Title: Smallville Twist
Pairing/Characters: Lex Luthor/Clair Kent
Spoilers: First five seasons, shifting to total AU after Reckoning (Zod, however, will still happen. I would never deprive Lex of being possessed by a Kryptonian)
Summary: Clair Kent has been known to carry the world on her shoulders. Powers or not, that is a hard feeling to shake, particularly after she realized she might be the only thing standing between Lex and darkness. She's willing to get closer to the darkness to pull him back into the light. It's a knife's edge between falling and staying up but she has to try, even if she has to think more like a Luthor. Fem!Clark Kent. Slightly darker Fem!Clark, but she's trying to do right even if she might be wrong. Kind of twisted, messed up love between a Luthor and Kent. Because, really, with Jor-El and Lionel pulling strings, how could they ever be normal?
No beta, mistakes are all my own. Enjoy anyway!
Angels Fall-Breaking Benjamin
A sick feeling settled in the pit of Lex's stomach as he slowed and cut the engine along the edge of the stopped cars before stepping out to join staring bystanders. There was a bus, the back windows displaying "Go Crows Go" in red and white. None of the students hovering beside the yellow monster were cheering, whatever joy they must have had evaporated as they only stared with stricken, horrified expressions. Just at the edge of the carnage he noticed Chloe's car pulled a little cockeyed, seeming to have stopped in a hurry. The blonde reporter was not in the gathered crowd, however.
A car was some distance away, battered and beaten in, but he recognized it regardless. His hands began to shake, the first stages of shock already taking hold.
Lex pushed his way through the gathered teens and other drivers, following their gaze. He thought it odd they were not looking at the car, but in front of it, at least until he saw what they did. Clair was covered and streaked in blood, holding... a limp, battered body in her arms, rocking back and forth slowly just the way she had done with him once. His mind could not put a name to the body even though he cognitively recognized what was left of a once beautiful girl.
There was so much blood, he noted clinically. Was any of it Clair's? There was enough of it for two people. The shaking began to spread through his body and all he could do was stare.
A blue truck skidded to a stop to his left and he did not need to turn his head to know who jumped from the cab and raced to Clair and... Lana.
Clair looked up at the sandy-haired new senator, eyes glazed over completely, "She's fine," she told him, "she's fine, she just needs a minute. She'll wake up." He could only guess she had gone in after the body and carried it away from the sea of broken glass, protecting it as best she could.
Still in his suit, Jonathan Kent crawled onto the ground beside his daughter, gently unwinding her arms from the body despite her continued insistence that Lana was fine. "It's OK, baby, it's going to be OK." Denial of the truth was a Kent trait. After a bit of work, he managed to get Clair pulled away, scooping her up in his arms. The way the neck had moved when Clair was prevented from supporting the weight of the head told him the neck was snapped. She would not be waking up no matter how fervently Clair willed it into being - hings were not fine.
"No, I can't leave her, Dad!" Clair insisted, but it was distant, as if her mind could not hold together, "I have to stay with her!" She was not fighting him, she was clinging to his jacket. "I have to protect her."
"It's all right, it's going to be all right," Jonathan repeated multiple times, low voice husky from effort to keep hold of his calm exterior as he took her to the truck. He shut them both inside and held his child like she was a tiny girl again, perhaps the way he might have when she was little and had nightmares. No one could hear what they were saying, only watch as he continued to speak to her and stroke her blood matted curls.
An ambulance arrived, meaning someone in the crowd called them. The lights were particularly bright at night, blinding. Somehow, Lex found himself back at home even if he had no memory of how he got there, nor how he ended up in bed with his clothes from the day still on in the light of morning. Something told him that he did not want to wake up though, so he went back to sleep for what turned into twelve hours. It was his father that braved shaking him awake.
The mansion, as always, was a good place to avoid things. It was his own world and he could make people come to him rather than having to go out his own door to face the horrors that had happened. Still, he had to come out for the funeral. The new Senator and his wife attended, but the daughter decidedly absent. Chloe and Lois were nearly on the front row but Clair was not with them. The Kent's told everyone she was unwell and anyone that knew who first found the body did not question it, meaning no one did. Lex stayed toward the outside, as did his father, though they did not stand together; he wondered why his father bothered to attend at all.
Lex himself had no right to come to her funeral since it was worry for him that had her driving that road to see him; if he had never called her she would be alive. He went out to find her that night because he heard her scream before the phone went dead. She might have lived if he had not been ranting his foolish self pity. The election seemed trivial after what more happened. Everything seemingly was over rather quickly and people faded away. That was when he saw Clair, hidden and shadowed very well in her dark dress. He should have gone to her but he let her have her wish.
