Chapter One: The Pixie Impresses the Hokage

It had happened again. Ren was playing with a child on the playground happily, and suddenly a mother stormed right over and snatched her child away by the arm; the little boy cried out.

"You stay away from my child!" the mother shouted fearfully, harshly, that cold alien Othering as always in her eyes.

Tears welled up in Ren's eyes, useless, stupid tears. Her face worked, and she ran away, past the harsh shouts and mocking laughter of other adults in the Konoha children's park, down the street.

Why did she even try? she thought, knelt crying underneath the eaves of a shop. Why did she just keep…?

And then she looked up.

It had been raining yesterday, and she saw herself reflected in a puddle on the sidewalk ahead of her. She stood, eyes wide and tearful, and moved over to stare at her reflection -

Blotchy red face. Red, crying eyes. Face twisted in self pity.

Pathetic.

Ren's face worked into one of anger - hardening anger - her fists clenched. "I'm tired of crying!" she suddenly shouted to the blue skies above. She sat down, scowling and a little pouty, against the wall of the building, hoping someone wasn't about to send her away for loitering - that had happened before. "Crying is useless. It never does anything. What do I think this is, a soap opera sob story?"

The voice that issued out of her mouth was harsh.

"I need… to not let them know they're getting to me," she whispered to herself, falling into solemn pondering. She pictured herself drawing a wide lipstick clown smile on a sad face. "I need a mask - a happy one. I need… something to be, something… something that gets me noticed."

She looked up in realization, her eyes wide.

"I need a tough person mask that gets me noticed," she breathed, and a wide smile came over her face. Then she frowned. "But I don't know much about how normal people are. How do I decide what kind of person I should become…?"

And then it hit her: movies.

Ren walked up to the video rental store counter and dumped countless movies onto the counter. "I want to rent these," she said flatly.

The clerk looked hesitant, but he rang up her purchases and she paid him with part of the government money she had carefully counted out.

She took the movies home, and watched them. At the end, sitting on her bed, she dictated quite solemnly into a little recorder she had with her.

"So… here's what I'm thinking.

"As far as I can tell, in kids and teenagers there are five types of people to be, but only two of them apply to girls. Boys are jocks, nerds, and class clown troublemakers. But girls are either snotty princesses or weird girls.

"That's the way it seems to work.

"I can't see myself as a snotty princess… I don't think it would fit… so I've gotta be a weird girl. So odd that people have to take notice of me, right? But what kind of weird girl?

"Here's what I did. I sat at the end of my bed in my crummy single apartment, watching the TV across the back room for countless hours. I memorized character types and all sorts of things. It was all… what's the word? Methodical, and stuff.

"Then I went out and bought a magazine on movie character types. I could sorta read the words, but it had lots of big, colorful, glossy pictures, which I loved.

"I'm this super naturally energetic and excitable person. And there's this one weird girl type called Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

"And I can go all out with this to get myself noticed - I've always been kinda curious about makeup, so with no parents I can even try that, even though I'm only about six. I can try whatever I want to make this work. No one's stopping me.

"But as far as I can tell… here's what the Manic Pixie Dream Girl is all about.

"They have lots of energy but are really pretty about it, and they're quirky but everyone likes them. Really dark, sort of romantic, quiet guys tend to be attracted to them - nerds, too, and lonely guys. Manic Pixie Dream Girls help the guys feel better about life and come to appreciate it more.

"I think that's pretty cool.

"See, as far as I can tell, in most movies guys are the main characters and girls are the love interest characters. Most girls in movies are defined by what they do to guys, how they act with them. And tomboys and bad girls usually don't make the cut.

"Girls are the stories that happen to guys. They get swept off their feet. It's what they do. So girls have to pick what kind of a role they want to be for a guy.

"Manic Pixies are usually kinda small and skinny like me, they're weird and they're smart. And as far as I can tell, sad, smart, bookish guys tend to like them. They're sensitive and eccentric and daydreamy, they have lots of glitter and eccentric makeup and hair colors, they like music and dancing, and they're usually super optimistic about life - which could only be good for me, at this point.

"If I have to be a girl, and especially a weird girl, I like the idea of being that kind of a weird girl.

"So now I have to get down to being quirky." She took a deep breath. "I can do this. I'll just wake up tomorrow and… start being a Manic Pixie Dream Girl."

