Smallville

Circus for a Psycho-Skillet

Good Grief-Bastille

Note: It's still really long, sorry. But now you know why I had to 5.2 it. And even then a good chunk of the next chapter was supposed to be part of this one, but I decided to cut it off to shorten the chapter.
Since the chapters are like, double halves or whatever, you get a secondary song too. For Good Grief I like the Live at Capitol Studios version best but that's just me.

There was never much life to the Luthor Mansion, nothing to indicate it was a home rather than something to showcase, but it had never seemed as devoid of even a semblance of life as it did with no staff. While Clair, being less than human, never felt the cold as acutely as most inhabitants of the planet would, there was a penetrating chill to every stone. The sun shone but it did not seem capable of warming the stones making up the structure skeleton.

Even the plants seemed less vivid, faded, or on their way to fading. Perhaps that was what the new world would really be like under the ruthless thumb of Zod. It was an empty existence and it had no business spreading its clutches over the earth. One destroyed world was frankly too many.

In her progress, her gradual sinking into the belly of the beast, she took painstaking care to move without any hints of sound, waiting for the dragon to spring around any of the numerous corners. She was a bit surprised to find no trace of Zod, unless he was just that much better at concealment than she was. It was possible that he was skilled enough but she doubted anyone could hide a beating heart from her. If they ever played a game, potentially of a more deadly nature than the children's version, of hide and seek, she suppose they would be at an equal disadvantage with their skill set as a guide.

Pressing unease had settled in about the time she decided to return to the mansion. While she had felt a bit of distance particularly of great need she had neglected to envision what he might do in her absence until she was on her way to face it anew. A world destroying monster really was not the sort of being she should have left unattended and she realized her particular brand of stupidity with perpetually broadening regret.

His absence, ill omen as it was, allowed her to hide the dagger in the sofa where she might be able to get to it quickly if she really had to. The desk had been her other choice but that seemed a place he might actually search through, so she decided against as she failed the first time she doubted she would work up the nerve to kill him, or more aptly, to kill Lex's body, but everyone was still very set on the dagger as the answer.

Chief among the list; Jor-El, as expected, with his indignation and lofty, superior I-told-you-so kind of anger that she had the nerve to allow her emotions rule. Sometimes he really sounded like Lionel, or Lionel sounded like him, either honestly, he could have told her the dagger was linked to the fortress before hand, so, in a sense, it was his fault for not offering full disclosure to keep her from stabbing someone else. Lionel would at least have considered that in the realm of potentials.

Her body took her on a pacing trip all over the mansion once she had the blade hidden because she had too much nervous energy and nothing to take it out on without an enemy in the house. If her people died of heart problems she decided she was well on her way to the grave. But she had a few ideas, a few theories to occupy her. She planned to test the alterations of Lex's body.

Opening a few cabinets in his bathroom, she scanned labels and found anything with sleep inducing chemicals and gathered it all. She even stole his mouthwash for good measure. Pills turned to dust in her grasp and she was very liberal with introducing that into every single bottle in the office. Lex drank with regularity and she hoped at least muscle memory would drive him to the liquor. Sedatives did not really work on her but Lex was not born Kryptonian, he was chemically altered, which might mean he did not have her fortitude. She considered trying meteor rock but decided against it in the event it did nothing and left her that much more at his mercy. No thank you. She might be of a mind to gamble but that was a little too much of a risk for her taste.

If drugging him failed, at least she had made the effort to do something. In the event she actually had to stab him she also knew she could not do it if he was awake and looking at her with those molten, liquid steel blue eyes that could be so veiled but could also reveal so very much. Even possessed, they were still his eyes. She could never look at him and take his life. She did not know if she would rather the drugs were ineffective or not but she would decide when it came to that. She also considered feeding him as many odd things as she could find on the off chance an intergalactice visitor had allergies, though she doubted Lex could simply sneeze Zod out, it was another very off the wall potential that crossed her desperate mind.

Clair wondered into every inch of the mansion looking for inspiration to strike. She considered running to the Pentagon but decided against the thought. There was no telling where Zod had gone. The government facility was sure but he could have been there and gone in seconds. He had not shared his own to-do list with her but she supposed she might need to get him to. She would need to play her cards like a Luthor now more than ever before if she planned to save anyone at all.

Speaking of Luthor's, maybe Lionel had some good drugs to use. She could search his house if what she used did absolutely nothing. She would never believe he did not make a regular habit of drugging people, she just knew he did. If he drugged his son, why not anyone that toed his line of discomfort.

There had to be ways to fix the situation and testing theories at least made her feel less numb for the lack of ready solutions. Jor-El said to put aside her grief and she supposed he was correct. Still, she hated him, not for the first time, for his lack of answers other than ones that would rip her heart from her chest. It did not help that he offered not one shred of comfort or empathy. There had been no emotional response at all to her blurted revelation that Zod intended to have her carry children for him which really rankled her. All he had really done was tell her to do the exact same thing he told her to the first time, with the added information that he had already sent her mother and unconscious father along with an equally injured Lois to do the deed for her. That explanation extinguished her questions of how and why she had found her father and friend in the cave.