An hour after the funeral ended he found himself still driving in circles, part of him wanting to play a hunch. Eventually he gave in and returned to the fresh grave. He took care in how he stepped, not wanting to alert the figure he saw where he expected to find her. Angling his direction, he put himself in a place to see Clair's face, but he stopped before he was too close. "You've never met him, so he had no right to involve you, I know. That never seems to matter." He heard her whisper to the cold dirt.
Lex could not move, too stunned by the sight of the girl on the ground, head hung low, fingers pulling at her hair viciously. She looked like death warmed over, white powder dusting her hair, and her dress visibly soaked from kneeling in the snow too long. "I'm sorry, Lana, I'm so sorry!" She shook with breathless sobs, "I wanted to save you, I just couldn't." It sounded like she was just restraining a scream, "Since the day I came to Smallville, I've caused you pain. If there's any justice in this, I hope you know that I will pay for this every day." A necklace was suddenly dangling from her fingers, it was easy to recognize even if the green in the stone was oddly gone, "I'll keep it with me always so I never forget what I've done... and maybe I'll never make the same mistake."
He watched her reached back and clasped the chain around her neck before she dissolved into sobs. This was the first time he had ever really seen her cry. It was like watching a fortress crumble, stones cracking and falling under too much pressure. Speaking of cracking, he forgot to watch where he stepped.
Watery green eyes snapped to him and the shields were up in an instant with the only evidence of their fall being the tear tracks. She stood swiftly, brushing uselessly at her skirt as if to brush everything away. When she turned away he saw her swipe quickly at her face to erase proof of her grief.
"It's not a crime to cry." He stuck his hands into his coat pockets as he came ahead, "You have every right in the world."
"No, actually, I don't. Just like I had no right to attend her funeral."
"Clair, whatever misguided guilt you are harboring, stop! Accidents aren't fair, they shouldn't happen, but they do, and no one can change that! Even you."
She turned back to him, expression neutral, "You came to visit her, I'll leave you to it."
"Stop," he caught her arm to prevent her strolling past him, "don't do that. Don't hide your feelings away, not from me. You're not an island, and you don't have to put on a brave face and pretend this isn't killing you the way it's killing all of us!"
Her eyes were vacant as she stared ahead, "I should tell you that I'm sorry. You lost your partner and your friend."
It startled him that she seemed to know Lana had been working with him on the space ship, because the unspoken undertone sounded a lot less about a coffee house, but he should have known Clair would know. She was the one that saved them both from respective gun shots and explosions. He and Lana had indeed been partners but no one was supposed to know about the extent of their projects. There was nothing he could think to say when she walked away. They had been through so much and stayed close but somehow he had never felt farther from Clair, like there was suddenly a wall he could not breach.
Lex went to the Kent farm; he had to, she had not stepped off it. Clair never came to the mansion, never sought him out, so he had to come to her. It felt like entering enemy territory after the election but he was willing to risk it. When he entered the barn he found Martha Kent seated on a work table, a picture frame in her hands and a distant stare of a woman miles away. He was careful as he approached her, not wishing to startle her or intrude on her moment. The picture, he noticed, was of two smiling girls; one was gone and the other no longer smiled. She looked up slowly, muttering a weak greeting.
"Is there anything I can do?" He asked quietly.
Martha slid off her perch with a quiet, sad; "Oh, sweetheart," before she put her arms around his middle. Hugging her felt warm and safe, like hugs to a mother tended to. Martha's hug felt like a declaration of trust and faith, and in that moment he felt responsible, like he had one more person he would always need to protect. He knew then that he simply had to keep her safe because she trusted him to be that kind of person no matter what others told her. "I'm sorry, I planed to come by and check on you. I know how you felt about..." She pet his cheek with one had, "I'm glad you came." And like any mother she had to ask; "Have you eaten? I could make you something."
"No, I've eaten, thank you." He put his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do with them once the hug ended, "I just came to see if I could offer assistance in some way. I know this is a busy time for your family, and with the accident now..."
She nodded, "Jonathan isn't here. Clair is out in the field. She rarely stops working, not even to sleep. If she's not doing chores she's at school."
"Sometimes keeping busy is good." He offered, trying to sound as encouraging as he could.
"She put all her pictures away." She motioned to a box near the loft he had not seen, filled with frames and photo books. "She's not dealing with it and I'm afraid what will happen when it finally caches up to her. But I shouldn't be telling you that. You loved Lana too. You and Clair and Chloe were probably the closest to her in the world." Martha took his hand and squeezed, "Don't let it eat you alive like my daughter, Lex. Feel what you feel, denying it only hurts you more. I know without question that Lana would want you to be happy even though that seems out of reach right now. It won't happen overnight, and the wounds won't ever be gone, but they will heal."
