I don't own the Teen Titans. If I did, they'd probably hate me for doing this to them. And to you guys. :)
So, Raven was really starting to piss him off.
Like, the least she could have done was teleport him with her. You know, so he wouldn't have been standing alone in the kitchen, his arms embracing the air and a stupid look plastered across his face.
But no, the moment she heard Jinx's shrill voice call out an eloquent "What the hell is that smell?", she had disappeared, leaving behind a confused changeling to explain why the oven was on fire.
Of course, the oven wasn't actually on fire, but something was definitely burning. As if in a trance, Beast Boy slumped towards the oven and opened it cautiously. Surprisingly, it wasn't the cupcakes that were burning, but rather the spilled batter from attempt number two. Or was it three? He couldn't remember when they had sloshed the sticky substance all over the kitchen; he just remembered that Raven had slipped in it. And fell into his arms. And he was about to kiss her.
And he was pretty sure she was going to let him.
"Hello? Are you deaf?"
Suppressing a growl within his throat, Beast Boy quickly slipped on an oven mitt and removed the perfectly golden-brown cupcakes. Setting it on the island counter behind him, he gave the former villain before him an irritated look.
"What?"
Jinx seemed rather taken aback by his harsh tone, though she quickly shook it off, and instead inspected the messy kitchen.
"You made... cupcakes?" There was a hint of amusement in her voice, though her face remained passive. Not emotionless and placid like Raven's, but enough to look only mildly condescending. Which was sort of refreshing.
"Yep." Beast Boy didn't want to explain that it had actually been Raven's wild idea, and decided it was best to let Jinx believe he was an avid baker. Despite the potential black-mail he was creating for himself.
"That's cool," Jinx mused, failing miserably at suppressing her smirk. Her pink eyes darted between him and the hot pan in front of him, before she let her smile surface. "Can I have one?"
"Go for it." He didn't even attempt to warn her as she reached towards the hot pan, but the beeping of her communicator stopped her from burning herself.
Feeling slightly let down, Beast Boy watched absently as the former villain shuffled with the small, yellow device.
"Isn't there like a 'silent mode' or something? This thing never shuts up!" she complained, giving the communicator a bewildered look.
"You're supposed to answer it," the changeling informed her, arching his brows warily. "You know, 'cuz it could be an alert, and you're kinda a superhero."
Jinx merely rolled her eyes, before flipping the device open.
"Why, hello there, Bird-Boy," she cooed, batting her eyelashes at the screen. "Does that pretty little alien of yours know you're calling me?"
"Cut the crap, Jinx - You and Kid Flash are in serious trouble. Or have you forgotten the fact that you guys serve as temporary titans for my team?"
At the sound of Robin's authoritative voice, Beast Boy excused himself from the kitchen, uninterested in hearing the lecture. Though the shocked look on Jinx's face was mildly entertaining - something told him she hadn't been talked to like that.
Shaking his head in amusement, he headed for the common room doors, nearly crashing into Kid Flash as the speedster rubbed his eyes tiredly.
"Man, I'm beat!" he complained, unaware of the impending doom awaiting him in the common room.
Giving his clueless teammate a sympathetic half-smile, Beast Boy slipped around him and headed down the hall. He had to talk to Raven.
He was positive that they had been about to kiss - and not one of their little "arrangement kisses" - no, that was a spur-of-the-moment, possible-mutual-feelings kiss. Or, well, almost kiss.
Regardless, he just knew that it was something more. He knew that she was going to let him kiss her - even if it was a violation of her rules. She hadn't seemed to care. Hell, it was almost like she wanted him to kiss her.
But as he neared her door, he began to doubt himself. What if she hadn't realized what was happening? What if she was just too horrified to stop him? Those thoughts began to plague his mind, and he suddenly felt like avoiding the empath for the rest of the day. After all, she couldn't reject him if she never found him, right?
As that thought became more appealing, he realized bitterly that it was too late. He was already at her door - it'd be pointless not to knock. But maybe she wasn't even in there; maybe she'd gone up to the roof. That was a very strong possibility.
Hoping that was the case, Beast Boy tentatively rapped his knuckles against her door. At first, he was met with silence, but before he could let out a sigh of relief and retreat to his own room, the door before him slid open.
"What happened? Did she see me?"
Raven sounded panicked - which was almost unheard of. She always kept a level head; even in the most dangerous and complicated situations. She also looked rather frazzled; she had changed into a clean uniform, but her hair was all askew and her face was flushed. It was as if she were completely desperate to hide any involvement with making the cupcakes. Or maybe, her involvement of being with him.
