I stared as Leo kept thrashing and sobbing against the restraints. He didn't succeed in doing much more than making a lot of noise and making his face slick with the snot and the tears. I grunted, tried to mouth some sort of comfort around the gag, but it was jammed tight between my teeth. I could make sounds, I could grunt, but I couldn't actually form anything that sounded like language. And at that point, there wasn't a whole lot that I could come up with that would make any difference now. Leo had exhausted himself, and I watched, worriedly as he slumped back into a pathetic, defeated heap, as if any scrap of resolve had been drained and he had nothing left. He shut his eyes, sighed, and whispered, brokenly, "Even after all of this….I failed to keep any of you safe. I'm sorry, Raph. I never, ever meant for you to be here."

I grunted loudly, shook my head, and raised my good hand up as much as the strap would allow for his attention. He turned his head towards me, and I saw the dead, leeching sorrow, and the overwhelming pain as he swallowed hard.

"Raph….." he looked at me, his eyes trailing to my done-up wrist, and I saw the guilt twist his face again.

"How bad is it?"

I grunted and furrowed my eye ridges in confusion, as he bit his lip and forced himself to continue, "Your…your wrist. How badly is it damaged? Can you still use it?"

I gave him a look of pure venom, as the wash of memory flooded through my brain. I snarled, raised my wrist towards him, and hitched my shoulders.

Say what you like about Leo, but he had done a damn good job of doing massive damage to my good hand. Donny had examined it as he had bandaged it up, and since we had no x-rays or anything, the biggest priority at the time was making sure that I didn't bleed out. Leo had stabbed clean, going right through my bones, and dodged any major veins, but he had sliced so many muscles and what not, and the damage was so still so fresh, I had no idea what my long term prospects were in using my hand. I knew from the fresh bandages, and the pain that somebody had done something to my wrist while I was out, but since everything was covered up, I had no idea. I only remember being drugged up to the point of sweet, merciful oblivion, and being rolled into a green tiled room where a bunch of people in masks were staring down at me before I had been drugged again.

And then, waking up to find Leo alive, and having no idea where the hell my brothers and father were. Damned if I knew what to think, at this point. So I just didn't. I wasn't good at it anyway. I had a bitter sense of hope and irony that whoever had us had troubled themselves to keep us alive this long. If we were going to die, it would have been a lot easier to just gut us all in the Lair and be done with it. At least I was alive, and Leo was alive, and we were together, even if I didn't know if I loved him, hated him, or felt a weird mix of both.

"I want you to know why I did that to you." Leo whispered, as he lay his head back, and stared rigidly at the ceiling. "I'm not asking for your understanding, and I don't want forgiveness. I don't deserve either one, especially now. But, I need you to know, Raph, that I didn't have a choice. Not in that. Not with you."

He sighed, and went on, softly. "Karai caught me, with a bunch of her little soldiers. I was ambushed, and I tried to fight back, but I was outnumbered. She managed to pin me, and I was held down, and helpless. …..And I was scared. I thought…I thought I was going to die, and that she was going to gut me on the spot and leave me to bleed to death on that roof. I never, ever thought that she'd do something so much worse. She had me cornered, and pinned down, weaponless. I was helpless. I couldn't do anything, anything at all! And then she came up to me, close enough to touch me, so close that I could see the sneer on her face, as she pat me like I was some sort of stray dog, and then, she pulled out a phone…."

Leo's face twisted, as he shuddered. "I was confused at that point. I had been expecting to be stabbed, or beaten, anything but that. And then, she turned the screen to me, and I watched her scroll through, and I saw pictures, of all of you, Splinter, Mikey, Donny…..you were all oblivious to being recorded, and being watched. I was so angry at her for invading our home, and family like that, and I was so scared that I would be watching her order a massacre. I thought I was going to watch you all die,"

He turned his head to me, and I helplessly shrugged.

"She told me that she had the Lair bugged, that she could see everything. She told me that she could order us dead at any time, but she was feeling generous, and she was going to give me a chance to save you. She told me that she was giving me three days to destroy us as a family, to make you all hate me as much as I could, and if I wasn't successful, she'd kill you all. She had the Lair bugged, Raph, she was already watching us all for God knows how long, and there was no reason for me to believe that she wouldn't do it. If she could sneak into our home, and none of us know it…." Leo's tears spilled again.

"There was one thing that she requested, Raph. She wanted me to hurt you. Not just fight you, or win, but physically hurt you, to the point that you'd never forgive me."

His hitching, broken breath ended in a sigh.

"I've been having nightmares about that moment, when I had you pinned down, and your own weapon drawn against you. I remember staring down at you, and silently begging you to win, and kill me so I wouldn't have to go through with something so horrible. I never, ever expected you to lose, Raph. I was hoping that I'd get you so enraged that you'd just end it for me."

Leo stopped then, and the heavy silence fell between us, thick and bitter and uncertain.