The sad thing was, even though he was responsible for her death, Martha was right, Lana would want everyone to be happy again. They talked a little more and she eventually told him where Clair might be. He walked the farm until he found her and judging by the way she paused in her stacking of heavy looking poles she noticed right away. Lex sat on the fence and said nothing when she told him she was busy. At first they both did nothing but eventually she resumed stacking things that should be much too heavy for her. When she finished she took his hand and wordlessly lead him back to the farm. While he held her hand he rubbed his fingers over her palm, thumb gently caressing her knuckles. It felt intimate though he didn't know why but he could not stop, it was the only comfort he had to give. Martha fixed both of them a rather large lunch. He wasn't hungry but he eats it because he is fully sure that Clair wouldn't if he didn't.
The next day he sat in on her classes; teachers got nervous but not even one of them said a word about him being there; there were perks of donating money. Professor Milton Fine had been the only one brave enough in the past to openly challenge him while making the students squirm. The first class Clair pretended not to notice him but the second time had her switching seats to be beside him. They said nothing but the message in the silence was resoundingly clear and received in both directions; they were there for each other even if they didn't know how to be anymore when both were drowning in pain and guilt.
He took her to lunch and she didn't fight him on it. They finally talked but were desperately careful not to touch painful topics. They mostly talked about sports and he made fun of some of his business associates to get tiny smiles out of her. He also took a risk and told her everything he knew about anyone that might cause her father problems in his new position. Telling her was ashen loss on his tongue because he so badly needed that win, but he needed to protect the Kent women where he could... and Clair needed a task to get her mind off the pain.
He had a tiny victory out of it all anyway, against his father. He learned a bit about some secret donations his father made and about how he met Lex's investigator before his death. The potential scandal was enough to keep his father out of his office and under control, particularly when he mentioned how it would look to the public if they knew he met Martha Kent in a back street. Lionel would never let Martha be dragged through the mud; neither would Lex, but a threat was a threat.
Many weeks later, a bold reporter asked Senator Kent how he felt about his daughter's close friendship, referencing the lunch date, with his previous opponent and a Luthor. Jonathan leveled the woman with his patented look of righteous disapproval saying; "I may not agree with some of the dealings of LuthorCorp, and we obviously clash on issues, but that does not mean I consider Lex Luthor an enemy. We may not see eye to eye most of the time but he has been part of Smallville for years. He's a hard worker and I respect that. I've seen him muck out a stall without a word of complaint just as I have seen him run a business. And frankly, my daughter should be free to spend time with whatever one of her friends she wishes. If I planned to run my family or this state like a dictatorship I would have kept myself out of office. Next question." Ironically, business improved after Jonathan Kent gave the strange rendition of a defense. He could not decide if the Senator meant a word of it or not but it was better than nothing, it was also on record. If Kent mentioned how he mucked stalls in the election he might not have lost.
The movie was sort of terrible but it was somehow mesmerizing because the character's lives were even more wild than her own. Lex seemed to be entranced, most likely by the copious car explosions; he was male, after all. Men loved car chases, car explosions, car anything at all. He had an entire garage dedicated to his hobby so she was far from shocked. For her part she was just thankful to see him alive and well. He urged her to talk about her feelings but so did her parents. They just did not realize she would never, ever tell them the truth. She traded a few lives, played with human destiny like she was... a true and self important Kryptonian.
It was morbidly surprising that either of them could stand to watch cars rolling off the road. Part of her held a sneaking suspicion her cunning companion - strategical evil genius - was trying to get under her skin so she would suddenly tell him all about her feelings. It was an evil move on his part but she had come to expect no less. Not getting what he wanted never went over well with the rich and famous Luthor. This time he would have to learn to live with it.
Deep down, even seated beside him with one of his arms draped around her while they watched the movie, she suspected Lex would never forgive what she had done. He might not have known for certain that he loved Lana, but she was fairly sure he had. It might not have been a deep sort of love but it was love. Part of her had been relieved for that because Lana would be able to pull anyone back from the darkness, she thought. It meant she would not have to shoulder that even though part of her lamented the potential loss of Lex to her friend. After working so hard to convince herself that she needed to love Lex she had begun to think she might.
The trouble was, once he was in the hospital for the third time in a few short months, broken and hardly holding on after the crash that also killed Jonathan Kent, she knew she loved him. The grief of having her father torn from her was crushing beyond what she could stand but hovering outside the little window to Lex's hospital room pushed her over the edge of sanity. She knew in her very soul that she could not live without Lex because somewhere she had gotten her heart tangled with him more than she understood.
Her memory of events was a little hazy since she had been operating under shock for the most part. Her dad had a heart problem so she never really stopped worrying, but to have him die in a car crash, jerked from her life in an instant, was too much. Having Lex hovering on death's door pushed her past the line. The first time he had been shot at Christmas had passed easily because she never knew about it until he was back home. When he was shot the second time she had too much to worry about to dwell on what could have happened if she never found him. But they told her if he ever woke up he... she could not handle having them both ripped from her life. She loved them in a very different way but the love was a deep sort of thing that twined with her soul.
