10/02/2016

"You're worthless, an abomination. You'll bring our demise! It's your father's people who attack us."

"IT must be punished for her father's crimes," another faceless man boomed.

The men spoke amongst themselves for a long while, ignoring me as they suggested how they would end my life definitively. Finally one seemed to bring a suggestion they all agreed on. "Forced regeneration?"

"It does not follow the same regeneration rules. It could be a valuable weapon if we do this right. We may force her regeneration, but only enough to break her. The abomination must be broken. It must be used to end the war."

"Death to the unclean!"

"I didn't do anything! You can't do this to me! I've done nothing wrong!"

"Silence!" The main one snapped as he stood. In his hand was an ornate golden spear. With a powerful thrust, he stabbed me through with gleeful eyes. The anger I felt faded into immense pain and unable to stand, I collapsed to my knees. "Take it away. Lock it up. Leave it until the end of its days." Without another word, I was dragged away, bleeding out and slowly dying. Along the way, I locked eyes with the only person whose eyes showed any sympathy. It was the last thing I saw before darkness enveloped me.

I jolted awake, feeling as if my life were in danger. Jumping out of the bed, I searched for a bag to stuff some clothes into. In ten minutes, I was dressed and packed. As I placed my hand on the doorknob, there was a soft hum that I immediately recognized, the TARDIS. Within seconds, I realized where I was and dropped the bag and fell to the floor in tears. Whoever the girl in my dream was, I felt bad for her. The people wanted to punish her for something beyond her control, something she had no part in and couldn't change. My body shook with each new sob. It wasn't right, nor was it fair. But the one man that had looked at her, that had felt sorry for her, his eyes seemed so familiar and I couldn't help but feel grateful that he had shown her that one act of kindness, even if he hadn't really done anything.

After a few minutes had passed, I felt more exhausted than ever. I crawled into my bed, not bothering to change and reached into my pillowcase. Although I hadn't used them, and that Rose would instantly become worried if she found out, I pulled out my bottle of sleeping pills. I contemplated them for a moment before I downing five, more than the prescribed amount. A glass of water appeared beside me and I quickly drank it. I thanked the TARDIS before I relaxed my breathing as I was once taught. I continued in the meditative state until I felt pills take effect. I was hoped it would give me a dreamless slumber but I was never that lucky.

Running, that's all I ever did. The Council was right, I was an abomination and I didn't deserve to live. The kind woman had helped me escape. She had given me hope, the nice man. Those kind brown eyes would forever be ingrained in my mind. I shook my head and focused solely on running. If I could get far enough, I could get somewhere safe. The guards wouldn't come out this far for me, no matter how much Rassilon thought he needed me. I refused to be a weapon any longer. I refused to be used again. My parents were gone, my husband and children were dead, there was nothing left for me. The charms on my bracelet smacked against my bare flesh, bringing it to my attention. Although my parents had given me the bracelet and a charm they said would be of aid in the future, my husband and children had given me the rest. I wasn't supposed to take it off, it was to protect me and it held too many memories, good memories that I needed. Tears began to fall as I thought of my family but I quickly wiped them away. I had to do this, I had to get away. I continued to run until I found a shack. It was quite odd to see the rundown shanty in the middle of the desert, but I entered it anyways. Once I closed the door, I ignored the boxes on that stood against the right wall and sat on the floor so that I could say my last goodbyes, even though I knew those I loved wouldn't hear me. With the last of my resolve, I thumbed the bracelet for a moment before I opened the charm my parents had given me and let my essence enter it. With my last remaining strength, I pressed a button on my vortex manipulator and disappeared, leaving all memories of home and him behind. I only hoped that if I didn't survive, I would be able to see him again.

I sat up in the bed and looked around. Although I knew I was safe, the feeling remained. I sighed, got out of bed and walked around the room. Even though I didn't know what time it was, I knew I hadn't gotten much sleep. I was irritated that the pills barely worked at keeping away the dreams but there was nothing I could do about it. As I strode to the closet, my stomach growled. In my self inflicted isolation, I hadn't planed to leave the room. As much as I wanted to remain in the room, I knew that I needed to eat something. Mustering up the little courage I had, I quietly snuck out of the room and made my way to the kitchen.

