Hey all. So just a heads up, this chapter deals with some dark things. It contains SI and suicide. I'm sorry if it triggers or offends you, but hey, I have just warned you. Hope you enjoy the chapter otherwise.

-Marvel'sWhovian

I laid on the bed for a while, soaking the sheets with my tears. Rose's face etched in my mind, as were her desperate attempts to keep me from doing what I had been planning for longer than anyone had known. As I laid there, curled into myself I heard the door open and felt the Doctor stroking my hair. It was a welcomed gesture, one that I gratefully leant into. As he hesitantly pulled away, I was told something had come up and needed to be fixed and with a kiss on my head, he left me to my own devices..

When I was certain he was gone, I stumbled out of the bed. Falling to my knees, I dug between the mattress and box. Finding exactly what I needed, I removed the razor blade and the second bottle of pills. As I did so, I heard the angry buzz of the Tardis. While I wasn't sure if she'd tell the Doctor what I was up to, I barely cared. Ignoring her, I downed the entire bottle, I stripped down and went to the bathroom, running the water for a bath.

Once it was a quarter full, I sunk into the water and reached for my salvation. I quickly dug the blade into my skin and forced it up my arm until it reached the crevice of my elbow. Ignoring the slight pain, I did the same for the other side, although that side came out off-centred, it was good enough to do what I wanted. Satisfied, I dropped the blade and lowered my arms into the water. Closing my eyes, I waited for it all to end. In doing so, my thoughts drifted to the Doctor. I loved that man more than words could describe and while I knew he'd be devastated, I couldn't help but feel he would be better off without me. All I ever seemed to do was bring up the past. I was unable to let go of anything that had happened to me, and I had thus become a snivelling child intent on seeing the worst in everything. I was nothing but a headache and he deserved someone stable, someone strong. I was neither.

I don't know how long I sat in the bath for but the next thing I knew, I was being pulled out. My eyes fluttered open to see the Doctor hugging me to him, his eyes closed as tears rushing down his face as he rocked back and forth. I lifted my arm to his face, gasping when I saw my wounds were gone, not even a scar to remind me of them. His eyes snapped open and all I could see was pain and rage. I flinched away, not knowing what to expect… and for not expecting to see him so broken. Instead of saying anything, he stood, bringing me up with him, and stood back. I looked at him puzzled before I looked down at my hands to see them glowing gold. I gawped, feeling an odd tingle rush through my body before glancing back at him. I was met with a hardened expression as the prickle was replaced with pain. Unable to hold it in, I let out a scream as the gold enveloped me.

The first thing I noticed when I dropped to the floor was my hair. It was purple, lilac, with darker shades littered about. It was a bit shorter than the length it previously was and straight. A small smile tugged at my lips but I hid it. Looking up, I saw the Doctor gazing at me. As I went to stand, a sharp pain racked through my body. I hunched over, coughing up gold dust. It continued for ten minutes, the Doctor watching me for the entirety. He was angry; I could feel it radiating off of him. Suddenly the world started to spin and the next thing I knew, it was dark.

My eyes fluttered open, taking in my surroundings. I was in my room, my bed and there was someone lying next to me. Turning over, I gave a small smile at his form. As I reached to caress his face, his hand grabbed mine and he sat up, scowling at me. "You're angry."

He stood and crossed the room, leaning against the wall. For a moment, he reminded me of his previous incarnation. "More furious than anything."

"I'm not sorry, if that's what you're expecting me to say."

"What the hell were you thinking?! Why did you do it?"

I shrugged, keeping myself from looking at him. "I felt like it."

"You can't lie to me, Cerys. How long were you planning it?"

"If you really want to know, I'd been planning for a while. Since our first real adventure. Rose was the only reason why I hadn't and since she was gone, I figured what the hell. I'm not really needed around here anyways."

"How could you be so thick? I just found you and you were going to rip it away from me."

"The only reason you wanted me around was because I'm your dead lover! That was all you basically cared about," I snapped. I knew that wasn't true but the fact that I had grown so attached to being human. Those feelings transferred over… as did the hurt and pain. While I knew I was no longer human, I couldn't help but get those thoughts out. He needed to know how I felt during those years with him, how much agony I'd been through.

"How dense are you, Cerys? Do you honestly believe that?"

"What's the point of lying, Doctor? You've got her… me back. Congratulations."

"You're being irrational."

"You think I don't know that!" I screeched, stunning and ultimately silencing the Time Lord. "All that time travelling with you, all you did was shower her with love and then turn around and do something completely idiotic. You never once thought of the repercussions of your actions or your words. Hell, I know she was no picnic and she was complicated and emotional and a complete and utter wreck… but she cared about you so much… she loved you and on more than one occasion, you tore her heart to shreds. No, she never was truly happy, but she was getting there, she was healing and you had to open your mouth. Did you even mean what you said?"

