The horn was heard. One, two, three times. She exchanged with her brother a frightened look. More orcs would come. She held tightly her sword and waited. Heavy and fast footsteps were approaching. Each second was feeling like a century, and she had lived many centuries on this world. And they appeared yelling in the dark tongue, holding up high their weapons, coming towards them. A blow of arrows annihilated their attack, but this did not last long.
She could not remember what happened next. How she pierced with her sword the neck of an Orc, how she moved swiftly, with dancing like moves, from the one spot of the battle scene to the other, killing the one Orc after the other. The killing frenzy had conquered her body and mind.
Again the horn was heard. One, two blows. Two blows. Reinforcements would come. She turned to find the look of her brother. He was several metres away fighting an Orc. She smiled. This madness would soon be over and they would go back home. The Orc fell on the ground. She started going to close to him. But two Orcs appeared from behind and one of them pierced her brother's body. He slowly turned and looked at her, with a desperate look, which soon became vacant as his soul was leaving his body, heading to the halls of Mandos.
"Tírnel" she whispered, not having enough strength to express her grief. She knelt, her legs were not able anymore to hold her. Sobs were filling her chest and tears ran down her cheeks. She wished she was dead. "Tírnel" she tenderly whispered one more time her brother's name. How would she live without him? How the stars and the moon would shine without him being under them singing songs to praise them? "Tírnel" she whispered a third time. She felt the blow of a weapon at the back of her head and then everything became dark.
Her eyes opened instantly and her hand immediately grabbed her dagger. She was gasping and cold sweat was running from her front. She looked around her. The hobbits were sleeping next to her. Boromir, Gimli and Legolas were sleeping next to the root of a mallorn tree. Mallorn trees. 'Yes, we are in Lorien' she thought and sighed. She turned her head looking for Aragorn. He was sitting several metres away smoking his pipe. He was surrendered to his thoughts. She stood up carefully, trying not to wake up the hobbits and went close to him. She noticed that they were watched over by Haldir's guards, but their presence was discreet. She sat next to Aragorn.
"I did not expect them to sleep" she said silently in elvish and turned her head to make sure that they were still sleeping. "They were weeping and turning, but thankfully they slept."
"They are strong. Stronger than we think" he said and smoked his pipe. "You had the usual nightmare, am I right?" he asked her.
"Yes," she replied. "How did you know?"
"You were calling his name" he said and chewed indifferently the tip of his pipe. "And I am certain that our guards have heard you as well." Ithilwen turned and looked at the elves, who surrounded them.
"They do not trust us. They do not trust me anymore" she noted and bowed her head. "Did you see the way they were looking at me?" she said silently but her tone revealed her astonishment. "It was like we never fought together, like we never knew each other."
"To be honest, I would not blame them" said Aragorn and Ithilwen grimaced in query. "They have not heard of you for more than thirty years. You were heavily wounded, so they could have assumed that you were dead. And after all these years, you have reappeared out of the blue, accompanied by nine men, bringing a grave danger to their lands. How could they trust you?" he said and looked at her. Her eyes were stuck on the ground and a pensive look was all over her face. "I think you should talk to them. Tell them what happened in your life during these years. Explain to them why you have changed so much. It is the only way to earn their trust back." He placed his hand on her shoulder and she looked at him. She cracked a smile. Although he would never replace Tírnel in her heart, Aragorn was like a brother to her. He returned and the smile and smoked again his pipe.
"Why did you not sleep?" she asked him. Aragorn sighed.
"I could not sleep. Too many thoughts were inside my head. Gandalf's death, the future of our quest, and…" he paused for a while and took a deep breath. Ithilwen immediately understood. The woods of Lorien were filled with memories not only for her, but for Aragorn also.
"She will not sail to the West" said Ithilwen with certainty. Aragorn gave her a doubtful look. "I have known her for a long time, my friend, and believe me her love for you knows no boundaries. She will stay here."
"I asked her to leave."
Ithilwen remained silent. She expected that he would have asked Arwen something like this. And she knew that Arwen would disobey him. "She will stay" said Ithilwen again and stood up. The first sunbeams cracked to the sky and the morning birds started singing. "We should wake them up" she said and looked at the hobbits. Aragorn stood up as well.
They had been walking for hours and they were allowed to rest only for a few minutes. It was a long way to Caras Galadhon. Haldir was leading the group, Orophin and Rúmil were right behind him. They were followed by Ithilwen, Merry and Pipin, Aragorn, Frodo and Sam, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir. They were being followed be five elves from the guard. At the beginning Gimli grumbled about the presence of all these elves, but he later got used to them. They were walking silently to their destinations. Only the chatting between the hobbits and the Gimli, were breaking the silence.
