Alright so... observe the title to this chapter before reading. It is there for a reason.
And, as a personal request from me; even if this tears out your hearts... please stay until the author's note at the end. I have something to talk about with you all.
That said... I hope enjoy.
The sound of the summer cicadas were the only immediate response to the question that left the trembling lips of Shokuhou Misaki. The festival below them and the flow of people at said festival while the two of them sat on the solitary hill without another soul seemed distant, as if she and Kamijou Touma were the only two people in the world.
For the past few days, Misaki had indeed felt that it was the case.
Her fists trembled by her side, Touma hanging his head down. The light of the stalls reflected on his face but given the angle his head was at, she could not see the expression he was making. Gently and trying not to make her own trembling obvious, she carefully reached for the hand that was grabbing at the grass intently and shaking just as much as her own.
The warmth that she felt when their hands touched only made her heart race and provided the sense of security it always had for these past few days…but never had Misaki felt that the chill that came with it would ever be something she would experience.
Today was the Final Day that Touma could possibly remember her. Through some miracle, he had managed to remember her but while that was nothing short of eternal bliss for Misaki, there was a chance that even if he had remembered her, it was only a temporary measure. While Misaki wanted nothing more for that to not be the case, today had been filled with hints suggesting that the conclusion she wanted to avoid at all costs.
When she had mentioned her plan to go to a swimsuit shop two days ago earlier today, Touma had reacted as if he had never remembered it.
When she had told him of her lack of willingness to eat meat because of the yakiniku they had had yesterday, the way he had initially reacted was as if he had never remembered that event in the first place.
And just now, when she had told him of the story between the two of them, the hanging of his head held something within it…as if he were ashamed and hiding something he could not afford to have known.
It was possible that the events of the last few days would not last. And despite how much Misaki wished it were not the case, she knew she could not afford to avert her eyes any longer.
Kamijou Touma trembled as he felt the touch, not bothering to turn away or stand and run. Instead, the only thing that he did was hold his head down, expression the same as always and unseeable. But then again, the silence and the trembling only pressed down on Misaki's heart with a greater weight than she had ever felt in her life.
"My Prince?"
Misaki felt her own voice wavering as she reached with her other hand and touched Touma's with her hand. She needed something, an anchor to hide her racing heart. The possible answer Touma was going to give and the negative to the question she had asked only gave her more fright than anything else in the world.
But with nothing but speculation, the only thing that came with it was fright, terror and nothing more than the truest fear she had ever felt in her life.
"Do you…remember me?"
Touma opened his mouth…
Only to close it and bite down on his lip so hard that it drew blood. He reached over with his other hand, expression still unseeable in the shadow being cast on it and touched Misaki's hands that were covering his own and wrapping it around hers. He turned his face and it was in that single moment with the two of them sitting on that hill, hands wrapped around each other that Shokuhou Misaki knew.
The answer did not even need to be said with the expression that was on Touma's face.
Only the conclusion came through to her.
Her story, the one she had loved over the past few days…was coming to an end.
Pure sorrow and perhaps disgust at himself was on it mixed with a sadness in his eyes that he could never hide. His eyes seemed to be on the edge of breaking down and it was nothing but with the force of whatever will he had that it seemed Touma refused to break down into whatever state he wanted to, if only for the girl in front of him.
The girl who, in the face of the expression he was making, only felt the ice cold pick of reality stab into her chest.
This had been a miracle after all, a fantasy story that she had cast herself into and one where she had the chance to ride into the sunset with her Prince.
But with the face he was making, it was the illusion of such a story that was instantly shattered.
This was reality after all.
And sometimes there were no happy endings.
Touma opened his mouth, his lip trebling and the drop of blood rolling down his mouth, saying the dreaded words that Misaki never wanted to hear. As if a further stake, they drove home and made her shoulders jump with how terrible and impactful an effect they had on her soul.
"I'm sorry."
The words felt as though they were forced out and Misaki released a breath she did not know she had been withholding. It came out shaky, her heart racing beyond anything else and only staring at the boy in front of her, staring at him and his expression. She watched it transform, turn into shame and more sorrow but most of all, it was the effect in his eyes that made it clear exactly the effect the reality of the situation was having on him.
He was shattered.