Ren walked matter of factly into the Hokage's office, with dignity, accompanied by ninja. The Third Hokage leader's office was a vast place with floor to ceiling windows placed behind a massive desk. The aging little old Hokage in robes sat on the other side of the desk, giving Ren a flat glare.

Ren sat down across from him, the two ninja left, and in the heavy silence Ren stared calmly right back.

"… Your redid a shop owner's storefront in sparkly glitter hearts," the Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, said at last.

"I improved on it," said Ren with dignity.

"You didn't ask him first."

"I know. Tons of people were staring at me. It was great."

"You drew a mob."

"Yup." Ren studied her fingernails, pleased with herself.

The Third sighed. "I need a smoke for this," he decided, and took out his wood pipe, lighting it. "So…" He took a great puff and sat back. "What is this new… thing you've been doing? I've been sending a personal academic tutor to your apartment, in preparation for you entering the Konoha Ninja Academy as a fighting trainee when you're eight.

"She claims you insist on using glossy gel pens for all your work, and you will not write in anything but cute kanji and hearts," said the Third Hokage slowly, deadpan and disbelieving.

Ren gasped, delight coming over her face. "You want to hear about my quirk kit!" she realized excitedly.

"Oh, God," said the Third Hokage to no one in particular.

"Here is my usual snack: wild berry pop tarts." She took them out of - of all things - the ninja equipment pouch and ninja weapons holster now attached to her leg. "And the necessary stuffed beanie baby - I love those!"

This was also taken out of her equipment pouch. Hiruzen put his head in his hand.

"Those pouches…" he said, "are for things that kill people."

"Well don't attack me for being creative," Ren pouted. Then she brightened excitedly. "Oh, and there's more!"

"Of course there is," said the Third flatly, head in his hand, watching her.

"This is mermaid fairy makeup - my latest trial." She pointed at her face. "And this -" She pointed at the long braid behind her that used to be red. "Is sand art hair dye. Totally temporary. It'll come out in a few days. Oh, random side note? Those little colorful bath bombs? They are awesome! It's like I'm bathing in a scented rainbow!

"I've discovered I love the color purple. My entire bedroom is now purple. So is my new kunoichi outfit!" She pointed brightly, beaming, at the purple sweater dress with black fishnet leggings she was wearing. "I also love crystals. I have one here -" She pointed at the crystal pendant necklace around her neck. "And then a WHOLE bunch more hung up in my room!

"I like dancing around in my PJ's as I get ready in the morning. And I love avant-garde kimono styles, like on New Years.

"This is my frog wallet -" She took up an adorable little stuffed frog wallet whose mouth opened to hold money. "It's currently full of green tea caramels." She squinted one eye as she looked into the wallet's depths. "Oh, and I love green tea coffee. Also butterfly and hummingbird designs. I stenciled them onto my purple bedroom walls."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait -" The Hokage held up a hand, squinting in exhaustion. "You… not only wear makeup, you… drink coffee? You're six!"

"Yup," said Ren matter of factly. "What? It's not like there's anyone there to stop me." She frowned. "I was super hyperactive after the first coffee and I had to pee a lot. I think I broke like three things in my house and made a mess of the toilet.

"But after that everything was okay.

"Thanks for the tutor, by the way. She's helpful." Ren began swinging her legs, looking around the office.

"In… what way? You like learning?" said the Hokage, trying to clutch onto something that made him feel better about something concerning Ren's progress.

"Well, sort of. I've always been curious about porn and erotic fiction. Now that I can read, I got to try those out." Ren brightened. "I can flirt with people now! It makes them super uncomfortable!"

And she began giggling mischievously, madly.

"You… flirt… with people?"

"What's wrong, Grandpa? You insulted I don't flirt with you?" said Ren teasingly, making a pouty baby face.

"You are the most irreverent little…" the Third Hokage growled. "You shouldn't be reading erotic fiction at all!"

"Yet again - that rule only applies to people who have had parents," said Ren, pointing.

She didn't mean it in a self pitying way, but the Third paused, looking sad.

"Anyway…" Ren looked out the window. "There are some nice birds outside," she said mildly.

The Third looked in bewilderment behind him. "You always were easily… distractible," he admitted.