"Well, I expected that you would look older" said Rúmil to Ithilwen. Ithilwen, whose eyes were stuck on the ground throughout their course, suddenly lifted her head and gave a surprised look to Rumil. Orophin looked at his brother sternly, trying to make him realise that what he had just said was very inappropriate.
"What? Why?" she asked Rumil and her astonishment was revealed by the tone of her voice.
"Judging by your long disappearance, your garments and your looks generally I made the assumption that you made your decision and you became mortal" he said without paying attention to his brother's gaze. Haldir huffed. Ithilwen looked firstly at her clothes. Well, they used to belong to Tom, a teenage ranger who eventually grew up, but they were very comfortable. Her hairstyle was indeed copied by mortal women, but she fancied it a lot and it did not need too much care. But, besides her worn out, large clothes and her almost blowzy hair, maybe her dirty face from previous day's fight, and the fact that her eyes had lost their old elven shine, nothing else could indicate that she chose to carry on living as a mortal.
"Firstly, Lord Elrond told me that the time to make my choice has not arrived yet" she started explaining. "Secondly, I did not come back to Lothlorien after that incident, because I was very preoccupied as a ranger of the North." At that moment the three brothers turned and looked at her with disbelief. She felt awkward. Who was she going to fool? She sighed and continued. "And because some wounds can be healed only by time. And I could not come back to the place where I lost him. And thirdly" she added after taking a deep breath, "I am very satisfied with my looks and I always wanted to make a change!"
"We were your friends Ithilwen" said Orophin with a serious tone. "We expected that if you needed any kind of help, you would come to us first."
"We would never betray our friendship with you" said Haldir. "We grieved for Tirnel as well, and still, my heart mourns for my dear friend. But you could rely on us. We would be there for you."
"You are right," she said and lowered her head. "I am sorry. At that point of my life everything was hazy. I was feeling lost and I did not know where to turn to. I believed that coming back to Lothlorien would only immerse me further into my darkness. It was bad of me not come in contact with you. I hope you forgive me one day."
"There is nothing to forgive, sister" said Rumil and he smiled. "We are glad you are alive and that you are home after all these years.
"We will rest here for a while" shouted Haldir to the rest of the fellowship. Ithilwen stared at Aragorn asking for his help somehow. Aragorn smiled to her and started preparing his pipe, making her understand that she should do this on her own, without his help. Gimli noticed this discussion through glances and whispered something to Aragorn, while pointing his axe towards the three elf brothers. Aragorn smiled, told him something and patted his back. Gimli disappointed, lowered his axe and took out his pipe to smoke as well.
"Now you can talk to us" said Haldir. The four of them sat down under a mallorn tree.
"After I had woken up at Imladris, I was in perfect health, but I could not stop yearning for one thing. Death. I did not want to eat or sleep. I was locked inside my room all day and all night, crying for not having the chance to join my brother at the Halls of Mandos. I had been expecting that I would die from my grief, like other elves had died before me. But death was not coming, and I soon realised that my mortal side had beaten my elven at this characteristic. So I decided just to stay in that room for an eternity. But Arwen had made other plans for me." Ithilwen smiled. Since their childhood, Arwen had been coming up with the weirdest solutions for their problems, but always these solutions somehow had worked. "She entered my room with my old bow, my quiver and my sword. She laid them to my knees and sat on a chair. She remained silent staring at me. I did not utter a word. I was just caressing the carvings on my bow. After several minutes of silence Aragorn entered the room. She had already introduced us several years ago, during the summer when she met him, here in Lothlorien. She proposed me to join the Rangers of the North along with Aragorn. And she was right. I have been a ranger for more than thirty years, and through this experience I have been able to slowly heal the wounds of my soul and discover another kind of life. I certainly still think of my brother, and to be honest, when Aragorn announced that we should pass through Lothlorien, I was afraid. But mourning over a person you love is not something bad or abnormal, as long as it does not conquer every part of your existence and does not let you carry on your life." She smiled at them. Her eyes were filled with tears. But they were not tears of sorrow. They were tears of happiness and relief, for it was the first time she told her story on her own, without anybody's help, and to people who used to be part of her life and knew both her and Tirnel.
"I am sorry for misjudging you" said Rumil silently.
"Ithilwen, from now on, you should always remember that you can count on us, whatever you might need" said Haldir. "And I promise that I will help both you and your friends as much as I can." They all stood up and hugged.
"And Ithilwen, I need to tell you something more" added Rumil. Ithilwen turned and looked at him. "You should do something with your clothes" he said and they all laughed, like the old good days. Haldir informed the rest of the fellowship that they should continue their course, and everyone noticed the change in his spirits.
Ithilwen was walking now next to Gimli and Legolas. Her mood was lifted and she was enjoying the beauties of her birthplace.