Letting her mother march off to a grim fate was not an option, though when she returned to the farm, hot to stop an ill-fated mission, she found her mother and Lionel Luthor, of all people. Neither one of them looked particularly well and both were rather bloody. When they saw her they looked like the problems of the world had been lifted from them because their saving grace had returned, which in turn made her feel heavier, and ill.

Like a hero returned, they hugged her, kissing her cheeks like both were her family. Lionel was wise enough to pull away after he received her side-eyed glare that warned of fading restraint not to toss the eldest Luthor across the barn. The world had fallen apart on both of them, so she understood how they could vote her in to fix what they could not. It was only human.

One real look into her mother's eyes told Clair all she needed to know about her mother's fraying grasp on the world, and about her head injury. Martha insisted she would save her daughter from the inevitable blood on her hands. Her parents were protective to extreme levels and sometimes that made things harder. In the face of that she had little choice but to take the knife and tuck it under her shirt. She had to play the logical one, explaining gently and slowly exactly why it clearly should be the person with powers. She put Lionel in explicit charge of keeping her mother on the farm and keeping her unconscious father there as well in the event he came around. The latter was a bit more dangerous of a job and she felt absolutely no guilt at all for assigning him the task, which made her almost feel guilty.

By the time she extricated herself from a likely concussed - though no less formidable a force - Martha Kent, she was verging on emotional. It took Chloe to literally shake her back into coherency. Chloe was very good at that, good at being the real voice of reason, and it helped that she once again had her own feet under her thanks to the cured virus leaving things to normalize.

Clair was slipping though and she knew it, knew the moment after she realized Lex was lost to her. She heard him, frantically calling her name more than once in her exploration of the mansion but she knew it was all in her morbidly wishful imagining, he was gone and no matter how many times she heard him calling, it changed nothing. There was only so much her sanity could endure and she was coming up on that line. Lex, she was forced to admit, was gone. His body was nothing better than an animated corpse and she owed him the removal of the monster wearing his skin. She owed him so very much more than that but there was nothing else she could do, if she could do it.

Part of her had considered the validity of Zod's offer to let her pretend he was Lex. If she lost herself to such a lie, simply pretended Lex was still with her, she thought it might be worth... but then she called back her sanity, struggled from the brink of something she could slip into, a dark place she had no right to fall within. Though she knew, in her heart of hearts, she could never come back from what she might be about to do. In her grief after the fact, she was admittedly unsure what she might do.

Clair wandered to that spare room they found themselves in one night, tangled together and hiding under blankets from all the things in the world they did not want to face. Right about now she could use that again, there under the blanket with the real Lex.

The front door opened and shut. Zod did not even try to be subtle, clomping down the halls like he was the natural owner rather than the usurper. Closing her eyes in dread, she slipped back out of their room, shutting the door so he could not claim that memory. She trailed his progress in total, deliberate silence, catching glimpses of his back now and then. He looked particularly determined and set in his mission. She would need to distract him from that likely nefarious intent.

He was standing in the doorway to the office by the time he noticed her and pulled himself from whatever musing of darkness he had been about. He turned his head, eyes widening marginally as he focused on her. The surprise faded quickly, rather like it would have from Lex's face. Controlled emotion was a trait they seemed to share. The shift of open emotion slipping away into neutral was so very Lex. It would be easy to forget, so easy, as long as he never spoke of Krypton or destruction again. They were similar enough, careful in their ways, eloquent, and guarded.

"You returned." Lex, no, no, Zod set a metal case by the door and she looked quickly away from the blood and scorch marks on the silver to fix her eyes to the safer zone of his chest, "Does this mean you accept my offer?"

Her stomach knotted up as he placed a hand on either of her shoulders, gentle and surprisingly without threat. "I am... considering..."

Pulling her to him, he pressed his lips to hers. It shocked her how easily she let him, how unresistant she was to familiar soft lips, and worst of all, how she leaned into him when his arms came around her. She hated herself but she knew every touch was another goodbye. It was weakness. Any one of her list of friends and family would have told her so, reminding her that he was gone and she had a task for the safety of the world, but it was hard to focus when her heart hurt so badly and begged her to fall into a painless method of drowning in forgetful death.

"I understand that this is difficult for you. I too lost the ones I loved long ago, in Kandor, far before Krypton fell. I know the pain and confusion of such things. You remind me of those times." He told her quietly as he wiped away tears she had not noticed spilling from her eyes, "Give it some time. It will grow easier to take in and the pain will fade." Zod was almost more understanding than Jor-El had been, and that was somewhat pathetic.

"I..." She had nothing at all to say but she had already begun so she had to find something, "Who did you loose?"

"My wife and child."

Suddenly she had to wonder if her father played any sort of part in that, and maybe that was where their feud really began. If so, what better revenge could there be than to take the child of your enemy as a replacement? That made some twisted kind of sense. It made her feel no less queasy but she really thought it might make sense. He must have known of the fortress, and even if it was an AI, he must know Jor-El would know. Technically neither of them had their real selves left intact. Revenge was best served cold, as they said. It meant she might have something to work with if she could just be enough of a Luthor. "Maybe you're right. I need time to process."

"We can discuss it." He ushered her to the sofa sitting her beside him like he planned to have a long talk. All she could really focus on was the case he had left at the door, temporarily forgotten, which was very good. "As the last survivors of our race, you must see that we owe our people this, the continuation of our blood. We can resurrect our race from the ashes to begin fresh."