She went to Jor-El, begging him to change everything back, begging him to save two people she loved more than life. She was perfectly willing to die in their place. Unfortunately Jor-El would never give her up that easily. He told her how she could roll back the events but he also told her that the second time it would be Lana.
Apparently if she let Lana leave the party earlier then it would stop both men from finding each other on the road; stop them from colliding with the semi while they behaved like idiots, shouting at each other from moving vehicles like they thought high speed chases meant no one else would be on the road. The accident was inevitable, the casualties were the only thing that could be interchanged. She wished those two could see reason and simply not fight at all but fate intended to take someone that night and it would either be two or one.
Like a true-blood Kryptonian, she weighed the options and chose the life of two over one. It seemed perfectly logical considering one was a Senator that would go on to help a lot of people, and the other was a promising young man with the world ahead of him. It seemed logical in the moment.
Admittedly, she had been too clouded with grief to really be rational in her choice until it came time for the first accident. She sort of believed she could fix everything so no one died, but then Lois was hurt and she lost track of time. She borrowed Chloe and her car to look for Lana. Chloe found Lana first but it seemed whatever her father did really could not be stopped. She arrived seconds too late, just seconds too late. She never asked where Chloe vanished to after they found Lana but the next time she saw the blonde had been at the funeral. They never spoke of what happened, not one word, mostly because Chloe knew how the guilt was eating her friend alive even though no one else did.
Clair leaned closer and buried her face in Lex's neck to block it all out. The movie was beginning to get to her. Though she still found it odd that the two of them had become comfortable with physical closeness when they used to keep their distance so carefully. Being close to the older man felt natural and comforting now even though she had little right to take refuge in it.
"Do you want to watch something else?" He asked her casually. Yeah, he picked the movie intentionally. She would have been angry with him but she did not have the will too, not when he was alive and safe.
"Sure. This one is a little predictable. We could watch something happy like Titanic." She did not feel like joking but there was nothing else to do.
He huffed out his nose like he was trying not to laugh. "Right, that one is happy."
"Titanic... maybe the Love Boat? Oh, or Giligan's Island for another throw back ship wreck."
"Or if you want wrecks there is always Speed. That one has lots of explosions."
Clair shook her head, ruffling her own hair against him, "Guys and explosions. I don't see the draw."
"Hmmm... how about Sleeping Beauty? That has a dragon witch, right?"
Oh, he was good! Bringing a witch into the conversation as yet another reference to Lana. "Never took you for a Disney domestic sort of guy." She was not going to bite.
"I can be domestic some times. Disney ruined dating for so many guys that don't happen to be a prince it almost makes me feel ahead of the game since I am royalty."
"I'm not sure being called the 'Rising Prince of Walstreet' actually counts, but nice try."
"You're right, I'm not the Prince type. I usually see myself more as a Greek or Roman ruler." He told her loftily, starting to gently rub her scalp with the tips of his fingers.
"They wore skirts, just so you know." She pointed out blandly.
"But they also had very nice, intimidating armor." He defended.
"Well, the Greeks had a thing for not wearing anything if the statues and paintings are to be believed... so you might want to rethink that one for Halloween."
Lex laughed and she felt gratified to have gotten one of those rare shows of humor. He kissed the crown of her head sweetly and she burrowed closer. Shifting his body around more to the side, he pulled her tightly to his chest with both arms as her own little fortress. He made her feel safe, like her dad did. They were both human so it was hard to say why she felt so secure when either of them held her but she did. There were seemingly few things the young Luthor could not fix most of the time and that made her feel like she had someone in her corner that no one could touch, or she wanted desperately to believe that. She wished it was true.
"If you need to talk, Clair-" Lex began slowly as if he could say it just slowly enough to keep her from noticing he was doing it again.
She jerked from his hold and was on her feet, at the end of the couch a little faster than she really should have been, humanly speaking. "Don't." She warned him simply.
He scrambled to his feet, "Clair, I'm your friend and I know all of this has-"
"I said stop, Lex!" She found herself shouting at him, finally finding that will to be angry, "I will let you ask me questions, pry into my life, but never ask me anything to do with Lana again! You think I didn't know the movie you picked was supposed to bring up bad memories to get me talking? You can't play me like your employees!" She very nearly threw one of his glass tables, "Why can't you just leave it alone? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you she is dead because of me? Fine! She's dead because of me, OK! She was the price! Happy?"
She felt so much rage bubbling up inside her. He could never leave anything alone! He just had to keep at it until someone snapped. She moved for the door and he tried to stop her which lead to her slamming him relatively hard into the wall with her body, glaring into his bewildered eyes. Not waiting for him to regain his wits she stormed out of the room. Lex perused her and started pleading with her to "just wait a minute" and she ignored him. He was just a bit taller than she was but he very nearly climbed her in his attempt to stop her progress. His arms and legs were everywhere, like he sprouted a few new ones when she had not been watching. It actually did work since she could not do all that much without hurting him.
