about him. He smiled lightly, contentment flooding through him from ears to tail-tip. A tail stroked down the deputy's spine again, slow and gradual and comforting beyond anything else that Blacktuft had ever felt. Blacktuft didn't need to open his eyes; he knew exactly who was there with him. He didn't want to spoil it by looking, but he let out a friendly purr from within his throat.

Breath stirred Blacktuft's ear fur, and the reassuring sensation shattered. Blacktuft was briefly confused by what had broken it, but then he recognized it was his intense feeling that this cat was trying to say something. Something that couldn't seem to be released. It fostered a concern within him that overtook his happiness. His mind flashed to the sickness, which stole minds and left cats speechless and petrified inside.

Blacktuft jerked his head up, turning his head quickly and looking at who was nestled against him, his body trembling. He expected the tortoiseshell fur. He thought he'd see those sharp green eyes… but no. All he saw was Redbird, curled up in a ball and turned away from him. No cat was pressed close to him for warmth.

Patchtail was gone. Again.

"Blacktuft?" Redbird raised his head, twisting where he was lying to peer at Blacktuft. His ears tucked back when he saw the look on his face. "Is something wrong?"

"N-No," Blacktuft answered immediately. Perhaps too quickly… He rose to his paws, shaking his fur free of the light dusting of flakes that had attached to him. He took a few steps from Redbird, finding his strength in a manner that was far too sudden on its own.

Redbird stood more slowly, his eyes narrowing slightly. Blacktuft hated the suspicion within that look, so he avoided looking at him at all. Instead, he drifted a pace or two away, trying to steady his breathing. The white tom didn't say anything until he had ambled over to the mice he had let on the ground. He hooked one in his claws, lifting the paw and showing it to Blacktuft. He tipped his head, inquiring, "Aren't you hungry?"

Blacktuft looked at the mouse, then at Redbird's face. He was caught dumbfounded by the question. "What?" he meowed, his brow crinkling. Why would Redbird ask if he was hungry? "Not… Not really. Let's bring those mice back to camp." He took a few steps forward, bending down to pick up one of the two mice, but Redbird moved his leg in the way. Blacktuft paused, surprised, then lifted his head and looked back at him, his confusion only serving to grow.

"Did you see something…?" Redbird whispered, as if they were attempting to hide some conspiracy.

Blacktuft took a paw step back, not enjoying being only a whisker-length away from him. "I had a nightmare, Redbird, that's all," he mewed, glancing down at the mouse once or twice as he said it. "Let me take the mouse."

"You saw something," Redbird murmured, as if Blacktuft had said nothing. His eyes widened slightly, his tail beginning to lift. "What did you see, Blacktuft? Did you see someone? A-A cat you'd presume to be dead?"

Blacktuft bristled and shoved Redbird's leg out of the way, bending down quick and snatching up the mouse from the snow. He turned away from him, beginning to walk back toward camp with his tail-tip twitching. He refused to answer that. Redbird was a wise medicine cat. Blacktuft didn't want to hear what he had to say, if he was honest with himself, in the same way he hadn't wanted to hear it from Lostear. He was afraid of the grief.

"Blacktuft, tell me," Redbird urged, abandoning the mouse he'd been holding, before, and hurrying to his side. He moved in front of him, blocking the WindClan deputy from simply passing on by. "Who did you see?"

Blacktuft narrowed his eyes, his tail beginning to lash back and forth. He dropped the mouse and stared at Redbird for a long moment, and then he responded, "Patchtail isn't dead, Redbird. Don't tell me that he is. I've- I've been seeing him… occasionally… but then he's not really there."

Redbird's mouth dipped into a frown, and his eyes lowered, searching the ground as he tried to consider this. "Did he… Did he have stars in his paws? In his pelt?" he asked, still staring at the snow as if it would provide an answer.

Blacktuft shook his head, though his interest was caught by these questions. He dipped his head and dropped the mouse into the drift by his paws, then raised it again, tipping it to the side as he studied Redbird. "Do StarClan cats usually have that?" he asked, hope rising in his chest. "Patchtail didn't…!"