Like Jor-El, Zod had a lot of nerve, pinning something like that on her. It was always for the good of the would. "Rule them with strength" and now "for the survival of our race." How did they come up with these things? It was always inexplicably up to her to perform some grand gesture that she did not actually support in the slightest.

"We wouldn't need to build it from the ashes if you hadn't killed everyone!" She had not intended to yell out her real opinion but sometimes her filter glitched; that was starting off more like a Kent than a Luthor.

Zod smiled, but it was not pleasant. There were times Lex had smiled like that as well but she had never seen the look directed at her before. It made her instinctively scoot farther down the couch. "I used to command an army, did you know that?" He asked conversationally, but it seemed like the sort of question placed before a threat. "I maintained order by right of strength and courage. I did not allow any to question me or disobey without repercussion." He spoke calmly, just the way Lex would have, belying the inevitable trap waiting to spring shut. "We do not know each other well, yet, and you are young and unused to order." Leaning forward to tuck an errant hair behind her ear was a deceptive mask of motion before he snatched her up by the throat, jumping to his feet and bringing her along.

Clair hardly struggled, kicking at his legs with little effort and simply gripping his arm for leverage. Without her feet beneath her she really only had his hand to ground her which left her at a distinct disadvantage but it simply was not enough to drive away the irrational calm, or perhaps the apathy she felt at the inevitable. He was hurting her and she should care but all she was really intent on was glaring at him. She did not feel panicked, just angry because she knew he was trying to establish dominance and she just did not feel like offering compliance.

"But I can assure you, you will learn quickly under my supervision. I can be very patient but it is best if we establish the boundaries sooner rather than later to avoid confusion." His tone was still easy, unhurried and lax. "First rule; you will respect my authority at all times. I do not tolerate anything less than full respect. Second; you will always obey me. Third; you will always follow my orders promptly. If you follow those rules, our time together will be without issue." Without preamble, he dropped her to her knees on the floor and re-took his seat like a king to a throne.

There would be marks on her neck after that, distinct finger shaped marks. "I've always believed you had to tell it like it is even if the other person didn't like what you said, telling them what they did not want to hear. It's cowardly to nod and go along with someone just to avoid their anger. I don't back down easily when I know I'm right." She looked up from her study of the floor, eyes hard with determination, "And I'm right. You will destroy another world if you keep this up and I doubt either of us would survive the second one. You can tell me all about the past but if you don't learn from your own past, history is meaningless. Lex always enjoyed history and what it could teach us about the future."

"You are spirited, I will give you that. I was a soldier and I could easily kill you. While you are skilled you were never taught to kill as I was, which makes you no match for me, yet you still dare to offer challenge." He seemed mildly impressed.

"You can't continue our race if you kill me, now can you?" Clair lifted her chin a fraction higher, challenging him to deny it.

He chuckled darkly but did not refute her claim.

"You should know that I will never support your mission to destroy the human race. Nothing you can say will alter my stance on that issue."

"You mean... the humans that would hunt you down, ones that would turn on you, or trap you in a lab walled off a few hundred feet underground... those are the creatures you have decided to dedicate yourself to?"

She lost the ability to swallow even though she felt her throat working ineffectually. Zod knew, he had at least some of Lex's memory, and he knew what she had told Lex so long ago about her fears. Even if that was the only memory he accessed it was one too many. That conversation had been private, something shared with Lex and only Lex, but now Zod ripped into it like a grave robber. He had Lex's body, why did he have to steal his memories as well?

As if encouraged by her silence, he leaned forward, calculating and watchful, forcing her to blank her expression as best she could, "You dedicate yourself to the greater good, but at the same time, you deceive those you love the most... Why would that be if you did not, on some deep level, know that even those closest to you would fear you? Because they will never understand you, and how could they? None in your world has ever been your equal and they could hardly be expected to overlook that. I wager even your adoptive family has had moments of doubt, of hesitation, of fear, for your power is so beyond them, they could not be expected to trust you. I wonder..."

Traitorous as ever, her mind produced a rapid fire list of every time her parents told her no. She was not allowed to play tennis because she might hit too hard; not allowed to cheer because she might hurt someone on the squad, not allowed on the swim or track team because she might be too fast; not allowed in gymnastics because she would be too good and it would not be fair; not allowed to play soccer because she might hurt someone on the team. On that last one she had actually disobeyed and joined the team, and Jonathan had not been pleased. The man that was supposed to be proud of her looked at her like she was committing murder, which he seemed to believe would be the end result. Lex came to quite a few of her games though, supporting her more than her own family, which was nice even if it stung as much as it felt good. Lex knew what it was like not to have familial support on his side, so he did what he could. It wasn't fair that Zod knew that because he had no right to look.

Zod persisted, seemingly amused, "I wonder how many times you saw a flash of fear in their eyes that they were too slow to cover up, or how many little things they did each day that let you know they never would trust you?" Like maybe when she was on Red K or told her father she could float? Like those times? Right.

That burned like a blazing torch to the heart because he was absolutely correct, the sort of infallible precision Lex would have shown. Lex could pry open her weak points well enough without an alien megalomaniac pulling strings, but she gathered all her fortitude not to reveal her own pain to offer him a bitter smile, "It must be nothing compared to the looks on the faces of so many in Krypton when they witnessed the monster you truly are shining forth."