Through some miracle, he had managed to remember her.
But that miracle had now come to an end. Through whatever means, the time limit that Shokuhou did not know existed was slowly running out and the time that the two of them had spent together was going to be nothing more than what it had always been.
Nothing more than a forgotten memory for Kamijou Touma.
And nothing more than a treasured memory for Shokuhou Misaki.
But that was all it would be: nothing more than a memory and something that had happened in the past.
What exactly was the face Misaki was making now? She did not know but the way that her body seemed to slump and the way that she felt the hand beneath her shaking, the expression on her face was sure to mirror the shattered one of Touma's. The despair and the horror at what he had said was an unspeakable taboo, a shattering of the time Misaki had felt would continue into eternity.
Yet, the spell had been broken. The magic was gone and the time that they had spent together slowly fading away into the abyss of blackness where the memories of Shokuhou Misaki in Touma's mind would always go.
He would not remember this.
Not any of it.
The weight of it all was overbearing. Like a wall, it hit Misaki head on with a physical presence than merely an emotional one and the breathing that she tried to control was one that she struggled to do, only losing herself in the face of her companion. But even then, she realized that doing so was a folly; it only thrust forward her position even more in front of her than she ever wanted.
Touma, out of pure shame, turned his head away and it was that action that resulted in Misaki tightening her grip on his hand. The movement made him pause in mid-turn, the shadow once more coming onto his face all the same as the two of them sat in a silence that seemed to stretch on forever and only stab into their hearts even more.
Shokuhou Misaki did not know what her expression was, but she knew the effect those words had had on her. The trembling in her hand, the racing of her heart and the ice-cold feeling within her heart were testaments to that.
But this was their precious time.
And she was not going to let it pass so easily without holding onto whatever vestiges of it there were left.
"You're…forgetting me then?"
The words felt as though they had a physical presence with how they made Touma jump. He turned his head away, but it was only because of the squeezing of her hand that Misaki even indicated to him that she wanted him to stay.
She had started this and now that it was ending, she intended to see it through to the end.
Just like she always had.
Touma paused for a moment, his face cast into darkness before he opened his mouth, letting out words that seemed to be more forced and as if they cut into his own heart more than Misaki as he spoke. No, perhaps the words he was speaking were ones of self-derision, a curse upon himself for the crime he had committed in not holding onto this miracle longer than he needed to.
"…It's small things."
"Small?"
Misaki prodded, more amazed at herself for her ability to do so. No, even now, the mask she was wearing of calmness, of kindness, was only because of the boy who was next to her.
Without him, she was sure that she would have broken the moment that he had not answered immediately and from the two words that held so much pain and horror for the both of them. With every ounce of her being, she desired to flee, to run and escape from this nightmare, but it was only because of Touma that she stayed.
It was obvious to her after all, both in his face and in his personality.
The person who was hurting the most was him. The person who was the most shattered was that boy next to her, the person who always desired the best for anyone and for everyone around him.
And right now, he had betrayed the one person who he had finally saved. He had given her the chance at salvation and for three days had managed to make her life perfect, make her smile and now had once more cast her into the flames of the hell she had lived without his knowledge.
A smile he would never remember.
Memories he would never recall.
The ability to make Misaki happy was being destroyed before his very eyes and the fact that he could not even remember what he was taking from her would have been the deepest cut on his heart. The shaking of his body, the labored words and the fact that he seemed more fragile than even the memories he was losing indicated that, if anyone, the person this was affecting the most was ironically, Kamijou Touma.
After all, he would remember none of this.
And that was what made the cuts and the reality stab all the deeper.
"I…" Touma paused, unsure of what even to say and it was with what strength she had that Shokuhou Misaki tightened her grip in her yukata as they sat on that small hill. The moon shining down on them was their only witness, silent in judgment and silent as an observer as Shokuhou spoke.
"You?"
"I…I can't remember how I got here."
Touma eventually broke out with those words, as hesitant and shaky as they came out.
"I don't know how I got here. To this exact spot on this hill. The steps I took, the things I did… And it was the moment I realized that that I figured out I don't remember the past few days clearly. The events and what happened, I can't remember any of it. I'm…I'm losing you. I can feel it. In my head…I'm losing you and everything that I remember about you is falling apart at the seams."