"Of course I did. Could you not see that she was literally your first incarnation? I was very much aware of the situation."

I glared at him for a moment before sighing. What had been said and done had passed and my thoughts had been vocalised. There was nothing else I could do or say that would change the past. While I was angry at him, I was also angry with myself. As I human, I was practically an exact replica of my first incarnation, emotionally and mentally and just like then, it took the Doctor to help me feel okay, even if it was Rose who kept me from ending things, from ultimately changing back. "This wasn't the first success," I muttered as I stared at my fidgeting hands.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"How?"

"Failsafe. It works differently with me."

"How many times?" he clarified.

"Two…including this. This is my ninth body."

"The first six?"

"Three during the war and three at the hands of the High Council."

"What did they do to you?"

"It doesn't matter." He glared at me, his expression telling me that it did matter, at least to him. "I regenerated and got my memories back. I'm fine," I snapped, moving to stand only to fall on my face. "Okay, still extremely weak." I stopped doing a quick assessment. "No, that's not it. I shouldn't be up. I did too much damage." I struggled to get onto the bed.

The Doctor came to my side, helping me back into the bed. "What else did you do?"

"Cocktail. Some might have contained aspirin. I'm... not sure. Look, I'm not sorry for what I did but I am sorry for hurting you. Just don't hate me... please. I couldn't bear to have you do so."

"I couldn't."

"Good. I'll see you when I wake," I smiled softly before I drifted to sleep.

Coming to, I had no idea how long I had been in the healing coma. But when I finally awoke, I felt the best I had in centuries. After determining it had been a mere three hours, I swung my legs over the bed frame and sat there for a minute before I stood, happy that I didn't fall. I quickly ran to the bathroom, eager to see what I looked like and I adored what I saw. Reflected was a woman, thank goodness, with lilac hair, hazel eyes, an olive complexion with freckles scattered across my cheeks and nose. Happy with what I saw, I took in other observations. I was 5'4" with a bit of an hourglass figure, D cup, with a lean body. I giggled with childish glee as I discovered I had three beauty marks, one on my stomach, right leg, and right under my lips, on the left. I quickly ran a hand through my hair and turned on the shower. I went through that motion and threw on sweatpants and a hoodie afterwards, before I ran for the Tardis wardrobe.

Although I loved the clothes I had previously enjoyed, some of it wasn't what I wanted for this incarnation. After twelve changes, I decided on black leather pants, a fitted lace blue top and the Doctor's old black leather jacket. When I had finished, I returned to my room and grabbed my military boots, completing the outfit. Finally done and content with my new look, I went to the console room, only to find the Doctor there with a young woman of colour. I sighed and cleared my throat, making the two aware of my presence. "Uh, who is she, Doctor?"

Hey, hey! So, how was the chapter? I definitely had to have Cerys break down after losing Rose. I mean, considering how close they were, it had to be. Luckily there was that failsafe, huh. Sadly, Cerys is now dead. But now, onto last chapter's reviews, which I was so glad to see. Honestly, I love hearing your thoughts and thanks so much for leaving them. Oh, and due to laziness, I'll be leaving this as one whole book, it's also that the website is being weird and not letting me create a new story. So yeah, this will be one book until I can make a new one or something.

I'm-a-Klaus-addict: Of course we'll see Rose again. She'll definitely be popping up, although not physically but in spirit... at least until the next series. I can definitely hint that things might be a bit rocky between the two women for a while, especially with the Doctor making such an impression on her in Smith and Jones, haha. But I am so in love with Capaldi. It took me forever to like Matt but Peter was so instantaneous that it shocked me a bit. Listen scared the ink off my tattoos, lolz. But then in the end it all made sense and the fact that they brought it back to just the Doctor's fear was brilliant! My cat does that same thing, considering I lock her out during the episode since she often tends to misbehave at some points. But it is creepy, especially during a horror flick.

NicoleR85: Glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully you got the whole Cerys not going with the Doctor thing. She just had to die *cue evil laughter*. Hopefully your questions have been answered in this chapter as to whether she stays or not.

Guest: Thanks for the review. Sorry it was a bit confusing. Would you mind telling me what was confusion so that I can check back and make some changes and make it so the upcoming chapters aren't.

Irrelevant86: So glad I was able to give you what you were waiting for. That was one of the reasons I sent Cerys along with him, actually. I always felt that a companion should go with him in those situations and since I basically set it up where Cerys could keep him out of trouble, she went along. Something that slightly put them in a bit more trouble.

Guest: Well, happy birthday. Hope your day went well.