Thanks again to Alyssa Ray who helped with the beginning of the chapter.
The pillow I was hugging to my chest was bearing the brunt of my anguish as I sat on my bed, my back resting against the headboard. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I contemplated the current situation. Dad had good intentions didn't he? Or was he just hiding the fact that he was secretly pissed off at my brother and I? Both? Hell, I dunno anymore. Why does life have to be so complicated and painful?
"Hey baby girl," came my brother's voice as he limped over towards my bed, concern etched all over his face. "What was that all about? I thought we were getting all of your anger under control, huh?"
He brought a hand to my face and began swatting away the tears with his thumb. I just gazed up at him desolately.
"Why the fist frenzy, Chrissie?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as a small curious frown developed on his face.
Loads of explanations were racing around my mind but I couldn't find a decent enough answer.
"I don't know" I remarked with a shrug.
I noticed the Goose rolling his eyes at me, to which he nudged me slightly on the arm.
"I think you do, so come on out with it kid," he encouraged, his tone gentle as he gazed down at me. "I know it's been a rough couple of days for us, but that little outburst was not cool. Do you remember what I said about that?"
I nodded glumly. Oh God, another lecture.
"Okay, tell me what I said" probed my brother, waiting for my reasonable explanation for my sudden Hulk freak out moment.
Our gaze met as I looked up at him. My bangs were sticking up slightly, almost resembling the hairdo that Ash from Pokemon has. My baseball cap rested on the bedside table.
"That anger only leads to trouble" I commented miserably, hanging my head again out of shame.
Boy, do I have anger issues. Maybe repressing it all inside my head isn't a good thing.
"Yeah, it can lead to trouble and that ain't a good thing most times. So let me in on why you felt you had to pummel Dad?" he asked as a small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth.
I squeezed the pillow tightly as I shifted in my position. Underneath my thick grey socks, I curled my toes.
"He asked for it" I replied in a small voice.
If the pillow was alive it would have been choked to death by now as I had a vice like grip on the soft but lumpy object.
Dean let out a small chuckle, which on his behalf wasn't very wise as I shot him a small glare.
"Why darlin? I was right here," he said. "Besides grabbing your arm, he seemed sincere this time, so what gives? What did he do?"
You really wanna go into details about that bro? Well, it just so happens I think different.
"It was because of last time" I frowned.
I doubt it would be normal to be so forgiving after your drunk parent smacks you across the face. Then again, he has done it before in the past, but my brother is unaware of that matter. For now that is. Maybe I should open up about my issues with Dad? I dunno, it'll only cause more tension and grief. My big brother gazed down at me.
"So young grasshopper, you are seeking revenge huh?" he said, to which I gave him a small nod. "Look, Chris, what have I told you over and over again, I'm gonna protect you right. Whether it is from Dad or some ghost or demon, I've got your back, okay."
He waited for an acknowledgement of some sort from me. Trying to swallow down the large golf ball lump that was lodged in my throat was proving to be a difficult challenge.
"I know that," I admitted, my voice thick with emotion. "I just wanna hear Dad say that to me."
Fresh tears pooled in my eyes and within seconds of forming, began sliding down my cheeks as my face crumpled. This action resulted in Goose wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into an embrace. Honestly, my mental barricade is so weak at times. I really need to learn how to reinforce it with something stronger which will stop me from breaking down.
"Oh baby don't cry. Dad does love you, are you kidding me? How could you ever doubt that," he commented, his tone soft. "Dad is just, well, Dad is Dad. He doesn't get how to show emotions, but I know he loves you, more than you can imagine. Seriously he's whipped my ass plenty of times over things about you. He cares, why do you think he puts me on guard dog duty all the time?"
Sniffling, I gazed up at my big brother mournfully. I dragged the back of my hand across my running nose and sniffed.
"Cos he can't be assed doing it himself," I croaked in reply. "What do I do wrong?"
Lots of things according to my beliefs. My self esteem isn't exactly healthy and steady compared to normal standards. You can probably guess that by now.
"No, do you remember anything when you were really little, you were his princess," said Dean. "Dad could have put you in a box on a high shelf. Hell, he would have. He just realized you are a part of this life, his life, our life and unfortunately it involves dangerous things. For the record, you didn't deserve what Dad did to you. Dad's drinking is just as wrong as him hitting you that one time."
One time. Yeah, keep believing that bro. Oh no, I felt a tiny chuckle rumble out of my throat and words escaping behind the broken laugh.
"He's hit me before," I confessed, my voice small. "It would be over something stupid, like I could just drop something by accident and he would go nuts at me."
My brother just gazed down at me, a mixture of angst, disbelief and sorrow expressed on his face.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he demanded, his voice threatening to waver due to a sudden surge of hidden emotions. "He shouldn't be hitting you for that Chris, you know that right. That's not discipline, that's abuse."
I wouldn't say its abuse. Dad doesn't mean to do it, I just cause that reaction outta him through my own stupidity and weakness.
"I'm just clumsy that's all," I said, still hugging the pillow whilst leaning into my big brother's embrace. "I'm just stupid sometimes."
It was clear that Dean disagreed with my statement. Most times, his opinions on things are different than mine.
"Whoa kid. What are you talking about?" he said, rising a quizzical brow as he looked at my directly in the eyes. "Getting smacked for doing something dangerous is a lot different that being hit for being clumsy. That's not okay. At all. You don't deserve it."
My Dad is a good man, he doesn't mean it.
Dad was nursing a bottle of beer again, sitting sullenly at the kitchen table, reading through local obituaries. Something was targeting single women within the same area of houses, my Dad suspicions were pointing towards a witchcraft and black magic.
The bottle of beer was his sixth, and I've been told that my Dad has a very low alcohol tolerance. Another thing, he never tolerates me watching TV when I'm meant to be studying Latin.
Since it was just Dad and I whilst Dean was interviewing a witness to one of the grizzly deaths, the TV remote was safe from his clutches. I was minding my own business, watching SpongeBob SquarePants, when a large hand suddenly rapped me across the back of the head. Startled, I gazed up to see Dad glaring at me.
"What's more important, learning Latin or watching TV?" he demanded crossly as I rubbed the back of my head. "Turn that garbage off and get reading. Don't slack either."
Tears swam in my eyes again and began to pour down my face once more, causing me to throw the pillow down in frustration as sobs began to tremble throughout my frame. My brother saw this and pulled me back into a fierce embrace.
"Sssssh, it's okay," he soothed as he rubbed circles on my back as I cried in his arms. "Just let it out."
I buried my face into his chest as I sobbed my guts out, my fingers curled round the material of his plaid shirt, almost making my knuckles crack in the process. Several long minutes later, I gazed up at my brother with an expression capable of breaking hearts. Calloused hands belonging to my brother then cupped my face.
"You really know how to break a guy's heart, sweetheart," Goose remarked with a sad smile as he swatted at my tears with his thumbs. I hiccupped and sniffled some more as he planted a kiss on my forehead, in an attempt to console me. "Nothing and no-one is gonna harm you. Not while I'm around."
Now there was something I could have faith in.
The title for this chapter is based on the song "Not While I'm Around" from the hit musical "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street", I listened to it today whilst downloading some songs on itunes and I thought it resembled the relationship between Chris and Dean. I'd give it a listen if I were you, and you might have the same opinion as myself. It's a sweet song.
What did you think of this chapter? Any good?
Two chapters in one day, phew!
Stay tuned!
Please review!