"Do you…know how much time ability you have left with me?"
Those words were enough to make Touma grit his teeth so hard it was audible. He hung his head, trembling all the same but even Misaki could see it shaking in the darkness.
"…Maybe a day? Maybe an hour? I don't know. But the only thing I know is that I'm going to lose you. I…I'm going to lose you and your smile and I won't even know that I did it. I won't even remember that I lost someone who had every right to be happy and had every right to smile. And I won't even remember that I'm the reason that you lost it in the first place!"
Touma yelled that out, slamming his left hand into the dirt.
"I…I failed you. Goddamn it. Goddamn it! I had one thing to do. One fucking thing to remember and yet I let it slip through my fingers. I let the one thing that I had to hold onto tighter than anything else slip through when I should never have let it do so in the first place. And I won't remember this. I won't remember anything of this. Not you, the days we spent or the smile you lost. The things that you have gained, you are going to lose. No, more than that…"
Kamijou grit his teeth hard and drove his fingers into the dirt, screaming out the words.
"I'm the one who is going to be ripping that from you!"
The despair was clear in his voice and the absolute sorrow could not be contained whatsoever.
"I'm going to tear that away from you. You have every right to be happy and yet the times that you were I'm going to take from you. I have no right to think that you were only happy because of me but the smile and the moment we shared when we first learnt of it is something that even I can feel slipping away. …I don't want it. I don't want to forget! Even if it's from a distance or by your side, I want to stand somewhere where I can see your smile and realize the worth in it instead of just carelessly thinking it has nothing to do with me!"
Touma turned his face out of the shadows, moving his right hand out of Misaki's grasp. She did not bother to try and grab him once again, the face he was showing her being one she stared at in complete shock and also astonishment at the pure despair contained within.
Was there anyone else who had seen the despair that was on his face?
Maybe one other.
But the fact that Kamijou Touma placed the tragedy he was forming on the same level as that other person only showed how much the weight of this crime was bearing down on his heart.
"But it means nothing."
Touma's head was still hung down and the words he spat out seemed to be both to apologize and yet to also stab himself with in the knowledge of what he was doing.
"I can't have what I want. Like everything, the misfortune that surrounds me has entirely destroyed whatever happiness you are owed Shokuhou. And it makes me sick. It makes me sick in the knowledge that no matter what I feel now, what I am feeling right now is meaningless because I will never remember it! I will never remember this heartache, this pain and this suffering that I am giving you and for the life of me, there is nothing that I can do to stop it. You're fading. You're disappearing and I don't want you to go! I want you to stay and no matter how much I want you to not go, you're going to disappear from me and my life. So, I'm sorry. From the very bottom of my heart, despite the scum that I am, asking for something to make myself feel better when you are the one who is going to be suffering in the end…"
Touma backed away slightly and did not even pause, slamming his head into the dirt of the hill and screaming out the words.
"Please forgive me. Please forgive me! You, more than anyone, are owed a happy ending. And yet… And yet…"
Touma trembled as he did a dogeza pose but no fragment of shame was going to prevent him from saying what he needed to say from the bottom of his heart.
"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE YOU YOUR HAPPY ENDING!"
The words he spoke, words of defeat and of the fact that he was admitting a fault of his own creation were perhaps the words that he had never wanted to say nor accept. But it was only with the heavy heart of bitterness and tragedy that he screamed out those words from the depths of the soul which was crying out as much as the physical voice was.
"I loved the time we spent together. But I can't treasure it. No matter how much I want to and no matter how much I want to know that the time we spent was worth it, the fact that I can't remember it means that it has that worth. It has the type of worth that can easily fade! And your smile by association is implied to have that value even though it is worth more than anything. If you are owed anything, Shokuhou, it is that right to smile. And yet I have the nerve to steal that away from you. I have the nerve to forget and the nerve to never remember this no matter how much I want to hold it in my hands as it slips through them. So please… Even though I haven't earned it…"
Touma bent his head even lower as he begged out his only wish.
"Please forgive me! Please…forgive me…"
It was repeated, soft and trembling as if he were a child who had lost something more precious to him than anything.
