Lights

Chapter 2: Fireflies

Dreams weren't always pleasant things, though he wasn't sure he'd want to call them nightmares every time they went sour, either. He liked getting to see his dad again, even if it was only a hazy discolored representation mix of memory and longing. Even if the playful moments in his dreams always warped into the fight against Cell. Without fail, if his dad showed up, then he'd have to sacrifice himself for Gohan all over again – all before Gohan was allowed to wake up from the depressing sequence.

Over a year since the battle for the Earth and Gohan was still struggling to accept that this was his life now, that his family had to live without his dad around anymore. He knew about the stages of grief on an intellectual level, but deciding where he stood in these stages was hard. It was hard to really know and understand his own self sometimes. But then, he was growing up, too, getting close to those infamous teenage years. The years of life that were all about learning to understand yourself. He wasn't sure he was looking forward to it.

"Gohan, sweetie," his mom called gently. "Wake up, Gohan."

With a groan, he did, sitting up slowly and rubbing at his wet eyes. A yawn and a stretch and he realized he had fallen asleep in the middle of his studies. His face felt funny and he reached up to rub at his cheek as if he was trying to remove pencil smear marks. Marks he was sure existed there now, if the glance down to his notebook to see the smears in his writing was any indication.

"Oh," he grumbled. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, Mom. I promise."

"It's okay, Gohan," his mom said with a smile. "It's getting late anyway. Goten and I just made some snacks and he wanted to share with you."

Gohan blinked as his mother set a pile of cookies and a glass of milk on his desk. Chocolate chip. Warm and soft by the looks of it. A simple, sweet homemade dessert. He hadn't expected cookies after dinner tonight. His mom was usually too busy putting Goten to bed to worry about something like this. Well, even if he'd been up in his room during the kitchen activity, at last Goten got to have some fun. Gohan had fond memories of making cookies with his mother...and father.

He swallowed something in his throat and reached for one of the soft chocolate chip cookies, nibbling on the golden brown edge as soon as he could. "Did Goten have fun?"

"Yeah," Chi-Chi said, a hand on his shoulder as she sent a smile elsewhere into his room. "He really has a special interest in food. Especially sweets."

"Cookies!"

While Gohan chewed around the melted chocolate, his little brother popped up on the other side of the desk. Goten wasn't really walking yet, but he was fast at the crawling thing. And he was good at pulling himself up to stand next to whatever object he had attached to. Gohan's desk, in this case. Wide dark eyes that somehow appeared to shine brightly soon caught Gohan's gaze and he had to laugh at the little pout on his brother's face.

Handing over one of the cookies, Gohan grinned. "Didn't Mom already give you some? These are supposed to be mine, you know. I don't mind sharing, though. You really like cookies, huh?"

Face lighting up, Goten snatched the dessert and stuffed it into his mouth as fast as possible, all to the bright, cheery tone of, "Cookie!"

Gohan laughed and nodded. "Yeah, it's a cookie."

A small part of him wondered if it was all right to give Goten sweets or chocolate. The little guy was only a few months over one year at this point, which meant he should have been walking better, too, right? But his mother didn't seem concerned at all. Gohan didn't see the same obsessive attention to detail that he'd experienced from her at a younger age, and he didn't really see the excessive coddling that he'd received from both of his parents, either.

Of course, he wasn't sure if this difference was because of the situation, or because Chi-Chi really wasn't as worried. He'd read stories of how parents were super strict with their first child and always fretting about something but then they'd lighten up by the time another was born. Mellow out, in a way. So...maybe his mother just wasn't so worried about being perfect at child raising.

She certainly wasn't neglecting Goten, so there was no reason to worry about any kind of detrimental possibility. Still, it had to be hard. A lot of times Gohan would look at his little brother and remember his father. The hair, the shine in his eyes, the happy laughter, so many other little things. He didn't want to project Goku onto Goten, but with all those similarities…. Well, he had to wonder how his mother looked at Goten. Did she see Goku or did she see her second son only? Or… was it more complicated than that?

"Mom -"

"Gohan."

He blinked, suddenly at a loss for what to say now that he had her attention. "Uhm..."

Her eyes smiled at him, a hand rubbing his back. "Is there any reason you're wearing this?"

With another blink, Gohan looked down at his chosen outfit and blushed. Oh, right. He'd taken to wearing a purple gi that Piccolo had given him to match the one he'd had at the Cell Games. He didn't usually wear it around the house. Just at night sometimes. And only sometimes.

"Uhm," he scratched at his cheek. "Mr. Piccolo gave it to me."