Redbird's tail slowly swished back and forth. "He… may be…" he mewed slowly, trying to collect his thoughts. "StarClan might be trying to tell you he's alive, Blacktuft."

Excitement washed over the black tom, his tail-tip quivering, though for entirely different reasons. "You think so?" he gasped, ears perking up. "Then StarClan must want me to find him!"

"You'd be the first cat in many moons to receive a vision from them," Redbird meowed, but there was no excitement in his eyes. Only darkness.

"What's wrong with that?" Blacktuft questioned, feeling as if he had done something wrong, now. The look in Redbird's eyes was nothing like he would've imagined it would be, if the white tom had heard about StarClan speaking.

Redbird reluctantly glanced up at Blacktuft, then stepped around him to pick up the other mouse. He halted there, then sat down. "Even if I'm right… and that's what's happening," he told him softly, "the other cats won't believe us."

Blacktuft watched him, sadness beginning to form in his chest. He remembered what Snowstar had said, before. "They believe the cats of old all saw hallucinations," he whispered. "They don't believe in StarClan, anymore. And StarClan didn't directly speak to me… I saw no one but Patchtail." His tail went still, lowering down until it touched the freezing surface of the snow. "Fox-dung…"

Redbird leaned down, grabbing his mouse and beginning to pad slowly in the direction of camp. Blacktuft followed suit, keeping to his side and letting the quiet of the day slowly settle. Blacktuft could sense that Redbird wished for silence, and he didn't dare break it by trying to determine a solution. The medicine cat was thinking, and when Redbird thought hard like this, it was best not to disturb him.

The two toms reached camp before they had a chance to come up with anything to say to one another. They split off, Blacktuft taking the second mouse from Redbird to head to the pile to set them down. He marvelled at his own speedy recovery. He'd felt so weak, before… How in the name of StarClan had he been able to get back up on his own two feet so fast? "Blacktuft!" cried a cat, and the black tom turned to see Blackpaw racing toward him. Blacktuft let out a purr, resting his chin on top of Blackpaw's head briefly before withdrawing it. "You're okay!"

"I am, I am!" Blacktuft exclaimed, gazing at him fondly. "I'm sorry that I disappeared for so long, Blackpaw."

Seeing pale gray fur out of the corner of his eye made Blacktuft turn, facing Tallear as she neared him. He touched noses with her, and the she-cat murmured, "I knew Redbird was right. You weren't sick!"

Blacktuft smiled at her, though he could see the relief in her eyes. He slid his muzzle along hers, letting it pass on down to her neck. He nosed her neck fur and mewed, "I'm okay. I wasn't sick."

"You gave Hollowpelt quite the fright," Tallear told him, and the WindClan deputy became aware of other cats drifting closer, eager to see if he was okay. Blacktuft stepped back, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. "We were all worried about you."

Blacktuft searched the arrangement of faces as they came closer, listening to their mews of encouragement toward his recovering health. "Thank you," he purred to the cats by him, brushing muzzles with a few of them. Some were missing, but… most of the Clan had come to congratulate him on his survival. He felt a renewed love toward his Clan. Despite everything he had done and the hardships they had all endured, they remained solid in one thing: They didn't want to lose any more of each other.

It was an affirmation that he had been seeking. The Clan was not about to fall apart. Perhaps Redbird had been right: WindClan would not cave under the leadership of Trenchstar or Blacktuft. The warriors were still warriors, and the Clan was still a Clan.

Blacktuft turned to face Hollowpelt as the black and white cat neared, stopping beside Tallear. "Thank you," he meowed to him, now, with the utmost sincerity. "Without you, I'd be-"

"Dead?" Hollowpelt finished for him, smiling and tipping his head to the side slightly. "I'm not sure about that. I think it takes a bit more than starvation to knock a WindClan deputy down!"

Blacktuft chuckled softly, the piercings in his heart momentarily fading away. He was still one of them. He dipped his head, suddenly overcome by his affections toward the cats around him. Tallear pressed against his side, and he pressed against hers, a smile stuck on his face. Blacktuft had his detractors, and he had his faults and his fears… but his Clan was still his Clan, and that was enough for him.