Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie, it began as another day in the lab until suddenly...
(woman's voice) Damn! I've gotten Chuck Heston's personality transferred into my brain. I've got to somehow transfer it back to my assistant.
(feminine Chuck's voice) Actually Dr. Allen, it's not that bad of a problem...
Silence you schizophrenic doppelganger! I used to be you. Don't force me to download the personality data into my ass. Err, your ass...whatever!
Yes ma'am. I'm throwing the switch...(buzzing, bleeping)...
(voice becoming more masculine) That's it...I can feel the change...wait...(voice jumping in and out of Chuck)...transfer interrupted! Damn the internet! But now I can't decide if I want to cancel my subscription to "Ladies Home Journal".
Chuck Heston, RuPaul, any member of Monty Python and Ed Wood star in "Dante's Identity Crisis". Be there!
...
Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie…it began as another day at the store until suddenly...
Damn! I seemed to have traveled back in time. I've got to somehow keep myself from altering history.
Actually Chuck, we just switched the clocks from daylight savings time. You really didn't...
Silence you apron-wearing hideous buffoon! Lock me into this cryogenic freezer and thaw me out when I reach 2023.
Chuck, that's an ice cream freezer...
Damn it! I used to play Smiley the Stockboy. Don't force me to price-check your ass!
Yes sir…(shuffling sounds)
That's it…drop my core temperature…(big squashing sound)…since when does cryogenic solution have pralines in it?
Ice Cube, Ice T, Mr T, Mr Coffee and Stretch the love icicle star in…"Dante's Time Warp". Be there!
...
Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie—it began as just another morning until suddenly...
Damn! I woke up on the 18th hole of the golf course again. I've got to somehow hide my wretched condition from those golfers coming my way.
Actually Chuck, you fell asleep in your salad again. You're in the dining room...
Silence you pasty-faced Thelonius Monkey! I used to be a lifeguard. Don't force me to resuscitate your ass! Quickly! Stick this flag pin up my butt!
Yes sir…(pushing sounds)
That's it…a little bit further...(pop sound) there. Watch out, I'm a par five!
Eddie Arnold, Arnold Palmer, Arnold the pig and Ingrid the busty chambermaid star in…"Dante's Back 9"…be there!
...
Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie—it began as just another day at the gameshow until suddenly...
Damn! I just can't seem to figure out this puzzle. I going to have to buy a vowel.
Actually Charlton, this is "Jeopardy." You can't buy a vowel...
Silence you "Mr Smarty Pants" Trebec! I can kick your butt. Don't make me respond in the form of a question!
Yes Charlton. (sigh) What vowel do you want to buy?
I want to buy a "3". And stop looking at me like that, damn it! Oh why didn't they invite me to "Hollywood Squares"? This game is so hard!
Woody Allen, Woody Guthrie, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (the tall one) and Sanka the relaxed store clerk star in…"Dante's Daily Double". Be there!