He sort of began a strange rocking motion while he held her tightly enough it would have hurt anyone else, his face buried deep in her neck, "I'm sorry. You're right, I never know when to leave things alone."
She said nothing so he kept swaying the both of them, "Tell me how to fix it! Tell me how to make this better!"She still said nothing but this time she tried to extricate herself from him, "Don't leave me, Clair, please?"
That one would probably always get her no matter how angry she was. She closed her eyes and sighed quietly, "All right." It seemed she said that a lot.
He really was not someone she could leave. He never had been. She would always come back to him. The way he plead with her almost reminded her of the time he had a gun drawn on his doctor and he was begging her to believe he was not crazy even if he was not sure himself. To date, she could almost never bring herself to say the name 'Belle Reve' in front of Lex unless she simply had to. Something in her, potentially guilt, would not let her leave easily if he asked her to stay.
They might have been a sun and a planet orbiting each other. Sometimes she wondered if one could really get along without the other. Maybe destiny had been wrong all along. Maybe the key part of the story about Naman and Segeeth was the part about them being intertwined forever. Everyone said there were a few ways to interpret it.
He pulled her into a room she knew was not even his but it was what was close. They stumbled inside, moderately still tangled together, not bothering to turn on a light. At least one of them, though she already forgot which, had the foresight to shut the door once they came in. They shuffled their way to the bed, him pulling her along like a little boy insisting to show the sitter a new toy. For the most part, she let her mind go blank, letting him do what he wanted. On occasion it was pleasant not to think and to let someone else do that for her. The blankness would not last long, soon her mind and defenses would kick in, but for the moment she let herself stop caring.
Lex tossed the blankets back with one hand while he slid under and pulled her in with him. Once they were in he tossed the blanket back up, all the way over their heads, creating a little fort for them to lie beneath; legs crossed and propped up to make it a tented shape. She let him direct her head onto his chest and for a long while they just stayed still; she listened to his heart and he stroked her hair, just staring up at the blankets like they had all the answers. It felt like he was sharing something deep and private with her though she was not sure what just yet. Neither of them seemed to be falling asleep as time ticked away in the silence of their self created haven away from everything.
After some time he turned off his back and onto his side, letting the blanket drop over them in favor of pulling her flush with his body. Kisses were peppered over her temples, over her nose, cheeks, and jaw. The feeling took her breath away and she could not get it back. It felt like love, declared so prominently that it might as well have been written. They were innocent kisses, tender and sweet, wordless apologies and assurances and comfort offered with astounding sincerity delivered with all his usual intensity. It made her cling to him, splaying her hands over his shoulders and his back to pull him closer. It was a connection like nothing she had ever felt with another person though she had no idea why. She wanted the connection desperately, needed it, because she did not want to be alone.
They were very much alike, she realized, more than she ever assumed. In their own ways both of them were totally alone without anyone they could fully lean on. Neither of them trusted anyone totally, letting people have a piece of them but never the whole. They tried desperately to protect themselves and always failed, resulting in having everyone and everything taken away bit by bit. They did not want to be hated but their actions, however well meaning, eventually ruined what they tried desperately to keep. She knew without question they both had pages upon pages of regrets.
It was a very long, very lonely path to walk alone. They each had their reasons but they were each alone. Maybe that was why he was so desperate to know her secrets. That would mean she could never leave him. It would be security. A way to ensure he had someone on that road with him, willing or not. He must have seen how similar they were and maybe he thought that was the answer for both of them, a way neither of them had to be alone. Maybe he was right. Maybe that was what they both wanted. Lex never got to be normal either.
Something in her informed her that she should kiss him and she found no reason to argue, though she had never initiated before. She cupped the back of his smooth head, taking note of the bump at the base of his skull, and pulled him down. Their lips joined, tongues soon to follow. This time she was no passive, tangling her tongue with his in something of a battle. Lex moaned low and long, encouraging her to double her efforts. Without thinking, only needing closeness, she slung one leg over his hip. He moaned again, more desperately, reaching to grab her hips and drag her closer. They were clinging to one an other and it was foreign but pleasant. His other hand found its way under her shirt to continue holding her, pressed between her shoulder blades, but with more skin to skin contact.
Something was making her head swim, like parts of her brain were lighting up with a rush she could feel all over. It was like being on Red Kryptonite but also nothing like it. The room was intolerably hot suddenly, probably from how heavily they were breathing. It was surprising how much breathing they were doing. Nothing ever winded her like his wet, wanton kisses were.
