I couldn't answer Leo's questions, but I managed one hell of a snarl, just to stop the horrible, horrible questions that were too painful for me to even think about. I couldn't talk, because of the damn thing over my mouth. I frantically rubbed the back of my head against the gurney, trying to loosen the straps, but it was impossible. The leather straps were way too thick. I wished I had one of my sais to cut it off, but of course, that wasn't going to happen, either. I was still too numb and stunned by both the joy of seeing Leo alive and the horror of finding him like this. And, then, of course, there was the nasty possibility that the rest of my family had been murdered, and the home I had been ripped from was now their graves. I know I may have sounded like one cold bastard to Leo, but at the moment, I couldn't even think of them all being dead.

Leo exhaled a long, shaky sigh, and I saw him shut his eyes as the tears trickled down his cheeks. I watched as he slumped, his neck bent awkwardly, since the shapes of our shells made it impossible to lay flat on our backs.

He opened his eyes again, and squinted at me, at the muzzle, and my helpless fury. By then, I was shaking, and I could feel the threat of tears and more snot clogging my throat like a boulder. I swallowed hard, and grunted from the pain.

"Raph….." Leo winced as he looked me over, his eyes storm-dark and anguished, and bewildered.

"Donny, and Mikey and Splinter…are they alive?"

I grunted in frustration, a weird, garbled sound, and hitched my shoulders.

"You don't know if they survived?" Leo whispered, his eyes huge and spilling over.

I couldn't lie. I didn't know any more than he did. Leo shut his eyes, and I watched in disbelief as I heard the high, pleading sob escape from his throat. It sounded like the whimper of a trapped animal.

Leo started crying, those horrible, hitching choking breaths that made his entire body tense against the straps and made him look like a lost, beaten kid. Leo was no longer my untouchable, unbreakable brother. He was terrified and crying on an ugly gray gurney, and losing it completely.

I stared at him, dumbly, not believing that I was seeing him crumble like this. It hurt so much to watch, and it hurt so much to be helpless when Leo was drowning.

"I'm sorry!" Leo choked out. "I'm so sorry, Raph! I didn't mean for this to happen…"

I growled at him, and waved a hand for attention. He stopped the blubbering long enough to focus on my upraised fingers, as I jabbed two in the air and jerked my head around to indicate the whole room. I gestured towards him, and swept my fingers back to me, with another grunt.

"-eh ee ohy oes –er." Of course, Leo couldn't understand my mutilated attempt to talk, and I saw the confusion wash over his features as he tilted his head.

"What? Raph, I'm sorry. I don't understand-''

"Eww,-'' I pointed my finger at him.

"Ann eee" I jabbed my plastron. "Ahh ee oh-ee oees eeer!"

"You..and me…are the only ones here? Is that what you're trying to say, Raph?"

I nodded, sharply, breathing a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to go through another attempt to talk. It sucked, and it was getting embarrassing, even for me.

"Did you see Splinter and our brothers get away, then?" The hope on his face was so frail that I almost wanted to shut my eyes and ignore it completely.

I shook my head, and I saw his face fall.

"I'm sorry, Raph. This is all my fault. I never meant for any of this to happen!"

I grunted, and raised my eyeridges, a demand for an explanation.

Leo's eyes met mine, and then, they trailed to my wrist, the one he had run a blade through. The look in his eyes reminded me of a tortured animal.

"I had to stab you, Raph. I had to do it. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just hope you understand that I was saving you from something a lot worse, even if you can't believe it."

I scowled at him, uncertainly. He had to stab me? How in the hell did that make any sense?!

Leo nearly whimpered as he shut his eyes, and shook his head, frantically.

"I had to, Raph." It was a broken whisper that dribbled off into another long, awful silence.

"I'm sorry, Raph. Sorry for everything. I never, ever should have believed Karai when she told me that she would leave the rest of you alone. I can't believe that I was so stupid…and now, I've done more to hurt you than even Karai was capable of doing!"

When I heard Karai's name, I growled and jerked my head towards Leo. Leo opened his eyes, then, and they were searing, dark, and anguished as he blinked back more tears.

"Raph…I don't know how much time we have left. I don't know how long that they're planning on keeping us alive, and after what they've already done to me…." Leo's eyes swept down over his mutilated plastron.

"You have to get away from here, Raph. You have to get away from here as soon as you can. Promise me."

I snarled at him, and shook my head. I would be damned if I would leave him here, even though the chances of either of us escaping were looking pretty low at the moment.

"I thought I knew what torture was, once." Leo whispered. "I thought that their..operations, their experiments, being caged like an animal…that used to be my worst fear. That was what kept me up at night. I never, ever thought that torture would be me being forced to hurt the ones I love the most. I never thought that I'd be the one to inflict torture on any of you…."

He was sobbing so hard that I was having trouble understanding his mangled words.

"Karai made me a monster! She made me stab you, made me threaten Mikey, hurt Splinter…What I did to you was unforgivable! But what Karai told me she would do to you would be so much worse... I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"