This time he did not rise to her bait but he smirked, knowing and self assured. "The humans are right to fear you, and they would be right to fear us both for there is no limit to what we could achieve as a joined, united front. The last daughter of Krypton and Zod."

Time to think and negotiate like a Luthor, time for eloquence, she decided. "That is true. As a united front we could do great things for the galaxy. But why should it be a thing to fear when it could be something much better?" She gentled her voice and her tone, "We could restore faith in Krypton's people, not by bloodshed and destruction, but by redemption. I admit, my sins have been many on this planet, as yours were many in the past. I have regrets. But we could change everything for the better, redeem ourselves together." She shifted off the floor and back onto the couch. "We could rule with not only strength, but justice. We could create a utopia of peace and security. If we did that we would be well loved rather than hated and feared."

"Loved by the humans?" He scoffed, "Even if you were not vastly overestimating their potential for logic and goodwill, why would I have any wish for the esteem of such low lifeforms?"

"They are not low lifeforms! They have great potential! Just because they are not as technologically advanced as we once were does not mean they are of lesser value. We only have power because of the yellow sun. Under a red sun we would be no different from any of them."

"We would always be different from them." He cocked his head, eying her intently, seriously, speaking in an intense sort of whisper that grabbed attention better than a raised voice, "Even if you cannot see it, they would. It is that little feeling inside of you that has persisted all your life, that difference you sense. They can sense it too, do not fool yourself! By some you would be worshiped, your abilities giving you power over life, death, and time, things they are bound by. A god who rips decisions from the hands of fate... but most would only see the threat or the potential to further their own gain." He lowered his voice again, as if speaking softly was more natural for him. "By my side you will no longer have to be worried about their envy or their fear. You would no longer be alone, but you would be by the side of someone equal with you."

Her mind could not help taking note of the uncanny ability Zod shared with Lex to burrow under her skin and hit all her normally guarded vulnerabilities, though if he stole memories from Lex it was understandable. There was no way to tell how much understanding about her Lex had gleaned and never shared, or never used to hurt her like he was capable of, offering her the kindness of silence. It made her ache for missing him.

Clair lifted her chin again, staring down the man behind the familiar face. She had someone, an equal, before he stole him away. "I have no equal." She informed him blithely, because she didn't, not anymore. Zod was not her equal, he was just a Kryptonian that destroyed all he touched. Strength without heart was meaningless. They would never be the same and they would never understand each other. They shared nothing but blood.

His lips split into a wide smile that did nothing to comfort, "I can see you will be a challenge, Kara-El."

"I have been told that I am difficult." She told him smartly.

He frowned a little in a familiar manner of befuddlement, "I have the strongest urge to kiss that expression off your face."

Clair could only stare at him, frozen and not able to breathe, her attempts coming out ugly and strangled. Lex had said those words to her before, only with a good deal more fondness. They had been arguing about dresses and she had been secretly happy. He dedicated his day to her, a second shopping trip to a place with far better service and far more privacy. There were few times in her life when she felt carefree and honestly, exorbitantly happy. Lex always made her feel the giddy, bubbly happiness. It was nice.

She had been voting for a dress and he had been voting against. According to him, it made her look too grown up, which she argued was rather the point.

"No, no, it makes you look too..." Lex paused, searching for words in a rare show of actually not having something perfectly diplomatic fall off his tongue automatically, "not worldly... just too grown up."

"It's not revealing and it's not too short, and it doesn't show of my stomach." Those were her main qualifications.

He arched a perfect brow at her, "You cannot tell me you think you are fat!"

"No, I'm built." She played it up, trying to joke about her very well known image, "Like a linebacker football player, or a construction worker, either way."

Most of the dresses were tight enough to show her muscles and she knew that wasn't attractive. Men wanted feminine soft curves, not defined muscle. She came to terms with her lack of appeal but that didn't mean she showcased it.

Scoffing, he shook his head, "On no planet would anyone say that! No one with eyes anyway."

"No, says everyone in my high school. I was never considered the pretty girl, I was the farm girl and I looked it, which is fine." She countered.

She was well aware she was no Victoria's secret model. Actually, she could not even wear most of the styles in the brand. They didn't fit and she tended to rip all the lace or thin, pretty fabric. Lana and Chloe could wear them and she was once very envious. Though Lois apparently could not always wear them considering her cup size, and that oddly made Clair exceedingly pleased. It was amazing what one learned when they lived with someone in their house too long.

"High school is a den of hormonal liars trying to feel better about their own lack of importance. Never let that shape you." but he continued, pointing out various dresses. "That one is all wrong because it shows too much leg and cleavage and I would be forced to carry a bat to my reunion just to keep the horde away. The blue one is made to be form fitting like a second skin and that one does make you look worldly. The red one you like makes you look like you haven't been around a lot, but you have been around, and you're up for adventure." He shook his head, "The black one though, takes the cake. That one is the kind of dress the guys that go for submissive, punishment rolls would come panting to you for, asking to lick your boots."

At her absolutely scandalized look he burst out laughing, an honest, real, deep laugh. He had offered much too much information into the male mind for her liking and she very much thought she could have done without any of the mental pictures. Though, he had been around enough of the party and the posh crowds to know what he was telling her, so she would reluctantly believe him.