It occurred to her that kissing was loud, at least the way they were doing it. He sucked on her tongue, then drew her lower lip into his mouth, and she had no idea what to do with that but she knew she did not hate it. She did not hate anything he had done yet. She did not hate it when he moved his attentions to her neck, she shifted to give him better access, which was the opposite of pulling away. The open mouth kisses sent shivers running through her, drawing out very dramatic noises from her lips. He was making her high, and like it was with the Red K, she did not want it to stop.
When he moved back to her lips he punctuated the change by thrusting his hips against hers, making them both moan. They began to sway together, her body picking up what to do a bit too naturally, like it knew more than she did. Something tightened and spasmed inside her like she had never felt before, almost like it recognized something she couldn't. What her body had done, she had a terrible feeling, was not something a humans would. Her body... wanted his, she could feel it, and her blood turned to ice.
She could not do that with him, not now, and maybe not ever. They were not actually compatible! She had no idea what her body might actually do to his. He was human, breakable, and squish-able. She could kill him without ever meaning to. Instinct might take over and she had no idea what those instinct might be. Even if she was comfortable with the idea, had a solid plan of how not to potentially hurt him if she forgot to let go of his shoulder or something, she could not do something like that without telling him who she really was. It was beyond unfair if she lied about being human when they did something like that.
"Lex! Wait!" It surprised her how panicked she sounded, but he drew back slowly, seeming to have understood.
He might not know the truth behind her sudden change but he clearly would honor it. A surge of gratefulness ran through her but she did not know how to tell him any of her feelings. She could tell he was composing himself, gathering his control, breathing hard like it would help him calm his system; they were both still panting, actually. It was impossible not to watch him, watch the way his body both relaxed and tensed further at once.
"I'm sorry... it's just... I..." She rushed over her own words, unable to finish, not sure how to explain without making it all sound wrong.
The smile he offered held no anger, it was oddly tender and sweet as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "It's OK, you're right. I'm glad one of us is rational. I'm sorry I got... lost in the moment."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it was all my fault." For all she knew, she had released pheromones all her own that forced him to want her, she did not know. That was terrifying and horrifying and too much. What if she did? What if that was the real reason Alic and Kyle had such strong reactions, bordering highly on irrational, toward her? She was an alien so how could she really know if her body did something like that, could influence genetically altered humans? Normal humans never liked her but the ones that were different, some of them had. What if she did that and had not known? Her hand slapped over her mouth quickly because she was afraid she might be about to cry, which would not help at all.
"No, no," he pulled her close again, kissing her eyelids, "hey, no, none of that." Lex always knew, even if he did not know the whys. He kissed her forehead and just stayed there, holding onto her as they laid still.
"I love you." She blurted out against his neck - and he stiffened, she noticed - then she gasped once she realized what she said. All she was capable of was disasters. One after the next. She was one big Kryptonian mess!
Clair immediately tried to scramble away but he held on, actually being dragged over the bed when she kept scooting away. For a human, he was shockingly agile, because he managed to grab the headboard and slide both of them right back where they had been; the silk sheet probably helped a lot when he pulled her and determination helped for the rest.
"No. Stay." He was not yelling at her but it was a command, matter of fact. "You are not allowed to run."
So she didn't.
They went back to the previous position and there was absolute silence. Neither of them knew what to do and it was painfully obvious.
"If you had not said it, I would have." He told her quietly, "I was working up to it in my mind. Something a little more flowery, maybe a ballad. The subject of love has been attempted through the ages; Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Cummings, to Shakespeare. Poetry was created to tell another person how you felt without simply saying three little words that get the meaning across to the listener far faster than a hundred stanzas. I find myself perennially baffled and confounded by everything that makes you who you are but I never find it within myself to dislike it. I could spend eternity learning all your enigmas and contrasting truths and never wish for anything more. You are the only constant, like the foundation I built this new life on. I think my world would crumble if it was taken away."
She literally had no idea what to say. Her mind tried to work something up but it felt like he put a giant blank where words should be. Rather than speak, she placed a single, careful kiss over the throbbing pulse in his neck and hoped he understood. Lex was brilliant, walking, breathing poetry and she had little skill with words.
Closing her eyes and forcing back a sigh, she veered down the darkened hallway. Light filtered in various colors through the windows, offering enough light to keep her from walking into anything. She had a mission in mind for the night, before she went home for the night, but she ended up falling asleep with Lex once again after her clumsy confession of love. It was ill timed in a fit of emotion and she was not sure she meant it the way she said it; she did not know what kind of love she really felt, only that it was love; she did not know if he knew his own feelings either. He was lonely, starved for love, but then so was she, in a way.
Distractions were not what she needed, she needed to remember to focus. It was supposed to be an easy night with a ready alibi from Lex dropping her off at home to prove there could be no way she could have gone to Metropolis. The plan had been to sneak into Lionel's office and possibly take a peek at Lex's while she was there. He would never even know, it was better that way. Anything missing would not need to be traced to her, hopefully. Luthor's always blamed each other anyway, even if indirectly. If she hit both offices they would be even more confused.