"Yeah," said Ren airily. "I daydream a lot. I'm kind of an airhead." She smiled brightly. "I got lost on the way to the grocery store the other day. I keep burning food because I don't remember I'm making it. I accidentally run into doors and trip over my own feet a lot. I stare out windows with my mouth open, twirling my bangs around with a finger, and sometimes I trail off in the middle of conversations with my mouth open because I start thinking of something else."

"… How are you still alive?" said the Hokage in bewilderment.

"I don't know!" Ren giggled brightly.

The Hokage just sat there. Staring.

"Anyway, that's what I wanted to thank you for," she added firmly. The Hokage paused in surprise as Ren looked up, suddenly deceptively sharp-eyed and serious - very adult - a complete turnaround. "See, I have it all figured out.

"Girls can't afford to be stupid.

"Stupid girls don't survive or get respect in our world. Guys can afford to be stupid, maybe, but girls can't be. I have to prove myself as a future kunoichi woman type ninja, on top of everything else.

"So I've been forcing myself to read a lot during tutoring sessions and become secretly super smart. It's been a lot of hard work, but I'm getting there. I keep bringing home huge, teetering piles of books going clear above my head. I basically buy my weight in books.

"So… thanks. You know… I don't just use your lessons for flirty, perverted stuff."

The Third was completely blindsided by this suddenly serious, smart, sharp-eyed version of Ren.

"… You really do know quite well what you're doing for a child, don't you?" he realized sharply.

Ren just sat there and looked at him. "… It's fun," she admitted eventually, shrugging. "And it gets me noticed. It's a way to be and talk about myself. So it's fine."

"And… if it's lonely… being noticed mostly through rolled eyes and obnoxiousness and scolding and random glittery redecorations…

"That's also fine?"

Ren frowned stubbornly and stared down at her toes. "I don't like to talk about that," she said in a tiny, hard voice. "Stop lecturing me." She sounded petulant.

It was as good as an admittance. The Third sighed. "Okay, Ren," he said tiredly, sad. "You can go."

Ren looked up, brightening.

After she'd left, advisors and fellow village Elders Koharu and Homura came in, both robed as well. "How did it go?" Koharu asked tentatively.

Hiruzen was staring at his desk. "… She's brilliant," he admitted. "But she needs something to do with herself. A way to express herself.

"And she's an Uzumaki daughter. Kushina's daughter. She has the red hair and everything.

"It would be criminal, don't you think?" He looked up sharply. "Not to giver her her mother's clan and ability scrolls?"

"… Ah. I see," said Homura, reserved. "Two full years before the Academy. She'd be a powerhouse if she worked at it hard enough, especially with no way of gauging how much she is supposed to have learned.

"But there is a risk… that she'll find out," he warned. "What she is and why she's hated."

"That," said Hiruzen with hard eyes, "is a risk I am willing to take. This girl in particular… it would be criminal not to give her useful skills, something ninja to do with her growing crafty brain."

Ren threw herself down across the massive mahogany desk from the Third Hokage in the giant desk chair once more. "Hey, Grandpa, what's up?" she said bluntly. "I didn't even do any creative redecorating this time and we… just talked?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"… You know, most people refer to me as Hokage-sama," said the Third Hokage, narrow-eyed and deadpan.

"Yeah, well, they just don't love you as much as I do," said Ren, grinning. "Don't worry. You'll get there someday."

The Third Hokage sighed. "Be polite or I won't help you."

Ren perked up, curious. "… Help me with what?"

"With this." And the Hokage, an aging little man in official robes, lifted up a massive chest and set it on the desk between them. He opened it up… and the inside was filled with training scrolls.

Ren stood on the chair on her tiptoes to look into the chest, awed at the treasure trove of information.

"These… are from your mother."

Ren looked up, wide-eyed, for a second stricken and vulnerable.

"Her name was Uzumaki Kushina," the Third continued. "As you are an Uzumaki daughter, Ren, and they were a mostly matriarchal, or woman-based ninja clan… I thought Kushina's daughter should learn her clan techniques. You even look like an Uzumaki - with your red hair, build, and coloring.

"As far as we know, you are… all that's left, so this is best.

"Go train with them. You have two years before Academy entry," were his only orders, and then he sent her with a casual, stoical wave of the hand away from the office as she still stood there on the chair with a scroll in her hands and her torn heart full.