Walking down the corridors, I noticed how quiet the ship was. Curiosity got the better of me and I went to check the console room. Sure enough, the Doctor and Rose weren't there. With a smile on my face, I turned and went to the kitchen. Once there, I made myself a small feast of things that would survive without a fridge. I wasn't sure how long I planned to stay in my room, but I didn't want to be caught by the two in case I was in there longer than a few more days. With the food cooked, I brought it all to my room and then returned to the kitchen to clean up the mess I had made. I didn't want them to know I'd ventured out of my room, especially Rose. She would probably come knocking on the door demanding for me to open the door, although she would have done that whether or not she knew I had left the confines of my four walls.

Once I had eaten, I placed the bowl off to the side and I went to shower. While I was staying in my room, showers always helped me relax and get my thoughts together. As I put on shorts and a sweater, I heard a knock on my door. I sighed but didn't answer and it seemed that whoever it was knew I wasn't going to answer. I hadn't opened that door to anyone in two days, spending the first sleeping. Ignoring the person didn't deter the person knocking. From the ferocity of the knocks, I knew it was Rose. Then again, the Doctor hadn't come by since he tried to talk to me a day or so earlier. I was glad when it stopped. "Cerys. Please open the door. I can't do this. I need my best friend." There was a pause as if she were anticipating an answer before she continued on. "I know you're upset with us but we missed you on our adventure. The Doctor didn't say it but he wasn't into it as much as he would have if you were there." I rolled my eyes at that comment. "He wasn't even all that nice. Not like he normally is, but so much worse. I don't know. I just wish you'd come out of there. It's scaring me. The Doctor said the TARDIS would tell us if you were in distress or somethin' but I'd prefer to have you around. If you don't want to see the Doctor you can always come by my room. We could have a bit of gossip and all." She was silent for a moment. "Please don't let your thoughts get the better of you. You're stronger than that Cer." I stared at the door wanting to fling it open and hug her but my legs wouldn't move towards it. Instead, I crawled back into bed.

Crying. That's all I ever did. I cried for my parents, for my best friend, for the life I never wanted and tried to end, even for the woman with the brown eyes. I didn't let anyone know that I cried. It was better that way. I didn't want pity. I wanted to be strong but I was the farthest from it. The first time was when I was twelve. I had snuck into my uncle's cabinet and stole a bottle of his whiskey and Valium. It almost worked but my uncle found me lying on the floor and had me committed. The second time was at the hospital. I'd found an area no one really went and tried to hang myself. Unfortunately, someone walked by and saw me. The third time was when I was thirteen. My uncle had moved, taking me with him. In the new place, no one knew my history. Instead of doing something that would make me go quickly, I starved myself to the brink of death. The teachers were aware of it and called the local hospital where I was put in a program to recover. After that, I returned to my uncle's home and packed a bag. I stole all the money he had and ran away, hitching rides to the nearest airport where I bought a ticket and returned to London. The thoughts didn't stop. At sixteen I tried again. Depression had its hold on me and I wanted it to end. I had slit my wrists, adding more scars to the plethora that littered my skin. I thought I was home alone but Rose had been asleep. She found me. Her expression haunted me more than anything else. I barely tried again. I couldn't bear to put Jackie and Rose through that. I was just reckless, putting myself in harm's way and if anything happened, it would be an accident. One did happen, it almost killed me. A friend was driving and wrapped the car around a pole. I wanted them to give up on me but Jackie and Rose wouldn't let them. I've always taken their love for granted and I've always felt guilty about that.

My eyes fluttered open as I thought about my dream. It was more like looking into my past. My cheeks were warm and wet; I had been crying again. I rolled over and pulled myself out of bed. I don't know how long I'd slept but even though there had been crying, I was slightly refreshed. Determined to at least try something different, I stretched and padded over to the bathroom. With a quick glance into the mirror, I examined my face. My curly brown hair was dishevelled from sleep and my caramel skin wasn't as pale as usual. My hazel eyes shone a bit brighter as well. It seemed as if that dream was what I needed to come back, at least to an extent. Sighing, I decided to do something with my hair. Opening the cupboard, I found a flat iron. Saying a quick thanks to the TARDIS, I plugged it in and waited for it to heat up. Once it had, I began the mundane and time consuming task of straightening my curly locks.