Chi-Chi sighed and crossed her arms. "I figured that much. I'm more interested in why you're wearing it, especially when you know you should be focusing on studying. The world is at peace now. You can actually be a scholar and not have to worry about -"

"It's not that, though," Gohan murmured. "I'm not training or anything, Mom. I promise. But I can't sit still in a desk all day anymore. I have to get up and exercise at least. It feels...weird…if I don't. And I swear I only do it at night so I'm not really cutting into study time or -"

A hand on his shoulder interrupted him and he looked up to see soft eyes still smiling. "It's all right, Gohan. I'm not mad. You do what you feel you need to do. You're old enough and smart enough to understand what's best for you. Just don't lose focus, okay? I can't afford to send you to a good school so you have to get there with high scores on your own. You deserve a good education after everything you've been through."

"Yeah," Gohan breathed. "I know."

And he meant it. He understood his mother's worries. He finally understand why she had pushed him so hard – and why his dad stood aside on the issue except for a few times in his life. The fate of the planet had been important, but now there was peace so he should take the opportunity to catch up and get ahead.

The rest of the world didn't care about the boy who had beaten Cell. Heck, he was pretty sure they didn't know he was the one to do it. Which was good. He couldn't imagine dealing with that kind of fame while having to work through these family issues, too. Not that things were difficult, just...well...the quiet country life was nice.

For him and his mother.

"Daddy!"

Hearing the exclamation from his baby brother, Gohan quickly turned his head in the direction it had come from. He had a feeling his mother's reaction had been similar, but he tried to focus on Goten right now.

Goten, the spitting image of their father, was standing at the open window. Reaching out into the night sky and laughing, grabbing at something invisible. Some crazy baby babbling nonsense. That was all. What else could it be?

Still, Gohan's heart rate picked up as he climbed out of his chair and walked over to the window to stare out at the darkness. White curtains blew in the breeze and a couple of lights blinked on and off in the otherwise empty outside air. Not the lights of stars in the sky, though, but the golden little pin pricks of fireflies.

Oh, Gohan breathed as he saw Goten reach for the nearest lightning bug. It's the first time he's seen them. He doesn't know what to call them. That's all.

Goten's default answer for words he didn't know had been Daddy, ever since he'd learned the word, so it really was no surprise. Gohan shouldn't have gotten so worked up. His dad was dead, and he was going to stay dead. Still, it was kind of funny how Goten refused to let him be forgotten. One day, Gohan might have to thank his little brother for being such an unexplainable little child. It certainly did manage to bright things up in the strangest of ways.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Goten continued, still snatching at the bugs. "Want."

Shaking his head, Gohan laughed. In one swift movement, he caught one of the glowing bugs in his hand. Trapping it without accidentally crushing it. He turned to his little brother and crouched down to get the boy's attention before taking one of the little hands in his own.

"Here, Goten," he said as he transferred the bug to his brother's open palm. "It's not Daddy. It's a firefly. Can you say that? Firefly."

Big eyes stared at the little glowing bug now crawling along his hand and Goten gasped, then grinned after a glance up to Gohan. "Firefry."

Gohan laughed and nodded. "Close enough."

"Firefry!" Goten repeated, his hand reaching up to put the bug in his mouth as soon as Gohan pulled away. "Firefry yum."

"No no no no," Chi-Chi called, rushing over to pull Goten's hand away from his mouth. "Not yummy, Goten. We don't eat fireflies."

Goten's face dropped, both confused and upset. "No?"

Gohan had to bite back his laughter. "Listen to Mom, Goten. She's right. You don't want to eat bugs."

"No?"

"Mmhmm," Chi-Chi hummed as she picked Goten up in her arms. "No bugs. Like your father, I swear, wanting to eat everything."

"No!"

Gohan tried not to laugh again, but the sheer excitement in Goten's exclamation made it impossible to hold back completely. His mother sent him in a side-eyed glance and he shrugged, feeling his face heat for his outburst. Apparently, one of Goten's other favorite words wasn't quite as fun to deal with.

"Gohan, go ahead and get ready for bed," his mom sighed. "I'm going to give Goten his bath now and then try to lay him down for the night, so..."

"No bath," Goten interjected. "No!"

Ignoring his brother, Gohan nodded. "Yeah, okay, I'll see if I can finish what I was doing before I fell asleep earlier. But if you need help -"

"I'm fine, sweetie," his mother said, adjusting Goten's position and making her exit. "You focus on yourself and that's all the help I need."

"Heh," Gohan scratched at his cheek. "All right..."

Listening to the chorus of no's from Goten made him shake his head and chuckle again. Little kids were funny. He wasn't sure if he'd been like this as a child, too, but Goten had certainly perked up in activity once he could move around and talk. A glance out the window and Gohan watched the glow of the fireflies blink on and off and on again throughout the night sky. He set a hand on the window sill and leaned against it for a moment, taking in the warm air and the peaceful silence, looking from the fireflies to the stars blinking above, wondering if his dad could see them from the after life.

Wondering if Goku even knew about the second son he had here on Earth who had grown to like the word 'Daddy' without even knowing him.