Something had been brewing since she destroyed Professor Fine, she could feel it. She just hoped it had nothing at all to do with a Luthor. She knew Lex was searching for Fine with no success but he had not given up. She was more worried about Lionel and his behavior since his recovery from Jor-El's clutches. He called her "my girl" once and it sounded so possessive it gave her sickened chills. There were also phone calls badgering her father and mother that had not stopped after the Students for Lex Luthor club had ended, they only stopped after Lionel Luthor had a quiet chat with her mother. Granted, she was not as paranoid as she had been when she was infected with silver Kryptonite, but some things still made her very uneasy.
Though it was not to plan, when she woke, she knew she might as well check off something farther down the list since she was in the mansion. After she did her digging she could slip back into bed and pretend she never left his side. So long as everything was back in place it should work well enough.
Working at speed she began to work her way through his files and notes. His propensity for digging was not at all confined to her secrets so she could be consoled by that. Research was an obsession all its own. Though she would never exactly blame him for watching his fathers every breath considering what they both knew about his typically terrifying habits. Lex was an absolute angel when compared to his father and the irrational need to control and even subjugate his child was a compulsion Lionel took to unhealthy heights.
She tucked some papers back into the pocket of the briefcase with irritation. Papa Shark was up to some unpleasant things once again, it looked like. If she wanted to keep her father safe from any of that she supposed she might need to pay a few crime districts a visit in the near future. Whatever was going on could be entirely too dangerous for an honest man in the senate. Her father would never be bought so it was clear enough that he might be a target at some point it Lex's conclusions were accurate. Apex seemed like something she would keep her father out from under at all cost.
Her ears picked up the hints of creaking nails in the floor and silk socks sliding over wood. Lex had woken up. Clair scrambled, putting papers away faster than the human eye could catch. She was fast but she also tried to be very accurate and get it all back the way she found it, paying attention to order and placement. She managed to get everything back in the briefcase and put back where it had been before she heard his touch on the nob of the door. Facing the window casually, arms crossed, she tried to think of a way the hide the key back in his desk without being caught at it. Even with her speed she did not have the time to get them hidden since the door was swinging open.
"You're a little off the mark for a midnight snack. The kitchen is a bit farther north." Lex drawled nonchalantly.
Clair leveled her gaze at him as he switched on the light. He looked so disconcertingly unruffled and even relaxed but she knew it was a lie.
"I was sleep walking I think. I guess I wanted a view to look at." It would have been smarter to tell him she was just walking around but she was shockingly bad at lying to him.
Lex rubbed the fingers of one hand along the sides of his mouth the way he always did when he knew she was lying to him; like he did every time she mentioned a term paper, "Sleepwalking?"
"Yeah, guess I still do that now and then. At least I wasn't on any roads this time." She flashed an innocent, sweet smile for him, though it occurred to her afterward how little she had smiled in the previous weeks.
The muscles in his jaw flexed several times as his eyed jumped all around the room. He wordlessly came around the desk to stand beside her before he reached out and adjusted the briefcase a few inches to the left. Clair licked her lips, trying to think of a way to backtrack herself out of an unpleasant argument. She could quietly admit the stinging reality that she was a hypocrite, expecting honesty and trust from everyone but herself. If felt different because she knew she would not hurt anyone, would only lie for the good of others, and would never betray anyone. She knew her own intentions so it felt justified but anyone on the outside would feel a bit differently.
"Find anything worth reading?" He asked her casually, voice controlled.
She swallowed, unable to look his way, "Oh, I don't know. You have so many books that it's a little hard to pick something. Not to mention you're not big on anything I'd consider light reading."
"I was not exactly referring to my collection of books." He informed her, thrusting his hands into his pockets.
He was angry, controlling it admirably, but angry, and he had a right. She should have gone home and left things alone. Now was not the time to upset him after what happened a few hours before. If anything she would be poisoning her own plans to work her way into his heart to keep him from turning on her. Maybe, for once, if she changed tactics and used honesty, she could save herself. If she told him a few half truths it might be better. She could redirect his attention if nothing else, make it seem less like a personal affront.
Decision formed, she held out the keys to him. He eyed them a moment before he held out his hand, palm up. She dropped them and he pocketed them.
"Yeah, I found a few things, things you would never tell me on your own. Some names to work with. Like Apex and some of the unsavory criminals your dad has working for him." She crossed her arms under her breasts, hugging herself discreetly, "Any of those names have anything to do with the people that shot you at Christmas?"
He did not answer her but his breathing had gotten deeper.