"I don't think so," Beast Boy answered cautiously, feeling his earlier determination disappear. He suddenly found himself fearing the possibility of getting an answer from her - she was obviously in a weird state of mind. Perhaps he had just been about to take advantage of her? That was an unpleasant thought. He'd never want her to do anything that she wasn't comfortable with. Despite the fact that she subjected him to a lot of uncomfortable situations.
"Good." She let out a relieved sigh, leaning against her doorway. "I have no idea how we'd explain ourselves out of that," she mused.
Beast Boy felt his heart rate quicken as her words tumbled around in his mind. What was she referring to - the baking, or the almost-kiss? And if it were the latter, was she admitting what had almost happened?
"Explain what, exactly?" he asked hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. He wasn't sure if he was mentally prepared to have this conversation.
His breath caught in his throat as Raven gave him an inquisitive look, before her eyes wandered down his torso and towards his feet. They then darted back up to meet his, and she cocked her head to the side. "You should probably change, Beast Boy. You're a mess."
Feeling his face flush slightly, Beast Boy directed his gaze towards the ground. He couldn't understand why he suddenly felt so awkward around her. Was she not even going to acknowledge what had almost happened? Was it really up to him?
"I need to talk to you about something," he began with a shaky voice. It was now or never, right?
"Can you change first? I don't want you getting flour and batter all over the floor," she replied in her monotone, seemingly unphased by his request.
Confused, Beast Boy nodded his head. Raven was acting... normal. As if nothing had happened at all.
"Alright - just come back when you're done. You don't have to knock," Raven deadpanned, before shutting her door.
He watched it close, his stomach twisting and his head spinning. Were they actually going to talk about what happened? Or was she going to keep avoiding the subject? Hell, did she even realize she was avoiding it?
Letting out a defeated huff, Beast Boy quickly made his way to his room.
It was weird not knocking. He felt like he was trespassing or something. Raven hated it whenever people would just barge in, so this was probably a good thing, right? She trusted him enough to let him walk on in - maybe even liked him enough to let him do it?
He slid the door open slowly, cautiously peeking into the dark room. Raven was floating above her bed in a meditative state, though he could tell she was aware of his presence. Shutting the door behind him, he silently stepped further into her room.
"Raven -" he began, but was immediately interrupted.
"I don't know if baking helped," she mused, landing on her bed softly and patting the spot beside her. Beast Boy moved across the room hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to comply. But as her eyes began to narrow, he hurried towards her.
Sitting down tentatively, he gave her a shy, sideways glance. "You don't?"
She shook her head, before turning herself to face him. Her legs were crossed between them, with her hands folded patiently in her lap. "I'm not sure what it is I need right now," she admitted, shrugging, but in a somehow dignified way. Leave it to Raven to make hunched shoulders look elegant.
"What do you mean?" Beast Boy pressed, unsure of how he was feeling at the moment. On one hand, he wanted to figure out what had almost happened in what he now dubbed "the cupcake incident", but on the other hand, he wanted to be a good friend and listen to his teammate.
Raven let out a muted sigh as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I feel like I'm... experiencing more than I should..." she began, fleetingly making eye contact.
Beast Boy swore his heart stopped as he weighed her words in his head, deciphering what she could have meant.
"Or maybe, I'm not experiencing enough," she continued, obviously as unsure of her feelings as he was. Though, she wasn't exactly admitting to having the same feelings as him. Or to having feelings at all.
"It's like, I think I know what I need, but I still feel empty... yet, overwhelmed..." Her features hardened slightly, as if she were angered by her own confusion. "It doesn't make sense."
It really didn't. Beast Boy had no idea what she was talking about. But he tried to understand - he needed to.
"So, what you're saying is," he began hesitantly, "you don't know what you're... feeling... so you don't know how to... feel it?" He scrunched his face up in confusion, hoping she'd agree with his deduction, or at least clarify her own.
She remained silent for a moment, undoubtedly mulling over his words in her head, before she let out another sigh. "Maybe?"
Beast Boy suddenly felt conflicted - here he was, moping about his own feelings, when Raven was having a hard time as well. And sure, maybe she was using him, and she sure as hell was stretching the definition of friendship, but it was because of her own struggle. She didn't know how to express herself properly.
Or maybe he was giving her too much credit - after all, it was kind of hard for him to be pissed at her when she was looking at him with her wide, amethyst eyes. Why did he have to be so effected by them?
"You know, a lot of people feel that way, too," he mused suddenly, hoping to distract himself from how close they were sitting, and maybe stray the subject towards what had almost happened earlier. "Like, it's pretty common, actually. I know I get confused by my feelings sometimes, too..."
Raven seemed genuinely interested in what he was saying, which was oddly terrifying. He hadn't expected her to be so attentive.
"You just get confused in general, Beast Boy," she teased with a small smirk.