"You are so innocent, Clair." Lex chuckled, bright smile on his face, shaking his head.

Indignation flashed brightly inside her and both his brows arched when he looked at her. He always seemed to know what she was thinking. His hands raised in a surrender but his smile never faded in the least, so she knew he was not sorry.

"Not the right word, I see. You're eyes are so expressive!" Lex leaned forward, the smile fading a little as he stared into her face, "When you look at me like that, I have the strongest urge to kiss that expression off your face."

"What?" Clair asked, gaining a little whiplash from that sudden turn of conversation.

"Let me..." His body tipped forward even more, his breaths going shallow and eyes hooded, bringing them very close, "will you let me kiss you?"

She could hardly refuse such a polite request, now could she? Manners were very important and refusing would be rude. When he asked her that way she did not want to refuse him anything. Not with that little wrinkle of focus on his brow and that serious, longing look in his eyes.

He might have helped her out of a dress after that, and then back into another. The things they gave her as undergarments for the fitting room mainly covered everything - probably because they were afraid she would get something dirty with her farm girl hands, though they did not expressly say that. The touching was innocent enough, all mostly under the parameters of zipping zippers and smoothing or adjusting material, save his lips traveling wetly along her shoulders, neck, ears, chin, and lips. Her knees went weak when he sucked on her earlobe; his lips dragged feather light over her skin; his tongue sent pleasant fire through her nerves; she had the wanting sensation again but it frightened her less the second time since she knew they would not take anything far in a public place.

Eventually things might go somewhere dangerous, but not yet. They were safe from each other for a little while more. Though the increasing frequency of their closer encounters indicated that things were building, but she could not bring herself to care. Some day they would cross lines they could not retreat from but they could enjoy the foreplay until that time came. His hands felt like warm summer days, his body pressed closer was the sun, and his mouth was nothing short of diving into a cool lake to refresh. She felt anything but innocent but she was happy and he was relaxed the way he never was with anyone other than her. He was perfect and she never wanted anything but this. She was happier than she remembered being for a long, long time and maybe he was too.

"I love you." Lex whispered, so softly she doubted she was meant to hear it, and wouldn't have if not for her enhanced hearing.

"I love you more." She whispered back, almost as softly before she curled her arms around his torso and buried her face in his neck to simply bask in his scent.

He nuzzled his face into her hair, running the tips of his fingers over exposed skin he found on her back around the neckline. "I like this dress."

"Me too." Not that she remembered what it looked like, not having paid attention, but she liked it because of how she felt in the moment, and maybe she would remember the feelings any time she saw it.

"Guess we found the one we want." He muttered, and she thought maybe he meant more than the dress.

"Yeah... I think we did. Took us long enough." Clair planted a lingering, warm kiss below his ear that made him shiver.

"Finding the right one is hard, it takes time, and you have to find the wrong ones first so you recognize it when it comes along."

Fingers wiped at her cheeks, bringing her back to the real world and out of her pleasant memory. It seemed she had let a tear or two slip past her defenses again and Lex, his body with careful fingers, had taken care of the evidence for her. Lex knew how she hated for anyone to see her cry, he knew everything. She felt the loss almost more keenly, too keenly for her to stand, when something so true to the man she knew shined out from the farce that had stolen everything from them both.

Zod looked puzzled, or annoyed, mumbling, "His feelings for you truly were strong, for this body responds to your needs without my conscious consideration."

Clair nearly started crying again, her eyes stinging with the need, but she pushed it away. Nothing hurt the way this did but she had to be stronger than her emotions. It had been such a horrible, emotionally wrecking few days. Weeks? Few hours? Whatever the hell it had been, she lost track, but it had been horrid. She stood, making her way to the fireplace and studying the carvings in the stone as her only potential to calm and gather herself. A little distance was necessary for she could not think clearly when she looked at him, smelled him, felt him. Her fingers worried over the smooth stone, making it just a little more smooth.

"What are your plans?" She asked, because it might be simpler to jump ahead.

"Well, it generally takes a bit of time for bonding. We do not do things as the humans, though some things are similar. Intercourse is a more involved process than their mindless rutting; while pleasurable, it establishes nothing and does not end in a pare being bonded. Bonding is emotional and personal as well as physical. We have many rituals, though not all were still in practice. Some were disbanded while others thrived."

Clair interrupted, "I wasn't really asking about... us." She did not care, though she also did.

"My plans revolve around you, so it is only prudent for you to understand." He told her, non-pulsed, "In our culture, it is more about the female than the male. The male has little control; the female is chemistry and allure based on compatibility of souls and personality as well as attraction. Many might be drawn to her, many compatible with her, but it is she who makes the choice. Long ago, in one of the outlawed practices, some males tried to force the bonding process. It involved a pool created by the tide and chains linked to the highest point. The female was chained and if a bond could not be established before the waters returned, she would die."

At that, Clair did turn her head, jaw slack and eyes wide as she stared at him. "I could have gone without that information."

He seemed sheepish, "There was a reason it was outlawed. And also because it rarely worked. Most could not or would not bond simply to save their own lives. A bond is a connection severed only by death, or in some cases, the sheer force of will by the female." Zod leaned forward, eyes fixed on her face with intensity. "It is why Lara refused to leave Jor-El's side, even to death. In some cases, the partner of a bond does not survive the death of the partner even if they were never physically harmed. Though, truly, every bond is different, and not all are so strong, many are. It is something like the humans call soul-mates, though not exactly."

