Donny buried his face in his hands, and numbly scrubbed away a sheen of moisture. He couldn't tell if it was sweat, or tears. It didn't matter. Donny was close to the breaking point. He was trembling, terrified, as frail and solid as a waning cloud, and exhausted. The adrenaline was trickling out of him, and when that was over...Donny swallowed hard, and attempted to straighten up from the exhausted slump. It was a pathetic attempt at reassurance, but maybe that was all that was needed.
Not for the first time, Donny felt as if he were in danger of falling apart completely. The terror was making him stupid, and the hell that he had gone through was making it harder and harder for him to keep a clear head. He shut his eyes, and breathed through the panic until he could scrape up enough strength to open his eyes and face Mikey.
"Mikey, listen to me, please."
Mikey was still staring at him, his eyes huge as a bewildered child, and the grip on Donny's arm was shaking.
"Mikey."
Donny said the name as a tether, as his baby brother nodded, and stilled.
"I don't want to leave them behind. I hate this! If either one of us could do anything differently, we would have figured it out by now, and we would have done it. Right now,the only thing we can do to help Splinter and Raph is to stay alive and come up with a plan. And that isn't going to happen if we just stroll back into the Lair and hand ourselves over to the Foot- got it?"
Mikey shook his head, pleading, "Where are we going to go, then? If they could find us at home...where are we going to be safe, Donny?"
Donny narrowed his eyes, considering all options and grimaced when he realized how few they truly had. Mikey looked like he was going to be sick, and seeing those huge eyes spilling over only made the situation more unbearable.
"I think I know the place." Donny announced, quietly. "Follow me." He tried to convey some confidence as he started towards the farthest ladder in the tunnel, the one he knew that spiraled back outward to the more vacant part of an already desolate part of the city. Above ground was normally far less safe than the Lair, but unless the Foot had blocked all exits, they would have a chance to bolt.
"Let's go." Donny ordered, as he put hands on the rungs and hauled himself upward towards the surface.
The metal felt cold, and unyielding against his sweating fingers, but he climbed upward into the dark. Donny could hear the muffled echo of the throbbing city, the constant hum of traffic, the thundering of his own heartbeat as he paused, and listened. He could hear nothing but the sounds of paper skittering, and the yowling of a stray cat, and the muttering of an old drunk who was laying in a stupor behind the trashcans. Uneasily, Donny unscrewed the cover, and flinched in surprise when the rusted metal gave forth a long, whining shriek from the years of stillness. Below, he could hear Mikey's startled yelp, and a panicked scramble as Mikey lost his grip.
Donny frantically reached downward, felt his fingers brush Mikey's extended wrist, and he clawed into the flesh. Thankfully, Mikey had found his balance and was able to right himself. Mikey wrapped his fingers into clenched fists against the rusted ladder, and buried his head into his elbow, shaking. Donny heard him exhale a long, hard breath, before he looked up.
"Sorry, Donny." Mikey whispered, as he forced his mouth to curl into a smile.
Donny scowled down at him, worriedly. Mikey looked so young, and vulnerable, and they were both exhausted, and too traumatized to do much more than hide. Donny unscrewed the latch, and gently shoved the lid away. The lid scraped against the concrete of the street above, revealing an abysmally black sky, and a vacant street with the cheer of a graveyard. Donny peeked out, warily creeping upward a few inches, and then he breathed a sigh of relief. The place was vacant, except for the bits of newspaper billowing under the sickly light of a street lamp.
Around them, and soaring over their heads, the buildings of the condemned housing section stood blocking out most of the noise of the city. Donny flipped upward, and landed a few feet away from the manhole, and Mikey was only seconds behind him. Gesturing silently, Donny edged his way towards the darkness of the long shadows cast by the vacant apartment buildings. The sky overhead was without stars, and except for the occasional battered car rolling by, and the sparce glow of a spare street light, they were nearly invisible. They halted at the chain link fence, and at Donny's nod, they scaled it quickly and scuttled back into the refuge of the dark, and into the apartment complex itself. Donny warily approached the first boarded up building, scowling at the decaying state and the eerie black of broken windows and shadow-drenched doorways.
At his side, Mikey tensed, and whispered, worriedly, "Dude, do you seriously mean for us to spend the night here?"
Donny shrugged in resignation. "We can't exactly book a hotel room, Mikey. I know it's not pleasant, but it's safer than being in the Lair or wondering around the streets." Donny scanned the building with distaste. It was a dilapidated 2-story, and it looked like it had been gutted and forgotten as the rest of the area. Rows and rows of boarded up and burned doors and windows stared at him, and he shuddered. It was like looking at a line of skulls. It would probably be safer on the second floor.
