Lilith Cadow, District 12, Female, Age 13

I see red, it's dancing. A black figures emerges from the red, I blink rapidly trying to clear my vision. I hear screams, and shouts from behind me, I turn but see nothing. I sway slightly and I hear muffled sounds, a speaker perhaps trying to talk. When I turn back around, The black figure is no longer faceless. There standing before me is my older brother. I see another figure approach behind him, I see a cruel smile stretch its way onto the man's face. He's holding a knife. I try to call out to my brother, warn him of he man behind him. Hiyro, my brother, smiles and waves to me. But my voice doesn't seem to work. His smile vanishes, He screams as the knife pierces his back. His blood makes my vision go an even a darker shade of red. I'm feeling dizzy, numb, and then I collapse.

When I open my eyes, my vision has cleared, and is no longer a dark shade if blood red. I sigh as I step out of bed. Just another nightmare, ever since the rebellion. I haven't had a calm dream to date. They're always nightmares. Never daydreams. And nightmares were not the only thing I faced, hallucinations as well. And although I know that they were hallucinations, visions, nothing more. I often would find myself screaming, begging them to, "Stop." "Don't Kill.". Even though I knew that they were hallucinations, while I experienced them, they always felt one hundred percent real.

This one was a recurring one. My brother being murderred, during the rebellion we had been targeted. My family being one of power, my mother and father worked for the Capitol. They were strong Loyalists, expecting us to follow. We did. At the time I believed in the rebels, thinking that they had the right idea. But, I didn't act on it. Thinking it was a silly feeling that would soon pass. It never did. I followed my parents into the Loyalist side, standing strong, no matter how much hate we got for it. We were District twelve, we weren't suppose to be Loyalist. We were suppose to be Rebels.

And I wanted to be one, but I was too cowardly too act on it. Amd I stills am. I am crazy, I am insane, and I know I am a coward. I believed in the rebel cause, and instead I stood by and watched my fellow rebellion believers be murderred in front of me. So, I pushed the feeling of favour isn down and became a full on Loyalist, supporting ,y family in all that they went for. And for that we had been on the kill list of many rebels, as well as rebel assassins. They never went for me though, I assumed that deep down they all suspected where my loyalties lied. Or maybe that was just whist ful thinking. Sadly, we lost my mother to this, not exactly the rebels, simply the war, another nightmare I would often experience. While I was trying to escape the literal nightmare of the life I live now.

My father lost his job after the war, so now we were reduced to living of the money they had earned previously to keep us going. He had been accused of harbouring a rebel, which in a way was true. I was the rebel, and although I had never truly acted on my beliefs, I may have been just below the levels of subtly needed to pass a true Loyalist. When that money ran out, we were done for. My brother had faced death on more than one occasion, there had been times when I thought, when he skin was too cold to alive, or when he lay motionless for hours, perhaps that one time when he got shot in the chest, he may have passed. It was these things that would trigger the dreams.

And although my brother is still alive, it doesn't stop the nightmares of what may have happened, or what will come in the future. While we still live in our previous house, I don't know for how much longer. Soon we will run out of money my parents had earned prior, then it's forced to living on the streets. My mother is gone, with her, we may have at least had a chance of making more money, if she hadn't died we wouldn't practically bankrupt and about to go hungry.

But it wasn't her fault. I'm being selfish. It wasn't her fault. I'm being selfish. It was theirs, the Loyalist. Even though my mother supported them, and was on their side. They still fired, and managed to kill her. It was friendly fire that resulted in death for not only my mother, but most likely us once we run out of our limited supplies. Once again only fuelling my rebel desire. But, once again I am too bloody coward to do so.

I brush the hair out of my eyes, it is cut cleanly, but clean is anything but the hair on my head. It's filthy, I try running my fingers through it, but the knots stop my fingers from going any further. The hair, which normally goes down to a little below my chest, now rest calmly around my shoulders. Due purely to the knots and bet head of the morning. I pat down the raven hair on my head, stopping it from bouncing up once again. I rub the sleep out of my eyes, and take a few more steps towards my mirror. I scratch behind my ear before looking up to face myself, I don't gasp, nor smile. I simply stare at the girl in front of me, I sigh.