But he merely rolled his eyes before playfully pushing at her shoulder. "Come on! Can't you not insult me for like ten seconds?" he laughed, shaking his head in amusement.
Raven let out a subdued chuckle, before giving him a warm look. "I'm just not used to you being serious," she admitted, smiling at him kindly. "It's... It's nice."
Beast Boy felt as if something were clawing at his insides, and suddenly found it hard to breathe. He couldn't understand how Raven could make him go from angry and resentful to, well, whatever he was feeling now. It was ooey and gooey and made him want to do something manly, just so he wouldn't feel like a school girl with a crush. Wasn't it the girl who was supposed to get butterflies?
Raven continued to smile at him, and he realized that it was happening again. He was getting tunnel vision - he couldn't see anything but her. The air began to feel heavy, and he was suddenly getting closer to her. Or was she leaning towards him?
He decided that the logistics of it didn't matter; no, the only thing he could focus on was the way her lips began to part, and how her breath smelt faintly of cinnamon. And that she was so close now - only a few more inches, and they'd -
"What was it you wanted to talk about?"
Beast Boy watched as her lips moved, before her words finally found their way into his brain. Furrowing his brows in confusion, he tilted his head slightly. What had he wanted to talk about? It was important, wasn't it?
"It can wait," he decided hastily, his eyes fluttering shut as he closed the distance between them.
He could already tell that this kiss was totally different. The way she practically melted against him; how her lips danced against his as she clawed at his uniform, pulling him closer. It wasn't clinical or needy - it was passionate. It was exciting. It was pure bliss.
It ended too soon.
He felt the air rush back into his lungs as she pulled away, her nose barely brushing his. He could still taste her on his lips - a mixture of spice and something sweet - honey, perhaps? Licking his lips to better assess it, he opened his eyes slowly, somewhat surprised to find her so close.
Her eyes were still shut, and her breathing was shallow and quick, sending puffs of air against his face.
"I don't think that helped, either," she sighed, leaning away from him in defeat.
Beast Boy felt as if he had been stabbed in the chest; it was a strange, soul crushing pain. He could feel his face drop into a look of disbelief as he stared at his teammate before him; her eyes still shut as she furrowed her brows in thought.
It didn't...
He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat, but it was too dry. He could barely breathe, his chest hurt so much. It was like his ribs were collapsing in on his lungs while repeatedly stabbing at his heart.
The kiss... it didn't...
He successfully stifled a gasp for air, terrified that Raven would open her eyes and see him like this, but at the same time outraged by the fact that she didn't realize what she was doing to him.
It didn't mean anything.
Somehow, he was able to shove down the pain and slip on his usual, goofy façade; and just in time, too. Raven opened her eyes, giving him a quizzical look as she absently toyed with the ends of her hair.
"I'm sorry," she deadpanned, looking away as she continued to think. "I... I thought that would have worked, but..." She glanced back at him, her expression as confused as ever. "I guess I'm not feeling that, either."
Forcing a smile, Beast Boy nodded his head in understanding. "That's too bad - things were starting to get good," he joked, an empty feeling replacing his hurt.
Raven snorted in amusement as she shot him a playful glare. "Ha, ha. You're hilarious."
"You finally admit it," he bit back, his fake smile unwavering. He couldn't believe how dense she was being - and she called him an idiot.
What the hell was wrong with him? How could he just let her toy him along like this? He knew nothing was ever going to happen between them; that they'd never be more than friends. And yet, he'd build himself up - give himself hope - just to let her tear him back down with a dismissive sigh.
What was wrong with him?
She was giving him a small smile, though he couldn't remember how to enjoy it. All he knew was that her smile was just an empty promise; another thing that made him fall back into the cycle. It was just luring him towards pain and heartache - and he was almost to his limit. The part of him that kept on hoping was slowly getting smaller, and he knew that he couldn't go on like this.
But the part hadn't vanished completely. There was still a glimmer; a possible light at the end of the tunnel. He couldn't give up now - especially when she was all he had at the moment.
It took almost all of his strength to keep smiling.
I'm a terrible person, omg. Like, this chapter was such a roller coaster! You guys probably hated me at first, then slowly began to love me again, and then I just went and ripped your hearts out. But what's a girl to do?
I'm really sorry lol. I already have the ending all mapped out, and I can tell you it's not as depressing as this chapter. Maybe it'll even be seen as a happy ending? :P
Anywhoo, please refrain from hurting me with your words. I enjoy kind reviews, with happiness and excitement, despite the fact that this chapter was one big ball of wtf howdareyou. But if you're familiar with my other stories, you probably know that I spew out fluff and happiness, and this story will experience some eventually. Probably.
:D