"Follow me."
Donny tossed over his shoulder as he hesitantly made his way up the stairwell. The flimsy metal groaned under his feet, and both brothers froze when they heard the sharp hiss in front of them. Donny stared, disbelieving as two glowing eyes suddenly peered down at him from the top of the stairs, the panic curling in his gut..He froze helplessly,unable to move, or even whisper a warning to Mikey. He yelped when Mikey brushed past him, and stepped into the black. He heard Mikey's soft giggle, and watched numbly as Mikey scooped up something in his arms that purred.
"Donny, take it easy." Mikey whispered calmly. "It's just a cat."
Mikey smiled at him, and cooed as he scratched the ragged little animal underneath her chin.
"Put that thing down!" Donny snapped, still twitching from nerves and on the verge of a breakdown. "You have no idea what sort of disease a feral animal like that could give you!"
Mikey sighed, shook his head, and stooped to release the animal. Donny felt fur as she brushed past his ankle, and squelched the urge to kick it.
"Never mind the cat. We need to get inside." Donny whispered as he palmed the outer wall, and came to a piece of plywood. He wrenched it free with a grunt and both turtles froze at the sound of the explosive snap of wood splintering free. Thank God, there wasn't any sounds, other than their scared, lurching panting and the same dull roar of traffic a few blocks away.
"Help me." Donny tossed over his shoulder, as Mikey obediently yanked another slab of plywood away and carefully sat it down. It didn't take long to break down the door, or to break inside.
It was a one-bedroom, filled with the stench of mold and dust and abandonment as Donny squinted in the dark and tried to discern any danger. There wasn't any, unless the shadows could suddenly grow teeth and consume them. Warily, he stepped through the doorway, curling a lip in disgust at the feel of the old, dusty carpet beneath his feet. He inched towards the back, where he came across a short hallway, where he saw the dull gleam of a stained toilet on one end, lit by the glow of a streetlight through the window. A bathroom. Donny turned towards the end of the hallway, which ended in a door. Cautiously, he turned the knob. To his surprise, he found what looked like an old bedroom, complete with piles of old newspapers, and and the eerie round form of a battered couch that lay like a beached whale in the middle of the room.
Mikey came after him, and stood, wordlessly in the small, main room, circling and giving Donny a forced grin.
"It's not the Ritz."
"No, Mikey. It isn't."
The smile wilted on Mikey's lips as he shrugged. "We won't be here for long, Donny." Mikey said it with such outlandish resolution, that Donny raised an eyeridge in surprise.
"What do you mean? Where else do we have to go?"
Mikey eyed his brother for a long moment, and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but reconsidered.
"Eventually, home, right?" Mikey answered before he tossed his head back into the jaw-cracking yawn. He pat his mouth, and raised his arms to stretch.
"You really think so?" Donny asked softly.
Mikey shrugged. "Well, yeah. It's not complicated...we just need to figure out how to get Raph and Leo and Splinter back. And, then, find a new place to live."
That neat and overly optimistic summary of their situation struck Donnie as being both stupid, and hopeless.
"You really believe it's that simple. That everything is just magically going to work out?!" Donny snapped. "After everything we've just been through? Are you even listening to yourself, Mikey?"
For one horrible moment, Mikey tensed, and every scrap of his cobbled together cheer warped into something hard and ugly. He turned so fast on Donny, with that one arm raised, that Donny stumbled backwards, afraid. Mikey glared at him, his eyes nearly black in the failing light, as he tilted his head, as if considering Donny.
"I've been through just as much as you have, Donny. I was there when Leo went nuts, when Raph was bleeding on the floor, when Splinter saved us...so don't you dare think for a moment I'm not every bit as scared and hurt and lost as you right now! I'm sorry that I'm not 'falling apart' enough to convince you that I'm not scared out of my mind that half of our family is dead! I'm sorry that I don't have your brain power to think of all the ways that everything has gone wrong! Excuse me all to hell for trying to believe that maybe we'll survive this, and that we're all going to be okay! It may be stupid to you, but hope is really all we have left!"
Mikey snarled out the last word, as he spun around. He shoved Donny aside so fast that he stumbled, and ignored his brother's pleading as he stomped through the living room, over the stairwell, and did a flip to bounce back into the waiting dark. Donny heard his footsteps as he bolted from the apartment, and then the heavy, bitter silence that lingered heavy and unwanted in the room. Mikey was gone.