My skin is sickly and pale, I was always pale to begin with, but now it's just horrid. I look on the verge of death. Which may or may not be true, give it a few weeks. I see two zits on my forehead, I try covering hem with my hair, my freckles seem to be barely visible as they seem to have faded I. Colour along with my skin. I got on my tippy-toes in order to see my waist in the mirror, it's horribly skinny. I lift up my shirt slightly, and I can see bones from underneath the skin. I sigh, when you go from gourmet dinners to eating next to nothing, you're body goes through quite the shock.

I close my eyes for a second, thinking, clearing my mind. When I open them again, there staring back at me was a smiling girl. She looked like me, but instead of the Lin line my lips were pressed into, she wore a cruel smile. With a sharper teeth and instead of the blue of my own eyes, which I have been told to be my most striking feature, I saw red reflected in hers. Or were they mine?

I shake my head, I see my raven hair cover my vision for a second before it is cleared once more. The world is now purple. I hear screams, piercing sreeks that are so loud they make me stumble to my right. I catch myself though on what appears to be a human's back. It's cold, he turns his head to smile at me, he's missing his eyes. I shriek as I stumble away once more. My hand still cold from his naked back, although the rest of his was covered. The human is now out of sight, the only thing I can see is the purple haze surrounding my bedroom.

I scream as I see myself, this time she is out of the mirror, her hair is no longer black, But blonde. Her eyes still the blood red from before, her teeth no longer barred in a menacing smile. This time her lips rest calmly on her fave, not moving. I try and hit her, but she vanishes into mist as I swing. I stumble off balance before I hear shouts, screams. I cover my ears and fall to the ground.

I am shaking as the screams get louder, and louder. Finally they stop, I look up from my position on the floor. The purple is gone. Instead I see my brother Hiyro bending down, looking at me with concerned eyes. "Lilith?" He says while trying to pry my hands away from my ears, when he doesn't succeed he pushes a strand piece of black hair behind my left ear. Carefully sliding his thumb and knee under my fingers, currently blocking the ears, in order to do said action. I remove my hands from my ears.

And look up apologetically. "Sorry, hallucin-" "ations. I know, we could hear your screams from downstairs. Dad was getting worried." I look down guiltily, he ruffles my hair gently. "It's Ok, it's normal." I look up at him, asking the silent question of, do you really believe that? He seemed to get the message though, sighing he took both my hands In His much larger ones. "It's Ok, they're only dreams." I nodded, prying my hands away from his. As much as love his support, I don't want him babying me. I know I have problems, and am not completely right in the head, but I want to be able to live by myself. If I need to die, I don't want him going for me, or because of me.

God knows how I'd deal with survivor's guilt. I wanted to face my hallucinations and visions on my own, I needed to conquer this inner demon of mine. I love Hiyro, but some of my nightmares consist of just that. People dipping because of me, or more specifically Hiyro. My older, slightly rebellious, brother. Black, raven hair like me. But instead of possessing my striking blue eyes, he's received much duller and mellowed greens. Him risking his life for me, I would be horrified. If anyone would have deserved to live it'd be him. Anyone but me, I'm not even fully there. There's always that one insane part of me that's never listening.

Hyiro was still there, holding onto his knees, waiting for me to speak. "Fine, sorry for bothering you." He looks slightly out off,before smiling at me sadly and getting up. He walks over to my doo, looking in the mirror once before he walks out. Giving me an encouraging thumbs up as he went. But his mile was still sad, even he knew I was gone. Broken. Shattered.

I am broken, but each shattered piece has formed its own personality and face. My personality divided among these pieces, I can't seem to decided which one I like best. I may be rude and snarky, proud and headstrong, loyal and fierce, broken and shattered, I could be anything. Because my personality broke around the same time as my sanity.

Lilith, yeah I think I ruined her. Well this is what I get for trying to write her at 1o'clock at night hoping to go as fast I can to get a chapter in.