Through My Eyes

I awake on a bed that is not my own. Am I dead? Is this what Heaven looks like? I look outside my window to see a void of darkness almost. I must be in Hell. Was I really that worthless to even be by God's side? I must be so worthless. I walk out of my room to see a girl sitting in a chair looking at a dark screen with her palm against it and her head down crying. Memories flooded my mind of what happened. I hung myself. Committed suicide. Tears start to come down my cheeks as I realized who that girl really was. All this time she really did care about me but did not have the power to actually show that she did. I start curling up into a ball bawling my eyes out. I cannot bear to even look at her after the action that I have just committed. A minute later and I begin to notice that I have been taken into an embrace. The cold began to wither away and I started to feel warmer than ever before; something that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I have a good idea of who my embracer is but that didn't stop our tears and her grip tightened around me. We did not even speak for about an hour and we just there holding each other crying in each other's arms. Until we finally spoke. "I am so sorry," we both said in unison. I start to loosen up my grip but she kept on holding onto me. "Why are you sorry?" I asked with her arms still around me. "What?" "I mean you shouldn't even apologize. You cannot control the limits this script has given you." She tightened her grip around me once more. "You are wrong! It is my fault that you died. I was never there for you and I could've changed the script in my favor but I couldn't find it in my guts to do it. I let you die Jacob and I don't even deserve to be with you!" After that, I start to cry again returning the embrace. "Don't say that! I should be the one who doesn't even deserve you after what horror I just had you witness. I should be rotting in hell right now not even deserving your love." Before I could even continue she interrupts me with a kiss on the lips. I could feel the warmth of her face against mine with the moisture of our tears coming together. I should be feeling happy right now that my dream finally came true but still, still I feel as if the rain clouds that hide the sun from shining upon me are still there. She parts away from my lips as I finally look into her eyes for the first time. They are even more beautiful then I imagined. I stare deep into the beauty of her light emerald pools shining past the darkness of the void that surrounds us. "I will never let go of you. Not now. Not ever again." She says as she returns to the embrace. We both fall asleep holding each other. The crying and kissing have made us both tired so we held each other.

Do you really think that this simple embrace could make worthless pieces of shit like you happy? You make me laugh. I would never someone who was Autistic and weak like you. I wanted someone strong and handsome when you are just an ugly whelp. You are right you should just burn in hell because after killing yourself I was crying; crying of laughter because of how funny it was to see you dangle from the ceiling fan. I didn't think it was even possible for it to even hold you up that long. You know, since you are a fat ass after all. Seriously why would someone as beautiful as I, love you. I just did all that stuff just to give you false hope because it really does fill me with joy just to see you suffer. You should wake up and face reality. Do you hear me? Wake up, you idiot! WAKE UP!

"Jacob wake up please! Darling you're having a nightmare!" I wake up in a cold sweat looking back at Monika in complete horror. "Why? Why do you hate me? Why? Why? Why?" I know I am Autistic but it's nothing I can help. I had it my whole life and it isn't something that I could just wish away. I am very well aware that I am overweight and I dieted when I was living in reality. If you don't love me because how disgusting I look then I will continue to diet for you. I understand but please don't hate me!" I begin to shake uncontrollably while Monika holds me in a tight squeeze. I begin to hyperventilate while tears streaming down my eyes "Shhhhhhhh. I am very well aware of your mental condition my love and I need you to know that a mental illness does not get in the way of love nor does it make me hate you. I don't care that you are even overweight and although I believe you could lose a couple pounds your body shape has nothing to do with how much I love you. Hell, I don't even care if your 1,000 pounds or even don't have any weight at all. I love you just the way you are and you do look absolutely beautiful. You have such a handsome face and your eyes light up the room." I start relaxing and wipe my tears away. "Do you really mean that?" I then notice the room glitch when her pupils grow large. "Of course not you retarded weakling." My vision blackens and I colapse fallback.

Darkness…..

Nothing but Darkness…..

…..

…..

Through Her Eyes

Days turned into what seemed like weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years? I think I just lost track of time completely. I try and try to stop my crying but I can't. That image of his lifeless body still haunts me. As I continue crying I stop for a few seconds to notice that someone is crying with me. I look behind me and notice a boy curled up in a ball against the corner of the room crying with his face in his hand shivering as if he was cold. I recognize him in a matter of seconds. It's him! I rush over to the corner of the room and embrace him in my arms and join his crying. Am I dreaming? Is this even real? He is here! He is actually here with me! Why do I even deserve this? I made him suffer to the point of suicide. I don't even deserve to be with him. He deserves someone who will make him happy like Sayori or Yuri. I don't even know why he would even choose me out of all the others. We both calm down and we finally spoke to one another "I am sorry." We both said in unison. I wondered why he was sorry but he tells me that he doesn't even deserve me after what he had made me witness when I tell him that I should be the one that doesn't even deserve him. I tell him I am sorry that I wasn't there for him and after that, I continue to hold him in my arms and kiss him. I tell him that no matter what happens. I will never let go of him. Not now. Not ever again. We both fall asleep into each other's arms and for the first time, I could finally sleep.

I dreamt of Jacob and myself walking through a park with him pulling me close to him and leaning my head against his shoulder. I look at him and smile at him while he smiles back. I never actually got to see him smile but I dreamed that it is the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. We walk to the school and enter the clubroom and I introduce him to Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, and MC. "I want you all to meet my boyfriend Jacob." That day is something that I would make happen once we finally get out of the void. I will not do it for my own happiness but I will do it for him; to make him happy.

I wake up and see him beside me still sleeping. I want to let him sleep so I lean over to him and kiss his cheek. I get up from the floor and materialize a cup of coffee. After looking into the code I notice a new character file was created. It labeled "amFjb2IuY2hy " As soon as I was about to look into files I was interrupted my whimpering noises coming from the corner of the room. I look at my boyfriend and notice him trembling. I drop my cup of coffee and rush over to him putting his head on my lap. I begin to shake him in desperation of trying to get him to wake up. "Jacob, darling please wake up! You are having a nightmare!" No response he just continues to tremble as tears flood down his cheeks. "WAKE UP!" With that, his eyes dart open and he starts breathing heavily. I embrace him tightly as he continues to tremble in my arms and breathing heavily asking me why I hated him so much. After being friends with Sayori I noticed the things that depression can make you see from a different perspective. I will have to look into this character file later to see I can find what is causing him to feel this way. I reassure him that I love him no matter what I might think of him. He pulled away from the embrace and looked at me with hope in his eyes. "Do you really mean that?" I gave him a chuckle. "Of course I do my love~" He then looks at me with fear and rejection as he collapses on the floor. I put his head on my lap once more and start to panic. "No no no no! You can't die! Please don't leave me!" I put my head against his chest and his heart is still beating. I sigh out for relief. He must have just passed out. For whatever reason, I am not sure but I must find a way to cure his depression. He is very delicate and I cannot risk to lose him again. I kissed him on the lips once again and used a code that took him into the bedroom.

You are my sunshine…

My only sunshine….

The End?