She could follow along just as well as the next person and she narrowed her eyes, "And Lex and I? We have... had the beginnings of a bond?"

"Yes. It was incomplete, but strong." Once again, he leaned back, turning casual, "Which is surprising considering very few of us have ever been known to bond with a human. Though your father did, so it is not fully surprising that his offspring could as well. Not many knew his secret, particularly since the human died soon after, probably before he even fully realized what had happened, but it is vary rare for us to bond outside our race." He shrugged, "Anyway, if you allow the bond to continue, we will be much better off together. And as I said, you may keep on looking on me as him for as long as you need to transition. He and I were similar so it should not be a problem."

Similar? They were nothing alike! Clair turned back to her study of the cold fireplace. Even if they were similar, which she did not feel they were, similar was not the same. Similar didn't cut it. The Brain-Interactive-Construct and Zod might think similar was enough but it just wasn't. There was nothing to 'continue' with if Lex was gone.

She said none of that, but rather, "If the female is the one that initiates a bond, what part does the male play? You said there could be many she is compatible with, but how does that work? Does she draw her matches to her or do they come on their own?" After all this time of wondering if she did something to Lex to make him love her against his will, painful or not, she wanted to know.

He studied her, peeling away at her unnervingly, "Potential matches are usually drawn together. Situations vary, but something usually brings compatible ones together. After that things are based on chemistry, attraction, suitability... she might pick her match based on strength, personality, or most commonly, whim, emotion... instinct. Any number of variables. There are occasions when the male rejects her choice, if perhaps he has feelings for another, in which case, she will move on to the next choice."

Clair licked at her teeth, worried he might know about Pete. Why else would he throw that information in? And had she just moved to the next choice? It had not felt that simple. It felt complicated. Once she moved on, it felt like Lex had been the 'one' all along, the choice she should have made the day he first opened his eyes, skin grey-white, red rimming his eyes, and wonder filling his face. He felt like the one she always loved but didn't see until she could blink away the clouds in her eyes. Lex was the other half of her. It sounded cliche but it felt that way for some time, though now it felt like half, a half she never knew was missing till she found it, was ripped away once again.

"His main initiative is to offer her reasons to accept him. To win her affections, as it were. Jor-El won Lara even though his brother, Zor-El was also compatible. Zor-El never quite got over that and it was a point of contention between them."

"Like a type of bird here on earth. The males build elaborate nests to win the approval of their intended and she decides between them based on how well they saw to her needs." Clair observed, having a flash-back to science class.

"Something like that." He chuckled darkly, "And qualification wise, you chose very well. This human could have provided for you, given you the world, made you a queen."

A queen? Had that been to do with her, Alexander's offer to have her rule at his side? Maybe she contributed to his madness with her chemical pull, or whatever it was. Once split, had he been trying to make her want him over his other self by proving what he could do? Competing against himself would have been quite... interesting as far as concepts.

"Then what are you offering me? So far you have offered me nothing I want. If you are supposed to offer me incentive to bond, you are falling short, particularly if you plan to repopulate." Calculated risks were Luthorian.

"I offered you the lives of those you love." He reminded her blandly, and then more intently, "Though, understand, children can be produced without a bond, it is just infinitely harder. But I can offer you what I have withheld. What I alone, in all the world can give you."

A wary feeling fanned to life, one of a deeper nature than the one that had drifted along the surface of her every thought since the red light appeared. "Which is?"

"Lex. The man you love." He told her frankly, "He is within me, bottled up in the recesses of my mind. I could let him out, let you see him on occasion."

"You said he was dead!" Clair whirled, eyes lighting, ready to set him ablaze.

"He is. He is ensconced in unconsciousness, nothingness, in darkness. I can unlock him if I so desire, pull him from his grave to let you see him."

"Then let me see him! Prove you are not lying to me." She advanced on him but he did not bother to stand.

He wiggled his fingers in invitation, inviting her into his lap, "Very well. I will give you what you desire most, more than those other human lives."

Clair did not sit, she stared down her nose at him, "I still want their lives."

"Of course you do, but I think you might give them up for him. From what I see... you two were opposite sides of the same soul."

Opposite sides of the same soul? Yes. Yes, they were. They were.

She offered no answer because she had none to give, as much as she hated herself for not knowing what she might ultimately pick. Of course, she reminded herself, he was lying. He could say anything at all and have it be the truth since he had Lex's memory splayed out for the taking. Still, if she ever planned to stab him, he was sitting beside the dagger. If she sat in his lap the way he wanted her to, she could kill him before he ever saw the downward swing. If she did not look at his face, maybe she could do it.

There was nothing more she could lose at this point. Whether she tried to kill him or not at least it would give her a chance to test her nerve and see if she could even come close before she changed her mind. A knee on either side of his legs and she was in his lap. It was not particularly hard once she swallowed a little pride. He made no move to touch her, content in his victory.

"Well?" She prompted, "Are you going to let him out or not?"

