Olivia felt strange. She felt warmer on the outside but still ice cold inside and then the floating feeling. She felt like these feelings should concern her however she felt at ease and peaceful. Needing some clarification she willed her eyes to open. She was met with the face of a very attractive young man wearing a very serious expression. She blinked a few times then attempted to speak.
"Wh…wh….umh…" her voice was raspy and she couldn't form the words she was trying to say. The medic took notice of this attempt at speech.
"Everything's ok, Olivia. We're running fluids into you, giving you medication to slow your heart rate, medication for pain and oxygen." The medic spoke very fast; Olivia only comprehended half of what he said. "We'll be at the ER really soon."
"Floating." Olivia managed to say. She wasn't sure why that word came out but it did sum up what she felt like. The attractive face looking down at her smiled with a big toothy smile showing perfectly straight, white teeth.
"Ya. The pain meds can do that too you. Give it another minute and you'll start to feel more grounded." He explained. Olivia didn't like sound of that. Although unsettling the floating feeling was better then pain.
"- so be ready for that. I wont be able to give you any more until the doctors evaluate you." The medic had continued talking, explaining why the floating feeling would subside and most likely answering her question about feeling pain again.
"Pain?" she croaked out wincing as her throat seared with pain.
"Are you in pain?" the medic asked making an adjustment to one of the IV lines. "That should hold the edge off for awhile longer." She felt it immediately, the floating feeling was subsiding and she was becoming aware of how heavy her body felt.
"Pa-" she started to ask about Rhoades but the ambulance hit a large bump causing the whole compartment to jolt violently including Olivia's body sending shooting pain to her injured hands, wrists, arm, head and chest.
"Uhg!?" she groaned.
"HEY! Easy would ya!" the medic yelled to his partner behind the wheel.
"Sorry! I didn't see it! Two minutes to the back door!" the driver yelled in return.
"You were trying to ask something Olivia?" the medic said refocusing his attention.
"Uhg!" Was all that escaped her lips as pain touched every fiber of her body. She would rather be floating.
"Ok. I'm going to give you something but it won't last very long." The medic said pushing yet another syringe of liquid through the IV line that ran into her unbroken hand.
"Thank you." Olivia whispered. The medicine took effect quickly and although she wasn't floating and she could feel pain her mind was clear, her thoughts felt normal and if wasn't for the straps holding her down she felt like sitting up.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Cragen, Munch, Fin and Casey pulled up to the ambulance bay just ahead of an arriving ambulance. They quickly made their way into the hospital through the ambulance doors flashing badges at the security guard as they passed. They approached the nurse's station in hopes of getting information, but before any of them could speak the nurse standing behind the desk pointed them to the waiting room.
"Through the doors on the left. No family allowed in the treatment area."
"I am Captain Cragen with the NYPD. Could you-" the nurse cut across him before he could ask any questions.
"Yes I know you are cops but cops are not immediate family. Besides you won't see anything while the nurses and doctors are working. Wait in the waiting room like everyone else." Cragen wanted to argue but decided against it when he saw the seriousness in the nurse's expression. She didn't seem like the type to cross.
"The nurse is right. We need to give the staff some time to do their work. We would just be in the way." Both Fin and Munch were about to argue when a stretcher came bursting through the doors.
"What do we got?" the nurse at the nurses station asked.
"Forty eight year old female, fractured right wrist, dehydrated, laceration to the left hand probably cut an artery. She lost a lot of blood, tachycardic at one twenty with a BP of eighty eight over fifty nine. Gave her five milligrams of esmodol in the field as well as fifteen milligrams of morphine but she showed signs of a reaction so I pushed two micrograms of narcan. She's had two litters of saline. She's is alert and oriented times three with a GCS of fourteen." The medic at the front of the stretcher rattled off.
"Someone needs to unstrap me so I can sit up." Olivia's voice was weak but determined.
"Olivia?" Fin stepped out around Cragen and walked over to the stretcher. He looked down at her. Her face lit up instantly and she managed a small smile.
"Fin! Thought I would never see you again." She said unable to stop the tear that escaped her eye.
"I wasn't going to let you go that easy, you do look like crap though, but I am glad to see you awake and talking." Fin responded. Munch, Cragen, and Casey came over as well.
"Hey guys." Olivia greeted. "Could one of you PLEASE unstrap me?" she pleaded softly.
"Not until the doctors evaluate you." The medic answered.
"Have you guys heard anything about Penn?" Olivia asked a hint of desperation in her voice.
"Nothing yet." Cragen answered.
"Alright folks that's enough chatting, take her to trauma room five." The nurse instructed. The medics started to pull the stretcher away down the hall.
"Hang tuff Liv!" We're here for ya." Fin called out.
"Gentleman do I need to draw you a map?" the nurse at the desk snapped.
"Lets go." Cragen said. The group fled through a set of double doors into a large waiting area full of chairs.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Zoe had been sitting at the nurse's station lost in thought and battling with her anxiety level in an attempt to remain calm when a stretcher came bursting through the doors. One medic was straddling the person laying on the stretcher pushing rhythmically on their chest while another held a mask with a bag attached to it over the persons mouth and nose squeezing the bag every so often pushing oxygen into their lungs. Two firefighters, one at each end, maneuvered the stretcher while a third carried a tablet yelling out the details about the patient.
Zoe watched from where she sat unable to move or hear having gone temporally deaf as her heartbeat raced and her mind repeated the same thought over and over again; please don't be Penn, please don't be Penn. Several nurses left the station to greet the new arrival. As the stretcher was pulled past an opening in the desk Zoe was able to see the patients face, it was Penn. Still unable to move Zoe managed to snap out of her temporary deafness just in time to hear part of the report being called out by one of the medics.