What seemed like forever passed before I'd finished my hair. When I had straightened the last piece, I added anti-frizz to it and checked how it looked. My hair was bone straight and reached the small of my back. I had deeply parted it and had used most of the front as a side fringe. Happy with my work, I turned off and unplugged the flat iron and set it aside to cool as I started to clean up. When everything was fixed up, I put my hair up and wrapped a silk scarf around it to keep it from getting messed up as I slept. Shutting off the bathroom light, I wandered to the bed and collapsed onto it.

As I laid there, I thought about everything that had happened since I'd boarded the TARDIS and everything before. I was a mess, there was no denying that, but I was grateful for what I'd experienced. They made me who I was. Yet I couldn't help but think of who I could have been. If things were different, if my parents were still alive, would I be different? Would I have met Rose and Jackie and the Doctor? The Doctor- the only person besides Rose I had around to talk to. But after I saw him with the Dalek, could I really talk to him? He had scared me, made me feel as I did when I was younger, although to his credit, he hadn't known. Still, he understood me to some degree, more than Rose did.

Maybe I was being a spoiled brat for not talking to him. I wanted to talk to him but that small argument in the car still bothered me. Was I only here because he wanted Rose around? Was I really the third wheel? Did he feel so sorry for me and that was a reason he asked me to tag along? I let out an irritated groan. It wouldn't be anything new to me if that were the case. Rose was beautiful, outgoing, STABLE, and capable of taking care of herself. She was every guy's dream girl while I was just the rebellious chick no one wanted to bother. While she had guys trailing after her, I was often the butt of guys' jokes. I knew I was nothing special but I wanted that kind of attention every so often. But good things rarely happened to me. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I thought about it all. Maybe I should just ask him to take me home. Then he could have Rose to himself; the two of them could travel together and not have to worry about me. Yet the more I entertained the idea, the more I wanted to stay. Rose had said she needed me, that she missed me. If me holing myself up in my room had upset her that much, then what would leaving do? The Doctor seemed to be put off by my absence as well, although I felt that was just Rose trying to get me to leave the room. I sighed as guilt washed over me- I had added more stress to the lives of everyone. Maybe I should just leave. I continued to think for what felt like hours before I finally fell asleep.

"No one wants her. I've condemned our daughter, Marhi. Your people will come after her and try to use her as a weapon."

"Kalistar, it is not your fault. They allowed us to marry. The Council used us."

"What can I do? If I retaliate I could lose you both and if I don't we lose our child."

"We'll figure something out. They can't use her until her two hundredth year."

"I am afraid they will not wait. The war looms over us like the plague. There is only a matter of time before we are invaded."

"And they will fight."

"What of us? Even if we don't live, she must. If the enemy learns of her they will either kill her or use her against the Time Lords, against Gallifrey."

"We will think of something. I know it." The two embraced each other, neither really knowing what their daughter's future held.

I got out of bed and got dressed. It had been four days since I'd had any human (or alien) contact and while I had slightly enjoyed my solitude, my mind was a dangerous place and the thoughts were starting to get to me. The blades that I had hidden called to me, as were the thoughts that often began the usual spiral. I didn't want to end up that way again, I didn't want to hurt Rose and Jackie again. The one thing that terrified me the most was that I knew it would be one of the worse I'd experienced. I didn't want to spiral into that pattern. I knew it would happen soon but I didn't want it to be now. I wanted to be happy and not have to worry about that at the moment. I just wanted to be normal for a while.

After a shower, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Once I'd dried myself off, I dressed in my usual outfit and removed the scarf and let my hair fall. It was a bit wavy but it hadn't curled or frizzed up to my content. I could deal with the wave seeing as it added a bit more to the style I'd put it in; finger combing it all to one side. Once I was happy with my appearance, I went to the door. Taking in a deep breath, I opened the door and began the trek to the console room to find Rose and the Doctor.

Hey all. So this was obviously an original chapter (please let me know if you like it). So, I wanted to give more insight into Cerys and about the dreams she has. For the most part, the dreams give hint to the future... or is it the past?

Yes, this was incredibly Doctor free. I really wanted this to be solely on Cerys. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it. I love seeing reviews and on top of that, I may or may not add a teaser at the end of one of these chapters if I get at least 5 reviews.

But yeah, sorry about the delay as well. I haven't been home on the regular, with school, work and a small social life. I'll will be posting on time for the rest of the week although next week I am going away so I might not be able to update. But I'll let you know what my plans are for that on the next upload day.

Thanks for treading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.