Touma on the other hand only trembled herself. She did not rise her hands to her mouth to hold back the choked sobs nor to wipe away the tears that she wanted to have leak from her eyes. She did not turn and run with everything she had nor did she berate and hate Touma for the pain that was flowing endlessly within her heart.
No.
The pain she was feeling was one that she had felt before.
But perhaps, right now, it was even stronger because of what Touma had said.
There was a single misunderstanding in the words he was saying, one that he did not realize himself. Yet it was one that Shokuhou Misaki could not let stand or stay in his mind for a moment longer.
"My Prince…"
Misaki reached out, stroking the boy's spiky hair as he flinched. No, perhaps the sensation of her fingers to his hair was one that he knew he was going to forget and, because of it, could no longer innocently believe that there was something to be treasured there. The fact that there was a lingering feeling of warmth only spread iciness throughout his soul because of how it was nothing more than a passing sensation, a momentary feeling that would soon disappear.
But the fact that he did even that was the misunderstanding here.
"You're wrong, you know."
The confusion Touma had in that was obvious but, out of shame, he dared not raise his head.
Misaki only smiled, leaning in close and placing her forehead onto the boy's head, feeling the gelled spikes of his hair press playfully against her face as she whispered her words, letting her own hair dance down past the boy's face.
"There is nothing to forgive. Forgiving suggests that there was something bad in this. That the memory that this has is going to be something I am going to look back on with contempt ability and coldness. But that is the wrong thinking from the get go. It's false and if you think that you forgetting is something that needs to be forgiven, then I can't forgive you for that."
Misaki reached down, grabbing Touma's head and slowly lifting it up. He did not resist, the only thing that was within his body being compliance as Misaki brought her forehead and rested it on his. They were so close that their heated breaths pressed against each other and it was only the warmth that they felt in the other's presence that they lost themselves in now, two companions in the night.
"This was a miracle. The past three days have been a dream for me. One that I never felt that I had to wake up from nor wanted to. But it's time that we return back to reality and away from the fairy tale the two of us have been a part of."
"I…"
Touma trembled all the same as he felt the weight of the words and the impact of them only drive deeper into his soul.
"I don't want to. I don't want…to forget. I don't want to leave you when you are owed a smile. I want…this to continue. I don't want this story to end the way it has!"
"Shhhh." Misaki said that silently as she pressed her forehead harder against Touma's. He went silent, Misaki raising her hands and moving them through his spiky hair slowly. "Don't talk…just listen. You always have been good at that, haven't you?"
Misaki parted her forehead and slowly caressed Touma's cheek all the same, feeling the warmth of his face and losing herself in the sight of his eyes as they stared back at her like a child who had lost something precious to him.
"I was happy. Just these few days, this fairy tale, has been enough to make me happy. Three days? It felt like so much more. And I was saved the moment that you remembered me in that hospital room. Nothing can take that away from me. Nothing. Nothing will take this memory away from me and even if I am the only one who remembers and places weight on it, I am not going to let it slip through my fingers no matter what. We are merely returning to what we once had and once lived through. With you and me being strangers in the night."
Misaki nodded, smiling all the same and tilting her head to the side.
"Even if you forget, even if you never remember me again, I will never lose this moment. I will never lose these three days nor the memory that comes with them. Even if it is just me, then there is nothing else I need to place worth on these memories. Even if you forget, that does not lessen how important they have been to me and how, just for this small moment, I was happy. So, there is nothing to forgive. After all, how can you ask for forgiveness ability when you saved me all the same?"
Misaki did not waste any time, not bothering to hold back what it was she wanted to unleash as she slowly, ever so slowly, wrapped her arms around the back of the boy sitting in front of her.
"So, no tears. And no forgiveness. Only memories, even if they will not be remembered. For this last night together… What I want to remember is us. Us…and the smiles we forged together before we once more become strangers in the night."
They were powerful words.
And they seemed enough to be the ones to break the hardened spirit and core of the boy who was so trembling and afraid of the future that was to come.
He rose his arms and placed them around Misaki's, trembling all the same. No, it was more than that.
The tears that he did not bother to withhold fell from his cheeks as he silently wept, trying his best to make this a memory but making it nothing more than a mess. His body shook as Misaki held him, the girl silently stroking his back and making soothing sounds but no matter what she did, the tears of the boy would not stop.