"-Arrested as we were backing up. She's had four litters of saline in route, three micrograms of epie, thirty grams of glucose IV and two micrograms of adovain." After hearing that everything seemed to move in slow motion. Nurses and doctors came and went from the station but none of it registered. Even when the members of the SVU squad arrived and started asking for information she stayed where she was; they took no notice of her. It was not until one of her colleagues, Dr. Timken, sat down in front of her did she snap out of her trance like state. He told her that Penn's heart is beating again but there was a strong possibility that is could stop again and that she needed immediate surgery. Zoe nodded in response unable to speak. Dr. Timken patted her knee in a friendly way trying to be comforting. As he stood to walk away Zoe managed to find her voice.
"She's a type one diabetic and she's allergic to all opioid based drugs."
"Ok. I will let the surgical team know and I promise I will come find you as soon as we are finished." Dr. Timken paused for a moment then left the nurses station.
That conversation had taken place almost six hours ago. Zoe now stood outside the operating room doors awaiting information. She had a newfound understanding of the agony her patients families go though standing on the other side of the door.
Finley Dr. Timken exited he OR looking very tired. He searched briefly for Zoe than approached her.
"That took longer than we wanted it to." He said as he walked closer. "She is very lucky Zoe. Based on her injuries we are guessing a car hit her. She was hurt bad enough from the start but four days had to have been agony." He said bewildered.
"She can handle pain VERY well never being able to have strong pain medicine she had too." Zoe said quite and subdued.
"Why don't we sit?" Dr. Timken placed a hand on the small of Zoe's back and lead her to the small computer station just down the hall. Once seated Dr. Timken began breaking down Penn's condition.
"We were able to get her heart stabilized, she is still bradycardic and in hypovolemic shock but her rate is steady and regular and her blood pressure is holding steady. All good signs. We were able to stop the internal bleeding, we placed a chest tube into her left chest in order to drain the blood from the plural space and we had to intubate and place a feeding tube. We infused eight units of blood and three more of saline to get her volume back to normal. She is extremely critical but hanging on strong, she isn't going down without a fight." Zoe listened intently. Dr. Timken spoke to her like a doctor making it easier to set aside the emotion and absorb the information and respond with questions just like two doctors discussing a mutual patient.
"What about the orthopedic injuries?" she asked.
"We've set and splinted them as best we can. Being four days out the risk for infection is just too high. The orthopedic team wont do any type of surgery until the infection risk is minimized and her heart is strong enough to withstand that lengthy of an operation." Dr. Timken answered.
"What is the pain management plan?" Zoe asked.
"As you know she can't have any opioids so that makes it difficult. All we can give is the highest dose of analgesic pain mediation possible and hope it helps a little." Dr. Timken answered sullen. "I'm not going to lie she is going to be in pain; a lot of pain.
"Thank You Stan." Zoe said sincerely.
"Of course. Call me if you need anything at all." Dr. Timken responded. "Give the team thirty minutes or so to get her settled in the ICU before you go see her." Zoe nodded in understanding once again unable to form words. The two stood, hugged and then went opposite ways down the hallway. Zoe headed for the waiting room to find the squad and update them but first she needed to make another stop.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
A bright strip of light streaked across the room causing Olivia to flinch; a move she regretted as pain shot through her body when she did.
"Easy. I didn't mean to startle you. To be honest I am surprised you are awake." A woman's voice spoke from the doorway partially blocking the bright strip of light that had appeared. The women spoke in a very heavy English accent and Olivia could not help but feel deja vu. It took her groggy drug induced brain awhile to remember were she had heard that voice before, but eventually it clicked.
"Zoe?" she asked.
"Yes." She moved forward into the room allowing the door to close behind her, stopping once she reached the bed. "I was on my way down to update your squad but I wanted to check in on you first."
"Have they been told anything?" Olivia asked every word drenched in exhaustion.
"I'm not sure. I don't think they have been told anything." Zoe answered. "But I haven't seen them in nearly seven hours. I've been waiting for Penn to come out of the OR." Almost immediately Olivia's eyes filled with tears and several small sobs escaped her body.
"Everything alright?" Zoe asked. "Are you in pain?"
"I'm so sorry!" she sobbed. "She was coming to warn me but I didn't listen and she got all mixed into this trying to help." Tears were now rolling down her checks and her whole upper body heaved with every sob. "Then in that container I kept making things worse and she kept helping me, but when she needed me I couldn't help her. I wanted to, I was just so weak and I sat there and watched her die. I watched my partner die." Although taken aback by this unexpected confession Zoe waited patiently for Olivia to let her emotions and guilt out before responding.
"Olivia calm down and listen to me. Penn is not dead; she's in bad shape but still alive. You didn't watch her die." The tears continued to roll down her cheeks but the sobbing decreased significantly and when she made contact with Zoe's eyes she was calmed by the vibrant but soft emerald green that emitted a feeling of peacefulness. "She has a big hill to climb but she's a fighter." Olivia managed to stop sobbing all together and regain her composer. Somewhere to her left a small beeper chimed three times then a pump revved up for several seconds before turning off again. Suddenly she stated to realize just how tired she was and how difficult it was to keep her eyelids open.
"Before the morphine puts you to sleep how do you feel about visitors?" Zoe asked.
"The squad can come in. Besides they won't take no for an answer." Olivia answered the smallest trace of a smile on her face.
"I'll tell them that and Olivia, I will keep you updated on Penn. I promise." Zoe said.
"Thank you." The smile on Olivia's face grew larger but only for a second as her muscles relaxed and her eyes closed taking her into a deep sleep. Zoe didn't linger long remembering how long the people downstairs had likely gone without any information.