Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie—it began as just another day at the office until suddenly…
Damn! Its August already and KOLD hasn't announced a location for their football Major Wager yet. I've got to come up with a location of my own to hold the event. Quickly, add chairs and big screen TVs to my den!
But Chuck, shouldn't you wait until they announce…
Silence you insufferable biped! I taught Bob Villa everything he knows. Don't force me to renovate your ass!
Yes sir. (Sounds of construction, hammers etc)
Three weeks later...
That's it. Open the doors and lets party! (sound of door opening, crickets). Damn it! Where is everyone?
Actually Chuck, its Wednesday. You'd get more people on a day they actually HAVE a football game.
Shut your pie hole! Oh great, now I'll have to close the place down...
Brian Brown, Brian Bosworth, David Copperfield and Jiggles the cheerleader star in..."Dante's Scheduling Blunder". Be there!
...
Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie—it began as just another day at the hospital until suddenly…
Damn! The cafeteria is closed. It's supposed to be open for snacks 24 hours a day. I need to get in and get something to eat. Quickly! Go through this side door with me.
But Chuck, the cafeteria is on the bottom floor. This is the culture lab…
Silence you cow dung-faced tenderfoot! I played a sanitation engineer. Don't force me to send you to glory in a glad bag!
Yes sir…
(door opening) Hmm, things are locked up pretty good around here. Ah ha, they left out a jello snack. (eating sounds) That wasn't very tasty, what flavor was it…Salmon Illa. Funny, it didn't taste like fish OR vanilla. (wretching)
C. Evert Koop, Dusty Springfield, Doogie Hooser and Bob the mid-term intern star in…"Dante's Kitchen". Be there!
...
Later today on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie—it began as just another day on vacation until suddenly…
Damn! I fell asleep by a lava flow again. I've got to protect myself somehow against the tremendous heat.
Actually Chuck, that's a lava lamp. You're in your hotel…
Silence you wretched bowel weasel! Quickly, wrap this high-tech heat shield around me.
But Chuck, that's just old foil from some Ding Dongs…
Damn it! I used to be a crewmember in "Lost in Space". Don't force me to show you the nearest black hole!
Yes sir…(crinkling sounds)
That's it…oh I feel cooler already…wait, there's something in here besides chocolate crumbs…its moving…Polynesian roaches! I'll risk the lava!
Jack Lord, Jesse Sapolu, Jesse Jackson and Rufus the mute tour guide star in "Dante's Island Hop". Be there!
...
Later this week on the Chuck Heston mini-disaster movie...it began as just another day in the lab until suddenly...
Damn! My favorite DJ is moving to Hawaii and isn't going to be on my station anymore. I've got to somehow follow him to his next gig. Quickly! Stuff me into his camping gear right now.
Give it up Chuck! He has a life to live. You should give it a try sometime...
Silence you wozzy wozzle wickie! I've had a long career...don't force me to start my retirement in your ass!
Yes sir...
(Grunting, squeezing sounds with a muffled talking) That's it...now I'll be shipped to his next job. What's that hissing sound? It's starting to smell bad in here, I'd better light a match to see...(EXPLOSION)
Don Ho, Tom Selleck, Danny Ongais and Captain Horatio "I'll show my" Hornblower star in "Dante's Aloha". Be there!
(**note: the DJ in question did go to Hawaii for a year, then returned to the station. And he made it a point not to pack propane gas in his gear any more just in case.)