He leaned his head back and shut his eyes, relaxing. After a moment, he reached up and pulled her to him. She did not bother to fight, curious to see what he intended to conjure to fool her. She rested her chin on his shoulder, listening as his breathing even in sleep. It actually made her smile, to think that sleeping was his trick. It was not hard to guess what he was up to; he would fall asleep, knowing she would eventually move or wake him in some way, then he would be "Lex" for her.

He cupped her back of her head, nuzzling his face into her hair, whispering her name. It hurt more than she expected it could; when she was already so miserable she thought she might be numb, but she was wrong. The motion and loving, reverent tone of voice was sickly familiar. It was a trick and she knew it but it did not stop her from curling her arms around his neck, hating herself. She edged her hand behind the leather covers to get her fingers on the very edge of the knife to sway the guilt.

If she could tell him one thing before she ended his misery, what would she most like him to know? There were mountains of things he deserved to hear from her. Apologies and thanks among them by the hundreds. But what did she most need him to hear in the even there was a fraction of him that could hear her? Maybe... she should tell him the things she would never feel about the monster in his skin. She had to kill him while her never and her opportunity lasted, if she could do it. She needed to tell him goodbye and be brave for the world, she knew that, had been told enough times.

"Lex," She whispered, trying not to choke on emotion, "everyone always comes to me with their problems, and of course I fix them, or try to. But when I had a problem, you know who I always felt safe coming to? When I had a problem, I always came to you, and you were always there to fix it, every time. I don't think you ever fully realized how much that meant. You were my rock. I could go anywhere and do anything so long as I had you to return to. You were my safety net and you never, ever left me fall, even when I said I didn't want you to catch me. You were my equal, from the very first, it was you. You were the only one."

When she pulled back to look into his eyes for the last time, the whole world stopped. Looking back at her, loving, tender, gentle, adoring, was all Lex. She would know that look anywhere, anywhere. It really was Lex, present and fully with her.

Clair let her hand drift back to the top of the cushion, away from the knife. There was just no way she could kill him. Even if it was just a shred, a piece, and mere thread left of Lex, it was enough to stay her hand. Her breaths were coming in gasps, nothing but stifled sobs. She meant to say goodbye but she had been fooling herself, she knew that even as Lex faded away and was replaced by Zod once more. She could not kill him. She wanted him back the moment she watched him leave. She would do anything for another look into his eyes and she knew it. The world was doomed because she would never be strong enough to hurt the man she loved.

Zod really had given her Lex but it had not been long enough. It was a cruel taste of air to the drowning, a shot of hope to the dying.

Scrambling off the lap of the man with two identities, she did the only thing she could do, and she ran at her full speed. Her very soul was shattering and she had to get away before she could not hold it together with tape and glue.

Arms came around her, holding her from behind, stopping her. Though she could not be sure without looking for signs, she did know they were no longer in Smallville, and she was mostly sure they were not in Kansas. Around them were fields and nothing else, which was probably best. He was breathing harder than normal just as she was, but he had caught up.

"I lied, I can't do this. I can't!" She told him, absolutely honest and a little frantic. "I can't!"

"Shhh... easy. Give it some time."

"No, I can't. I'll never be able to. I can't do this!" She was telling him the truth, but he did not realize the entire truth about what she was saying. It was not only about staying with him, it was about killing him too. She wanted Zod dead, she really did, as much as she ever wished for anyone to die, but he had Lex. He had Lex and she was not strong enough to part with even a small piece of the man she loved. She lost him once and she knew what that felt like, and this time there was no crystal to take her back in time to bring him back.

"You don't understand!" Clair didn't bother fighting, she just yelled in an attempt to hang onto the angry rather than the grief so she might stay slightly sane. "He was my world! You took him away! Do you think I don't know what you're playing at? You offer me moments with him in exchange for my obedience. You'll get me to complete a bond with Lex so you can take it over once you don't need him anymore! You did kill him but now you pieced him back together once you knew I would resist you."

"You should rest. It has been a long day for you. Sleep will do you good." He told her and there was surprisingly no venom or condescension in his tone.

"Of course," she had enough venom for them both, "because you don't want your baby factory unhealthy."

He ignored the jab and hurried her, be it a bit forcefully, back to the mansion. Her run hand been in a straight line so it was not exactly hard to find their way. She let him take her to Lex's room and even let him wordlessly tuck her into bed before he left her there to ruminate in her own sorrow. Oddly enough, she was tired, but it was emotionally. She was drained dry as far as her emotions and she felt it the way she might have something physical. There was nothing pleasant about the way she fell into sleep as a way to escape.

It was Lex's voice that stirred her again, frantically calling to her to wake up. It took her a while to shake off the hold of depression driven sleep, but she eventually came round. The calls for her to wake up did not stop once she opened her eyes to the darkness of nightfall, but she sat up anyway. The sound persisted for some time, Lex pleading with her to get up, wake up, come back to him.

It was a hallucination of some kind, though honestly, she could have sworn she had woken similarly before, in the same room, alone, in the dark, only without a voice calling her. She could have sworn she knew what would be waiting for her down the steps. Zod would be in the office with the silver case. Lex's voice had not woken her the first time, it had been the faint hum of the whirling Kryptonian hard drive. She remembered what she had dreamed of though and the cold, dead resolve it had brought to the surface in her as she forced herself toward the noise.