"I want your father. I might as well tell you since you caught me. He's not the reformed saint he plays at and we both know that; I switched bodies with him once after all, which gave me a very good look into his dealings. I was planning to break into his office later, see what I could find. When I do you can be prepared and have something worked out to keep him from thinking it was you. Or you could tell him I did it. Up to you. If nothing else I plan to get enough evidence on him to keep him in line so he can't over step his boundaries again."
"My father does not see boundaries and he does not negotiate." There was a hint of acerbity to his words but she did not know if it was directed at her, his father, or both.
"He does, you just have to make him an offer her can't refuse. I'm pretty motivated to give him some reasons to back down since my dad will be working in circles he's in. I know he was behind whoever was harassing my dad recently and I know he called it off after the election was over. What I don't know is what it was about but I don't need to so long as I know what will keep him away. Apex seems like a good starting point as any."
"Need I remind you how all of us ended up the last time we decided to put him in jail, Clair? Chloe nearly died, I nearly died, and he still found his way out onto the streets."
"I'm not trying to put him in jail, I'm trying to put him on a leash. Cut some of his strings. He has contacts and puppets, but those tend to go away once they have no reason to stay. I don't expect you to get involved or help me, I expect the opposite, but that won't stop me. Your father can't just roam as free as a bird, he's too dangerous for that. I trust him less and less the longer he lurks around my house."
"He's been lurking around your house?" Lex finally looked at her rather than the window.
"Yeah, he comes by when my dad's not home, wanting to talk. I'm not waiting around for him to swing the ax and see where it falls. I'm pretty confident that I can get what I need, so I plan to." She sighed, "I'm not letting him do as he pleases. Maybe he didn't get you shot but he's increasing the crime enough that it doesn't matter, it just snowballs until it might as well be his fault. I'm shutting down his Apex pet before you and my dad get killed. I'm not letting anyone else hurt you."
"Clair," his hand rested gently on her shoulder, seeming like his anger had been swayed, "this is out of your league! You can't start running around in something like this."
"I'm not asking permission, I'm giving you a heads-up so you can cover your back." She informed him sternly.
"Then let me do the digging. I'll fish around and-"
"No!" She hissed, "I'm not risking that! I'm looking into it solo! You keep out of it, far out of it! As in miles away with lots of witnesses. It'll work better if it's me, you know he expects it from you. I think he tries to get you to investigate him."
Lex ran both hands over his head with growing irascibility, "No, you can't just run off like some medieval knight to slay a dragon! He would eat you alive!"
"Don't be so sure. I'm tougher than I look."
"Are you?" He shot back, "You can't even handle your own father, what makes you think you can take on mine?"
"We're not blood, that's why. It's easier to fight someone else's monster. Lionel thinks he knows me, but he's not my father, he can't reach into his understanding of my growing up years like he can you. There is no background or expectation of a bond. I'm an anomaly, the wild card, if you will."
"You are a farm girl! You know nothing about the kinds of games he plays!"
Her eyes flashed with annoyance, steel entering her voice, "Lex, if I've learned anything from hanging around you, it's history. History tells you that people like Lionel get brought down by thinking they are invincible and priding themselves on controlling everyone. Eventually they run into someone they can't control. How many rebellions were started by farmers?"
He stared at her like he had been struck with sudden amnesia and this was the first time they had ever met. Deciding not to give him time to argue further, she moved around him and walked to the door. He followed her only moderately, watching her unhappily as she headed out. It was doubtful that he had forgiven her for her investigative reporting and he was not known to forget things like that easily. Unlike many other times, she wanted his forgiveness. She could not say she would not have done it later, but she should not have invaded his office tonight. They shared something that should have been special rather than being overshadowed by hints of betrayal.
Pausing just short of walking out the door she found herself unable to move ahead, one leg out the door and one in, "My birth name was Kara," she held to the frame as if it could actually help her, "but don't ever call me that. That's what he calls me." And then she made a decision.
Far faster than his eyes could ever trace, she came back to him, pressed to his side with one hand cupping the back of his neck. He gasped, wavering in place a little when his senses caught up, but she stilled him when she whispered right into his ear, "I love you, Lex Luthor. That's why I do this, even if you get angry with me, all I really want is to make sure nothing hurts the people I love. I have lied to you... many times, but not because I don't trust you. I lie because I can't survive without you and knowing too much is dangerous." She pulled away, allowing herself a moment to look into his wide, confused blue eyes, "But I understand if you hate me...it won't change anything for me though. I'll still want you safe."
She sped away, knowing that later she would pretend none of it happened and he would pretend to have forgotten it. Neither of them would bring it up and they would ignore her little show of speed in favor of not rocking the boat. Lex would be satisfied for a while because she let him see something with his own eyes. Farther down the line she would let him see her do something else when he was getting a little too upset over something and he would get high off another discovery. He would take it very well, reacting only slightly, like he always did, but inwardly he would be pleased. She could get out of trouble that way for a while until she ran out of abilities to show him.