He had made her happy.
But he could not make her happy.
The miracle the two of them had had run out of stock and the role Touma had in that was enough to shatter whatever sense of withholding those tears he had. There was no need for it, the forgiveness he was given but did not deserve being the only thing that unleashed the dam of emotions held within him.
But even those tears were meaningless.
They were being shed for a memory that he would not remember and was doomed to forget once more. Since that was the case, the tears he was shedding because of the betrayal he had conducted were not for him but rather for the girl who was holding him, the two of them losing themselves in the presence of the other before they became strangers in the night once more.
The fairy tale was ending and there was nothing left but the hurt that came with the start of real life that had to continue ever onwards for the both of them.
But even then, both Touma and Misaki understood one thing.
Even if Touma had been forgiven, there was worth in Misaki's smile. And the fact that this momentary miracle had turned into nothing more than a memory was as if the was world laughing at the both of them for the happiness of that very girl. Despite her wanting and reaching for it, despite her staying strong, it was not to be, and she was not have it.
Like the memories of Touma, the happiness she was owed had fallen through her grasp.
It had disappeared and the only thing that was left were the two sorrowful beings of the boy and girl who had been once connected and held each other in their warmth.
No one saw them and no one could say anything judgmental about the tears the boy was crying right now. The hug he had been pulled into was one of affection, of forgiveness and as a way of telling him that there was no way Shokuhou Misaki would ever hate him for the fact that he had forgotten her.
They were simply returning back to where they had once come from.
It had been a dream the entire time.
And now it was time to wake up.
Misaki continued her soothing sounds as she rubbed the back of Touma and in her own mind, it was the fact that she had chosen to hug the boy to console him as he cried that was something she was grateful for.
After all, in her own way, she had lied.
Even if she had said that there were no tears…
There was no way that she was able to hide the ones that came from her eyes as she held Kamijou Touma tightly to her, as if simply letting him go would be the trigger that would make him forget her entirely.
Her time was running out.
And she did not want to let go.
She didn't want to be left with the status quo in Touma forgetting her. The happiness she had felt the past few days had been one that had made her heart swoon, her mind accelerate with enjoyment and just overall her life on this insignificant planet feel as though there was some meaning in her suffering in being forgotten.
The moment that she had been remembered, she had felt as though it had all been worth it. That the suffering she had been through had some higher meaning and that the fun she was about to have was going to equalize everything she had missed out on. She had plans, things she wanted to do with Touma and things she wanted to pursue.
But it was not to be.
No matter what she said, screamed and outright yelled at the world for what she wanted, the wishes and the happiness of Shokuhou Misaki were not going to be heard or listened to. Questions and complaints of unfairness were irrelevant in this case, the only thing that was left being two people.
The girl who would be forgotten.
And the boy who could not save her.
There were going to be no tears, that was what Misaki had said.
But this was real life.
And the damage that had been taken to both their hearts was not something that either could ignore as they silently wept.
They were sure to meet again. Misaki would pass by Touma and he would forget her as the girl hoped for any miracle that would reveal itself and that her stock of miracles had not run out. That was the only thing she could hope for in the future and it was with reluctance that that was the only thing she could look forward to in the future because of it.
But for now, the only thing that was left were the honest thoughts of their hearts.
Kamijou Touma cried and Shokuhou Misaki cried with him, their embrace meaning that they could only feel their sobs in the others' bodies as they held each tight until this event would turn into nothing more than a memory for that girl and dust for that boy.
The moon was their only witness.
And their tears were the only things said.
And that is, as advertised... the Bad End.
But before you all raise your torches and pitchforks to assault us... I humbly ask that you lower your weaponry and hear me out.
As said above, this is the "Bad End," as in one of the possible endings for this set of events. This ideology is rather common in Visual Novel games and some RPGs.
But that said... in those games, if there is a bad end, what is usually coupled with it...? After all; the Bad end is only ONE possibility after all.
Also take note that the story is still not labeled "Complete." I'll see you folks in a couple of days... fufu~
We both hope you all enjoyed. Please, review at your leisure; we both still enjoy feedback.
Have a good day!
Sincerely,
ArmoredCoreNineBall, your friendly (not)robotic (not)overlord (possibly)person who occasionally writes things.