The dream had been about the night she found Lex slumped on the floor, hugging an empty bottle to his chest as he absently rocked himself back and forth. He was listless and vacant, haunted more than anything. She crawled onto the floor with him, tucked up against his side and it took very little to get him to tell her what brought him so low. She already knew it had to have been about what he saw. It made her feel almost pathetic that her greatest fear had been Lex, Chloe, and Lana finding out her secret, turning on her and attempting to kill her with meteor rock. Lex's greatest fear was that he would hurt others, destroy the world, and become the monster Lionel worked so hard to make him.

She held him until he fell asleep and then she carried him to bed. After the office was cleaned and clear of any evidence of his self medication and melt down, she had gone home to be miserable on her own.

Lex had been drunk when he told her about the drug induced nightmare but it disturbed her no less than it would have if he had told her willingly. He did not remember telling her about it and she never let it slip but she remembered it all the same. It was with that resolve that she took herself to the office and watched Zod moving about in the darkened room, letting the moon through the windows be his light. That and the computer screens he was monitoring and typing into. The silver case was open and he was taping at it, waiting for it to be hacked, she guessed.

There was, surprisingly, a glass of brown liquid beside him. If she waited she might find out if he fell asleep, but she couldn't bring herself to anymore. Now, the thought of killing him in his sleep made it worse. Lex would not have wanted to die in his sleep, he would have wanted to see it coming.

"You need to stop." She announced blandly.

He turned to her, expression lazy and without interest, "I told you what I intended on doing. Nothing has changed. My actions do no hinge on your approval."

"No! You will destroy this planet! Raise it to nothing! Nothing will be left worth keeping!" She shoved hard at his chest, pushing him back and away from the case. "It doesn't have to be this way! Together, with our strength, we could do so much good! We could create a utopia here, without all of this! We could end wars and create peace! You, being here, you have a second chance at a normal life!"

It was her last effort, her last attempt at peace before she did something selfless, something shamefully less about saving the world and more about keeping Lex from living his own worst nightmare. Things had finally fallen into place in her mind. She would put an end to Lex's suffering even though it meant the beginning of hers. She might not be able to live without him but she could never let him live through what would be done in his name, she could not do that to him. Maybe she had gone mad and the only thing that got through to her was Lex from long ago, begging her to save him from becoming that monster that would destroy the world. Back then she promised and never expected to need to carry it out because it seemed nothing but a dream she planned to forget she knew about. But she promised him it would never happen and it would if she didn't stop it. So she would.

"Better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven." He shot back.

Clair stepped away, backing toward the couch and lowering her voice to a whisper that made him move forward again, thinking he had her meek rather than resigned, "Lex's memory might be trapped with you, but you never really knew him. Maybe you could respect him if you had." She paused, smiling sadly as she slipped her hand down and caught the dagger, "You know, people have used him all his life in some way or another." I won't let you use him, force him to become the thing he was most afraid of becoming, what he fought so hard never to be."

"You don't really have a choice."

Clair held up the dagger for him to see, advancing on him, "I have a choice, I just hoped I would not have to make it."

His eyes widened, surprise showing clearly on his face as he eyed the blade more than he did her. "You hid it but did not use it when you had the chance?" His eyes turned cool and his lips tightened, "Yet you tip your hand and give away your element of surprise?"

"I shouldn't, I realize, but stabbing someone in the back has never been my nature. Even when I lie, I'm bad at it. I plan to kill you, I just can't bring myself to do it like that."

"You want to see my eyes when I die?"

"No, I don't, want to. But I was raised a Kent, not a Luthor. In this case, my first instinct is probably the wrong one, but I'm too tired to be a Luthor anymore."

"Or is it that you hope you fail? You are giving me a chance to win, hoping I will stop you from doing what you don't want to do?"

"Lex could probably tell us. He would rattle off a lot of psychology and know all the reasons behind everything." And then they clashed, locked like battling snakes.

He offered no mercy and she gave as good as she got, though without his efficiency. When he twisted her arm so hard it snapped, he got her to scream but she didn't let go of the knife, she just switched hands and avoided his hold until the bones could reform. When she intentionally broke the hard drive though, was when she discovered he had not been angry yet.

They crashed through the window and she saw honest rage in his eyes as they sailed very fast over a very long distance. Once they landed she realized how her ability to heal and survive could actually be used as the most effective torture in existence when he broke her jaw with his punches more than once. The initial crack, the snap had been the most shocking, to actually feel something solid give way was surreal in the worst sort of way. No one had ever broken any of her bones before but she learned what it was like, at least short term while he used her to break and grind a bolder into dust before he also used her as a Frisbee. Only after that did his calm seem to return fully and he sent her where his followers had failed to. Still, she felt like she knew that was coming.

The situation looked particularly grim, what with two very unfriendly aliens encroaching on their position. Lex had no idea how they ended up where they had considering everything was a bit of a blur after a certain point, but it had only bought them a little time. Just a little longer and they would no longer be hidden and he had a bad feeling things would get messy. They were already catastrophic but the world had a way of making things go down hill even more. He needed to stop thinking; "things can't get much worse" or he would not last very long.

"Clair," Lex shouted as loudly as he dared in her ear desperately, shaking her shoulders for all he was worth, "please, you've got to wake up! You have to wake up!"