Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Tootsie rolls, War and Peace, and other trademarked or copyrighted stuffs!
Enjoy le swaggy story!
Garystuheart was in the library, reading Hairy Potter and the Sorcerer's Moss and puffing a bubble pipe. His hazel-furred daughter, Goldglitter, was lying on the wooly rug and reading War and Peace like it was no big deal. Brownsugar, his golden-furred daughter, was reading a Purrcy Jackson book.
Suddenly, Bouncemaster, his white and black spotted son, came bouncing in. "Hey, Dad!" He said, in his medium level voice. "QUIET! YOU'RE IN A LIBRARY!" Garystuheart bellowed, clearly annoyed by his son's lack of manners. Even his bubble pipe looked annoyed, as indicated by the carved face on it. Bouncemaster quieted down. "The good news is… I have met a cat and she is destined to be my waifu!"
Garystuheart's eyes widened at the word "waifu". His bubble pipe fell out of his muzzle. "Continue!" Garystuheart panted. Bouncemaster led his future waifu into the room. She was a white she-cat with light ginger ears, tail, and heart shape on her chest. The she-cat also had radiant blue eyes. "Dad, meet Fabuheart!" Fabuheart batted her eye whisker thingies. "Hello there…" she gushed, "Bouncemaster told me a lot about you!"
Garystuheart was impressed by his son's taste in waifus. But, he needed proof that Fabuheart was truly fabu. Clearly, the she-cat looked fabu and her personality was fabu as well. Garystuheart sniffed Fabuheart up and down. Sure enough, her pelt and breath smelled fabu. He groomed her with his tongue and she tasted fabu. He took out a stethoscope and put it up against Fabuheart's chest. Even her pulse was fabu.
Garystuheart drew his conclusion. "Yup!" He decided, "Definitely fabu!" Fabuheart blushed. "You're a sweet tom, Mr. Garystuheart…" she cooed, oblivious to the fact that she had been sniffed up and down. "But one more thing!" Garystuheart piped up, "What is your favorite food?" He batted his eyes as he asked the question.
Fabuheart immediately pulled out a blue box. "Cheese whales, sir!" She announced. Bouncemaster gasped. "Mine too!" He pulled out a box of cheese whales as well. "We must get married right now!" They exclaimed, in perfect unison.
Every one of the swagulous cats in the limo were teleported in 0.000000000000008 seconds to the recently added wedding chapel. The chapel was decorated epically and beautifully at the same time. Most notably, there was a Mountain Dew love fountain. The pews for the audience were completely empty, as everyone was swag enough to be either bridesmaids or groomsmen. Garystuheart and Marysuepelt were the Best Man and Maid of Honor because they were the most swag. Marysuepelt used her nature manipulation to sprinkle the pathway with the petals of a bunch of different flower types as every she-cat was a bridesmaid and there was no flower girl. Then, Fabuheart and Bouncemaster popped up. Bouncemaster was wearing a cool tuxedo and Fabuheart was wearing a fabu dress.
At the podium, a white and gold cat named Ministerkit set them to do the vows, yada yada yada wedding stuff. Then, the Magic Rings of Magic Waifu-hood were magically laced onto Fabuheart and Bouncemaster's claws. They were now happily married and the two began licking each other passionately.
The reception was an even more joyous occasion than the wedding itself. The party tables were decked with cheese whales, Doritos, chocolate fondue, and Slim Jims. There was an abundant amount of Mountain Dew in a bunch of flavors: Original, Code Red, Live Wire, Voltage, Throwback, White Out, Baja Blast, and Solar Flare. None of the sodas were caffeine-free. Everyone got hyper on Mountain Dew. The pièce de résistance was the multilayer cake with buttercream and fondant frosting and each slice could taste like any flavor you wanted. Bouncemaster and Fabuheart, of course, chose cheese whales.
For the newlyweds' first dance, there was a massive selection of songs to choose from. It was a very hard choice. Fabuheart was thinking of playing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from "The Lion King". However, Bouncemaster brought up "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom" by Parry Gripp. Fabuheart immediately agreed.
Marysuepelt kept making bouquets of flowers for Fabuheart to throw into the crowd until everyone had caught one. "I got an extra!" Bluetooth announced "Someone else can have it if they want to." A bunch of squealing she-cats all tackled the blue-gray tom to get his extra bouquet. Then, it was time to throw the garter. Fabuheart threw off her garter into the crowd. Afterwards, she put on another one and threw it off again. The cycle repeated until everyone had a garter. Of course, Bluetooth had an extra and the toms tackled him.
As the final tradition of the wedding, Garystuheart lowered the wedding piñata. Fabuheart was blindfolded and given a bat. The piñata looked like a very derpy representation of Normalstar. She struck the Normalstar piñata with one swing of her bat and the paper mache creation was completely decimated. Out of the remains flowed several large boatloads of delicious candy: Mars Bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, full size Hershey Bars, M&M's, and much more. Everyone went berserk for the candy.
After the wedding, Marysuepelt realized that Normalstar had completely missed out on it. Normalstar needed a taste of this tradition. So, she dropped a mouse with a "To: Normalstar" tag on it outside Normalstar's normal den.
Normalstar normally awoke to find a mouse outside her normal den. She normally tore the tag off and normally stuffed it into her normal mouth. The normal leader normally munched the mouse with her normal teeth. Then, she normally realized that the mouse was full of tacky bubblegum from the dollar store that looks like a midget Tootsie Roll, but it's not. It was so incredibly disgusting that Normalstar normally winced and turned a normal shade of green. She normally dashed to the normal medicine den to get some normal yarrow, but she did not make it in time. In conclusion, Normalstar normally lost her first normal life due to utter disgust.
The moral of the story is pieces of tacky bubblegum from the dollar store that look like midget Tootsie Rolls are just plain disgusting.