Disclaimer: This is a parody inspired by the works of NBC/Universal and Josh Whedon/WB/UPN . All characters that I have not created or borrowed from other sources are theirs. This is a Fan fiction and not meant to violate the rights of those who own the rights to Grimm or Buffy the Vampire Slayer Series. I have no money and therefore not a good suing target.
Creatures I Have Been: Xander
Getting my Goat
"...Ziegevolk." said the young man as he changed. His body grew hair, as his face flattened and his ears became pointed. He grew a beard on his chin, small horns above his forehead, his hands turned black like hooves and his mouth opened to show fangs.
"My german isn't that good... but that means goat person or people. The word seems to be made up of bad german, truth be told." said Giles as he moved to study mode.
In a deeper voice, Xander continued, "My people aren't major fighters like some wesen. Most of our skills are in getting out of trouble, because of a usually meek nature. Not one I share. Superhuman speed, agility and jumping skills. Plus a killer headbutt. Even in non-woged forms, we're pretty fast. We run rather then fight. Most of us are celebrities in Holloywood or gameshow hosts. The most famous ones are Casanova, Frank Sinatra and J.F.K. as well as other but those are the ones I know off the top of my head."
"Wait a minute, the President was a goat man. I know he was a horndog, but an old goat?" asked Buffy, mouth moving before she could think things through.
Yet this caused Willow and Giles to think deeper, as Willow asked, "Xander? Is there a reason those three you mentione were all... horndogs in Buffy's words?"
Xander made a nervious, sheepish face in irony of what he was. He continued, "Know that I have not use this, since I found methods of controlling it. But... Ziegevolks... producealovepheromonewhicheffectstheoppositesex."
"Translation from Willow speak?" asked Buffy as she looked to the clueless Giles and a glaring Willow.
"What love phermone, Alexander LaValle Harris?" was the redhead's question. Two more glares where added his way.
"Remember, I also said I have not used it since I could control it. Remember that part?" sai the goat boy as he took a breathe and continued, "My people produce in our sweat a pheromone which effects the opposite sex, both male and... and... female members of my wesen species. If we touch such a member of the other side of the fence, our sweet acts like a mix of an aphrodisiac, an anti-depressant or happy pill,... and a drug which makes people more suggestible towards use. Which are why my people are known more as lovers then fighters."
"So you sweat out a date rape drug? How do we know you didn't use it on us?" asked Buffy, starting to get nervious as well as angry.
"When was the last time we went into the Janitor's closet? Or you agreed to stake Angel? If you were under the 'love spell', both of those would have happened. When whammied, women tend not to disagree with a male Ziegevolk. Hell, the reason I have been trying to neutralize the pheromones is so I don't end up like my bio-goat daddy. Who got my mom pregnant, and she had to marry Anthony Harris.
The stuff I have to eat every day to stop my pheromones... shit and puke taste better. Of course, there is a strong method... but it requires a rare toad which actually usually enhances my pheromones. To expensive to take once, and it can be reverse even if that recipe is just as hard to make. Besides, I'm saving my pheromones for someone willing to have sex with me before I use them." he continued as he woged back to human.
They were stunned and their anger as well as fears were neutralized for now. Willow asked, "Why are you saving your pheromones? And what's this about a toad?"
"Pheromones as I said, acts as a natural and relatively safe aphrodisiac and anti-depressant. Which makes having sex with me when I get sweaty like having sex a little... high. Boosts the pleasure. Thought if I have sex, my girl would enjoy that. If she wants me without the pheromone. Another reason for the rep of my peeps as lovers.
The Toads... some things we eat can enhance or negate the magic part of the pheromone. Certain toads can boost it. Allowing it to effect both sexes, males and femaes, from a long distance in the air. The right toad can also enhance the suggestibiliy, even causing people to doubt or alter their thinking, their memories, to the Ziegevolk's liking. They're mostly used by herders." he continued with the explanations as he could see their next question coming up, and answered it ahead of them.
"My peope divide into two main groups. Both manipulative and arrogant, which I try to avoid. The Breeders are the most common. They troll bars so they can seduce their victims and lure them for sex. Impregnate and leave'em, like dear old dad. They're mostly harmless, scare them enough and they'll run. Herders are more dangerous and bigger bastards. They are also luckily rare. They eat the toads, to seduce and lure women so they can kidnap them for force breeding. To put it another way, the Fairy Tale of Bluebeard... Bluebeard is another name for us and the fairy tale is about a herder."
"Oh god." said Giles, as Xander guessed he knew is stories. The girls did not it seems.
"Explainy, Giles." said Buffy as she wanted to know what he and Xander knew about.
"The story is about a wealthy aristocrat, married many times and feared due to his blue beard. All his wives die off for unknown reasons. He leaves his new wife, telling her no to enter one room. She enters it... to find his previous wives on hooks. She tries to leave, but he returns, and attempts to kill him. But her brothers find him first, and kill him. Which is why it's not a well known fairy tale, given it's child unfriendly nature." answered the Watcher as the girls looked in horror.
"Not entirely true. Less murder and more rape, but, yeah my relatives are assholes." he added, as he give more, "Most wesen have darker elements to them. Fairy tales were darker and grimmer, for lack of a better word, then Disney shows. About some of us live in the Dark Ages, some in the 20th Century, and many in both. Just wanted to warn you of the darkside which my other half reveals."
The girls and the older Librarian looked at each other, wordlessly speaking to each other. Buffy spoke up first, "I guess it's not as big a deal as Angel being a vampire with a soul. Vamps are more murder and less rape, to use your words. As long as you don't use your whammy on people without permission.
That, and we can test it on us."
"What?!" in various tones from the other three was the answer.
"The Pharoah-moan stuff is temporary, right?" As the Slayer spoke, Xander nodded and Giles looked at her butchering of the language with disapproval. She continued, "The best way to known if we've been whammied is to see and experience it, under Gile's supervision. Then we can see what it looks like and feels like. I can also see if it effects me differently, being the Slayer and all that."
"Humans, Wesen and Grimms are usually affected the same way. I know people with books which explain it. Demons are different. Ms. French might have been crushing on both my virgin mojo and my Bluebeard mojo. The book mentions slayers...
...but it's not sure if their sudden increase in sex drive or development of nymphomania was caused by the pheromones, the nature of the Slayer's dark powers or the fact they were all watcher trained. Or mix of the above." he tried to figure out how to get out of there fast. He could do it, they knew he had goat speed now.
The deer in the headlight looks on the blond and redhead was clear. Giles, however, was curious, "What would Watcher training have to do with the development of... their issues?"
"Watcher trained Slayers tend to be trained to obey orders, at the same time they tend to not develop a clear sense of self. The books I ready explains this causes they to be easily affected by mind altering effects. Non-Watchers trained Slayers tend to be not good at following orders, but has a strong sense of identity which causes them to be better at shaking the effects off. So Buffy should handle it better then others.
That and the fact Watcher trained Slayers tend to have the female version of blue balls. Or that is what the books say. Because they are taught to use their beauty to seduce and lure vamps into danger, but self... entertainment is... to be avoided like family and friends from what it says. Side effects of the emerging of Christanity to the Council. And now I want to leave this conversation now. Case closed." He said as he tried to leave this awkward section, as he hoped Buffy might have changed her mind.